Chapter 22
Chapter
Twenty-Two
Jayne
The next week is a blur.
Sneaking out, sneaking around, and just being sneaky.
It’s equal parts exhilarating and exhausting.
I don’t enjoy feeling like a child who’s doing something wrong, but I need to protect Bodi.
My father has a bad temper when he’s really mad, and I don’t want Bodi to get caught up in that because of me.
Of course, that makes me feel guilty too.
We should have left things alone. Ended it before we…became intimate.
That changed everything.
For me, at least. And I think Bodi feels it too. Our connection is so strong it’s a little scary sometimes. He gets me. Likes all of me, even the nerdy parts. Wants to spend time with me. Take me places. Buy me things. I honestly didn’t know there were guys like him out there.
He’s gentle and thoughtful and…fuck, but he’s sexy.
Every time he touches me is better than the last. I’ve had more sex in the last week than in my entire life, and he keeps planning romantic dates.
Keeps wanting to spend time with me both in bed and out.
Keeps asking to read the letters I’ve written him.
What he doesn’t know is how many I’ve written him. Some are short and funny. Others are longer and more in depth. One is extremely sexy. I don’t know if I’ll ever give him that one, but letter-writing is my love language, and I’m…falling in love.
I know it’s too soon. That I’m falling for the first guy who can please me in bed, which is such a cliché.
I’m also aware that I’m lonely and Bodi is one of the only people in a long time to truly pay attention to me.
To like me for me and not who I know or what I can do for him.
Who doesn’t think I’m nerdy. Hell, he even likes that I wear glasses.
“So, what’s the problem?” Kelly asks when I tell her everything that’s been on my mind.
“You don’t think it’s too soon to fall in love?” I ask, wrinkling my nose as I hand her books to put away.
“How soon is soon?” she asks, pausing to glance over at me. “And who decides what that number is? When my Tony and I met, we were seventeen, and I knew I was going to marry him after our first date.”
She rarely talks about her late husband, who she told me died a long time ago, so I don’t respond, waiting for her to continue.
“We were together almost every minute of every day after the first week we met. And we had ten wonderful years before he died. He was the love of my life. Waiting a specified amount of time before it’s acceptable to acknowledge those feelings seems silly, don’t you think?”
“I’m just worried about what my father is going to do. You don’t know how crazy he can be when he’s mad.”
“But you and Bodi are adults,” she says, appearing somewhat mystified. “What difference does it make?”
“The last time I dated one of his players, he cheated on me and I was devastated. When he found out, Dad was furious—and not only did he get pictures of the jerk cheating, he beat the shit out of him. They both got arrested. Luckily, Cal threw the first punch and witnesses corroborated that so they both agreed to drop the charges, but it could have been really bad. Since then, Dad’s been clear that I have to stay far away from his players. Period.”
“Well, I understand all of that, but you’re a grown woman.”
“A grown woman who has nowhere to go for another eight months until I graduate. And even then, there’s no guarantee I’ll find a job making enough to support myself.”
“Why wouldn’t you move in with Bodi?”
I stare at her. “Well, for one thing, he hasn’t asked. For another, he lives with four other guys so I don’t know how that would even work. And finally, like I’ve been saying, it’s really new. Are we seriously ready to move in together?”
Kelly rolls her eyes. “For heaven’s sake, Jayne, length of time has nothing to do with anything. The only thing that’s important is how you both feel.”
“It’s not like we’ve confessed true love or anything,” I say dryly. “And I’m sure this is nothing but a fling for him.”
“Well, aren’t you a little ray of sunshine!” Kelly interrupts with a laugh. “Have a little faith in yourself.”
“It’s not about faith. It’s about reality. I bring nothing to the table except a professional headache for him. I don’t have a dime to my name, I don’t have a job…Hell, I don’t even know how to drive.”
Kelly arches her brows. “Well, all of that is fixable. You’re finishing your degree, so the fact that you don’t have a job yet isn’t a big deal, I’m sure he doesn’t care about how much money you have, and if you feel strongly about learning to drive, get off your butt and do it.”
