9
Beckett
“She here?” I ask John, the security guard blocking my entrance to Brewery Lane.
I know Penny well enough to know she wouldn’t go home to lick her wounds. No, she’d come here, to the new pub that Ryan’s younger brother, Walker, just opened, and douse them in lime, salt and tequila.
John sneers at me, as I knew he would. Being a regular at Coffee Leaf Café , the older man has a soft spot for the girls, and if he’s seen Penny in the state she was in when she left the shop, I’m sure he’s drawn his own conclusion as to what, or who, has upset her, considering he’s seen us here together.
“Maybe,” he grunts.
I try to get around him, but he puts himself directly in my way. We’re pretty well matched in size, but John has this glint in his eyes that warns everyone to stay the fuck back, and I’m not stupid, so I don’t try again.
“Need to see her.” I’m not above begging the man to let me in. “Please.” He just shrugs and looks over my shoulder at the others lining up behind me. “John. Please, man. I need to apologise.”
His dark eyes shift back to mine, and he just stares at me for what feels like a full minute before cracking his neck and moving, only slightly, to the left, to allow me past.
I nod in thanks, and duck past him, cringing at how loudly “Breathe” by Sean Paul is blaring through the speakers of the bar, as I step into the building.
As I dodge the groups of people crowded around the dark mahogany bar tables in the dimply lit room, I do my best to keep my shit together. I’ve consumed far more alcohol tonight than I ever have before, and try as I might, it’s pretty damn impossible not to show the effect it’s having on me.
Walker, who looks far too much like his older brother, and my best friend, minus the tattoos, nods at me in greeting when he spots me, from behind the hand-crafted bar he had custom made to match his bar tables. I’ve confided in him a time or two while sharing a beer, so he knows the deal between Penny and me. More so than Ryan does, anyway. I hate keeping things from my best mate, but Penny made it very clear that she wanted to keep us, or our relationship at least, on the down low, and I went along with it, ‘cos I wanted her.
“She’s over there,” he says once I reach him, raising his voice so that I can hear him over the music. “And she aint alone.” I jerk my head to the side and look around, trying to spot her. “Over there in the corner. Made some friends. I’ve been watching, though. She’s alright, man.”
His voice fades into nothing when I finally catch sight of Penny. She’s huddled up in the dark corner of an oversized, black leather booth, with some bloke whispering in her ear.
Mother fucker.
My legs are moving before my brain has time to catch up. The staff all give me small smiles as I pass them, and I can feel their eyes on me as I approach the group of people Penny’s decided to surround herself with. For a moment, I don’t announce my presence. I just stand there and watch her. She laughs, and she smiles, but it’s all fake, and that makes me fucking sad.
She’s so damn beautiful when she really smiles.
Her black bike shorts have ridden up her thighs, and I watch as the hipster wannabe looking mother fucker sitting beside her places his hand on her knee and leans in to whisper in her ear again.
We won’t be having that.
“Penny,” I bark, trying to grab her attention.
When she doesn’t respond, I step forward, grab the guy sitting at the edge of the booth by the already ripped, dirty looking t-shirt and haul him out of the way so I can get to the one currently touching my girl.
“Penny,” I repeat, louder this time, and I damn well know she hears me, because her body tenses.
She doesn’t move, though. Doesn’t remove the guy’s hand from her leg or push him away from her face, either. No. She decides to look up at me and smirk. And then she plants her lips on his.
I watch as their mouths collide. As he melts into her. As she angles her head to the left to deepen the kiss and he clings to her for dear life. And then, just like that, the room goes eerily quiet. The music fades away, and without thinking twice, I tear him from his seat and throw him across the room with ease. The smile on his drunken face as he gets back up and puffs up his chest at me as though he’s got a chance in hell of taking me on, pisses me off further, so I pop him in the mouth, killing two birds with one stone. I don’t feel shit as my fist makes contact with his face, and the pleasure I get from seeing him recoil in pain as he falls to the floor again is fucking priceless.
