Intermission A Text Thread
March 15
Randall: How was the drive to Cleveland? Is the place you’re renting OK?
Elise: Drive was great. The apartment I’m renting is walking distance to the theater. The only downside is the owner used to run a clown camp. Being here triggers my IT nightmares.
Randall: Is clown camp what it sounds like?
Elise: What does it sound like?
Randall: A place where you wear red noses and learn how to turn balloons into animals.
Elise: Don’t forget the large shoes and juggling balls. Yes, it is what it sounds like. The owner uses the living room to store props and costumes.
Randall: Is he there while you’re renting?
Elise: Nope. He’s a physical comedy choreographer in contract at LA for the next few months.
Randall: That’s not so bad. At least there aren’t actual clowns.
Elise: [sends a picture of a model prop in complete clown costume, a massive wig, and no face]
Randall: WTF! That’s worse than the IT clown.
Elise: I lock the bedroom door at night. Tell me I’m being paranoid.
Randall: You’re being paranoid.
Randall: Actually, TBH, I’d lock my door too.
March 23
Randall: For some reason this reminded me of you.
[picture of rubber chickens]
Elise: What a coincidence. I needed that to complete my outfit. [selfie with a rainbow wig and red nose]
Randall: [laugh emoji] How’s the play going?
Elise: We have callbacks this week and the final casting choices are posted soon after.
Randall: They’ll be lucky to work with you.
Elise: Thanks Randall.
March 26
Elise: What do you know about dating apps?
Randall: [Bubble dots come and go for a few minutes] Why?
Elise: I started my mother’s profile on OkCupid and eHarmony and the choices are brutal.
Randall: You’ve got my attention. Say more.
Elise: There are a surprising number of men who post pictures of themselves with animals, did you know that? A dog or cat can be cute, but I’ve seen parrots, stingrays, iguanas…
Randall: Did she say she likes animals in her profile?
Elise: Not a word, but here we are.
Randall: Why are you doing this for your mom anyway?
Elise: It seemed like a good idea at the time, when she finally agreed to consider dating. She’s been a widow for nine years and although she never complains about being lonely, she hardly does any of the things she used to enjoy.
Randall: Like?
Elise: Go out dancing, for one thing. My parents were members of a ballroom dance studio that met at least once a week. And travel! That’s a big one. She used to love traveling.
Randall: It can’t be that hard to find a guy who likes to dance and travel.
Elise: You mean like AdventureAdam who posted pictures of himself swimming with sharks?
Randall: Ya, that’s a bit weird. Sorry I can’t be much help. Never been on an app.
Elise: C’mon, don’t tell me you’ve never been on Tinder.
Randall: Never. Have you?
Elise: Bumble. I’m on it now.
Randall: [Bubble dots come and go for a few minutes] Why?
Randall: I mean I know why but I thought you don’t…
Elise: Hook up while I’m in production? Yeah, but I have my profile up.
Randall: Can I see it?
Elise: Not if we don’t match.
Randall: I might not know a thing about dating apps, Elise, but we’d fucking match.
Elise: Don’t tell me you’d right swipe on a theater enthusiast who nerds out on vintage Broadway posters.
Randall: Vintage Broadway posters sound cool.
Elise: Anyway, if you know a man in his fifties to sixties who likes to ballroom dance and travel, send him our way.
Randall: You know, some of the best matches aren’t about having the same interests but sharing new ones.
Elise: Dang, Dr. Phil, that was deep. I’ll keep it in mind.
An hour later…
Randall: Elise?
Elise: What’s up?
Randall: Are you really on a dating site? [deleted]
Randall: Why do you need an app when you’ve got my number? [deleted]
Randall: Have a good night.
Elise: You too.
March 28
Randall: What’s up?
Elise: Not much. You?
Randall: Had a road game in Vancouver and saw my brothers.
Elise: Just your brothers?
Randall: Dad was too busy to go to the game.
Elise: How about your mom?
