Chapter 28
Dixie
Waking up alone in Penn’s bed has me sitting up as fast as possible in my state, my heart racing. “Penn?”
“Don’t get up,” Penn calls. “I’m on my way to you.”
Too late. I have to pee. “Be right back,” I call, relieved.
We got home late last night. They had to perform surgery on Princess for internal injuries, but they expect her to make a full recovery. We’ll be able to pick her up in a few days, and I feel like I can breathe again. Seeing her get hurt was more than I could bear.
I use the restroom and wash my hands, and when I walk out, Penn stands holding a tray with my normal breakfast of tea, eggs, and toast. “You made me breakfast?”
“I figured you haven’t eaten in a while, and you need to keep up your strength,” he says. “I was hoping to surprise you in bed with it.”
“With this kid using my bladder as a trampoline, I would’ve had to get up anyway,” I say, sitting down. “Thank you. For everything.”
My stomach growls, and I dig into the breakfast, not realizing how hungry I truly am. It’s really sweet of him to think of this, and it reinforces how I feel about Penn.
“Last night was kind of a lot, so I want to tell you that there’s no pressure. And you are welcome to stay here as long as you want, Dixie.”
Setting the fork down, I look into his eyes. “Penn—”
“I mean it. We had something I think is so damn special, and I want it again, but I want you comfortable and safe. I want you to have a home and feel settled. That’s the most important thing to me.”
“If I don’t want to have a relationship with you right now, you’re okay with that?”
He licks his lips and looks at the comforter as he sits on the edge of the bed. “Yes. It’ll kill me a little bit, but I can handle it. As long as you’re happy. I’m here if you want me, but I’m not expecting anything.”
“If I ask you something, can you give me a real, honest answer? Not just something you think I might want to hear?”
“Of course.”
“Do you really want to be with me when I’m having another man’s baby in a few weeks?”
Frowning, Penn looks almost hurt. “I thought I’d already made that clear.”
I suppose he already has. Resting my hand on my stomach, I sigh. “It’s hard to believe, I guess. Part of me thinks it’s just protective instincts, but once the baby’s here, and the hard stuff starts, you’ll realize it’s not your responsibility.”
He stands. “Can I show you something?”
“Please don’t do a gross sex joke where you whip out your dick. Totally not as funny as guys think it is.”
“What guy whips his dick out as a joke in front of a woman? Trust me, the last thing I want when I get naked with you is laughter. At least when it comes to that part of me,” he says, setting the tray on the ground.
Laughing, I let him help me off the bed and toward the room at the end of the hallway I’ve never been inside. He pulls a key from the top of the doorframe and unlocks the door.
“Is this where you’re going to take Stephen to hurt him?” I joke.
“Absolutely not.”
He leads me inside, and when he turns on the light, I gasp. “Penn…”
“I started working on it a few weeks ago,” he admits. “Jethro and I carved the crib together. And he taught me how to refinish the rocking chair. You do not want to know what it looked like before this.”
I run my hands along the pale blue walls and try to catch my breath. It’s beautiful. Everything I’ve been trying to figure out how to get. Everything I could need.
“There’s a closet full of diapers and clothes. Enough for the first few months, at least, and we can go shopping for more. I wanted to have a place for him when he comes home from the hospital.”
In the crib sits an almost perfect replica of Princess, and I can’t fight the tears. It’s beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
“Penn…”
“I love you, Dixie,” he says, his voice quiet. “I want you and this baby. As far as I’m concerned, he’s been mine since we first made love. Maybe before then.”
He really does want us. Both of us. And this is the most beautiful declaration I could have asked for. “I love you, too.”
“I didn’t tell you to pressure you into saying it back—”
“You didn’t. In fact, you’ve gone out of your way to make sure I never felt that way.” Smiling up at him, I let the tears fall. “Your only goal has been making me feel safe and cared for, and that’s exactly how I feel.”
Penn cups my face. “That’s all I want you to ever feel, Dixie.”
I kiss him, and it starts slow and grateful.
Then it deepens when his hand slides into my hair and cups the back of my head.
