Chapter 33 ALEX
ALEX
Theo looks down at my feet and frowns. “Sweetheart, we’re going hiking. Don’t you have hiking boots?” I look down at my sneakers and shake my head.
“No. I didn’t really have a way to go hiking before we started…
” I pause as I realize I’m about to say dating, and I stutter out a hurried “…hiking together.” He doesn’t notice my fumble and frowns at my feet again as he opens the car door for me.
We drive across the river on a long, narrow bridge and drive up the coast, his hand high up on my thigh, and I laugh when I see the signs for the state park we turn into.
“Cape Disappointment? Is that what I’m in for today?” Theo huffs out a laugh and starts telling me the history behind the name, and it feels normal. This feels normal now, whatever this is. He’s still stalking me, but fighting it seems futile, so I don’t.
That’s a problem.
He’s fully entrenched in his delusion, and he’s starting to pull me down the rabbit hole with him.
We spend so much of our time together that we have a weekly routine.
Theo’s got enough stuff at my house that he has a whole drawer, and enough of my things are at his house that certain rooms are starting to look lived in.
That’s another problem.
When I babysat Miles the Saturday after Thanksgiving, Bailey and Dylan invited Theo to babysit with me.
Miles made him play dinosaurs, which Theo kind of sucked at, almost like he didn’t remember how he used to play as a kid.
He and Miles seemed awkward with each other until Theo made him brownies, and then Theo was his favorite of the two of us.
How I felt watching them interact was a huge problem.
Bailey started teasing me at work on Monday about how Theo’s “audition” went, and he immediately texted me asking if I would ever want kids, like he’s really my boyfriend and those are conversations we should be having.
Sometimes, it actually feels like he’s my boyfriend, and I almost responded to him about the kids thing.
It’s all a big fucking problem.
***
When I wake up on Sunday, I have the overwhelming urge to paint something.
I shove Theo’s arms off me and jump out of bed, ignoring his questions as I pile my sketchbook, watercolors, and brushes into a tote bag before running out my front door.
It’s six in the morning, the sun is barely up, I have brunch plans later, I’m in pajamas and it’s freezing, but I don’t fucking care.
I want to paint.
It’s clear outside, thankfully, so I run to Shively Park and up the steps, camping on the wet grass and setting up quickly.
I start sketching the ionic portico of an old hotel that’s been placed in the park, flanked by bushes and trees that render the path behind it totally dark in the early morning.
I don’t focus on anything other than the desire to make something, and I’m blissful as I lose myself in the flow of drawing for the first time in months.
Theo shows up with my winter coat, two coffees, and a book. He’s unusually calm and doesn’t bother me at all, sitting close by and reading quietly. It’s only when he gently tells me I need to get ready for brunch that I realize we’ve been there for hours.
I look down at the almost finished painting in my hands and smile slowly.
My fingers are tired, my back aches, I’m cold, but I get to have this again.
Theo doesn’t ask any questions, he just looks at the watercolor and smiles tenderly, telling me it’s lovely.
When we get back to my apartment, he hangs it up on my bedroom wall while I get ready.
I startle when I see it on the wall, dread coiling in my gut. I leave it up because Theo will notice if I take it down, but I refuse to look at it again.
What I’ve painted is a beautiful, enticing doorway leading down a dark path.
***
“Wait, that’s why he beat the shit out of Ben?”
I nod at Jessica, sipping my Bloody Mary. She looks horrified, her fork full of eggs hovering halfway to her mouth. Anna looks on the verge of tears, and I catch her eye, giving her a questioning look.
“Anna, what’s wrong?”
“I’m so sorry, Alex,” she sniffles. “I should have said something, but I didn’t know...I didn’t think...” Jessica’s head swivels around so quickly her twists flip over her shoulder, and my stomach sinks.
“What do you mean?”
“Ben and I went on a date once,” Anna mumbles, pushing around food on her plate. “We had…different experiences of how it ended.” A wave of sympathy rushes through me, and Jessica reaches for Anna’s hand and squeezes.
“Are you okay?” she asks, keeping her voice quiet.
Anna shrugs and sips her mimosa. “Um, I guess? It was a long time ago, and I was pretty drunk, and he doesn’t think that’s what happened, so…I don’t know.” I down my Bloody Mary quickly, fighting off my body’s desire to freeze up because I want to be here for Anna.
“That fucking piece of shit,” Jessica spits. “Can we get him fired for that? Arrested? Anything?”
“Is there anything we can do?” I ask, even though I doubt it.
