15. Noah
CHAPTER 15
NOAH
The lobby of The Regent’s Hotel is bursting with people when I arrive. This joint is almost too fancy; it actually makes me feel out of place. I mean, the Hawk River Lodge isn’t any kind of luxury resort, but it’s got what I need. A bed and a bathroom. Boom, done.
I’m clutching a bright bouquet of flowers I found at a local grocery store tightly in one hand and a small wrapped package in the other. I punch the up button on the elevator and step inside, an older couple walking in behind me.
As the doors slide shut, I pull the flowers close and inspect them. “Hmm. I hope she likes bright pink.” Sticking my nose into the bouquet, I huff one of the carnations, only to get a tickle in my nose and start sneezing. “Great,” I mutter out loud, only to realize … I’m talking to myself and I’m not alone. First, Murray, which was thankfully in the private sector of the locker room but now here, in a very public spot?
Closing my eyes, I slowly turn to face the couple beside me, who are both watching with smirks on their faces.
The older woman leans in close to me. “Whoever she is, she must be very special.”
Smiling, I nod, feeling my cheeks flush. “She is. ”
The doors open on my floor. I incline my head, saying goodbye, and within seconds I’m standing outside Willa’s door. I’ve had the best twenty-four hours and I cannot wait to share it all with her.
I knock on the door a few times, nervous butterflies dancing inside of me. How crazy to think that this woman makes me so happy. When I think of her, Willa makes me smile. Sometimes my cheeks hurt because my grin is that wide and that intense.
Willa opens the door, standing back to allow me room to come inside. When I lean in to kiss her cheek, I sense her body stiffen. Stepping back, my eyes narrow as I look at her. There’s sadness on her face, and I want to know why.
“For you,” I say, holding out the bouquet. “Sorry it’s all carnations and baby’s breath. Apparently, there used to be a flower shop in town but it closed, so one of the employees at the grocery store puts bouquets together once a week.”
“Thanks,” she says, a tiny smile breaking as she takes them from my hand.
“But, there’s more,” I say, wiggling my eyebrows and holding out the colorfully wrapped package, trying not to laugh. “For you, m’lady.”
Willa stares at it. “Did you really wrap it in ‘Yay, It’s a Girl!’ wrapping paper?”
“Small town,” I say with a shrug. “It was all they had on the shelf.”
Chuckling, she perches on the end of her bed and rips into the package. Grabbing a chair from her table for two in the corner of the room, I plant myself in front of her.
She looks at the present inside, pulling it out and holding it up for me to see.
“Your jersey,” she says, holding it close to her.
“I hope it fits,” I whisper. I reach out and arrange it against her body like I’m some kind of stylist who knows fashion, but really I want any reason to touch her right now. She may be right in front of me, but she’s never felt so distant .
“I think it will.” She folds it neatly and places it on the bed next to her, patting it. “Thank you, Noah. That’s a sweet gift.”
“I’m hoping you’ll wear it to one of the games?”
“I hope so,” she says, her eyes meeting mine.
“I’ve got news,” I say. “You know I met with Travis last night about that Canadian team?”
She nods.
“They want me to start as soon as I can, mid-season is fine with them. Everything is good. Money is perfect, I get some time off in between seasons during the holidays, but the downside is that I’ll have to really dig in next year and be on call for all the games, which means no time for events or any kind of special one-offs like this one.”
Willa is listening to me, nodding along. I kind of expected her to be a little happier for me, but maybe she’s not feeling great right now.
“No time for one-offs, huh?” She crosses her arms in front of her chest. “What about the camp, Noah?”
“Oh.” In truth, I hadn’t asked yet. I don’t know much about women’s intuition, but I’m guessing she already knows that.
“I know you’ve been working hard to get back to this place, but what’s going on, Noah? You’ve been telling me for about a month now how you want to do things differently, do them your way. You wanted to lead that camp, stay on a team that will let you do what you want to do so you have a life alongside hockey.” She tosses her hands in the air. “What gives?”
“You’ve got some points there,” I agree. “I forgot to ask about it, but I will talk to Travis about it. But right now, can’t we be happy?”
Willa cocks her head to one side. “Of course we can, and I am happy for you. You’ve come miles from the guy I met and it’s been amazing getting to know you …”
“And kissing you,” I say, grabbing her hand and pulling her back to her seat on the bed in front of me. “I like doing that, too, you know. ”
Willa stares at me, her expression blank save the twitch of a smile on her lips. “Stop that. I like kissing you, too, but the other night was a lot for me at once. Your ex, the offer, you brushing off the fact that my career could be in jeopardy because of Cecilia.”
“Okay, look, we can handle Cecilia. I can handle her.” I reach over and put both of my hands on her knees. “I’ll talk to her and ask her to back off. I don’t want her here as much as you don’t, and I hate that she showed up and burst our little bubble.”
“That,” Willa says, sitting up taller. “That’s also my issue. The bubble we’re in while we’re here right now. It’s like we’re at an extended adult camp for the young and the restless of hockey.”
“Adult camp …” I start to laugh, but Willa’s expression tells me to cool it. “What’s going on, Willa? Talk to me.”
