Chapter 10
Penn
Ikill the bike’s ignition in my driveway and take a moment to breathe before climbing off. All I can think about while I’m gone is Dixie. If we were in a different place, I might text her to check in. Call her later into the night when I know she’s clocked out and at home.
But we’re not.
I don’t make a sound as I slip through the front door.
The living room is dim with only the light from my outside security light cutting through the open curtains.
I expect the room to be empty, but I hear Dixie’s soft breathing before I see her.
She’s curled up on the couch as though she tried waiting up for me but couldn’t keep her eyes open.
She lies with her blonde hair in a mess around her head, covered by the thick fleece blanket I pulled out of the hall closet and draped along the back of the couch before I left.
She always seems to be cold, and I put the blanket away because it’s too damn hot.
I smile down at her, moving to sit on the coffee table, as I take in how small she looks.
Even with a growing belly, she looks tiny, and I want to wrap her up in my arms and carry her to my bed.
With her pregnancy advancing, and the proof of it growing every day, I can’t stop the anger.
Her ex should be with her. He should be the one taking care of her and making sure she has her vitamins and maternity clothes.
Everything she needs to make sure she’s pampered while growing his child inside her.
Instead, he tried to kill her and ruined all her possessions.
He’s not here.
I am.
Slipping one arm under her knees, I slide the other beneath her shoulders and pull her into my arms. She’s lighter than I expect, and her body is warm pressed against mine.
She stirs and lets out a groggy sigh that brushes against my neck.
Her temple leans against my shoulder while her fingers gently hold the other.
“Penn?” Dixie murmurs, her voice thick with sleep.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “It’s me. Time to go to bed, mama.”
She doesn’t fight me. When she’s sleepy like this, she’s a lot more agreeable. I should really talk to her more often in this state. We’d get a lot further a lot faster because she doesn’t fight me.
The guest room is cool, and I lay her on her bed, quickly pulling the comforter over her as she shivers. I tuck the edges around her and step back. I know I should leave and go to my own bedroom, but my feet won’t move.
Watching Dixie feels stalker-like, but she’s so beautiful. So beautiful it hurts, and once you get beyond the snappy and witty comebacks, the beauty from inside shines like the damn sun.
I quietly pull the chair from the desk out and sit on it, light from the hallway giving enough visibility to see her face. The soft curves of her cheeks and chin. Her lips I want desperately to taste. The long lashes pressed against her cheeks as she dreams.
“Why are you watching me?” Dixie asks with her eyes still closed.
There’s no suspicion like I expect in her tone. And she doesn’t immediately call me a pervert, so that’s a plus.
Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my knees. “I wanted to see something beautiful.”
A ghost of a smile graces her lips before disappearing. “You’re late. I thought you’d be back hours ago. I tried to stay awake.”
“You failed,” I joke.
“I failed.”
“Still a much better view than being around a bunch of smelly dudes for days.”
Stirring, she shifts onto her side and opens her eyes. “I can’t believe how tired I am.”
“It’s to be expected, especially at this point in your pregnancy.”
“How do you know that?”
I shrug. “I read about it.”
“You read about it?” She’s awake now, which means I can expect sarcasm to come sooner than later.
“Yeah, I bought a pregnancy book. The best offense is a good defense, so understanding what you’re going through helps me try to avoid the punches.”
“Wait, you can read?”
Yep, she’s awake now. “I can. And write. I know, I’m a unicorn.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“You’d be surprised at the secrets I have,” I joke.
“Are you going to tell me these secrets?”
Running a hand over my face, I choose my words carefully. “I don’t share my secrets easily, Dixie.”
“Why not?”
“Because once they’re out there, they can’t be taken back. I only share the big secrets with certain people.”
Dixie sits up and turns on the bedside lamp. It’s different talking to her in the direct light. “And who are those certain people? You don’t think I’m special?”
“You know I think you are.”
“Then why can’t you share with me? I shared with you.”
I lick my lips and avoid her eyes. “My biggest fears are betrayal and abandonment. And I can only share the reason for that with someone I know isn’t leaving.”
“I’m right here.”
“For now.”
“You think I’m planning to leave?”
God, I hope not. But I learned a long time ago that hope and reality are nowhere near the same thing. “You don’t know where you are yet. Your life literally went up in flames, and you’re still putting everything back together.”
“Penn—”
“You could wake up in a couple of weeks and decide your life isn’t here. In this house. With me. You could be gone tomorrow, and I’m not sure I can risk my deepest secrets.”
“Lainey says you’ve been hurt.”
Rolling my eyes, I shake my head. “Lainey talks too much.”
“Yeah, she does. And I hate the way she chews her gum.”
“It’s like watching a horse chomp on hay, isn’t it?” I ask with a chuckle.
“Thank you!” she says with a giggle. “Doesn’t mean she’s wrong, though. Is that what happened? Were you hurt, Penn?”
Damn you, Lainey. “Yeah, Dixie. I was.”
“But you don’t want to talk about it?”
“I wish it never happened. It was the biggest betrayal of my life, and it cost me everything. Shook my faith in people. As in, I didn’t have any.”
Reaching out, she takes my hand. “You don’t have to tell me, but if you do, I promise it stays with me.”
If only I could truly believe that. The only people I fully trust are my brothers, and I don’t share everything with them, either. “Thanks, Dixie. You should get some sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You mean you didn’t mean to be a creep and sit in the darkness watching me sleep?”
“Oh, I totally meant to do that,” I say, standing and pushing the chair back under the desk. “But I didn’t mean to wake you.”
She giggles and nods. “Be honest with me.”
“Always.”
Her eyes narrow. “Did you really buy a pregnancy book?”
Making an X over my heart and holding my hand up like a Boy Scout, I nod. “Three, actually. And I read them all.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No, ma’am. I wanted to be prepared. And prepared I am.”
She rolls her eyes and turns off the bedside lamp. “Goodnight, Penn.”
“Goodnight, Dixie.”
Shutting the door behind me, I lean against it and let out a long breath. Dixie’s a dangerous woman to have in my house, but I can’t imagine her anywhere else. Letting her go would crush me.
Which shows just how much power she has to hurt me. She has the power to completely destroy me, and it should send me running. But she’s in the guest room, not my bedroom. No matter how much I wish she was.
Maybe one day. Not today, but one day.