Chapter 12
Penn
Acheck. Dixie actually handed me a check. Like this would solve the problem that I didn’t realize existed.
It’s no secret she doesn’t want to feel indebted to anyone.
That would be ridiculous to assume isn’t happening, but I never thought it would come to this.
To her handing me a check in the Seven Crows because she felt she needed to chip away at some imaginary dollar amount I haven’t been keeping track of.
It honestly felt like a kick to the gut. Or maybe a little lower, if I’m being honest. Even with her growing belly, I want to be with her so badly it hurts sometimes. The thought of her showering under my roof will have me taking matters into my own hand.
I don’t remember ever wanting someone as much as I want Dixie.
And it makes absolutely no fucking sense. She’s pregnant with another man’s child. A man who likely tried to kill her and said child.
Why the hell do I want her as much as I do? It can’t be because she’s something I can’t have. She’s not taken anymore. And she’s already living in my house.
That blonde hair and sarcastic wit have me by the balls. If she asked me to jump, I’d do it. Wouldn’t even ask how high because I’ll jump as high as my fucking body will allow me to. Just for her.
But now I’m pissed.
A check?
Really?
Fuck that.
Grabbing the phone, I shoot a text to Zep. I don’t know who else to talk to.
Hey—got a minute?
My phone rings not even a second later. “What’s up?”
“I have a problem,” I say, running a hand over my face as I pace the tile of my kitchen. “Dixie tried to give me a check today.”
“For what?”
“Rent. The clothes I bought her because her shit went up in flames. Food. Utilities. Whatever you wanna call it, she’s paying off a debt I’m not keeping track of.”
Tools clunking into his messy toolbox tells me he’s in his garage. Misty’s been annoyed with his hovering, but I have to admit, his bike has never run so well.
“You aren’t really surprised, are you?”
Definitely not the response I’d been expecting. “Excuse me?”
“She’s got a lot of pride, man. We all know it, and she ain’t living with us. You really should’ve expected this.”
“I didn’t expect her to treat me like her fucking landlord,” I snap. “I told her she doesn’t owe me anything, and I took her in because she had nowhere else to go. You know, after someone may have tried to set her on fire as well as all her shit.”
“And you don’t think she’s worried about owing someone? Especially a man? It’s not like she had a great experience that led her to your doorstep, Penn. If her baby daddy’s the one who tried to burn her alive,” Zep says.
I didn’t call him to get a dose of reality. I called him to tell me that she’s out of her fucking mind. That I have every right to be beyond livid and offended by her offer. To say… Fuck, I don’t know. Anything but this.
“I’m not trying to make a profit off her situation,” I say instead.
“You’re overreacting,” he says, his tone shifting from amused to far too logical for a man like him. “Listen, she’s not doing this to insult you. But I suspect she’s had issues with being indebted to people in the past. Especially men. Put yourself in her shoes.”
That’s not really an easy thing to do. For one, I’m not pregnant. I can only imagine how much harder everything is when you’re carrying a child. But I also don’t accept help from people.
Wait.
Fuck.
I stop pacing and look out the window. “I don’t want her thinking I’m keeping some sort of tally or checklist,” I say, my tone softer and less defensive now.
“If she doesn’t realize you’re not her asshole ex, then you’re doing something wrong. But I bet she knows,” he says, picking up what I imagine is probably a wrench. “It might not hurt to tell her you’re not holding anything over her head.”
Just the thought that Dixie thinks I’m anything like that motherfucker hurts more than getting a check handed to me in a bar. “How do I get her to hear me?”
“You can’t force her to trust you, man. These women—women like Dixie and Misty—aren’t ones who trust easily. Because life has been anything but fucking easy for them.”
“That’s not really advice, dude.”
He chuckles. “Refusing to let her contribute in some way isn’t going to make her trust you. It might make her feel like a prisoner, and then she’ll be hightailing it as far away as possible.”
“So you think I should take the money?”
“Fuck no. But find a non-monetary way she can help out. Give her something to feel like she’s earning her keep. That’ll get you further than huffing and puffing in anger like you’re gonna blow the damn house down.”
“Reading Bernie’s books again, huh?”
Misty’s daughter, Bernie, has stolen the heart of the entire club. With her purple glasses and big smile, she’s adorable and incredibly insightful for someone her age. She’s wise far beyond her years.
Maybe I should’ve called her instead.
“She likes me to read to her before she falls asleep. She’s obsessed with wolves right now, and I swear, I have all those stories memorized by now.”
I smile. That’s what I want. I hadn’t really thought about it until now, but that’s maybe why I called Zep. He’s helping raise a daughter who isn’t his while his woman carries the one that shares his DNA. Yet it doesn’t matter to him. Bernie’s just as much his as the baby in the womb.