Anna looks at me and shakes her head. “No. I mostly just try to ignore him. We work together and he’s part of my friend group, so I can’t not talk to him, which sucks.” She stabs a potato viciously. “He sucks.”
“Maybe if everyone else knew what kind of person he was, they wouldn’t want to be friends with him,” Jessica says as she slams her coffee cup on the table.
Anna shakes her head hard. “Please don’t.”
I reach across the table and grab Anna’s hand, squeezing tightly. “We won’t,” I say quickly, and Jessica’s anger deflates as she reaches for Anna’s other hand.
“Sorry. We definitely won’t. I just want to kick his ass now.”
Anna smiles at her. “At least I’m not alone in that anymore.”
“No, you’re not,” I say, locking eyes with her and smiling at her. “I think I know someone who would love to kick his ass for you, if you want,” I offer quietly. “I’d probably help, honestly,” I mutter. Jessica looks shocked and lets out a low whistle, and Anna raises her eyebrows in surprise.
“That’s okay, but I really appreciate the thought,” she says, unable to fight off a small smile.
“You’re kind of a savage, aren’t you?” Jessica asks.
“I don’t know about that,” I say, pulling an olive off the skewer and popping it into my mouth.
“Oh, I think you might be,” Anna teases. “You’re just so sweet no one notices.” I laugh at her and shrug as I flag down the waiter for another round of drinks.
No one needs to know how good it felt to watch Theo beating the shit out of Ben, least of all Theo, who walked in ten minutes ago and sat at the bar. I’m not surprised he's here, but I'm ignoring him entirely because I’m here with my friends.
Our conversation drifts to less serious topics, but the feeling of warmth in my chest keeps spreading. For the first time in years, I have real friends, women who I can be open with and get closer to.
It’s only dampened by the fact that I can’t be open about everything, and that I’m not here with just them.
***
Sometimes, I think about how thrilled I would have been if Theo had asked me out when we met, when he was just a guy at a bar. I’m glad he didn’t, because he’d still be who he is and I’d still be trapped, but it would have taken me a long time to realize it.
I was able to get away from Danny, but I don’t think I’d ever be able to get away from Theo. I think the only way I can get away from Theo is if I push him too far.
I still think about doing that sometimes, but less and less often as time goes by.
***
Theo’s reading on the couch and I’m painting him when we hear the couple in the rental below my apartment start having loud, passionate sex. Theo glances up at me with a wicked smirk as he puts his book down, scooping me up and moving us into the bedroom where we can hear the couple better.
Both of us stay quiet as we undress and lay on the bed next to each other, kissing quietly as we listen to the man’s low grunting and the woman’s loud, squeaky moans.
Theo slips his hand between my legs and raises his eyebrows at me in surprise when he finds me already wet.
He grins at the blush staining my face, and I shrug slightly, not meeting his eyes.
The woman downstairs lets out an exaggerated sound of pleasure, and Theo huffs a laugh as he slips his fingers inside me, making me gasp.
“She’s faking it,” he whispers in my ear.
“Definitely,” I whisper back, wrapping my hand around his cock and stroking lazily. He lets out a satisfied exhale and kisses his way down my chest, biting one of my nipples softly.
“I don’t know how he can’t tell,” Theo says quietly as he drags his lips across my skin.
“Theo, most men probably can’t tell.” He freezes before looking up at me with a mischievous smile.
“Maybe he should hear what it sounds like when someone isn’t faking it.” I raise my eyebrows at him in surprise as he starts fingering me harder, and I stifle a moan as I look at him, horrified.
“Absolutely not,” I hiss.
“I heard absolutely.” He grins and crooks his fingers at just the right spot, circling my clit with his thumb, and I stifle another moan and slap his shoulder.
“You’re an asshole.” He laughs softly, leaning down and kissing me quickly.
“You just figured that out?” He slips his fingers out of me and pinches my clit, making me squeal. “Don’t hold back, sweetheart,” he says, tracing my neck with soft, open-mouth kisses. “You make the prettiest sounds for me.” I shake my head, trying not to laugh.
“I’m not playing this game with you,” I whisper as Theo covers my body with his, lining us up.
“I’m not giving you a choice,” he says before he sinks into me deeply.
I scream, clinging to him, and he shoots me a wicked grin when we hear the couple downstairs go quiet.
“That’s my girl,” Theo whispers as he starts fucking me harder than usual.
I can’t help the sounds I make as he thrusts into me deeply enough that the pressure is painful.
“Theo,” I whisper, and he shakes his head.