25. Summer
Summer
When I woke in the morning, I was alone.
Letting out a heavy sigh, I reached across the bed and draped my arm over the spot where he’d been. When had he gotten up? He’d slipped out of the bedroom so quietly, I hadn’t been aware of it.
I closed my eyes and let the memory of relaxing in his arms wash over me. His body had felt impossibly good against mine—warm, strong, protective.
Like a husband.
Groaning, I peeled myself out of bed. I needed to stop thinking like that. He wasn’t my husband. He wasn’t even my boyfriend. I wasn’t sure what he was, exactly. A friend. But a friend who was going above and beyond.
And a friend who could kiss the life out of me.
Pushing all that aside, I got ready for work. I had an early shift, so Reese would take Nate up to his parents’ place a little later. And since I now had a car, I’d pick up Nate that afternoon.
My workday flew by. It was so busy, I barely had time to think. Which was good. I wanted to focus on my customers instead of stewing in all my complicated feelings about Reese.
By the time my shift ended, I was too tired to worry about Reese. I’d slept remarkably well in his arms, but by then, it had been nearly two in the morning. I hadn’t slept enough, and after a day on my feet, I was ready to sit down.
I said goodbye to my coworkers and left.
The clouds had cleared, and the sun blazed in the sky.
It had been getting steadily warmer as we headed into summer, and the town seemed to swell with visitors.
People wandered up and down the sidewalks, stopping in the cute little shops or grabbing a bite to eat.
With a twinge of anxiety, I did a quick scan of the street before walking to my car. Nothing unusual.
The drive to Paul and Marlene’s was so pretty. Their long driveway snaked through pine trees and clusters of yellow flowers bloomed in the sunny spaces in between.
I parked outside the house, went to the front door, and knocked. Marlene answered with a friendly smile.
“Come on in.” She stepped aside. “Nate’s outside somewhere with my grandson Thomas. If you’re in a hurry, I can yell for them.”
“That’s all right. I’m not in a rush, as long as I can sit down. I’ve been on my feet all day.”
“Of course you have.” She gestured for me to follow. “Can I get you something to drink? Water, lemonade, or maybe something stronger?”
“Just water would be great.”
I went to the living room and sank down on the couch while she got me a glass of ice water. She joined me, sitting in an adjacent armchair.
“How is it working at the Copper Kettle?” she asked.
“It’s great. Tiring, but restaurant work always is.”
“I’m glad it’s going well. You seem like you’re settling in.”
“Thanks to you. I really appreciate you watching Nate so often.”
“He’s no trouble at all. I’ve hardly seen him this afternoon. He and Thomas have been tromping around the woods.”
My chest tightened. “I’m so glad he actually made a friend. Sometimes I feel like he’s on a different wavelength from other kids his age.”
“He’s an old soul.”
“He really is. You’re not the first person to notice that about him.” I took a sip. “I don’t have much of a family, so this is new to him. But he likes you all so much.”
“You’ve done a good job. He’s a great kid.”
“Thanks. That means a lot. You didn’t just raise one boy, you raised six. And they all seem to be such good men.”
Her warm smile lit up her eyes. “They are good men. I’m very blessed. And with all the grandchildren they’re giving me, I’m downright spoiled.”
“They’re lucky to have you.”
“Thank you. That’s sweet of you to say.”
The back door opened, but it wasn’t Nate and Thomas. Paul Haven came in, dressed in a dark red flannel with the sleeves rolled up his big arms.
“Do you want me to cook dinner?” he asked without preamble.
“That would be great, honey,” Marlene said. “Thank you.”
His eyes moved to me. “Are you staying?”
“I don’t think so. But thanks for offering.”
“I’ll get started in a bit. Gotta few more things I want to finish in the shop first.” He moved toward the back door, but seemed to change his mind. Coming into the living room, he leaned down to give Marlene a quick kiss before heading out again.
She watched him leave with a smile that stirred up a pang of jealousy. Not the bad sort of jealousy that makes you angry at the other person for having something you want. Simply the sort that reminds you of a longing deep in your heart.
I wanted what they had. Their quiet love had such confidence behind it.
It was so different from what I’d seen between my mom and Stryker. He treated her like a possession—an object he could use and discard at his whim. And her life centered around keeping him happy so he didn’t go looking elsewhere.