Just like Dixie’s baby. I want her, but I want her baby, too. I want to have a family, DNA be damned. I don’t give a fuck. All I want is a happy mom and baby to come home to. To provide for. To love.
He’s right, though. I have to find a way for Dixie to feel like she’s doing something to repay me for letting her stay at my house. If I don’t, she’ll hightail it out of here, and I’ll never get to see her again. She might even completely leave Gravelton. What’s really keeping her here?
“I’ll think of a compromise,” I mutter.
“Do that,” he says as headlights come down the road. “Otherwise, you won’t stand a chance in hell with her.”
He hangs up before I can respond, but I know he’s right. And if I want to be with her and be the person she needs in every aspect of the word, I have to do something better than storming out.
Dixie walks into the living room, her eyelids heavy and her ankles swollen. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I say, walking over to help as she tries not to fall while taking off the shoes that are relatively suctioned to her feet.
She doesn’t fight me like I expect, but the moment she’s barefoot, she recoils from me like my arm turned into a snake. “We need to talk.”
“I know,” I say. “Sit?”
“Thanks,” she says, falling onto the couch.
Her belly isn’t that big yet, but it’s growing every day. I want to ask her about her sodium intake because of how much she’s swelling so early into her pregnancy, but I refrain. The last thing she needs is seeing me as overbearing as well as dramatic.
“Nancy explained why you reacted the way you did to the money,” she says, resting her head on the back of the couch. “I don’t want to disrespect or offend you, but I can’t just live here for free. It’s not how I’m wired. I have to feel like I’m doing something to earn my keep.”
“Dixie—”
“I know how people saw me after Mom got arrested. Probably even before that because Dad’s affairs weren’t exactly a secret to most. And when she ended up committed to the hospital? I cannot be a charity case. Being pitied makes me want to jump out of my skin and pull my hair out.”
I hadn’t thought about how she was seen with the shit her parents did. That changes things. When it was just because of her fucked-up ex, it was a bother. “I hadn’t realized that.”
“I don’t usually lead with my trauma,” she says with a shrug. “I cannot feel like a charity case. The last thing I need is someone’s pity.”
“You know that’s not how I feel, right?”
Her eyes lock with mine. “I don’t actually know anything about how you feel, Penn.”
Well, shit, and here I thought I was being rather obvious. “I want you here, Dixie.”
“To take care of me?”
“It’s in my nature. I want to protect people I care about.”
“And I’m one of those people?”
“No, I actually fucking hate you and want you to leave, but you’re misreading everything I do,” I say with a roll of my eyes. “What do you think?”
A smile appears, and I feel like I’ve won something magical.
“You never know. I could be one of those girls who they report on after being missing for five, ten, fifteen years. And all anyone knows is she willingly went to live with a hot biker to never be seen from again. Until they find my body tied up in the basement.”
“I don’t have a basement.”
“You know what I mean.”
“See, all I heard was you wanted to be tied up.”
She laughs and redoes her messy bun on the top of her head. I’m always amazed at how efficiently women can do that, and it looks so damn hot. “Of course you did.”
“I know you want to pay me, but I can’t take your money, Dixie. It’s just not how I’m wired,” I admit.
“Then what do we do? How do we find a balance?”
“I want to get a dog.”
Blinking, she studies me. Really studies. “Did you say… I don’t understand how… What?”
“I’ve always wanted a dog. A German Shepherd, specifically.”
“Still not following, Penn.”
I smile at her and sit down next to her on the recliner. “Sometimes I’m away on a run for days at a time. If shit goes south, it could be up to a week. Which doesn’t really work with a dog.”
“So, you want me to help out by watching a dog while you’re gone?”
“Taking care of it when I’m not here. Walking, feeding, letting out. I’ll pay for everything, but I need someone to be able to devote time to him or her. Help train it and make sure it’s cared for.”
Tilting her head, she sniffles and narrows her eyes. “Are you serious?”
“Dead serious,” I say. “Plus, I’ll feel better when you’re here alone—or with the baby—while I’m gone. A German Shepherd is a great guard dog. Plus, it’ll get you used to cleaning up after something.”
Dixie giggles. “I’ve never had a dog before.”
“They’re amazing. I’ve had them all my life until I moved here. Had to leave my last baby behind when I… When my life brought me here. I’ve been dying for another dog for years now.”
“Okay, let’s do it.”
I smile, my heart filling. She didn’t turn me down. She didn’t say it was a terrible idea when she’s going to have a baby soon. I get to keep Dixie and the baby here with me, and I get to have another dog.
Without thinking, I hop onto the couch and pull her into my arms, hugging her tightly. She laughs and hugs me back, and I want to kiss her so damn badly. I don’t because I don’t think we’re in that place yet, but I hope we will be.
Soon.
Very, very soon.