Chapter 3
Dixie
Imake it to my condo before Stephen, and I’m so nervous my hands shake as I unlock my front door. So shaky that I almost can’t get the key into the lock, and I laugh at myself.
This is silly.
Stephen’s going to be thrilled. There’s no reason for me to be nervous.
The warm air hits me, and I kick myself for not remembering to turn on the air conditioner before I left. I try to only use it at night to allow me to sleep—I’ve never been one to sleep in the heat—and I was so preoccupied I forgot to remember it.
Or to put the towels in the washer.
Thankfully, I have tomorrow night off. That means that I can put the towels in the washer now and transfer them to the dryer between our lovemaking sessions. It’ll be the first time we’ll be making love without any barrier between us, and I can’t wait.
I ache between my legs as I throw the towels into the washer. We’re finally going to have that future we keep talking about.
The knock on the door makes my heart jump, and I smooth out the wrinkles on my shirt before walking to the door.
But then I think there’s no reason to worry because I doubt it’ll be on long.
Once I tell him I’m having his baby, he’s going to rip my clothes off.
We’ll recreate how the baby was made for hours.
When I open the door, Stephen stands leaning against the doorframe with his typical smirk. Such a cool-guy stance.
Stephen Patterson isn’t the type of guy I’d typically go for, but there was just something that screamed stable when I met him one night after I left work. He’s a pharmaceutical sales rep, so he travels a lot. And is almost always in business attire.
He looks delicious enough to eat in his dark navy slacks and light blue button up that already has the top three buttons undone with his tie hanging rather than knotted like it was all day long.
And he holds his suit jacket over his shoulder like a model.
His dark hair is gelled and perfectly styled, and I hope our baby has his hair.
“Hey, beautiful,” he says with that confident smile that always makes my stomach flip.
His appearance screams success. He has his life in order, and I’m finally going to be an integrated part of that.
He doesn’t wait for me to respond before he reaches for my waist and pulls me close to plant a quick, sweet kiss on my lips. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too,” I whisper, burying my face in his neck for a second just to feel the solid reality of him.
“You’re trembling,” he says, stepping inside. “If it’s because you’re cold, I think you might be ill. It’s gotta be close to eighty degrees in here.”
“Oh, I forgot to turn the air conditioner on before I left. It won’t take long to cool down.”
That sneaky little smirk he adopts whenever he’s frisky appears. “I’m not opposed to stripping down to cool off.”
Oh, I want to. God, do I want to. But I need to tell him first. Then we can get into the rest of it.
“Before we do that, we need to talk.”
His brows lift. “Should I be worried?”
We walk into the living room, and he sits on the couch, laying his jacket on the overstuffed chair. I hold out a finger before hurrying to the bathroom and grabbing the test, hiding it behind my back. “No, not at all. But I was thinking about us.”
“What about us?” Stephen asks, leaning to get a peek at what I have behind my back. “What do you have there? Something kinky?”
“Depends on how you see it,” I say with a smirk. “But I was thinking about our timeline.”
Frowning, he tilts his head. “Our timeline?”
“Yeah, you know how we’ve talked about getting a place together, and I think we should make that happen. Soon.”
His smile falters just a bit as he blinks at me, and I can’t help but see that he’s trying to pick his words carefully.
“Dixie, you know I would love to wake up next to you every single morning. Truly. But we’ve talked about this.
I still have almost a full year left on my lease, and I’m always on the road for work. ”
“But you keep talking about slowing down,” I say, a sinking feeling settling in my stomach. “You told me you’re tired of always being on the road, and you wanted to settle down. Find something that keeps you local, and if we decide to do this now… it’ll be perfect timing.”
He sighs, and I hate how patronizing it comes across.
Like I’m some dreamer child telling him how I plan to buy a unicorn tomorrow and need a stable to keep it in.
“It’s not that simple, sweetie. Business is complicated.
I can’t just walk away from my clients overnight. We have all the time in the world.”
“Not as much time as you might think,” I say, fiddling with the test in my hand.
“We’re happy like this, aren’t we?”
Swallowing, I nod. “Yes, we’re happy, but things are changing.”
“You’re not happy—”
I shove the test at him, and he stares down at it, his face frozen. His entire body stays still, and the only thing I can hear is the hum of the air conditioner. He’s actually stopped breathing.
I wait for the smile I’ve been imagining since I saw those lines. The gasp of shock and happiness as he pulls me into his arms and kisses me like there’s nothing better in the world.
But rather than the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile, they lower into a frown. And then curve even lower until he’s almost scowling. All color drains from his face, and he looks almost gray. But it’s his eyes when he finally looks up at me that startle me.
They’re not filled with excited tears or shining happiness. They’re cold. Angry. Almost hateful.
“What is this?”
“It’s… it’s a pregnancy test, Stephen,” I say, my voice trembling slightly. This isn’t what I expected. “I’m pregnant. We’re having a baby.”
“How the fuck did this happen?” Stephen snaps, standing and tossing the test onto the couch. He runs his hands over his perfectly styled hair, messing it up, and glares at me. “How the fuck could you let this happen?”
The outburst startles me, and I flinch at his words. “Well, it happened the normal way. We were together. We made love.”
“We were careful!” he shouts and begins pacing. “I wrapped my dick, and you’re on the pill.”
“No, I’m not,” I say. “I had to stop it a few months ago.”
His eyes widen, and I worry they might bulge out of his head. “You what?”
“I told you,” I say, fighting to keep my voice in check as it cracks.
“My doctor did tests after learning about my family history, and they found that gene that makes me highly susceptible to breast cancer, and the hormone therapy in the pill increases it significantly. I’m getting a non-hormone birth control, but they were booked out. ”
Telling him about my potential risk of breast cancer was terrifying.