I can taste the coffee he always drinks before I get up because I’m jealous I can’t have it mixed with the salt of my tears.
His other hand moves down my back and settles at my waist, pulling me as close as possible with the baby between us.
We break apart, and he pants. “Tell me this means you’re staying.”
“I’m here as long as you want me, Penn,” I say. “I don’t ever want to leave.”
“Thank God,” he says, lifting me bridal style with an ease I didn’t think was possible.
Carrying me into the bedroom, he sets me down and pulls his shirt over his head. I do the same, not feeling self-conscious for the first time. He loves me, but more than that, he loves my son. He’s been here from the very beginning, and I can finally trust he’ll stay.
His eyes darken as they travel over my skin, and the tent in his sweatpants makes my breathing quicken. Something about seeing Penn turned on by me makes me damn near melt. No one has ever made me feel so wanted in my entire life.
He steps out of his sweatpants, and I shimmy from side to side to remove my shorts, both of us completely naked together. Reaching over, he places pillows behind me and eases me back before sinking to his knees.
“You always start this way,” I say, smirking over the swells of my breasts and stomach as he looks up from between my thighs.
“Are you complaining?”
“No, but I’ve never been with a guy who voluntarily does this. This often.”
Chuckling, he spreads my legs apart. “I fucking love it.”
“Liar,” I joke.
“Never to you,” he whispers before dipping his head and diving right in.
Penn has figured out exactly what I like and need, and his tongue moves expertly. He knows how to build me up quickly, where to apply pressure, and when to use his hands. My orgasms come quicker than when I pleasure myself, and I don’t know how this is real life.
“Penn!” I cry out, reaching down to massage his scalp.
Kissing the inside of my thigh, he slowly makes his way up my body, paying special attention to my chest. He kisses and sucks and swirls his tongue around my hard nipples, and it drives me wild. I arch into him, loving how nothing about this feels hurried. Like we have all the time in the world.
I run my hands over the muscles of his back, and he shivers under my touch. He’s finally letting the control he holds onto so easily slip, and he groans against my skin, making me shiver.
He stands up, and I expect him to move me further on the bed.
Instead, he grabs my thighs and holds them against his hips as he slowly eases inside me.
The pillows behind me help support me and avoid too much pressure on my lower back, and it feels different than all the times we’ve come together before.
There’s heat and need, but there’s also certainty. Connection. Love.
I hold onto his biceps as he thrusts, meeting him motion for motion. He drives deep inside me, and it feels beyond good. Amazing. Divine.
His lips find mine, and I cup his face as we come together slowly and with purpose. We move together like we’ve known each other forever, and I almost cry at the realization that this is what it feels like when we’re no longer holding any part of ourselves back.
“Dixie,” he whispers, pressing his forehead against mine.
“I love you,” I say, my muscles clenching.
I do. I really, truly do, and I think Penn might be the first man who ever really loved me. In any form.
“Fuck, I love you,” he murmurs, thrusting harder as I reach a hand down to rub my clit. “Come, baby. I’m so fucking close, but I need to feel you.”
The orgasm rolls through me in waves that have me breathless and shaking. Penn comes right after, his body trembling as he fills me, and he holds me where I am like he never wants to let me go.
He slowly eases out of me, and he positions us on the bed, his body wrapping around me as we lie on our sides. Our skin, damp and warm, feels like heaven. I trace hearts on his palm as he peppers my shoulder with soft kisses.
“I meant what I said,” he says quietly. “This is home. For all three of us. I want both of you here forever.”
Closing my eyes, I let the words settle in my heart. Everything I feared has been proven wrong, and I see the nursery he put together in my mind. The man who chose us without any hesitation and has gone above and beyond without ever once being asked to.
For the first time, I don’t see my future as being survived alone.
“I meant what I said, too,” I say, kissing his bicep. “I want to stay.”
His hand rests on my belly, and I feel the baby kick. I can also feel his smile spreading along my shoulder, and we’re all exactly where we should be. The three of us, here and safe. And loved.