Chapter 20
Penn
The doctors are in with Misty and Zep, so Dixie and I sit on the hard waiting room chairs with Bernie as she flips through a magazine for kids. Something with bright colors and more cartoons than the comics section of the Sunday paper.
“Stop it,” I say as Dixie fiddles with the hem of her jeans.
“Stop what?”
Elbowing her arm gently, I wait for her to look at me. “Thinking so loud I can hear it from here.”
Dixie lets out a breath that’s half sigh and half laugh. “I know. It’s just… I’ve never really been good at waiting.”
“Good thing you’re doing something that takes ten months to marinate before it’s ready.”
Laughing, she shakes her head. “It’s not like I planned it.”
She winces and presses her hand to the side of her belly. I’m sitting up immediately. “What’s wrong? What hurts? Do you need me to get a doctor?”
“No, I’m okay,” she says and takes my hand. “Hold still. Right there.”
I hold my breath, unsure what she’s trying to show me. My hand looks massive against her belly, and I’m slightly concerned about pressing too hard. I don’t want to hurt her or the baby, but I don’t know exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.
Then, I feel it.
A tiny, distinct nudge. A sharp little thump right against the center of my palm. It’s small, like a bubble popping under water, but the reality kicks me in the gut. My eyes widen, and I stare at my hand as though I can see through her belly at the little baby inside.
“Did you feel it?” Dixie asks.
“Yeah,” I breathe. “That was a kick?”
“Yeah. They’re active today. I’m just glad they’re giving me a break from kicking my bladder. But I’m sure that’ll come again soon.”
Another kick, stronger this time, hits my palm.
It’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced.
I’ve fought men twice my size, ridden my bike through downpours that felt like needles, and stood my ground against our rival club.
None of that has ever made me feel as weak and as powerful at the same time as this tiny movement.
That’s my baby. Maybe not by blood, but by every law that matters. I will die to protect him or her. And Dixie. I’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt either one of them.
“Strong kicks,” I say. “I’m going to guess it’s a boy in there.”
“God help me,” she mutters.
Zep walks into the waiting room, and his hair is wet even though he hasn’t left the hospital. A truck driver shower. We’ve all done it. And I can’t blame him.
“Hey, guys,” he says. “Bernie, how about we go and get something to eat before we see Mommy?”
“Okay!” she says, hopping off the chair. “Uncle Penn is being weird, anyway.”
My jaw drops. “Excuse me?”
“He’s about to cry.”
“No, I’m not!”
“Why’s he about to cry? And why is he holding Dixie’s tummy like that?” Zep asks.
Seriously, what the fuck? “Um, the baby’s kicking.”
“Oh, and he’s all weepy because of it,” Zep says. “Got it.”
“Yeah, really weird.”
“What the hell?” I ask as they walk away.
Dixie just laughs, her entire body shaking beside me. “You did look kind of weepy.”
If I didn’t want to feel the baby kicking again, I’d pull my hand away in defiance. “I was not weepy!”
The baby kicks again, and I shut up. I might be a little weepy.
We sit there for a few minutes, but the baby stops showing me he or she is awake, and I slowly slide my hand away. I don’t want to give anyone any more reason to laugh at my expense.
Jolene comes running into the waiting room, looking around frantically. “Where’s Zep?”
“He took Bernie to the cafeteria,” Dixie says. “What’s wrong?”
“Misty’s awake!”
“Oh, thank God.”
Standing, I help pull her up beside me. We walk to the room where Misty is in fact awake. The mother of Zeppelin’s children. The woman who keeps our VP as grounded as possible. She survived the worst of it.
“I’ll go get Zep,” I say, kissing Dixie’s temple and taking off.
My heavy boots squeak against the polished floor, and I manage to sneak onto a closing elevator. Pressing the lower level where the cafeteria is, I tap my leg in impatience.
Maybe I should have taken the stairs.
The moment the doors open, I sprint out toward the food area. The smell of coffee and something fruity hits me, but I don’t stop until I find Zep in the corner with Bernie.
His head snaps up the moment he sees me, and he stands, the chair tipping over in sheer panic. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
“She’s awake!” I manage to say, not really sure why I’m out of breath.
The transformation from terrified to ecstatic is instant, and he picks up Bernie and runs toward the elevator.