I watched what my grandmother went through, and it took a toll on my entire family.
The moment I tested positive for the gene, my doctor suggested changing up my regimen.
He held me and told me it would be okay. No matter what happened, he’d be here.
“I always wore condoms, Dixie. Every damn time!”
“They aren’t foolproof, Stephen,” I say.
It’s like he never took health class in school. According to the school system, the only true form of birth control that is fully effective is abstinence. Which is obviously not what I practiced. Then or now.
“This is a disaster,” he mutters. “A complete and total disaster.”
“Stephen, please,” I beg, standing up and reaching for him.
“What’s wrong? This is our baby. The one we’ve talked about.
The big life we’re going to live, remember?
We’re going to buy a big house with a yard, and we’re going to raise a family.
Get a dog or two. It’s not the timing we expected, but we’re ready for this. ”
“No,” he says. “We’re not ready for this. We can’t make this work.”
All I can do is stare at him. What the hell does he mean, we can’t make this work?
“This is your fault. You should have reminded me you weren’t taking the pill.”
“My fault?” I ask. “It takes two to make a baby, Stephen. And you knew.”
He shakes his head and glares at me. “I can’t do this.”
“Why not?” I ask. “You’ve been saying you want this for months. Ever since you told me you loved me. That you wanted kids with me. A whole life.”
“That’s just something you say!” he shouts. “I didn’t fucking mean it. I lied. I don’t want to move in with you, and I sure as hell don’t want to have kids with you. Everything I promised was just to keep you willing to fuck me.”
All the air leaves my lungs, and I sink onto the couch as my knees give way. “What are you talking about?”
Taking a deep breath, he runs another hand through his hair, and I notice for the first time how thin it is when it’s not gelled together. He suddenly looks older, which I used to like. Mature men were more stable.
And I desperately need stable.
“I can’t move in with you because I already have a place.”
“Yeah, and you can get out of a lease. You have money to buy it out—”
“I live with my wife in a house, Dixie.”
The words make no sense as I stare at him. It’s almost like he’s just spoken in a foreign language I’m not familiar with, and I try to process it. “What?”
“I’m married. I have a wife, and her name is Caroline. And we have three kids. Two boys and a girl. We live three hours from here, and I’m not always traveling when I’m away. I’m at home with my fucking family.”
My world stops spinning for a moment.
Everything I’ve built my life on—the future I’d dreamed about and planned for—is nothing but a lie. It all shatters and comes crumbling down around my feet like glass bottles breaking in the bar before a fight breaks out. The walls start to close in, and I cannot get air into my lungs.
Stephen’s married.
He’s married. He has a wife and kids. Where he spends his time when he’s not traveling here to sleep in my bed. His travels were just going home.
Oh my God.
I’m the mistress.
I’m the other woman.
I’m no better than the women Daddy would spend his evenings with when he was “working late.” The ones he lied to Mom about being with.
It feels like a slap to the face, and I feel sick. Nauseous with vomit rising in my throat. And all I can see right now are the orange flames in the mistress’s car Mom set on fire.
I swore to myself that I’d never be with a cheater. But I always thought that applied to men who would cheat on me. Not with me.
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head. “No, that’s not true. You’re lying. You’re just scared to be a father.”
“I’m not lying,” Stephen says, his voice cold and hard. “I’m not scared of being a father. Already am one, and I barely tolerate the brats I have.”
He’s just trying to hurt me. It can’t be true. He’s freaking out, and he’s entitled to, but he’s not married. He can’t be.
As if reading my mind, he reaches into his pocket and flips open his wallet. Right there is a picture of a smiling blonde woman with three beautiful children and Stephen. And they’re both wearing wedding rings. “That’s them. I will not let you destroy the life I have.”
Now I’m pissed. “How could you do this to me? To them? You lied for a whole year? You said you loved me. Wanted a family with me. A life with me!”
“It was only a game, Dixie,” he says, his voice flat.
“You were fun. With three kids, Caroline doesn’t pay me much attention anymore.
When we fuck, it’s quick and boring. You’re fun.
You’re willing to do things the wife won’t.
And you’re better than a hooker or my wife because I don’t have to give you a dime. ”
And now he’s saying I’m just a cheap thrill? “Excuse me?”
“Look, you’re a great time. A nice distraction when I have to come to this fucking town for business, but there was never going to be anything more than that. I guess you didn’t realize the rules.”
“Rules?” I scream. “How the hell was I supposed to know there were rules when I didn’t realize this was a fucking game? I thought we were in love.”
Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulls out a wad of bills tied with a rubber band and tosses it at me. “Take it. Get rid of it.”
I stare at it in my hands. “What?”
“Go to a clinic, pay for the procedure, and keep your mouth shut. If you try to contact my wife, or if you try to make this into something other than the mistake it is, I will make sure your life becomes a living hell,” he says, his voice low and nearly a growl.
“Do you understand me, Dixie? You will get nothing more than that.”
A payoff. He’s put a price on my baby’s life. On my dignity, trust, and my heart.
“Get out,” I whisper, my voice shaking with rage. And a little bit of fear.
“Do the right thing, Dixie. You cannot raise this kid alone, and I will not be the father. You will get nothing else—”
“Get the fuck out of my house!” I scream, the shout vibrating and tickling the back of my throat.
He doesn’t try to fight me. He just grabs his jacket and leaves, slamming the door behind him harder than necessary. Throwing the money onto the chair, I let out a scream and cry into the back of the couch as sobs shake my entire body.
What the hell happened to my life?