Chapter 19 ALEX #2
No one deserves that, not even this fucking asshole.
Theo finishes making dinner in tense silence, passing me a plate and eating his in the kitchen. We don’t talk for a long time. Finally, he sucks in a breath and blows it out fast.
“Have you ever been hit, or had something thrown at you before?” I shrug, not looking at him. I don’t want him to know me. “Well, I have, and I fucking hate it, okay? So just talk to me, please. Why are you so mad at me?” I shake my head. He’s got to be fucking kidding.
“I’m not mad.” I stab a Brussels Sprout. “I’m frustrated.” I shove the sprout into my mouth to keep from telling him how I really feel, and Theo gives me a disbelieving look.
“You are such a shitty liar,” he laughs out. “You know, you can just ask me to fuck you if you’re so frustrated.”
I shoot him a dirty look. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Maybe not, but you’re much nicer to me after you’ve come. I seem to be the only one of us who can make that happen for you.” His lips twitch into a small smile, and I flush with embarrassment and anger. I take some quick, deep breaths to keep from throwing something else at him.
This is bullshit.
“You know what? Fine. Fuck me. Maybe that will make spending time with you tolerable.” He considers me, his mouth tight.
I realize, belatedly, that I’m pushing him again, and I’m pretty drunk if I’m asking my stalker to fuck me.
“I’m good,” he says, his voice casual but his hands gripping the counter until his knuckles turn white.
“So, what you’re saying to me,” I grit out, plastering a smile on my face and talking slowly, “is that you broke into my house because you wanted to fuck me so badly, and now you’re not even going to do that?”
“You’re adjusting to our relationship poorly, and the last time we had sex was concerning, so it’s off the table until things between us get better.” He looks at his plate, making a face. “Believe me, I wish this was going better,” he mutters.
“No, you just wish you were getting laid.”
“You’re drunk and you’re being an asshole, Alex. I’m not going to fuck you just because I want to.”
“Oh, that’s new.” He shoots me a warning look.
“Don’t.”
“You could always just rape me again,” I say, flashing my teeth at him.
“Knock it the fuck off. We have talked about this, and I’m not playing that game with you again until you learn the difference between fantasy and reality.”
“You’re the one who doesn’t want to face reality! We’re not together!”
“Alexandria, you’re being delusional.”
I gape at him, horrified. “I’m being delusional? Fuck you.”
“You have quite the temper, you know that? I didn’t expect that, and I don’t love it.”
“I do not have a temper,” I shout. Theo just looks at me, raising his eyebrows slightly, and I flush in embarrassment.
I put my head in my hands and take deep breaths. Why am I reacting so much? I used to be able to keep this under wraps, even when I was drunk, at least up until the end. Today has just been so hard.
“It’s fine to be angry, sweetie, but you have terrible anger management skills. You should look into that.” His tone is so condescending that I want to punch him.
“Oh, and you’re the pinnacle of anger management?” His face gets somber, and he looks away from me quickly.
“Not historically, no.”
“Great! I’m sure that means you killed the last girl you stalked when you got tired of her, so when are you going to kill me? I’d rather be dead than have my life taken over by my stalker that keeps making me fucking dinner.” His head snaps towards me, and I can tell he’s pissed.
“First, I’m not going to kill you, so knock it off. Second, I hate how you view our relationship. Third, you’re still barely eating anything, and it’s fucking concerning!” He gestures at my barely touched plate.
“If I eat, will you leave?”
“No. I’m spending the night.” Of fucking course he is.
“But not fucking me?” He laughs and shakes his head.
“Definitely not. You’re being a dick.” He takes my plate and pulls out a glass container from under my counter, starting to put the leftovers away.
“You’re being a dick,” I snap back. Theo snorts, shaking his head.
“Very mature response, Alex.” I slip off the stool and storm into my room, slamming the door behind me and stripping my clothes off.
I know he watches me, but I’m drunk enough that I don’t care.
I want any kind of fucking release, and I’m so tired of crying all the time. I want to feel good for once.
Fuck it, I’m going to push.