“Beckett!” Penny shrieks from behind me. I turn when her fists start pounding against the middle of my back, and she looks up at me, wide eyed and furious. “Why would you punch him, you psycho!” she screams, her glassy eyes bouncing back and forth between mine.
I lean down, close enough so that she can feel my breath against her face. “Because you are fucking mine , and now, when he thinks about the kiss you just planted on him to spite me, he’ll remember the taste of blood, and the feel of my knuckles, and not your lips. Not your taste.”
“I am not yours ,” she hisses, pushing at my chest.
“The. Fuck. You’re. Not!”
“You don’t get to punch people just because I kiss them, you neanderthal!” She sneers at me. “Hear me when I say this, Beckett, and I mean really hear me. I am not yours. At this point, I would rather be anyone else’s.”
I’ll give it to her; Penny knows how to throw a punch.
I look up at the ceiling as her words tear through me, but then Walker’s voice breaks through the noise in my head, and I glance over to find him having what looks like a heated argument with the guy I just decked. After a couple of seconds, he points to the exit, and then one after another, the man and all his mates leave the bar. I’d feel guilty for causing a scene if the bastard had done anything other than touch the woman in front of me.
“I’m leaving,” Penny announces, pulling my attention back to her. “Do. Not. Follow me!” As she moves past me, I reach out and grab her arm. She hisses as if my touch burns her skin, so I release her the second she tries to pull free.
“We need to talk,” I say, my voice raised so she can hear me over the music. “Just let me explain. Please. I’m fucking begging you.”
She shakes her head, turns her back on me, and takes off through the crowd. Unsure of what else to do, I follow closely behind her. She exits through the back door and then rounds the building to the smoking area. I stop as she does, leaving a good amount of space between us, and watch as she paces back and forth in front of three plastic milk crates surrounded by dozens of cigarettes buts littering the concrete floor.
“You have some fucking nerve,” she growls, tossing her bag down and running her hands through her silky, deep brown hair. “To come here after what you did. To follow me here just to-”
“You really think I’m the kind of man who was going to see that and do nothing?” She pauses for a moment to glare at me before continuing to pace. “You knew I’d react like that. And you damn well knew I’d follow you here. You did that to hurt me.” The murderous look in her eyes has me adding, “To hurt me back , Penny. I’m not fucking saying you’re in the wrong here! I deserve it. I know I do, but c’mon, you knew what I’d do, and that’s why you did it.”
She snorts but doesn’t say anything else, and I patiently watch, and wait, as she burns a hole in the pavement. After a long bought of silence, I step forward and place my hands on her shoulders. She stiffens in my hold and turns her head, refusing to look directly at me.
“Love,” I say. “Look at me.” She inhales, closes her eyes and I swear I can hear her counting, before she finally exhales and cranes her neck back to look me in the eye. “I’m so fucking sorry you had to hear-”
“You’re sorry?” she asks, her top lip curling as she does. “You’re not sorry.” She spits the words at me and steps back, out of my hold, out of reach.
I bite the inside of my cheek, and shut the fuck up, because she has the floor now.
Crossing her arms, she raises her chin at me in defiance and continues. “You just didn’t like having to watch another man touch me. Kiss me. Isn’t that right?”
“No,” I grunt. No to both. I am sorry, she’s wrong about that. Hell, I’ve never wished I had a time machine as much as I have tonight. I’ll regret today for the rest of my life; I know that. I also didn’t like having to watch that fuckwit touch her. That’s true.
“No, you didn’t like it?” she coos, but it’s not in the same way she normally does. It’s cold and ugly and condescending. “You know what I didn’t like?” I brace myself for impact. “Hearing another woman moan your name. It all keeps repeating, like a fucking broken record in my head. I keep imagining the way she touched you, the way you touched her. All of it.” My chest tightens to the point it’s hard to breathe. “And because I didn’t actually see it, my imagination is going wild .”