It takes a few moments before the doors open up, and I know he’s thinking the same thing I did on the way down.
But running up four flights of stairs with a nine-year-old wouldn’t be so easy.
“Mommy’s awake?” Bernie asks as I press the button.
“Yeah, kiddo. Saw her pretty blue eyes myself before I took off running to get you and your dad.”
Bernie clings to Zep’s neck and cries. He looks concerned as he rubs her back, ignoring the doors opening. “Bernie, baby, what’s wrong?”
“I was scared,” she sobs. “I was scared she wouldn’t wake up.”
“You said you had faith,” he says, and I hold the doors open, making sure we don’t lose the moment to step out.
“I did, but I had to be strong.”
Well, fuck. “You didn’t have to be strong, sweetheart,” I say.
“Yeah, because Zep was already scared. And sad. I was the strong one. Mommy asked me to be strong for Zep if anything ever happened to her.”
It hits me how real this risk was. I knew Misty was on bedrest, and Zep was sidelined to be here in case anything happened, but this is like a slap in the face. To have the conversation with Bernie about what to do if something happened to her had to be incredibly difficult.
“Let’s go see her,” Zep says. “Tell her how much we love her.”
Bernie nods, wiping her eyes and knocking her glasses off her head. Catching them, I wait for them to exit before following behind and handing them back.
“Thanks, Uncle Penn.”
“Anything for you, Bernie Baby.”
Dixie moves out of the way, and Zep rushes into the hospital room to find Misty sitting up slightly. Her face is pale and tired, but her bright blue eyes are open and alert. The moment she spots Zep and Bernie, she breaks out into the biggest smile I think I’ve ever seen.
“Mommy!” Bernie squeals and manages to clamber out of Zep’s grip and onto the bed.
“My sweet girl,” she whispers, her voice hoarse as she wraps her arms around her daughter.
Jolene steps forward after a few minutes and taps Bernie. “Let’s give Mommy some breathing room.”
Stepping off the bed, Bernie holds Jolene’s hand, and Zep steps up. Tears fill his eyes as he gently kisses Misty before pressing his forehead against hers. It’s a silent gesture of devotion. “You scared the hell out of me, baby.”
“Scared me, too,” Misty admits. “The baby?”
“She’s right here,” a nurse says, carrying in the little girl wrapped up in pink. “She’s been released from the NICU and can go home when Mom does.”
She sets the baby in Misty’s arms, and Misty’s lip quivers as she looks down at her newest daughter. “You’re here. And you’re okay.”
“I didn’t want to name her until you were awake,” Zep whispers, “but she looks like a Lucy to me.”
“Lucy Molloy,” she says. “Is that your name? Are you Lucy Molloy?”
“I like Lucy!” Bernie says.
A soft pressure against my side makes me turn to find Dixie turning her head into my arm, tears filling her eyes. My arms wrap around her instinctively, pulling her close to my chest as I kiss the top of her head. Her vanilla bodywash calms my racing heart, and I’m so glad everything is okay.
Finally.
“We should give them some time,” Dixie says, her voice quiet. “They need some family time together.”
“I agree,” I say. “We’ll get out of your way.”
“Wait,” Misty calls. “Dixie, why don’t you stop by the house when we get settled at home. I’d like to talk with you.”
Smiling, Dixie nods. “Sounds like a plan.”
We walk out, hand in hand, and it really does feel like a weight has been lifted. As we reach the parking lot, Dixie stops beside the pickup and faces me, her eyes searching mine.
“Dixie?”
“I was wondering…” She bites her lower lip, stopping herself.
“Wondering what?”
Her cheeks puff out as she holds her breath and lets it out. “I have an ultrasound appointment tomorrow at two. Would you want to come with me?”
My chest swells with a sudden, powerful wave of emotion. Gratitude. Love. Excitement. Many others I can’t identify or probably even know. “Are you kidding me?” I ask, cupping her face and kissing her chastely. “Of course I want to be there.”
A small, relieved breath comes out. “If you have something going on already, that’s okay. I just wanted to—”
“If I do, it can fucking wait. That is where I want to be. Where I need to be,” I say. “With you.”
“Okay.”
She climbs into the pickup, and I swear I’ve grown wings and can fly. Today honestly couldn’t get any better. And I know just how to show Dixie how completely and utterly devoted to her and this baby I am.