Chapter 18
Penn
Dixie refuses to leave, but I knew we had to let Princess out and feed her. I was only gone for less than thirty minutes, but it felt like a lifetime.
Any amount of time away from Dixie feels like a lifetime now.
The way she handled Zeppelin, especially after having a breakdown of her own, was admirable. Impressive. She’s going to make one hell of a mother.
I can’t blame her for her panic. Being only months away from giving birth herself, this can’t be easy. I never thought about it when I brought her, and seeing her break down damn near killed me.
Especially when she said she’s completely alone. I know what she’s been through, but what I can’t figure out is how she could ever think she’s alone now. Not only because she has me, but the rest of the club. Nancy. Lainey. The entire fucking town of Gravelton.
Minus the Venom, but we try to forget them whenever possible.
Hearing her beg me to promise to take care of her child if anything happens to her scared the hell out of me. The last thing I want to do is think about anything possibly happening to her. But I do know one thing for sure. That kid will never be without me. Not if I can help it.
I arrive back at the hospital with a fresh change of clothes for Dixie and a stack of pizzas from Nancy. Word got around fast, and she told Dixie to stay at the hospital. She and Demi have it covered.
“Here,” I say, stepping into the waiting room. “We all need to keep up our strength. And the order to eat comes from Nancy, not me.”
A few chuckles are all I get in response, but Capone and Rooster take the pizzas from my hands. Dixie rests her head against the wall with her eyes closed, and I gently shake her knee.
“Hmm?”
“Hey, baby. I brought you clothes to change into after letting Princess out.”
Her eyes flutter open. “Did she get into anything?”
“Nope. She was a perfect angel.”
“Who’s Princess?” Phoebe asks.
“Our puppy,” Dixie says, her voice thick with sleep as she takes the clothes I hand her. “She’s not quite six months old yet.”
Pacino lifts a brow, and I swear he gives me a smile. A ghost of one, but still a smile. Usually, they’re reserved for Phoebe. “You two got a puppy?”
Kissing my cheek, Dixie stands and heads towards the door. “Yeah, he needed someone to help take care of her while he was out doing whatever it is you boys do.”
“You know how much I love dogs,” I say, taking Dixie’s seat. Rooster holds out the pizza box, and I take two slices. “And she’s around, so she can help make sure the dog is fed and let out when I’m gone.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that’s exactly why you got a dog with her,” Pacino says.
“What kind of dog? I’m allergic, but I love them,” Phoebe says. “Animals were the only friends I had growing up, and I had a difficult time being around them. Go figure.”
Phoebe’s a strange duck. Really strange. But endearing. It tugs at the heartstrings to hear about the issues she had growing up. She’s so sweet and seems to just want to belong. This is the first time she’s ever really had a family, and I’m glad she ended up with us.
Plus, she can bake like no one’s business. I don’t know how Pacino hasn’t gained at least twenty pounds since she moved into his house. I’d be rolling around here with a round gut if Phoebe lived with me.
“German Shepherd. Dixie named her Princess,” I say, taking a bite of pizza. “Cute little thing.”
Dixie walks back in, and I open my arms to let her sit on my lap. She grabs one of the slices and takes a bite while we both ignore the looks from everyone in the room. No one quite thought I’d be able to land her, but she’s mine. And I’m going to enjoy it while she’s willing to be here.
“Has there been any word?” I ask, looking around.
It’s been a couple of hours since Misty was brought back to the OR, and no one has come out to talk to us. I have no idea where Zep ended up, but I can’t imagine what he’s going through right now. It has to be killing him to be so helpless.
“No,” Jethro says. “Other than the baby’s in the NICU for the time being. But everything looks good for her.”
“Does she have a name yet?” Rooster asks.
The redheaded leader just shakes his head. No one needs to voice the question as to why. It’s understood that Zep’s not going to make that decision without Misty.
She has to pull through. I’m not sure we’ll be able to pull Zep back if she doesn’t. Losing Johnny was hard enough on him, but this is different. Misty has become everything Zep’s ever wanted but didn’t think he deserved. Losing her might actually kill him.
“Where’s Bernie?” Phoebe asks.
“She was at a sleepover when Misty’s water broke,” Dixie says and then shrugs. “I asked Jolene. I was kind of scared of her seeing this.”
Already acting like a mother.
Heavy boots echo down the hallway, and we all turn to see Zep walking towards us as though his feet are encased in concrete. He looks ragged, and my heart begins to race. This doesn’t look good.
“She’s alive,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. “They stopped the bleeding, but they don’t know how much damage there is. Her heart stopped on the table. Twice.”
Dixie squeezes my hand, and I have to remind myself to breathe. This is a good sign. Right?
“She’s unconscious, but she’s stable. For now.”