“You know, you and Paul are relationship goals,” I said.
Her smile grew. “We’ve been through a lot together. But instead of tearing us apart, it made us stronger.”
“Reese told me that when you got together, you each had three kids. How did that happen, if you don’t mind me asking? How did you meet?”
“I don’t mind at all. I knew Paul from a young age. He was my older brother’s best friend, so he hung around our house a lot.”
“Your brother’s best friend? That’s so cute.”
“I had a terrible crush on him. But he’s four years older, so he always seemed so unattainable.
And I was too young for him to notice, at least in that way.
He was always nice to me, though, which wasn’t the case with all my brother’s friends.
Then, when I was a senior in high school, I got my first boyfriend, Graham Dawson. ”
“Did Paul notice you then?”
“Maybe, but by that time he was in his early twenties. A girl still in high school would have seemed awfully young. And he and my brother weren’t as close, so I didn’t see Paul very often.
“Graham was in my class. He and his family had moved to town in the middle of our junior year, and he’d caused quite a stir. New kids are a big deal in a small-town school, especially when they’re handsome and charismatic. And he was both of those things.
“I got swept up in his charm. He was a sweet talker, and he talked his way into… Well, you know. About a month before graduation, I found out I was pregnant.”
“Oh, wow. You were a young mom, too.”
“I was. Eighteen when Reese was born.”
“Did you and Graham stay together?”
“We did. After I told him I was pregnant, he said we should get married. I was thrilled. We were young, but I wanted to be a wife and mother more than anything. I figured we were just getting started a little sooner than planned, but everything would be fine.
“So we got married. Had Reese. Not long after, I got pregnant again, and along came Theo. Then, less than two years later, we had Zachary.
“Meanwhile, Paul had been dating a girl named Carolyn. Around the same time I found out about Reese, they found themselves in a similar situation. Paul proposed, but she said no. She didn’t believe in marriage—saw it as a meaningless contract, so why bother?
But since she was pregnant, they moved in together.
They also had three babies, close in age to my boys.
Josiah first, then Garrett, and finally Luke. ”
“Did you know them during that time?”
“Not well. My brother would see Paul now and then, but that was it. And I didn’t have much of a social life. Partly because I had three little ones, and partly because Graham didn’t want me to.”
“That’s not good.”
“No, it wasn’t. I was very isolated. Graham worked, and he had his own friends and didn’t spend much time with me or our boys. And when I had the audacity to complain about that, he’d tell me I was being unreasonable.
“Then one Saturday morning, he was out in the driveway working on his car. I went outside to ask him a question—I don’t remember now what it was—and he casually announced that he was leaving.
Told me he hadn’t wanted to marry me in the first place.
That his parents had pressured him into it.
And then accused me of trying to trap him by getting pregnant two more times. ”
“As if he wasn’t there when that happened.”
“Oh, I know. It was a ridiculous thing to say. But his mind was made up. He left that very day.”
“Did he see his kids again?”
“Here and there. But he was so unreliable, eventually I had to tell him he couldn’t see them anymore. He threatened to stop paying child support. I called his bluff. Told him that was fine.”
“That must have been so hard for the kids.”
“It was the worst for Reese, I think. He was old enough to remember the good parts. Graham had his moments. And he was always charming. The boys loved him.”
“What about Paul and his boys? What happened there?”
“Carolyn didn’t even give Paul the courtesy of telling him to his face.
She dropped the boys off with Paul’s mother one day and disappeared.
When he got home from work, her things were gone and so was she.
She’d left a note, saying she’d never wanted that life.
That he and the boys were stifling her, and she needed to find herself. ”
I shook my head slowly. “I can’t fathom how someone could leave their children. I’d take a bullet for my son.”
“Selfishness, plain and simple. She didn’t see the joy in sacrificing for the people you love.”
“And maybe her heart was too small to love anyone but herself.”
“I think there’s a lot of truth to that.”
“So, you and Paul found yourselves single parents. How did you go from that to a blended family?”
“I took my boys and moved in with my parents for a while. They were wonderful. So supportive and loved on my boys when they needed it. And one day, my brother came by. When he told us about what had happened to Paul, my mother insisted he invite Paul and his kids over for dinner. So, he did.
