Perfect

Chapter 46 THEO

THEO

It's three in the morning, and I should be asleep with Alex in my arms, peaceful and calm and dreaming about our future, the future we’re finally on the same fucking page about.

If I'm awake, I should be emailing the jeweler to see how long the ring I ordered on Friday will take to make, and then figuring out where and when and how I’m going to propose.

I should not be fighting off a panic attack and drinking whiskey like it’s my fucking job.

All I wanted was one perfect weekend to ignore everything and live blissfully in the bubble of time between Alex telling me she loves me and Dr. Mills telling me something that will make me hate myself more than I already do.

I didn’t think it was too much to ask to have one weekend where I get to pretend everything is perfect, to not think about what a fuckup I am, to just be happy with the woman I love.

It was all going exactly how I wanted until Alex told me how grateful she was that I did everything she asked me for.

She told me that her trusting me made it possible for her to choose me, and she wanted to spend the rest of her life choosing me. The second she said that, the thoughts and feelings started creeping back in.

I can’t let them in, otherwise I’m going to lose my shit.

I would never resent Alex for anything, but I really miss my delusion right now.

I take another long swig of whiskey from the bottle, trying hard to compartmentalize. I’m already drunk, but I need to dull myself down enough that I stop thinking or feeling anything.

Alex’s drinking problem is understandable, because it’s fucking effective. Hers seems to be going away, though, and I think mine is just starting.

Once my mind is muddled enough that I can slip back into the bubble I’ve created around this weekend, I head back downstairs and brush my teeth as I stare at Alex’s sleeping form, illuminated by the moonlight coming through the large bedroom windows.

Her arm is stretched across my side of the bed, like she reached out for me after I left.

I’m still astounded by the fact that she’s here, in love with me, committed to me in a way I’m almost positive I’m making up, and genuinely happy in a way she hasn’t gotten to be in a long time, if ever.

If she gets to be happy, I get to be happy, at least for another two days.

***

I wake up late in an empty bed, slightly hungover.

I lie there and listen to the quiet sounds of Alex doing something in the kitchen, so I slip on sweatpants and walk upstairs to make her breakfast. I stop dead when I find her waiting for me in lingerie and tall black heels, sipping her coffee and eating some toast. She smiles at me sweetly, pouring me a cup of coffee.

“Good morning.” Her voice is soft and sultry, sending a wave of heat down my spine. She hands me the coffee as she pushes me back against the counter, and I stare down at her, thrilled but unsure of what’s happening.

Then she gets down on her knees in front of me, looking up at me with a sly smile.

How have I never had this specific fantasy about her?

“I have a feeling it’s about to be a very good morning,” I say as I sip my coffee.

Alex grins as she starts slipping my sweats down, kissing my hips as she goes, looking up at me as she drags her pretty pink tongue up the underside of my cock before she sucks me into her warm, wet, gorgeous mouth.

I moan at how good she feels, and she moans back, running her hands up my body.

I have to set down the cup of coffee she made me because I’m afraid I’m going to drop it.

This is the best morning of my life.

This kind of happiness feels impossible, because it is impossible.

It’s not real, but Alex doesn’t need to know that, and I’m going to keep it from her as long as I can.

I’ll kill her husband, marry her immediately, come in her three times a day until she’s pregnant, and then spend the rest of my life trying to make up for something that she doesn’t even know I’ve done.

Nope, I’m not thinking about that right now.

“That’s it, sweetheart, just like that.” Alex looks up at me and moans as her fist works in concert with her mouth, and I lean my head back against the cabinets, enjoying her. She’s so perfect, and she’s all mine.

I know that’s not how I’m supposed to think about her, but no amount of working on myself in therapy can convince me that she’s not mine, especially not right now.

I don’t deserve this, and I don’t deserve her, but I’m in the bubble again, so I look down at her as I run my fingers through her silky hair and grip the back of her head.

“Be a good girl and relax for me.” Her eyes stay locked on mine, and she nods quickly, whimpering as I push myself deep into her throat. She gags a little, and I pull her head back, giving her a break before I push in again.

