Three
Penn
“Hearth? Hey, you’re awake.”
When she looks up, I can tell she’s been crying. I haven’t seen those eyes open in so long, and now there are tears in them and they’re red-rimmed. It breaks my heart. She reaches up to swipe at her tears.
“Penn?” That voice is another first-time-in-a-long-time. Too long. It’s music to my ears when she says my name.
“So you do remember my name.”
“You thought I forgot?” Hearth says.
I proffer a shrug. “I wasn’t sure.”
I take a few steps into her room, and she looks at me like she’s seeing a ghost. Long lashes frame her wide, serene, stunned eyes, made lustrous by the bright shock of the hospital lights. The first time I finally saw her eyes, not at the camp, but really saw them, was here, when I wasn’t sure if they saw me back. Couldn’t think much on that matter then, I was trying so damn hard just to get my heart to start back up again.
On any previous visit, I wasn’t sure if she would remember seeing me here. Now, though, I’m sure. She’s awake , awake. She’s clear.
The look she gives me stops me in my tracks.
“What is it?” I ask.
“You’re just like my mom.” She squints at me. “I can’t see my face on your face.”
I tilt my head. Maybe Hearth needs her glasses? “I don’t really know what you mean by that.”
“She hasn’t seen herself yet,” Hearth’s mom’s voice comes in from behind me. I turn to look at Stephanie over my shoulder. “But nobody owes you any pity,” Stephanie says to Hearth, in a soothing tone. “You’re gorgeous, sweetheart.”
Understatement of the century. Hearth’s face isn’t marred by the softening, still-pink scars; it’s marked by them. Her skin tells a story. There’s a kind of magic in that.
Every mark is beauty, is art, is life. I don’t know how or why, I can’t fucking explain it. But Hearth’s face—it was breathtaking the very first time I saw it, and it’s insanely beautiful now.
Things were tense, the day I first met Hearth’s mom. But we’ve made our amends since then.
“Nice to see you, Stephanie.”
“You too, Penn.”
“Y’all know each other?” Hearth asks, confused.
“Honey, Penn’s been coming here for months.”
“He has? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You haven’t been awake much, until recently. I didn’t want to overwhelm.”
“I’m sorry,” I apologize to Hearth, trying to break the tension between mother and daughter. “I wasn’t sure how awake or aware you’d been. Sometimes, it seemed like you knew I was here?”
“Sometimes I thought I did.”
“Hearth, honey, it’s time,” a nurse comes in announcing. “We need to show you how to keep the skin clean.”
“I should go,” I say, taking a step back to give them some privacy.
“No, it’s fine,” Hearth says.
“If you’re sure, sweetie,” Stephanie says. She looks over at the nurse, questioningly.
“It’s okay if he’s here. As long as Hearth says it’s okay.”
Hearth nods, then looks up at the nurse, anxiously. “Let’s just do this.”
The nurse rolls a small table over to the bedside, stocked with cleaning supplies, and hands a mirror over to Hearth. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Hearth takes it, closing her eyes. When she opens them gazing into the mirror, she goes still.
“Oh my god.” Her voice catches. A tear rolls from her eye.
Her mom takes Hearth’s free hand and holds it in hers. “Sweetie, it’s not as bad—”
“You’re gorgeous, Hearth,” I add, gently.
“Shut up. Just shut up, both of you.” Hearth’s eyes squeeze tightly shut.
A long silence descends on the room, on all four of us. Maybe I shouldn’t have come here today. Maybe I shouldn’t have ever come, at least not until I knew she was back at home and I could call her on the phone to check on her like a normal human being .
I hear Stephanie take a deep, slow breath in and then let out a sigh. “Let the nurse help show you to clean it, okay? And then Doctor Santos will be in here shortly, won’t he, nurse?”
“Yes.”
“You get to go home soon, baby.”
“Soon, like today?” I ask them both.
“Maybe.” Stephanie peers over at me with a soft smile, then back to her daughter. “Anyway. That’s what I came in here to tell you. Isn’t that good news? I’ll be back, I’ll just give y’all a minute.” Stephanie pats Hearth’s hand then stands up. Her walk toward the doorway takes an eternity as Hearth and I wait in silence. The nurse also takes her cue and gives a solemn nod.
“I can go check on another patient, I’ll be back in a few, and we can do this then.”
“Okay,” Hearth says, and we wait.
“Why are you here, Penn?” she asks once her mom and the nurse’s footfalls grow quieter and quieter then disappear down the hallway.
“What your mom said is true…I’ve been coming here. For a while.” I hang my head, not realizing until this moment what an invasion of privacy that must seem like.
There’s a more specific reason I came today , but the whole explanation is lost on my tongue now that Hearth is actually awake and listening.
Last night, I got called out to my first structure fire and it was the craziest shit I ever did. The crew and I were able to get everyone out and get the fire under control before another city eventually came to take over.
We were all so worked up after that, so much adrenaline pounding through us, and all I could think about was that I couldn’t wait to get to Hearth. The second my shift ended this morning, I was on my way over to the hospital. I wanted to tell her about what happened even though I haven’t been able to talk to her for months, not since that night in the woods. I still needed to tell her. I figured maybe she had been able to hear everything I have been saying to her, and if not, maybe I’m the one that just needed to be close to her after a night like I just had.
Those tears are back, and it takes everything in me not to wipe them away from her delicate face. No one ever asked for me to come here. No one is asking for me to touch her now, to wipe tears off her cheeks.
This time, I don’t do what no one is asking for me to do.
But I do ask, “Maybe…I can take you out sometime?”
Her eyes are a bit wild, accusatory when they fly up toward mine. “Why on earth would you want to do that?” She thinks I’m asking her out of pity?
I rear my head back. “Because I can’t stop thinking about you? Because I want to get to know you better?”
“Penn, you really don’t have to…” She’s shaking her head.
“I really want to.”
“No.” She says it after a long pause, with an even bigger tear in her eye that delivers a fresh stab of pain to my heart.
I remember the night I met her. I remember every star in the sky that night. I remember the moon, and all the sounds, and the heat. The fucking oppressive heat. I remember us. And I don’t believe for a second she means to tell me no, to say no to a possible future us , but I’m a real man and I know that no means no . Even if it doesn’t—it fucking does .
It fucking sucks.
“Okay,” I sigh. “If that’s what you want, Hearth. I’ll leave you alone.”
“Thank you, Penn,” she says quietly as I turn to stride out.
“Yeah. No sweat.” No sweat ?
Fucking idiot, Penn.
I leave the hospital, mentally kicking myself, and honestly, her too, the whole way to my truck and back to my home.
I try not to believe it was Fate that brought us together the way that it did. Fate can’t possibly be that goddamn cruel. But something, however sick and twisted that something was, did bring us into each other’s lives in that moment, in that place, and now we’re forever linked together.
She knows it too.