Chapter 24 #2
Royce dragged a hand over his face and stepped back, forcing himself to breathe before he did something stupid. “Can you at least tell Shelly I’m here? Please.”
The security guard hesitated, then looked through the glass door toward Shelly’s desk.
Shelly had already stood. Her eyes were wide, and she looked like she wanted to reach for the phone.
Royce lifted one hand, palm out in a plea.
“Shelly,” he said through the glass, his voice rough. “Please. Five minutes.”
She glanced from him to the security guard, then toward Penny’s closed office door.
“She’s not speaking to me,” Royce said. “I’m not asking you to take my side. I just need to know one thing, and then I’ll go.”
The woman didn’t move, all except for her eyes, which darted from the security guard to Penny’s closed office door.
“Does she seem happy?”
Shelly’s face softened despite herself.
Royce already knew the answer.
“She’s miserable,” she whispered.
He nodded, hating that this fact brought both relief and fresh pain. “Then please. Five minutes with her.”
“You know I can’t just—”
The security guard reached for his radio.
Shelly winced, then held up a hand. “Wait.”
The guard looked at her.
Shelly’s gaze shifted to Royce. “Five minutes. And if she tells you to leave, you leave.”
Royce swallowed hard. “I will.”
The guard didn’t look thrilled, but he stepped aside when Shelly unlocked the glass door.
Royce slowly moved past him, restraining himself. No bursting in like he had a right to every inch of Penny’s life just because they were married.
He paused outside her office door with the flowers hanging from one hand.
“Is there anyone in there with her?” he asked quietly.
“No,” Shelly said. “But Royce…”
He looked back.
Her expression tightened. “Don’t make this worse.”
“I’ll try not to.”
Then he knocked. No answer. He knocked again, softer this time. “Penny?”
Inside the office, something shifted.
“Shelly, I said I didn’t want—”
“It’s me,” Royce said.
Silence.
Then, faintly, “Royce, you can’t be here.”
He closed his eyes.
“I know.” His hand rested on the doorframe. “But I need five minutes. Please.”
More silence.
Then, so quiet he almost missed it, she said, “Five minutes.”
Royce opened the door.
The desk was empty, and with a cursory glance, he found Penny lying on the loveseat with an arm draped over her eyes. Beside her was a small garbage bin.
The sight nearly undid him.
“Penny?”
She slowly pulled her arm from her eyes. “Royce…”
He stepped inside and closed the door behind him, leaving it cracked. Then he crossed the room and crouched beside the loveseat. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Are you sick? You’re so pale.”
His hand lifted, wanting to check her forehead, but he stopped himself.
“You shouldn’t be working if you don’t feel good,” he said quietly.
When he turned his attention to her eyes, his stomach soured.
They were guarded.
Penny had closed herself off to him. In fact, she looked angry.
“Royce, you can’t be here.”
“I know.” The words nearly scraped his throat raw. “I just needed to see you.”
“Royce, no. This isn’t good for either of us. Look at yourself.”
“Look at me?” His voice cracked. “Look at you.” His brows pulled together, and emotion clogged his throat. “You’re making yourself sick over this. Something isn’t right. Is anyone taking care of you?”
She scoffed and turned away from him. “I’m fine. I just have to get those divorce papers—”
“Please don’t say that.”
Penny met his eyes, her mouth pinched tight.
He studied her, searching those magnificent, sad eyes for just a glimmer of what he’d seen when they’d been at their happiest. She blinked rapidly and looked away.
His voice cracked, and his heart floundered as he whispered, “I’ve missed you, Penny.”
Her exhale was wrought with so much pain.
He couldn’t understand why she was doing this to them. Why did she think it was for the best? She shook her head, her eyes closing.
“I know you don’t understand, Royce. You can’t see what I’ve seen. What you’re willing to sacrifice isn’t worth—”
“It is.” He kept his hands to himself, even though everything in him wanted to reach for her. “You are.”
She was crying now.
His heart wasn’t strong enough for this. He couldn’t see her in so much pain. “Don’t you get it? I told you I’m in this. But I’m starting to understand that loving you doesn’t mean I get to stand here and insist until you agree with me.”
Her eyes flicked to his.
“You don’t see what I see,” he said, his own tears blurring his vision.
“What’s that?” she rasped.
“Our future.”
In that same moment, loud voices erupted from just outside her office. The security guard opened the door but stopped short when Penny shook her head.
The flicker of hope Royce was offered got swiftly snuffed out when Penny turned to him with tears still in her eyes.
“Our future needs to include family,” she said softly. “They’re a big part of the larger picture. Maybe even part of what God is asking us to face.”
His face screwed up in pain. “I’ve already told you. You’re my family now.”
Penny placed a hand to his cheek, and he leaned into it before he could stop himself.
“Maybe if things had been different, we could have worked this out. Trust me, Royce. It hurts, but this is for the best. Families shouldn’t be torn apart because we want something they can’t accept. And my family is important to me, as I’m sure yours still is, if you’d only admit it.”
Royce opened his mouth to argue, but his voice died in his throat.
She still wasn’t in the right frame of mind to hear him.
Or maybe he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to hear her.
Slowly, he rose to his feet. As much as it made him sick to his stomach, he forced out his next statement.
“I don’t want to be the reason you’re unhappy.” He gestured toward her, pain slicing through him all over again. “And I don’t want to be the reason you keep making yourself sick.”
She closed her eyes, and tears spilled down her cheeks once more.
“So I’ll give you this.” His voice broke. “The next time you tell me no, I’ll listen. But I want you to take a little more time to be sure this is what you want.”
Her eyes snapped open and met his, but she didn’t speak.
“No matter how much it hurts, I’ll listen. I’ll walk away. For you.”
Then before he could go back on his offer, he moved toward the door, past the security guard, and out of the building.
Only once he was in his truck did he allow himself to break.