Chapter 4
Olivia heads back to her desk and is immediately greeted by the sight of Nina in a full-on embrace with Joe.
The rage flares back up her body, this sensation understanding what Olivia is seeing before even she has.
She turns on herself. Why didn’t she push for more details, like whether or not it would involve any perks, before blithely accepting it?
Why didn’t she stand her ground and insist on a more private meeting, instead of one next to a water cooler, so that she could take notes and have more of a discussion?
And why is she so insistent about working in an industry where even the executives compare themselves to one of the biggest maritime disasters of the twentieth century?
But before she can answer any of these questions, Joe breaks off from his hug with Nina and starts waving for Olivia to come over.
‘Liv,’ he bounces up and down on the spot. ‘Get your arse back to the Cotswolds for a debrief!’
Olivia closes her eyes in the hope that when she opens them, it will all have been a dream, and Leonardo DiCaprio – aka her career – won’t have slipped off his door to the bottom of the icy-cold Atlantic.
Instead, Olivia’s eyelids flicker open to the sound of Nina asking what has happened to her feet.
‘There’s blood all over your shoes,’ Nina says, pointing down at the cheap footwear Olivia would like to rip from her person and shove in her colleague’s pretty, red mouth. Olivia shudders at the rage, begins flicking her thumbs with her index fingers in the hope of batting all her anger away.
‘Oh, you know, new shoes,’ smiles Olivia. ‘But more importantly, I’ve got a new job!’ It’s out of her before she even realizes, as if saying it will somehow silence the fury building inside her.
‘This is so exciting,’ claps Joe. ‘So has Nina!’
Nina giggles coyly, and Olivia now starts clicking her middle fingers and thumbs together, the snap of the motion an increasingly deranged attempt at diffusing the rage.
‘Are you OK?’ asks Nina, looking at Olivia’s fidgety fingers.
‘Oh I’m fine,’ says Olivia, folding her hands across her chest to stop them from moving, the motion spreading to her right foot, which starts tapping up and down wildly instead. ‘Tell me about your job.’
‘OK,’ says Nina, starting to smile bashfully. ‘So you’re looking at The Morning’s new Saturday columnist!’
‘Exciting!’ shrieks Joe, jumping up and down on the spot.
‘Wooooow,’ squeaks Olivia, just about remembering to breathe.
She begins to walk the well-trodden tightrope of processing her own feelings whilst simultaneously not showing them – she is something of an Olympic gymnast when it comes to this discipline.
‘That’s amazing, Nina.’ She looks down and sees that her hands are now coming together in something that looks like applause, but that is actually more of a nervous clap.
‘Thanks, Liv,’ says Nina, coming in for a hug. ‘That means so much coming from you. I couldn’t have got here without all your incredible guidance and support.’ She embraces Olivia then pulls back, her long, toned arms on display as she holds her shoulders. ‘So tell us your exciting news.’
Before Olivia can open her mouth, Nina is swarmed by more colleagues from the Cotswolds, plus a few who have made the perilous journey over from Baghdad.
Realizing that Joe is the only person still paying her any attention, she turns to tell him her news.
‘So I’m going to be The Morning’s Anniversary …
’ Olivia searches through her brain for her new title. ‘Erm, Anniversary …’
‘Anniversary?’ repeats Joe, nonplussed.
‘Architect!’ Olivia perks up. ‘I’m going to be The Morning’s Anniversary Architect, in charge of all the centenary celebrations later this year.’
‘That’s so great,’ says Joe, rubbing her arm, a little pityingly. ‘What a cool title. God, when we started way back when, who’d have thought that you’d end up being an architect!’
‘I mean, I don’t think I’m actually an architect,’ explains Olivia, her foot bouncing manically again. ‘Like, I don’t think it means I will be able to build houses or anything like that.’
‘Well, no,’ nods Joe. ‘Obviously not. But it’s great, right? Well done, you!’
‘What’s great?’ says Nina, reinserting herself back into the conversation.
‘Olivia is going to be The Morning’s Anniversary Architect,’ explains Joe. ‘It means she’s in charge of all the celebrations.’
‘Like the party?’ asks Nina. ‘That’s so cool. Architect, wow. Does that mean you still get to be a …’ Nina looks awkwardly at Olivia’s bruised and bloodied feet. ‘Journalist?’
‘I mean, what even is the definition of a journalist nowadays?’ shrugs Olivia. She exhales theatrically. ‘I’m Everywoman, always have been! I guess this was a natural progression after heading up the Women Rising project.’
‘Oh god, yeah, this company would be nothing without you and that project, I’m so glad they’re recognizing that.’ Nina sounds genuine, which somehow makes it all worse.
‘Bit of party planning here,’ blathers Olivia. ‘Bit of commissioning the centenary magazine there. Important to keep evolving, I like to think!’
She knows she is speaking fluent bullshit, but what else can she do?
Actually say what she’s feeling? Explain how betrayed she is in this moment?
How absolutely fucking livid she is? Once she starts down that road she may never be able to stop, and what would happen then?
What would they think of her that she didn’t already think about herself?
Only then, she would be able to see it, visibly, on their faces, and she … Cannot. See. That. Not today.
‘Ooh, speaking of parties,’ interrupts Joe, excitedly, ‘we should totally all go out and celebrate these new roles tonight.’
‘Yes!’ exclaims Nina. ‘That would be so amazing. Let’s get the department together and sink some bubbles. I’m in the mood to celebrate my first column and the incredible Anniversary Architect who made it all possible!’
‘That would be epic,’ lies Olivia, giving Nina’s arm a squeeze. ‘After all that mentoring, I’m just so happy for you!’
In this most disingenuous of moments, Olivia recognizes the taste in her mouth as self-loathing. She hates herself. She really, really hates herself.
‘Aww thanks, babe,’ smiles Nina. ‘You’re the best. Right, better go and get writing.
They’ve even given me my own office so I can concentrate on column day!
’ Nina struts off to the glass box next to Stephen’s and turns back to blow a kiss.
Then, with all the force of a woman who actually knows her value instead of letting other people decide it for her, she slams the door.