When I come back into the living room, I’m wearing the skimpiest bra and panties I have, and I give him a tight, forced smile. I can see him tense up and watch his knee start bouncing quickly as he folds his arms over his chest tightly. He swallows hard, clearing his throat.
“Sweetie, you look so gorgeous, but I’m still not going to fuck you.” His voice is strained.
“Fine,” I say sweetly. “I’ll do it myself.” I head back to my bedroom and pull out my vibrator, and I hear him swearing to himself. When I turn around, Theo’s leaning in the doorway of my room, his body rigid, his arms crossed as he watches me with a frustrated look on his face.
“Can you please talk to me for once instead of acting like this?” I laugh at him.
“You can stop pretending that you give a shit about me.”
“I wouldn’t be putting up with your behavior if I didn’t give a shit about you,” he snaps.
“Putting up with my behavior? Oh, I’m so sorry. Am I not the girlfriend you thought I was going to be when you stalked me?” His face goes blank, and he doesn’t respond at all. I laugh and shake my head at him, throwing my vibrator back into my nightstand so hard I think I break it.
I walk over and stand in front of him, watching him get more tense as he looks me up and down. “You seem to be fine taking what you want from me, so go ahead.”
He rolls his eyes. “See, this is why I’m not fucking you. You have such a distorted perception of our relationship.”
“That’s bullshit. We’re not in a relationship, so stop acting like you care!”
“Yes, we are, and I do fucking care! I want you to participate in this relationship, Alex.”
“Not gonna happen, so just fuck me already, okay?”
He shakes his head, smirking. “No,” he says slowly, “I think I want you to beg for it.”
“I’m not begging you for shit.”
He raises his eyebrows, looking me up and down slowly.
“You’re standing in front of me, in lingerie, trying to goad me into fucking you.
You want to rethink that?” I get frustrated with his self-satisfied tone and grab his hands, placing them on my waist. He grips me instantly, pulling me closer, although it seems almost involuntary.
“You want me? Just fucking take me.” I see his pupils dilate as he stares down at me, his face so openly hungry that he looks almost predatorial.
What am I doing?
I can feel his hands shaking, feel his fingers digging into my waist, and I realize I’ve been playing a dangerous game. I shrink back as he starts leaning down towards me, and he seems to stop himself, exhaling hard and pushing me away.
“No,” he chokes out, rushing into the bathroom and slamming the door. The tiny window in my bathroom means there’s no fan, and I hear him spit and start breathing hard.
Oh.
I sit on my bed with my back up against the headboard and stare at the bathroom door as I listen to him masturbate, feeling heat between my legs as I listen to his breathing get harsher.
Why am I so disappointed that he didn’t fuck me?
Is he serious about wanting me to ask for it? I’ve never asked for sex in my life - it just happens when someone else wants it. I don’t know why he wants me to participate in his delusion so badly.
His breathing picks up, and I hear him swear softly, the sink running a few seconds later.
He comes back into the bedroom, his face tense and frustrated as he walks towards the bed.
He plants his hands on either side of my head, gripping the headboard as he leans down and kisses me hard.
The second I sigh and lean into the kiss, he pulls away and gives me a mean smile.
“You’re going to have to fucking beg for it, Alexandria, and I know you will.” I stare up at him, furious and horrified.
He’s right, and I hate him for it.
He’s cautious not to touch me in bed that night. I lay there, staring at the cracking plaster wall across from me, realizing I’ve lost a crucial battle.
He’s taken everything away from me, and now he’s made me want something from him.
I wait until I’m sure he’s asleep before I slip into the living room and curl up on the couch, pushing a small throw pillow against my face to absorb the sound of my sobs.
It takes a long time for me to calm down.
When I’m finally done crying, I look up and see Theo in the doorway of my bedroom, looking confused and upset.
I head back into the bedroom, pushing past him and crawling into bed.
I’m sure he’s going to start badgering me to talk to him, but he doesn’t.
Instead, he pulls me close and holds me, trying to comfort me with soft, murmured reassurances, which only makes it worse.
He makes everything worse.