Chapter 18
Eighteen
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The second week of the month started off subdued, with little more than meals on the social schedule for a few days.
Then Madeleine declared they would all enjoy a brisk walk to Valway, visit the shops, and dine at the tavern in the village.
Sadie considered pleading a headache to get out of it.
Few people from Valway visited Ferman’s Exotic Goods, but it wasn’t impossible that a villager would recognize her.
Besides, if she stayed at the manor, she’d have the brewing room to herself.
In the end, though, it didn’t take more than a token protest from Pippa to convince her to go.
Sadie didn’t want to miss seeing how Nicholas handled himself on this outing with all six—seven, including his mother—women.
She allowed Pippa to help her into a walking dress that was nicer than her fine work frocks and went downstairs to meet everyone.
She didn’t trace the glyph on the back of her amulet with water first. If Nicholas was right, and the only way to learn to control her power was to practice using it, then this was the best possible time to get in that practice.
She didn’t want to invade anyone’s privacy, but at least with the guests and residents of Marstede, she wouldn’t learn a secret she’d have to pretend not to know every day.
Once she left the manor, she’d never see them again.
As she approached the front door, she stretched out her power, which felt more like relaxing her grip than actually exerting effort.
Nicholas was right in that at least; using her magic was instinctive.
The other night, during the chess game she had cheated her way through, she had discovered that when she purposefully used her power to read one person’s thoughts, it had the side-effect of closing off the other thoughts around her.
While she had monitored Nicholas to know how to move her pieces, Madeleine and Abigail’s surface thoughts had stopped intruding on her awareness.
Seeing who was already waiting, Sadie chose to practice her telepathy on Helen. Her thoughts would hopefully be calm and lacking in any secrets. It also meant Sadie didn’t have to hear Lenora’s wish to go home over and over.
I hope Lady Marstede doesn’t ask me to walk with the baron.
I haven’t had to talk with him privately since Sadie told him I don’t want to marry him—did Sadie tell him yet?
Oh spirits, what if she hasn’t told him?
Our parents would both be so happy with the match, but I don’t want to leave Renvale, especially not for Marstede!
An image of open plains and bright sun flashed through her mind, only to be replaced with one of dark woods oozing black mist.
Sadie drew back her power, surprised at how Helen saw the Gloaming Forest. Instead of dappled light and beauty, she saw only shadows and terror. And she was still scared that she’d have to give up her life in Renvale to live in Marstede after marrying Nicholas.
Since she was already breaking all her normal rules, Sadie decided not to ignore what she had heard in Helen’s thoughts.
She’d still try to hide her telepathy, but talking to the other woman was completely reasonable.
She stepped up to her. “I meant to tell you the other day, but then everything happened, and I completely forgot.” Sadie lowered her voice.
“I talked to Nicholas. He promised not to propose to you.”
“He did? Thank the spirits.” Helen bit her lip. “You don’t think he’ll change his mind, do you? Our mothers are friendly and would consider it an excellent match.”
Sadie patted her hand. “Nicholas does not care whom his mother wants him to marry. Though I should warn you, he may try to spend more time with you now that he knows you don’t want to marry him.”
Helen’s green eyes went wide. “Why would he do that?”
“Because you’re safe. His mother can’t complain if he is spending time with a guest, and he doesn’t have to worry you will be getting your hopes up for a proposal that will never come.”
“But if his mother writes to my mother and says we’re getting along, and then I come home without a ring, my mother will want to know how I messed it up.”
Sadie barely resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose.
She didn’t really have experience with not disappointing one’s parents—Sadie had disappointed hers the instant her magic manifested—but she rather thought Helen was too old for such worries.
Then again, it didn’t necessarily have anything to do with age, but personality.
If Madeleine had pulled this scheme on Nicholas when he was barely twenty, he’d have reacted the same way.
Even when she was forty, Helen would still worry about disappointing her parents.
With another pat on Helen’s hand, Sadie smiled reassuringly. “I’ll talk to him again. He’ll make sure it doesn’t seem like he is favoring you.”
“Thank you, Sadie!”
While they talked, everyone but Madeleine had made their way to the foyer.
