Chapter 23
PENNY
One week.
One week of restless nights.
One week of fighting the triggers of her anxiety.
Penny couldn’t seem to keep anything down. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t make herself eat. Her appetite was completely shot. She had taken to carting around ginger ale and saltine crackers, but nothing seemed to be helping.
She couldn’t focus at work, which was probably the worst side effect of telling Royce they were over.
Except it didn’t feel like they were over.
Penny had reached out to a lawyer and discussed her options regarding her marriage.
Apparently, they didn’t have grounds for an annulment.
They’d consummated the marriage, and they’d both been of sound mind when they’d said their vows.
Nothing illegal had been at play. According to her lawyer, the terms for divorce required them to agree that the marriage was irrevocably broken.
That was one of the biggest reasons for her anxiety.
Penny didn’t want a divorce. She was very much in love with Royce, and she knew he was aware of her feelings. Combined with the fact that he more than likely felt the same, the process for a divorce would be difficult.
Royce was stubborn, and she had no doubt he’d stick to his final word from the day he’d left her apartment.
That thought had her reaching for the wastebasket beneath her desk and losing the contents of her stomach right then and there. Sweat dotted her forehead, and she closed her eyes as she pressed her head against the soothing, cool wooden surface of her desk.
Her nausea was getting worse.
She hadn’t thought it possible, but now she was getting worried.
A quiet knock at her office door had her lifting her head with effort. “Come in.”
Penny’s eyes widened when River entered.
Mathew’s fiancée gave her a once-over, then frowned. “What’s wrong?”
Penny smoothed her hands down her blouse as she stood and forced a smile. “Nothing. Everything is great.”
Did her voice sound tight? Absolutely.
Hopefully, River wouldn’t point out that the words didn’t sound like they had an ounce of truth to them.
“What can I do for you? I didn’t see you on my schedule.”
In fact, she’d rearranged her schedule so she could have a day to relax. Heaven knew she needed it.
“That’s because… I’m not.” River glanced over her shoulder, then quietly shut the door behind her. She pressed her back against the wood and continued to study Penny. “You look… Sheesh, Penny, are you feeling okay? You look really pale.”
Penny placed the back of her hand to her forehead and fought the instinct to grimace. “Just dealing with some stomach trouble.”
River nodded and glanced away. Then she brought her attention back to Penny. “Mathew mentioned something the other day.”
Groaning, Penny settled into her seat. “Of course he told you. I should have known better than to believe he’d keep the secret.”
“So you and Royce, huh? That was the guy from the wedding, right?”
Penny stiffened.
River wasn’t talking about the wedding in Vegas. She was referring to Jason’s wedding.
“Yeah… I told him not to come, but…” She lifted a shoulder and turned until she could look out the window. Anywhere but at River, who seemed to be studying her too closely. “What can you do?”
River laughed quietly. “Yeah. That guy has it bad.”
Penny shot a quick look in her friend’s direction. “What?”
River grinned, pushing away from the door and moving through the office until she stood in front of the desk. “It’s just that the guy only had eyes for you. Any stranger off the street could tell if they looked at the two of you long enough.”
Her focus shifted to encompass the whole room. Then it landed on the painting on the wall. She sucked in a gasp and moved toward it.
“This is… beautiful.”
“Royce got it for me.”
Her friend merely nodded as if this made all the sense in the world. “I’ve never seen something so…” She tilted her head, studying the brushstrokes. “The artist managed to capture hope on a canvas. Someone who can do that has real, raw talent.”
Penny studied the canvas for a moment, and in those precious few seconds, she was at peace. The nausea seemed to fade away. The churning in her gut lessened. Whether it was the picture or the memories associated with it, she couldn’t be certain.
But then River broke her trance when she turned to face her again.
“So, you gonna tell me what’s going on? Mathew didn’t tell me much, but based on how you seem to be holding up…” River’s expression softened. “I’m guessing things aren’t going well?”
Penny tried to remain strong.
Stoic.
But with that question, her strength crumbled until it was nothing. Her smooth expression broke, and she covered her face with her hands.
“It’s over. It wasn’t a good idea to begin with. You know all about the stuff going on between those two families. I don’t know what I was thinking when I let him convince me…”
She trailed off because that wasn’t fair.
Royce hadn’t been the only one in the relationship. He hadn’t forced her to marry him. He hadn’t coerced her in the slightest.
She’d wanted it.
Which was the most heartbreaking thing about all of this.
A whoosh of air expelled from Penny’s chest when River crossed the room and pulled her in for a tight hug. The connection was comforting and soothed the ache she couldn’t rid herself of. River rubbed Penny’s back a few times, then tugged her toward the loveseat in the room.
“Okay,” River said gently. “Start from the beginning.”
Between bouts of tears and the occasional hit of nausea, Penny laid it all out. She even admitted to the marriage.
At this point, she didn’t think Mathew deserved to hear it from her. Not after what he’d done by showing up with her uncle and Rose. Penny would have to talk to her mother, though, and that wasn’t something she was at all prepared for.