Randall: She died six years ago.
Elise: I’m sorry, Randall. That must have been hard.
Randall: The leukemia was diagnosed the summer before I was heading to Boston College on a hockey scholarship. I stayed in town instead. Joined a junior team so I could be there till the end.
Elise: She must have cherished every minute you spent with her. I’m so sorry.
Randall: Anyway, it’s Dad and my brothers James and Charles at home.
Elise: At least your brothers came. That’s good right?
Randall: They asked for Lance’s autograph and wanted to meet the team.
Elise: Lance who?
Randall: Lance is the star forward for the Mavericks.
Elise: As far as I’m concerned, you’re the star of the Mavericks.
Randall: Not according to my brothers. They think I’m a joke.
Elise: Fuck them, they sound like assholes. [Deleted]
Elise: You’re not a joke.
About ten minutes later…
Elise: Your brothers’ loss for not asking for your autograph.
About ten minutes later…
Elise: They’re proud of you, Randall. Sometimes it’s hard for siblings to show emotions. At least they recognize what a big deal it is that you’re part of a great team.
Elise: Also, hockey is the best sport in the world and you get to do it every day.
Randall: You didn’t even know the Mavericks existed till a few weeks ago.
Elise: I’m a fast learner.
Randall: Didn’t mean to be a bummer. Thanks for letting me get it off my chest.
Elise: Any time. That’s what friends are for.
March 31
Elise: Saw the Mavericks at the bar. Sorry you guys lost.
Randall: Thanks. What’s the bar scene like in Cleveland?
Elise: It wasn’t that kind of bar. My meeting with costume designers went on forever so we grabbed cheap food. Apparently there are lots of things to be said about shoulder pads.
Randall: And mullets. Don’t forget hockey’s contribution to the 80s.
Elise: Taking notes!
Randall: Is your clown still bothering you? Maybe donate it to the theater as a costume dummy.
Elise: IT clown is no longer a menace because I have a new housemate. Kaden is willing to stay in the living room. It is oddly reassuring to know he’ll be attacked before me.
Randall: You can’t move in with a stranger. [Deleted]
Randall: Is this someone you’ve met before? How do you know he isn’t worse than the IT clown?
Elise: Aww, don’t worry about me. We hadn’t met before but he’s fine. It’s temporary. He’s got dorm housing as soon as university students leave for the summer.
Randall: How can you be sure if you just met?
Elise: Rehearsal and production time isn’t normal time.
Randall:?
Elise: What to some people is one week feels a lot longer to repertory theater folks. I’ll know more about people I meet on this production than anyone I took classes with in college for four years. It’s weird but not unusual. Does that make sense?
Randall: Why isn’t Lily with you instead? I thought she was auditioning for a part.
Elise: She can’t leave Columbus right now. Family reasons so I can’t say more.
Randall: I get that.
A few hours later…
Randall: Thinking about what you said earlier. About normal time. I can’t believe we only met a few weeks before you left. It feels a lot longer.
Elise: In a good way or in a tedious way?
Randall: Definitely in a good way.
April 5
Randall: Hey
Elise: Hey
Randall: I was thinking about heading to Jack & Jill diner.
Elise: What’s there to think about? Why aren’t you already there?
Randall: My cheeseburger buddy isn’t around to keep me company.
Elise: I can’t be the only one you know who eats greasy diner food.
Randall: Hockey players are obsessed with what they put in their body during the season.
Elise: Except you.
Randall: Except me because I have an exceptional metabolism.
Elise: How about I take you and your exceptional metabolism out for burgers and shakes next time I’m around?
Randall: I guess I can wait.
Elise: Have a salad while you’re waiting.
Randall: And I thought we were friends.
April 6
Randall: Are you up?
Elise: Yeah. Stayed out with my dramaturgs from the university.
Randall: Dramaturgs is a funny word.
Elise: I know, right? Like they’re an overly emotional version of turds.