An awkward silence fell over the group as everyone wondered if they were supposed to leave without the dowager.
Nicholas eyed the door, and Sadie reached out her magic, wanting to hear more than just his surface speculation of how far he could get before everyone raced to catch up.
If I’m going to Valway at the exact time Mother decreed we should go to the village, she can’t get mad at me for leaving.
Who am I kidding? If I’m not escorting at least one woman during the walk, she will absolutely get mad at me.
He looked from the door to Sadie. He shook his head.
Damn it. If I show any more preference for Sadie, Mother’s going to think I’ve changed my mind.
Sadie wanted to push deeper. She knew there were levels to thoughts.
She skimmed surface thoughts daily without trying.
Now she was purposefully listening to the layer below that.
But if she stretched her power, could she hear even more?
The thoughts that didn’t fully form because the thinker resisted acknowledging them?
She refused to find out.
To limit the temptation, she switched her focus to Abigail. Her thoughts were hardly ones Sadie would want to hear more of.
Maybe I’m being too subtle. He doesn’t understand how polite society operates. I can’t believe I’ve been reduced to this.
Abigail moved determinedly to Nicholas’s side.
She reached out to press a hand against his arm, but he stepped aside in a move that looked almost coincidental.
Abigail sidled a little closer. Come on, you boor, I’m the most beautiful woman who has ever paid attention to you; the least you can do is notice it!
She began talking to Nicholas, her thoughts a simple pre-echo of the words she spoke. Sadie pulled her power back, trying to shut it down completely. It didn’t work, and she was once more inundated with the surface thoughts of everyone nearby.
Scare them all. Hurt them. Fear me. Pain. Want pain. Every last one will weep in fear.
Sadie froze as she picked apart the vicious thoughts weaving through the rest. She tried to identify the thinker, but they seemed to come from no one at all.
She moved toward the nearest doorway, wanting to see if someone lurked in the next room.
Sadie believed that people deserved privacy in their own minds, but those thoughts weren’t right.
The venom in the mental voice was colder than Sadie had heard before. Eviler.
She reached the door when a new thought overpowered the others. It was as if it was shouted directly inside Sadie’s mind.
Why does he keep looking at her?
Hurt. Hurt her.
Yes! Hurt her!
She stumbled into the drawing room off the foyer. She had never experienced surface thoughts so forcefully before. Had she made everything worse by trying to use her power deliberately?
“Sadie? What’s wrong?”
It took her too long to realize the voice wasn’t in her head. Madeleine closed the distance between them and touched her shoulder. “What’s wrong, Sadie? Do I need to summon a doctor?”
She shook her head, focusing on the quietness of the dowager’s mind. Not trying to delve into her thoughts, rather hiding in their calmness. She reached up and gripped her amulet, her thumb tracing the glyph on the back until all thoughts battering at her faded.
The door she’d just come through slammed all the way open. “Sadie, what’s wrong?”
Keeping her hand wrapped around the amulet, her thumb moving, she turned and faced Nicholas. He stood in the doorway, staring at her with obvious concern. Behind him, the other women fanned out, peeking at her as much as they could with a solid wall of muscle between them.
“I’m fine.” Sadie wished her voice hadn’t wavered when she said that. She turned back to Madeleine. “Really, I’m fine, I promise. I just … I needed some air.”
Nicholas addressed his mother. “If Sadie doesn’t feel well, then she shouldn’t be walking down to Valway.”
“I said I’m fine.”
He scowled at her. “You clearly aren’t.”
Madeleine patted her shoulder. “He’s right, dear. You need to rest. We’ll postpone the visit to the village until tomorrow. If you are feeling better then, that is.”
No!
The thought was so strong it tore right through the minuscule protection from her charm. Sadie looked over Nicholas’s shoulder and saw Lenora’s despair, not even sure at that point if she was still reading her thoughts or gauging her emotions with the evidence of her eyes.
I need to go to the village. I need to mail my letter. I want to go home!
Sadie rubbed a hand over her face and sighed. “You don’t need to postpone the visit on my account. Go without me.”
“Nonsense, dear.” Madeleine led her toward a chaise, and everyone from the foyer filed into the drawing room. “We aren’t going to leave you behind.”