“Can you take more of me?” She makes a small sound of acquiescence, and I push in deep, keeping her there until she starts to gag harder and drool a little.

When I pull her head back, she’s staring up at me adoringly and swirling her tongue around the head of my cock, and I have a hard time not coming right then.

I could spend the rest of my life having mornings like this, and I’m going to do everything in my power to do that. I’ll make her dinner on Tuesday, slightly drug her wine, and remove the tracker while she’s asleep.

It’s small and inserted shallowly, so I won’t have to make a big incision. I’ve been practicing on various cuts of meat for weeks, and I’ve gotten the technique down well enough that it won’t hurt her, she won’t notice, and it won’t leave a scar.

She’ll never even know it was there.

I can’t think about any of that right now.

I can only think about how perfect Alex is, how in love we are, and how this is all real now.

That, and how good it feels to have the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with sucking my cock like this first thing in the morning, moaning like it’s getting her off, too.

I look down and see that she’s touching herself, and heat builds at the base of my spine quickly.

“Oh, fuck,” I say, my voice low and harsh. Alex pulls off me, smiling as she jerks me off against her lips.

“Please give it to me,” she begs, and she keeps jerking me off quickly as she slips me back in her mouth, hollowing her cheeks around me.

I try to hold out, but I can’t, not when she’s looking up at me like this, flushed and wide-eyed and begging.

I swear loudly as I come, and she moans excitedly, closing her eyes as she swallows.

I reach down to cup her face, pulling her off me and running my thumb over her swollen, wet lips.

“That’s my perfect fucking girl,” I whisper, and she blushes a deep pink.

“All yours,” she says, her voice sweet and a little raspy. I look down at her, overwhelmed. She is mine, and she wants to keep it that way. We both do.

I’m never going to tell her about the tracker.

No, I’m not thinking about it.

She stands up, taller in her heels and covered in thin green lace, and leans into me, kissing me slowly.

I hold her tight, gripping her ass and tasting myself on her tongue as I deepen the kiss.

I pick her up, setting her on the edge of the counter and slipping her thong off before I step in between her legs.

“I’m going to take such good care of you,” I whisper, and Alex looks up at me lovingly, taking my face in her hands and stroking my cheekbones.

“You do take care of me. You’re so good to me, Teddy.”

No, I’m not, but she doesn’t need to know that, and I’m not thinking about it.

I loop an arm around her waist and hold her tightly, kissing her hard as I start to touch her soft, slick cunt.

She loosely wraps her arms around my shoulders as I slip two fingers inside her, pulling away from the kiss and dropping her head against my shoulder.

She pants into my skin as I slowly fuck her with my fingers, placing soft, open-mouthed kisses on my neck and chest.

I hold her close and take my time, loving the small, whining gasps she makes as I bring her to the edge. Once her leg starts to tense up, I back off, stilling my fingers and biting her neck gently. She whines, and I laugh when I feel her start pushing down on my shoulders.

I keep my fingers inside her as I get down on my knees for her, looking up at her for a moment.

She smirks at me, her hands carding through my hair and pressing my face between her legs.

I drag my tongue against her clit, sucking gently as I crook my fingers towards me, pulling out until I find the right spot and massaging her there while I alternate between sucking and flicking her clit with my tongue.

I listen to the soft whimpers she makes for me, working her until her leg tenses up next to me, and then I press a little harder, suck a little harder, bringing her closer and closer until I feel her clenching around me, her release coating my mouth and fingers as she moans out my name.

When I look up at her, she’s flushed, looking down at me with a smug little smile.

“Good boy,” she whispers, grinning down at me. My head empties out, leaving nothing but a need to make her happy, so I bury my face between her legs again.

Making her happy is all I can think about.

I can’t think about the fact that I’m still lying to her, which is the principal thing she asked me not to do.

I can’t think about the fact that I’m still kind of stalking her, which is also something she asked me not to do.

I can’t think about the fact that she’ll leave me if I tell her the truth, or the fact that I’m so desperate to tell her the truth because I love her.

I’d lose my fucking mind if I thought about any of that, and there’s plenty of time to do that when we get back to Astoria.