“Just do me a favor and let me tell my mom. You can talk to Mathew. He’ll probably want to talk to me before our mother, anyway.”
There was no judgment in River’s eyes.
Just empathy.
And the relief Penny felt over getting all this off her chest was almost as painful as holding on to it had been. Only this pain was similar to when her leg had fallen asleep and the prickles of blood flow returned.
“Okay, so…” River hedged, shifting in her seat. “What’s going to happen next? Are you really going to get a divorce?”
“I don’t have any other choice,” Penny insisted, wiping beneath her eyes with her fingertips as she lifted her focus to the ceiling.
“You should have seen the way he was with his family. I don’t think I have ever seen such anger between siblings.
It was so… unnatural. That’s not how things are supposed to be. ”
River squeezed her hand. “Okay. I’m not going to tell you what to do, but…”
Penny lowered her attention back to River. “But…”
Her friend sighed. “You’re making a decision for both of you because you’re scared of what his family might cost him.”
Penny looked away.
“Two people went into this marriage,” River said softly. “If Royce doesn’t want to end it, then maybe you should hear him out. Especially since you clearly don’t want to go through with it either.”
Grimacing, Penny covered her face with her hands. “The problem is that he’s not going to go through with it even if it’s for the best. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want in order to keep the people we love safe.”
River was quiet for a moment.
Too quiet.
Penny lowered her hands.
River’s expression was kind, but there was a firmness there too. “Do you really think leaving him is keeping him safe?”
Penny swallowed.
“I’m a therapist,” she said, though the words sounded weaker than she wanted them to. “I see people every day who sabotage their own lives because they think they want something that isn’t good for them.”
“With all due respect, this isn’t an issue with addiction. This isn’t self-harm. And it doesn’t sound like sabotage in the way you’re talking about it.” River squeezed her hand again. “This sounds like two people who care about each other and got dealt some very hard cards.”
Penny’s throat tightened.
“You don’t have to break things off just because his family is struggling with it,” River continued. “The Bible talks about love being patient. But patient doesn’t mean running away from hard things before God has a chance to work through them.”
Penny got to her feet and paced. Her head was racing. Or maybe it was her heart. She was starting to feel sick again.
“I can’t think about this right now. I need—I need…” She shook her head. “I think I need to go home for the day.”
She moved to her desk and gathered her things. “Sorry about cutting this short.”
River stood, her hands in her overalls. “It’s fine, Penny. You don’t have to apologize. I…” She blew out a breath. “We’re here for you when you need to talk. Mathew and me.”
She seemed to be waiting for something, so Penny cut a look in her direction.
Then River nodded slightly. “Your brother and I do agree on one thing. You deserve to be happy. And if Royce is that person for you, then don’t let him go without a fight.”
Penny didn’t speak after that.
She nodded, swiped at another tear that slipped free, then headed home.
She shouldn’t have been surprised to find Royce leaning against the wall beside her door when she arrived. He glanced up, hope flickering across his face when he heard the jangle of her keys. He pushed away from the wall and stepped toward her.
“Sweetheart—”
Penny held up a hand. “No.”
He stopped in place, his expression falling. “Penny…”
Shaking her head, she fumbled with her keys and nearly dropped them. It took a few tries before she got the door open.
“We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t. I’ve already told you my decision.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, but based on the tension that continued to thicken between them, she wouldn’t have been surprised to see him struggling with his own control.
He’d only ever lost it once with her.
It still surprised her that he had raised his voice when he was upset.
“This isn’t just your decision, Penny,” he said, his voice rough with anguish.
The sound ripped her to shreds, and she nearly turned into him so she could get one final dose of the comfort she craved so much.
Penny sighed. “It doesn’t change the fact that it’s the right one.”
“You can’t really believe that.”
All she could do was close her eyes and hang her head.
It would be so easy to give in to Royce, to let him carry all the turmoil she was feeling right now.
He’d always been her sanctuary when she needed someone in her corner, and she had zero doubts that he would come to her rescue if she only asked.
But she couldn’t let him carry this.
Not when she was so afraid it would cost him his family.
“It’s over, Royce. This isn’t about us. It’s about the importance of family.”
She moved to step into her apartment, and his hand caught her wrist, just enough to stop her.
His voice was low and steady, threaded with the kind of hurt that made her want to turn around and undo everything.
“This will never be over for me, beautiful. You’re my family now.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, willing him to release her because she didn’t have the strength to pull away on her own.
Thankfully, he did.
“I’m not giving up on us, Penny.”
This time, she scoffed and turned to face him, her hand tight on the door. “Go home, Royce.”
His eyes held hers.
“I am.”
The words landed hard enough to steal her breath.
“Good night, Royce.” She shut the door before she could hear his response.
Before she turned out the lights, she peeked through her peephole to find him seated on the floor across the hall, his back slumped against the wall.
He made no more attempts to get her to talk to him.
And when she woke up in the morning, she found a coffee and a paper bag with her favorite pastry inside.
The coffee was still hot.
And she cried some more.