Chapter 30 THEO #2
“Get the fuck out,” I snap. He takes the money from Alex and bolts, slamming the door behind him.
I’m still so fucking angry that I’m breathing hard, clenching and unclenching my hands, anything to calm down as I turn back towards Alex.
She wraps her arms around herself, her mouth a thin line as she looks at me.
She just watched me beat the shit out of someone for her and she doesn’t seem afraid of me, which is a good sign.
I take a few deep breaths, trying to keep my voice calm.
“Did he hurt you?” She stares at me but says nothing, and my temper spikes again. “Did he fucking hurt you?” She flinches a little at how loud my voice is but shakes her head. “Why the fuck was he here?”
She looks at her feet and shrugs, turning away from me. “It was raining, and he offered me a ride,” she says, slurring slightly as she heads into the kitchen. She wobbles a little as she reaches for a bottle of wine, and I exhale loudly when I finally realize she’s drunk.
Oh, goddammit, of course.
I follow her into the kitchen, staying close to her as she unscrews the wine and takes a long sip directly from the bottle. I shake my head, gripping the counter behind me to keep myself from grabbing the bottle and pouring it down the sink.
“You promised not to be alone with him, so why the fuck was he in your apartment?” She won’t look at me, but her face contorts with anger.
“He said he needed to use the bathroom,” she says in a quiet, bitter voice.
“Because he was trying to get you alone,” I snap at her, snatching the bottle of wine out of her hands as she goes to drink more. “You’re not stupid, sweetie, and you would have realized what he was doing if you weren’t so fucking drunk.” Her face hardens into something cold and resentful.
“Oh, fuck you.” My blood boils and I slam the bottle of wine down on the counter.
“Goddammit, Alexandria! He was going to fuck you, whether or not you wanted him to!” She starts crying the second it comes out of my mouth, and guilt overtakes me.
“You think I didn’t know that? You think I didn’t…you think I wanted…He thought…I couldn’t…I just…” She drops her head in her hands and sobs, and shame courses through me.
I want to hold her, but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.
I need to give her a minute to calm down, and I need a minute to calm down, so I stare at the ceiling and force myself to take deep breaths as she cries.
I fucking hate myself right now. It’s not her fault, and I shouldn’t have said that to her.
When she finally calms down a little, I can’t help but reach out and touch her lightly, running my hands up and down her arms in a way I know she finds soothing.
“You don’t get to be mad at me about this,” she whispers.
“I’m not mad at you, sweetheart, I promise. I’m upset because that piece of shit could have hurt you, but it’s not your fault at all.” Her shoulders relax a little under my hands. “You should be mad at me right now because I’m such an asshole. I’m so sorry I yelled at you. Are you okay?”
She shrugs, her movements sharp. “Nothing happened.” She sniffles a little, wiping her cheeks and looking up at me, her face twisting into an expression I don’t understand.
She sighs and pulls away from me, grabbing a dish towel from the counter and wetting it in the sink before stepping toward me again.
“Your nose is bleeding,” she says as she gently wipes blood from my chin and lip before pressing the towel against my nose, putting her other hand on my jaw and gently tipping my head back.
Warmth rushes through me the second her fingers touch my skin, and I feel a soft humming in my body as I realize she’s looking at me with concern.
I stare at her out of the corner of my eye, but she won’t make eye contact.
This is the first time she’s ever tried to take care of me.
I don’t want to scare her off, and it takes everything in me not to wrap my arms around her. She hands me the towel and lets go of my face, and I keep the towel pressed against my nose, staring at her with wide eyes as she turns away, opening the freezer.
“You should have called me if you needed a ride, sweetheart,” I say quietly.
“I didn’t want to bother you.” She grabs an ice pack from the freezer and hands it to me.
“You’re never bothering me, even if we’re fighting, okay?” I press the ice pack over my face, wincing as she reaches for the wine on the counter.
“Well, I’m fine, so you can go back to ignoring me now,” she says bitterly, and a small part of me is delighted at how angry she sounds.
“I wasn’t ignoring you, honey, I was trying to give you space.