“That’s good news,” Phoebe says, her voice quieter than I’ve ever heard before. “She’s tough.”
He walks slowly over to us, and he falls to his knees before Dixie, his eyes imploring her as he takes her hands, pulling her right from mine. “Did I do this?”
“What?” Dixie asks.
“Did I do this to her?”
“How could you think that? This was—”
“I knocked her up. She was fine before me, and then I couldn’t keep my hands off her. She’s got tubes and wires and IVs, and I need to know if this is my fault.”
A single tear falls, clearing a path down his cheek and into his beard as he studies Dixie, waiting for her to tell him whether he should feel responsible or not.
He looks to the only pregnant woman in the room, and I don’t like the position he’s putting Dixie in, no matter how much guilt I see in his eyes.
“Zep, we talked about this,” Jolene says, walking into the room behind him. “There’s no—”
“I’m asking Dixie. I need her to tell me. The truth, please.”
Swallowing, Dixie lets out a soft breath. “Did she have these complications with Bernie?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Did the doctors give any indication before you found out she was pregnant that she could have complications if she got pregnant?”
“No… I don’t think so.”
She squeezes his hands and leans forward. “If she had been told this, would you have taken extra precautions? Done more to prevent her from getting pregnant?”
“Yes,” he whispers.
“Then there is absolutely no way this is your fault, Zeppelin. Bad things happen sometimes, and there’s nothing we can do to prevent it. You love each other, and that love came through in the form of a baby.”
“I can’t do this without her.”
My chest tightens as I feel the pain he feels. It radiates off him like heat, and I can barely breathe. I don’t know how he’s still conscious.
“You can, and if you have to, you will. Because Bernie and that little girl depend on you,” Dixie says. “But you’re not alone. And I really don’t think you have to worry about that.”
Tears continue to fall down his cheeks, and he just stares helplessly at her. “How do I do this?”
“You take it one day at a time. Once she’s stronger, she’ll wake up. And when she does, you’ll name your baby girl, and you’ll go home as a family of four. Just gotta get through this obstacle first.”
Zep nods and releases her hands to wipe his face. “You’re right.”
“I am a woman, so…”
Everyone lets out a soft chuckle, and he stands. “I just needed…”
“I know. And we’re all here,” Dixie says.
He sniffles and nods. “Thank you.”
Jolene leads him out to get cleaned up, and Dixie lets out a long breath. Jethro walks over and crouches down in front of her, taking her hand in his. “You did good, girl.”
“That was so difficult,” she whispers, tears in her eyes. “I’ve never seen pain like that before. It took everything in me to just breathe.”
“We’re lucky to have you in the family.”
Letting out a small chuckle, the tears fall. “Thanks.”
“Get her home, Penn. Get some rest. It’s been a long day.”
“No, I’d like to stay—”
“We’ll come back,” I promise her. “But he’s right. You should get some rest. You need your strength.”
What no one says is how much Zep will probably lean on her in the next few days, and emotionally, it’ll take a toll. She needs to take care of herself and the baby to help take care of him.
She doesn’t argue, surprisingly, and I take her hand as we walk out to my pickup. But she stops at the door and doesn’t get in.
“Something wrong?” I ask, worried she’s having pains. Contractions. Some sort of sickness.
“I just need a moment,” she says, her hands on her belly as she closes her eyes. “A prayer.”
I’ve never been a religious man. After the things I’ve experienced, seen, and done, it’s kind of hard to believe in a higher power. Until today, I thought we were all pretty much fucked.
When she opens her eyes, she gives me a small smile. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I didn’t know you were religious.”
“I’m not. But I do believe that in moments like this, we should remind whoever it is we believe in that we understand we’re at His mercy. And that we are putting our faith in His hands because there’s no other option.”
I’d never thought of it that way. “And that doesn’t feel… hypocritical?”
“Pardon?”
“Praying when things go bad seems like only turning to Him because you don’t have any other choice.”
“Who says I don’t send a prayer when things are good, too? I was basically crying out to God all last night.”
Smirking, I pin her against the truck and kiss her. As much as I ache for Zeppelin and what he’s going through, I can’t help but want to chase this happiness I’ve had for two months now. To relish in the joy because we just saw firsthand how quickly joy can turn to despair.
“Do you really pray to God when things are going well?” I ask, prying myself off her to open the pickup door.
“Not all the time, but I send thanks up when something good happens. When something I’d hoped for comes around. I like to be grateful.”
“Maybe I should give it a try.”
“It can’t hurt.”
I walk around to the driver’s side of the pickup and wonder how I would even start. Pray for Misty’s recovery as well as thank Him for bringing Dixie to me?
It’s probably better to leave this up to Dixie. I don’t want to jinx anything. There’s too much at stake right now.