Randall: So what are they?
Elise: Dramaturgs help with character development, thematic consistency, research on the setting, that sort of thing. Imagination Ohio usually invites Shakespeare professors to weigh in. Everyone went out for drinks because there’s no rehearsal tomorrow.
Randall: Don’t suppose they showed the Mavericks game in the bar you were at.
Elise: No, they didn’t. Is everything OK?
Randall: Our goalie got hurt tonight.
Elise: Tell me you’re not speaking about yourself in the third person.
Randall: Our first goalie, Jeremy. I’m the spare.
Elise: Good thing the Mavericks have a great spare, then.
Randall: If he’s not back, I’ll be starting in our playoff series.
Randall: Fuck, texting that sentence is surreal.
Elise: Why? Isn’t that your job?
Randall: Not usually for a whole series. I rarely do consecutive games.
Elise: At least you’re in great shape with all those cheeseburgers you eat.
Randall: Ouch. Is that your pep talk?
Elise: I’ll work on it.
Five minutes later.
Elise: Here’s my pep talk. Are you ready?
Elise: When I watched you live, I thought you were the best player on the ice. But I was also blown away by the team. How everyone stood up for each other. There’s no first or spare or whatever. It’s a game you all play together. As. A. Team.
Elise: You would not have gone this far if you weren’t great, Randall. They want you on their team because you’re valued. They believe in you and so do all the Mavericks fans.
Elise: Sometimes, when an understudy takes over a part because the lead can’t make it on stage, the audience is treated to a magical performance. When something is fueled by raw nerves, it’s charged with unimaginable energy.
Elise: Those shows turn out to be absolutely brilliant, Randall. That’s you.
Five minutes later…
Randall: No rehearsals tomorrow?
Elise: Way to change the subject.
Randall: Brilliant huh?
Elise: Brilliant.
April 15
Elise: I know you’re probably the one person I can text who doesn’t give a shit about this so I don’t even know why I’m telling you. Or maybe that’s why?
Randall: I give a shit about what’s happening to you so you should definitely tell me.
Elise: Maybe it’s easier to talk to someone who isn’t in deep with me, you know?
Randall: I’m in as deep as you need me to be.
Randall: Shit. Forget I said that. Didn’t realize how stupid it sounded till I read it. Sorry.
Elise: If this play bombs can I hide out in your fishing village and change my name? Bleach my hair bright blonde and pretend I have an eye patch? I’m assuming there are pirates since you’re so close to the water.
Randall: You better be joking with your identity altering scenario. A good friend would never let you bleach your hair because it is perfect as it is.
A few minutes later…
Randall: Elise, your play will not bomb. It will be AMAZING.
A few minutes later…
Randall: Hello? You OK?
A few minutes later…
Randall: I’m getting worried. Please don’t turn into a pirate before you text or call me again.
Elise: Or what?
Randall: Need me to drive to Cleveland to shake some sense into you?
Elise: I’m kidding. Although I did buy an eye patch.
Randall: Hey be serious. What’s this really about?
A few minutes later…
Randall: Tell me, Elise. Talk to me.
Elise: I expected the first rehearsal to be rough. I didn’t expect it to be a complete mess. The artistic director sat in and I swear all he did was scowl.
Elise: This isn’t just my first play to be performed, it’s also my directorial debut. There are so many talented people relying on me to know what the fuck to do.
Elise: All I could think about was that I would let all of them down.
Randall: You will not let anyone down. This is your play.
Elise: Not anymore. That’s the thing about plays. Once it’s on the stage, it belongs to everyone.
Randall: How can it belong to everyone and yet all the pressure is on you?
Elise: I didn’t make the rules, Haughland.
Randall: Maybe it’s like being the captain. You speak for the team and inspire people, but everyone else has to do their part. Working together as a group takes time. If things were perfect right away, why would you need months of rehearsal?
Elise: You must think I sound ridiculous.