” She glances up at me, surprised. “I hated it, and I missed you, and I thought we should talk. I didn’t even think you’d be home yet, so I was going to surprise you.
I made you dinner. And a pie. And I got you flowers.
” I gesture at the abandoned tote bag with my foot, and Alex looks at it with wide eyes before she stares down at her hands.
“Why are you being nice to me right now?”
“Because I lo-” I bite my tongue hard enough that I taste blood. I don’t think she caught my slip up, thank god. I slump against the counter and look up at the ceiling, putting the towel and ice pack down as all the remaining anger and frustration drains out of me, leaving nothing but exhaustion.
“I’m fucking trying, Alex, but I don’t know what to do here.
I’m having a hard time figuring out how to make this relationship work because you won’t work on it with me.
Any time you let me in, you push me away immediately, and you keep telling me that you don’t want me, and it hurts.
I don’t buy it because you’re constantly lying, but it still fucking hurts.
” She’s staring at the counter and fidgeting with a potholder nervously, assiduously avoiding meeting my eye.
“I promise you that I’m not going anywhere, but it sucks that you’re constantly telling me to fuck off in one way or another. I fucking adore you, and I want you to be happy, so please let me in.” I can hear how pleading my voice gets at the end, halfway to begging, but I don’t care.
Alex shakes her head faintly. “I don’t want that.” Her voice is small, and she’s looking at her feet again.
“You don’t want what?”
She runs her hands over her face and shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“Well, what the fuck do you want, Alex?”
She looks up at the ceiling and shakes her head.
“I don’t know! I want you to stop being fucking crazy, and I want my goddamn life back, but I…
I don’t know, I feel so...goddammit, this is so confusing!
” She exhales loudly, pressing her hands over her eyes as her shoulders drop, and she leans against the wall a little too heavily.
“I don’t want you to fuck off, okay? I do, but I don’t,” she says, her voice almost inaudible, and something inside me unwinds instantly.
I was right. Of course I was right, because I fucking know her.
She wants this as badly as I do, she’s just scared.
She makes a groaning sound and wraps her arms around her waist again, but she still won’t look at me. I watch her closely, focusing on her mouth as I hold my breath.
“I didn’t…when I flinched, I just reacted.
I didn’t think you were going to hurt me.
” I fucking knew it. “I was going to call you tonight to pick me up, but I didn’t want to ask you for something without apologizing.
” My hand jerks from how badly I want to reach out for her as she rubs at her eyes, smearing her makeup a little.
“When Ben…he thought that I…I didn’t, I swear, but he was going to…
I just fucking froze, and I wanted you here, and then you were here.
You’re, like, really fucking scary when you’re angry, by the way,” she says softly, and I wince at the nervous edge of her voice.
She finally looks up at me and shrugs, the corner of her lips picking up into a shade of a smile, her expression open and vulnerable.
“I’m so happy to see you, Theo, and I’m so sorry about the other night. ”
Relief floods through me, and I stand there staring at her gorgeous, upset face for a long moment before I’m across the kitchen in one stride, pulling her into my arms until her toes barely touch the ground.
Her arms grip tight around my neck, and I don’t even know what to say, so I just breathe her in.
Her breathing adjusts to mine, or mine to hers, and we stand in the kitchen holding each other, breathing slowly, calming each other down, finally connecting in a way that feels unguarded.
She pulls away to kiss me and makes a displeased sound when she realizes my nose is still bleeding.
She makes me sit down on the couch, standing between my legs and fussing over me, looking at me with soft eyes as she examines my face carefully, telling me I’m going to have a hell of a black eye and chiding me for beating up Ben so badly.
Her touch is gentle, and she keeps giving me a small, fragile smile whenever she meets my eye.
I run my hands over her hips and waist slowly, in awe of how good it feels to have her take care of me.
I’m stunned when she climbs into my lap and kisses me, pressing her body flush against mine and sighing as she grinds down into me.
I hold her close, and she makes needy, frantic sounds as she deepens the kiss, nipping at my lip and tongue as she undoes my belt.
She pulls back and looks into my eyes, her face anxious as she quickly reaches down to undo my jeans.