I watch, confused, as she uncrosses her arms and steps toward me, one hand held out in front of her. I freeze as her palm presses into my chest and she looks up at me. Her eyes are glassy, but I can still see the fury and the pain swirling in her hazel irises.
She leans in, runs her nose up and over my shirt, and then pulls back. “I can still smell her perfume mixed with your cologne.” She pauses and curls her lip in disgust. “The cologne I fucking bought you.” Fuuuuuck . “It makes me sick. You make me sick.” She uses the hand placed on my chest to push herself back, putting space between us once again. “But I will move on from this shit. From you. Because that’s what I do.” She points to her chest and repeats herself. “That’s what I do.”
“Please, Love-”
“No!” She points at me and bares her teeth. “Don’t you fucking dare . You don’t call me that. What we had? What we were? It’s done. Over. Finished.”
I shake my head, because I can’t accept that. I won’t. “It isn’t. You came back. You came to the shop to talk-”
“You seriously think I’ll ever forgive you for this? You think I’m going to fall for your bullshit apology? You think I’m going to just forget that you fucked someone else?”
“I didn’t sleep with her!” And it’s the damn truth, but I also know what I did do, and that shit is still unforgiveable.
“So what? I’m just crazy then? I just imagined the entire thing? I think you forget that I was there . I HEARD YOU!”
“No. You heard her . Not me. You didn’t even give me a chance to explain. You convinced yourself that you knew what happened, and then you bolted.”
“You’re a liar!” she screams at the top of her lungs, her voice echoing into the night. “You promised me you wouldn’t do this! You promised me! I. Hate. You! Do you hear me? I fucking HATE you!”
She doesn’t believe me, and she’s not going to tonight. That, I know, so instead of offering more apologies or explanations that she isn’t ready to hear, I say the only thing I know deep in my soul she can’t deny. “I love you.”
Without warning, she shoves at my chest, and I let her move me. She pounds her closed fists against me until her breathing becomes laboured. I watch in agony as she steps back from me, wipes at her face and turns so that I can’t see her tears. Then, she looks at me, really looks at me, and her expression absolutely guts me. For a moment, just a moment, she lets me see her pain. Her eyes water, her lip quivers, and then, as if it never happened, she takes a deep breath, squares her shoulders and steadies herself. “I hate you. Hate you. You made me believe you were different! You promised me you would never do this, and because of that, I fucking loved…” She pauses and my heart stops beating, waiting for the words to leave her mouth, but they don’t. Instead, she shakes her head and then cocks it to one side. “I thought I could trust you.” With a shrug, she adds, “I was wrong. Lesson learned .”
I stand there, as she turns and reaches for her purse, unable to speak. I watch as she slings her bag over her shoulder, smoothes down her hair, and walks away from me, because what else am I supposed to do?
She hates me…
Feeling damn near sober now, and unsure what to do next, I watch as she walks around the corner of the brick building, disappearing from sight, and I stare at that spot for so long without blinking that my eyes become dry.
It isn’t until I hear the voices of a group of men approaching that I shake myself off and focus, ‘cos I know exactly who’s coming for me, and I welcome the distraction with open arms.
I brace myself, and hold my ground, as three of them round the corner with cocky grins and puffed out chests. I only recognise one, and his lip is still bleeding.
Seems he’s brought some friends to play.
Excitement replaces the helplessness I felt only moments ago. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to blow off some steam like this, and tonight is just the night for it.
“Boys,” I say, matching their smiles with one of my own. “Can I help you?”
The sound of knuckles cracking comes from all directions as they circle me, and then the biggest of the three steps forward. “Heard you need to be taught some fucking manners.”
Adrenaline pumps through my veins and it feels so fucking good after the night I’ve had. My mind focuses on the task in front of me and everything else just melts away for a second.
I stretch my arms out wide, spread my legs, and grin right at him. “By all means…”