“Paul came over with his boys, and we had the most amazing conversation. And that’s significant, because Paul is not a talker.
But he talked that night. In between changing diapers, soothing tantrums, and handing out snacks, we told each other everything.
All our losses and heartbreaks. All our fears and worries for the future. ”
“You had so much in common.”
“We did. Because of that, we became fast friends. We started getting together for playdates. It was such a relief to spend time with someone who didn’t see my kids as a burden.
He had his own, and he knew exactly what it was like.
It didn’t matter if one of the boys had a meltdown or a diaper blowout.
We’d help each other and laugh together. He gave me hope.”
“That’s so beautiful.”
“Of course, with all that came the terrible realization that my teenage crush on Paul Haven had blossomed into something much bigger. I was in love with him, in a way I’d never been in love before. But I didn’t think he felt the same.”
I felt her words as if they were my own. Of course, I wasn’t in love with Reese. I couldn’t be. But the wistful longing in her voice spoke to my heart.
“Turns out, he had bigger feelings than I realized,” she continued. “I just hadn’t learned to speak his language yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“Words aren’t his strength. Deeds are. He showed me he loved me in all kinds of ways. Spending time with me, teaching my boys to throw a ball or tie their shoes. Fixing things once I got my own place. If I had so much as a creak in the floor, he’d be there.”
“Did something happen to make you both realize you felt the same way?”
Her mouth turned up in a smile. “One night, he and the boys came over. It had been a long week for both of us, so we put all the kids in pajamas and let them watch a movie. We left them to it and went into the kitchen. I was about to ask him if he wanted to order a pizza for dinner, when he stepped up, took my face in his hands, and kissed me.”
I placed a hand on my chest. “Oh, that’s so romantic.”
“It was incredibly romantic. And then he simply said, ‘Marlene, I want to marry you.’ It was as if everything that had happened before that moment suddenly made sense. Everything we’d been through had led us to each other.”
“Was it hard to bring all those kids together in one household?”
“Yes and no. Six young boys is a lot. And it wasn’t long before I was pregnant with our daughter. People probably thought we were crazy. But I disagree. We weren’t crazy at all. We just loved big enough to make it work, even when it was challenging.”
“That’s a lot of love in one house.”
“Paul sets the standard. He doesn’t always say much, but he loves bigger than anyone I’ve ever met. He loved my boys like his own even before that kiss in the kitchen. And his boys are mine. They needed a mom, and I’ve never seen that as a burden. It’s a gift. They’re a gift. And so is Paul.”
The back door opened again, and the boys’ chatter filled the room. Thomas was a little bit older, but he and Nate were the same height. Both had dirt—and smiles—on their faces.
“Hi, Mom,” Nate said. “Do we have to go? Can I stay until Thomas goes home?”
Marlene checked her watch. “Levi should be here soon to pick him up.”
“We can stay,” I said.
“Grandma, can we have root beer?” Thomas asked.
“Who told you I have root beer?”
Thomas grinned. “Grandpa.”
“Go ahead,” she said. “They’re in the extra fridge out in the shop.”
“Thanks!” the boys said in unison and scurried back out the door.
“I can’t even tell you how happy it makes me to see him with a friend,” I said.
“Thomas is an old soul, too. I’m not surprised they get along.”
I paused, gazing toward the back door, my heart full of feelings. “I’ll never regret having Nate, but getting mixed up with Axel was such a mistake. And now here I am, basically in hiding.”
“Your path led you here, and I don’t think that’s a mistake.”
“Maybe not.”
“Do you think you’ll stay?” she asked. “Once you’re sure your ex isn’t going to be a problem?”
“It’s so strange. We haven’t been here long, but it’s already hard to imagine leaving. Especially because this place is so good for Nate. He’s never been very happy anywhere else we’ve lived.”
“I hope you do.”
I smiled, the warmth of gratitude filling me. But there was more to her hope—something left unspoken.
I hope Reese stays, too.
Our eyes met, and it seemed that we understood each other. We both wanted the same thing, if for different reasons. I wished I could tell her I’d try to convince him to stay, but I didn’t know how. Reese had his own demons to fight, even still.
And I didn’t know if he’d ever let me get close enough to help.