I shift uncomfortably because she’s right—I’ve been procrastinating. “I need a car and someone to teach me. Bodi offered but it feels…weird. Like what if I’m terrible and he gets mad? Or worse, I wreck his car?”
“For someone who’s supposedly falling in love, you’re a real negative Nelly. If you can’t have faith in yourself, at least have some in him.”
If only it were that easy.
Life has been nothing but a series of disappointments and frustrations since my mother died. I don’t know how to be upbeat about much of anything, especially something as wonderful as my relationship with Bodi.
He’s such a good guy but if my father finds out before I can move out, shit is going to hit the fan. It might hit the fan anyway, no matter when he finds out. That’s what makes this so hard.
“It’s okay to want to protect your heart,” Kelly says softly after a moment. “But don’t be so closed off that you push him away.”
“I’ll remember that.” I look up just as someone approaches the desk.
“Hello!” Vik has a big smile on his face. “I am here to get books.”
“Oh, yes. Right here.” Kelly pulls a stack from under the desk and hands it to him.
“English For…” He frowns. “Ad-ult?”
“English For Adult Beginners,” Kelly says with a nod. “And this is a child’s workbook.” She pulls one out from the bottom of the stack. “This one is yours to keep, a gift from me. You said you don’t read or write well in English so this will allow you to practice.”
Vik looks shocked, immediately reaching for his wallet. “I will pay!”
“Don’t be silly.” Kelly stills his hand. “Like I said, it’s a gift. I want to help you learn. It’s why I work in a library.”
“Yes, but…” He seems to re-think his protest. “Thank you. You will allow gift ticket for hockey game?”
Kelly’s eyes twinkle. “Absolutely!”
“Hey, guys.”
I look up at the sound of Bodi’s voice, surprised to see him in the middle of the day. “Hey—what are you doing here?”
“I brought lunch.” He holds up two huge bags. “For everyone.”
“That was sweet,” I whisper, walking over and tilting up my face for a kiss.
He wraps one arm around my waist and kisses me soundly.
“My stomach just growled,” Kelly says with a laugh.
“Then I hope you like Italian!”
Kelly calls upstairs to the other two employees working today, Virginia and Sue, and Bodi and I carry everything back to the break room.
“This was really thoughtful of you,” I tell him.
“I needed an excuse to see you,” he says in a gruff voice.
I really love when he says things like that, but I’m a bit shy about expressing myself.
“You just saw me last night,” I say as I start setting out the trays of lasagna and baked ziti while he takes out garlic rolls and salad.
“That was hours ago,” he pretends to complain. “Driving you home every night is already getting old.”
I freeze, glancing up as a pit the size of a mountain forms in my stomach.
“Wh-what?”
“I hate that you have to leave,” he reiterates, frowning. “I’d like to actually sleep with you.”
Oh.
“I wish I could,” I whisper, dipping my head. “I just don’t know how I’d get away with it.”
“Can’t you say you’re staying with a friend?”
“I don’t have any friends here!” I protest in frustration.
“What about Kelly?”
“I’m not going to put her in a position like that.”
“Put me in what kind of position?” Kelly comes into the break room with Vik and West trailing behind her.
“What is this, Atlanta Thunder day at the library?” Bodi asks, laughing.
“I randomly stopped in to finally get my library card,” West says, laughing. “And Kelly told me there was lunch.”
“Sue and Virginia already ate,” Kelly says, “and I don’t want the food to go to waste. Now what did you want to ask me about?”
“I’ll tell you later,” I murmur.
“I dropped the ball on drinks,” Bodi says. “I’m sorry about that.”
“There’s bottled water and soda in here,” Kelly calls, rummaging through the refrigerator.
“Hey.” Bodi wraps his arms around me from behind and presses his lips close to my ear. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I’m not upset with you,” I whisper. “Just frustrated with the whole situation.”
“We’ll figure something out, but we can talk about it later.” He kisses my cheek. “Don’t worry so much. Trust me.”
He has no idea how much I want to.
I’m just not sure how.