Chapter 12 #2
Tyler smiles, and his mouth covers mine.
I’m surprised, and it makes me catch my breath.
“Denny, that’s your job. That’s not what I mean.
He’ll understand that your job takes you away for a while, but that you’ll always come back to him.
I mean, you can’t give him up and then a year later decide you want to try again, and then three months after that decide you can’t. ”
“No,” I agree. “Okay, I see the difference. I won’t do that.”
“So you need to decide what you want. He needs to be a permanent priority, or you need to be strong enough to walk away.”
“I don’t think I am,” I say, and there’s a little bit of awe in my head because… wow. I want my kid. I want my kid forever, and that’s frightening.
“Does that mean you’re going to be able to make him your priority?”
“Haven’t I already?” I ask. “I haven’t been to hockey since Sally died.”
“We should talk about that, too. I’d like to stay with him, and you can go back to hockey.”
I’m already shaking my head before he finishes the sentence. “I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking. I’m telling you.”
“But… you don’t have to. You’re his uncle.”
“So you’d rather hire a nanny? Put him in daycare?”
Both of those thoughts make me feel itchy. “No.”
“Look. I have nothing going on. I quit my job to move here with the intent of raising Ty with my sister. Interestingly, that’s how we always talked about it. In hindsight, I think she was always telling me she wasn’t going to marry you.”
“I didn’t know how to break it off. During the holidays? While she was having our baby? While she was postpartum? Valentine’s Day? Every single option felt heartless and cruel,” I complain.
He chuckles. “I can’t work out why she agreed to marry you,” he murmurs.
“I want to be offended, but neither can I.”
“Let me do this with you,” Ty says quietly. “Let me raise Ty with you like I was going to do with my sister.”
“As a parent?”
“I… well, he doesn’t need to call me dad. I feel like that’s going to give the world a very confusing view of what’s going on here.”
“So… as his live-in uncle.”
A beat passes. “I can live with you?”
“Oh. Is that not what you meant? There’s no pressure. I didn’t mean—”
“Yes. I—yes. I want to live here. I want to raise him as a parent. I want all that.”
I feel like maybe there’s something else in his words. Something bigger that he’s hinting at. Our eyes lock, even though we’re really fucking close and can’t really see each other clearly. Once again, that charged, heated vibration in the air sparks to life and jumps between us.
I’m not sure which of us move but when our mouths crash together this time, it’s with force, like strong magnets that make it almost painful. His hands fist into the front of my shirt, and he tugs me to him.
I follow him back onto the couch, straddling his lap. My hands cup his face as we sloppily, desperately kiss. Lick. Eat. Bite. His hands dig into my chest and drag down to my stomach while he groans into my mouth.
My dick is instantly hard. Something he notices when his hand brushes the head of my cock and I jerk toward him.
“Sorry,” I say and try to pull away to calm the fuck down. “It’s been a while and I’m really horny and you’re hot and—”
My words are cut off when his mouth covers mine again. He grabs at my sweats, pulling them from my stomach and reaches in to run his fingers across my cockhead. Jesus. I’m going to burst from this little touch.
“I didn’t know you were into guys,” Tyler says. The tone of his voice makes it sound like he’s asking a question without asking.
“Yes, well… A series of accidental and exploratory events has led me to the conclusion that I’m… maybe… what’s that new term I recently heard?”
We steal kisses as I try to think of what I’m referring to. It’s difficult to think at all as I tug at his tee. He releases me long enough so I can rip it over his head.
“Bisexual?” Tyler suggests.
I shake my head. “No. No, something… hetero.”
“Flexible,” he supplies.
Before I can feel triumphant that he nailed the word, his hand closes around my dick and I grunt into his mouth. I’m haphazardly trying to get into his pants, but my position on top of him is hindering my progress. We buck and wiggle until I can pull him out.
Taking turns spitting into each other’s hands has us sloppily jerking each other, moaning into our kisses, and trying not to come too soon. I’m at least marginally convinced that he’s also fighting his orgasm. I’m equally relieved when he comes almost as quickly as I do.
“That’s embarrassing,” I mutter, still stealing kisses and licking at his jaw like an animal.
He smiles, his hand not leaving me. “Did she know?” he asks.
“Know what?”
“That you’re into guys too?”
“I’m not. Not really. Just… sometimes. Heteroflexible. Like you said.”
“But did she know that?” Tyler asks.
I shake my head. “It never came up in conversation.”
He hums, his hand still lazily moving over my dick. I’ve let him go, unsure what to do with the handful of cum, my hand hangs between us. The other is still on his neck, my thumb running along his trachea.
“I do it for you, huh?”
“You’re sexy as fuck, Tyler. I’ve been trying not to drool over you since I woke up from that first much-needed nap.”
He grins. “You’re good at stroking my ego.”
“Yes, well. I may need practice at stroking other things. I’m not exactly well-versed but… I’m not, uh, inexperienced either.”
“She didn’t know, huh?”
“It was all a sham,” I say quietly. “Maybe we both wanted out and didn’t know how to make that happen.”
He doesn’t answer. No agreement and no disagreement.
“Just so it’s clear, I want you in Ty’s life even if we don’t do this. You know that, right?”
“I think I kissed you first.”
“I’m just saying. I’ve fucked up a lot over the last six months and I can’t do that again. I have to make sure you know—”
“Yes, Denny.” He kisses me again, and the heat behind it is gone. Like the other night, it’s just warmth. A quiet hum that travels through my body and fills me with an emotion I can’t name. It’s new. Welcome. Unfamiliar.
And guilt. Always guilt.
“This is entirely separate and not dependent on me being in Ty’s life.”
“I hope you heard the part about my only true models of family life and relationships are ugly as fuck. I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“You know exactly what not to do, and sometimes that’s better,” he counters. “Ty is our first priority and, if we decide, we can explore this and see what happens.”
“You don’t think it’s… inappropriate because…”
“Because of Sally?”
I nod.
Tyler’s eyes meet mine. “Honestly? I’m not sure what to think.
I don’t know why she agreed to marry you in the first place.
Yes, you were her fiancé. You’re her baby’s father.
But I can count on two fingers the number of times she actually brought you up in conversation, and we talked all the time.
Is it actually bad if neither of you were into this? ” He shrugs.
I chew the inside of my lip as I consider his words. “Everything was for the wrong reasons.”
“It seems that way.”
“So… going forward, I need to do things for the right reasons.”
“The right reasons for you, Denny. Not the ‘right reasons’ as anyone else defines,” Tyler says. “Okay?”
“I feel eighty pounds lighter having told you all that,” I murmur.
“I bet that’s been eating at you.”
“For six months,” I agree.
“No more.” Tyler kisses me again and his hand squeezes my dick. I’m obviously so fucking depraved that my balls jump in excitement. “How about another orgasm before Ty wakes up?”
“Yes, please.”