“I know it shouldn’t bother me, but seeing her wearing your jersey—for your old NHL team, too—just made me feel less than.” She sighs, staring at the carpet. “I don’t know why, and obviously it’s a chat for me to have with my therapist, but it stung.”
“You are the only person I want to ever see wearing my name.” I point to the jersey on the bed beside her. “That’s why I wanted you to have this one. My jersey for the Ice Breakers. And I want to get you one for the Renegades, too.”
Willa holds up her hand. “I don’t need jerseys to make me feel good, I need you.”
She slumps slightly, and I want nothing more than to lean over and hold her close, but her demeanor is telling me to sit tight.
“Do you realize Cecilia could actually ruin things for me? I’m up for that promotion. Huge for me. Money that will allow me to not only help pull my mother out of debt, but keep her in the black until she can get on her own feet.” She stands up and starts pacing again as she speaks. “I’m not in the same position as you are, with funds saved for a rainy day. ”
“But, that’s not an issue for us,” I say, wishing she’d sit back down.
“No, but it is.” She shakes her head, then looks at me. “Maybe not for you, but for me. I’ve had to pick up the pieces and start over once before, remember? Now my livelihood is being threatened again. If Cecilia chooses to rat me out, I’d not only lose Athletic Edge, but I’d also lose my reputation, and this time, I’d be blacklisted from working for who knows how long. No one wants to send a photographer out to work with athletes if she’s going to end up dating one of them at the end of the day.”
“Ooof,” I say, throwing myself into the back of the chair. “Willa, that’s a lot to be thinking about.”
“We’re being unrealistic, Noah.” She stops pacing and leans against her dresser. “This has been fun, right? Maybe it is what it is. Fun for a moment in time, then we go our separate ways.”
“What?” Her words actually shock my system. “I … I don’t like that thought at all, Willa. I’ve wanted you since the moment I met you, no matter how messed up I was. I spent a few years thinking about you, and then you show back up in front of me, here. Now, I’m getting a second chance, not only for myself and my career, but with you . That’s got to count for something, right?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m trying to figure this out, too. For one thing, if you take this contract, we’ll never see each other.”
“There’s this thing called a plane,” I try to joke, but it’s not well-timed.
“Read the room, Noah. Of course I know we can travel to each other, but how long will that last?” She is sassy, and even though it does kind of turn me on, I’m also aware I’m the cause of it. “My schedule, if I get the job, will be to go where I’m needed, and that won’t be all the places you are, right?”
“I hear you,” I say, standing and walking over so I’m directly in front of her. “But, I don’t like it. I don’t want that. Not now. I’m comfortable in a lot of places. On the ice. I’m comfortable at a press event, talking to the masses. These days, I’m comfortable in my skin and a big part of that is because I’m sober. But when I’m with you, everything goes out the window. All the zen. The calm. The peace. The anger. The energy. It’s like being in a vacuum where it’s only you, and you alone that I can see.”
Willa’s eyes are wet as she drags them to meet mine. “I’m sorry, but I’m just not sure I see a clear path forward for us, and that scares me, Noah.”
“You don’t think if we’re serious we will be able to make this work?”
“I’d like to hope we could,” she says, taking my hand as a tear slides down her cheek. “You know, you said to me that you never wanted to let go of my hand. Ever. Remember when you said that?”
Gripping her hand, I pull her close to me, nodding. “I do.”
“Last night, when you let go of my hand and walked away to front the media, it felt big to me. Bigger than I probably should be putting weight on, but it didn’t feel good. Like a sign of things to come.”
“Willa …” I go to wrap my arm around her waist, but she steps away, taking the warmth of her hand with her.
“I think we need to stop for a minute and think, Noah. I want to have a clear head so I can wrap up my assignments here, and I need to focus on my mom and trying to get a loan.”
“We can do that together,” I murmur, reaching out for her. But she shakes her head.
“I think I want to be alone for a bit, and I think you need to be alone so you can make the choices you want to make for yourself.” She shoves her hands in her pockets. “Just a few weeks ago, we were not on each other’s radar. I kinda hated you.”
“Ah,” I say, finding the bright spot, “See! There’s a fine line between love and hate, isn’t there? We are the poster couple for that. ”
Willa ignores my attempt at humor. “If I weren’t a factor, you’d probably take that NHL contract no matter what. So, I think you need to go and figure out what you want. And I need to figure out some things for myself, too.”
The finality in her voice makes my stomach flip end over end. The happy butterflies that were there for the ride, coming up the elevator with me, have dissipated. In their place, a wave of sadness washes across me.
There’s nothing left to say. Willa walks over to her door and opens it. Taking the hint, I slowly make my way back out into the corridor. I turn around to say goodbye, and she kisses me on the cheek.
“I’m not saying anything is absolute,” she says, stepping away from me. It’s one step too far in my book. “I simply need a minute to catch my breath. It’s been fast with us. Intense.”
“This isn’t over,” I whisper to her, my hands flexing, wanting to grab her, but I don’t. “Right?”
Willa looks down at the floor for a moment before dragging her gaze to mine. “I hope not,” she says.
It’s honest. It’s brutal. It’s truthful.
But it hurts.