Randall: You’re nervous and that doesn’t make you ridiculous. Everyone gets nervous before an exciting project. That’s a good sign.
Elise: Why is it a good sign?
Randall: A friend once told me that when something is fueled by raw nerves it’s charged with unimaginable energy.
Elise: Are you recycling my pep talk?
Randall: It was a good pep talk. Maybe your boss has a shitty resting face. Don’t look at him next time. You’ve got this.
Elise: Hey, thanks for hearing me out. You’re right. I just need to work harder.
Randall: I was leaning toward “be yourself” but I couldn’t stop you from working harder if I tried.
Elise: I mean it. Thanks Randall. No one around here wants to see or hear about a nervous director.
Randall: Here’s the real question. Do you have a brooding man with daddy issues and an unfaithful mother? Because that jig is already taken.
Elise: No.
Randall: Then you’re good. If people can watch Hamlet for 500 years, they are gonna get blown away by your work Elise.
Elise: I know I should be confident or cool or whatever, but I’m tired of pretending I’m not in over my head.
Randall: You never have to pretend with me.
April 17
Randall: Hey, I won’t be on my phone much while I prep for the playoffs. Newsfeed and social media are intense now that Jeremy is out and I’m in. Coach is “suggesting” we limit access to the outside world.
Elise: That’s not a bad idea. So, you’re off the grid for a while?
Randall: I guess, yeah. Didn’t want you to think I was ignoring your texts.
Elise: Do what you must, Randall! Kick ass! Save the day! Or whatever people say to goalies instead of break a leg? Don’t do THAT!
Randall: Wow. You could have a second job in motivational speaking.
Elise: Not sure I’m going to miss your sarcasm.
Randall: I’ll miss yours.
April 18
Elise: I know you probably can’t write back but I watched the first game. Kaden, my housemate, is a huge hockey fan. Although he cheers for Tampa Bay which was playing another team from—can you believe it—also Florida. How are there two ice hockey teams by the beach?
Elise: You were great! Congrats on the win!
April 22
[picture of the stage with partial set]
Elise: Asked the lighting designer for more dramatic effects and now the stage looks like a vampire movie set. There are no vampires in Blood Will Have Blood, although the title does suggest it…Shit, should I have vampires?
April 24
Elise: Today was the best rehearsal we’ve had so far. Just wanted to say that out loud.
Elise: Text it out loud. Sorry—I’m giddy AF.
April 27
Randall: I’m giddy along with you. Congrats on the rehearsals being awesome! Had no doubt you would get them there.
Randall: So, we won the first series. The phone hiatus sucks but now that we won I’ll have to stick with it.
Randall: Athletes are so fucking superstitious.
Randall: There will be no vampires unless that’s what you want.
Randall: Hey I’m reachable till Monday while we wait for one of the Florida teams to win.
Randall: I know texting is kind of our thing but it’s been a while. Can I call you?
Three hours later…
Elise: Hey! I was on the road when you texted. We’re just over a month from opening so I’m squeezing in a visit to my mom while I can.
Randall: Thank fuck. I thought you were mad at me.
Elise: Why would I be mad at you?
Randall: Nevermind. The real question is, ARE YOU IN COLUMBUS RIGHT NOW?
Elise: You’re breaking my text eardrums here. Yeah, for two nights.
Randall: Can I see you while you’re in town? Or is this solely a family visit.
Elise: Let me get back to you on that. I’ll call tonight.
Randall: Hey, I know you’ve got a ton of friends in Columbus but if you’re ever short on someone to check up on your mom, you can always reach me through my agent. I’ll put you on a text thread with her so you have each other’s number.
Elise: This visit isn’t an emergency or anything. I just miss her. Also, reach me through my agent is a major flex.
Elise: Thank you for offering to check on her.
Elise: Wait, did you offer because you heard she cooks for everyone who walks through the door?
Randall: She does?
Elise: All my friends put up with me so they can get on her good side.
Randall: You’re easy to put up with.