Gavin
Chapter Twelve
Maizyn
Speaking of the conversation, I was far too drunk when the boys told me about Trevor being behind the accident to think in-depth about it.
Having Atlas with me all week has been a pretty good distraction.
If I'm not reading, then I have been pestering him.
It doesn't stop my mind from racing the moment he leaves, though.
I rub the ugly scar near my ankle. The one Trevor put there.
He is the reason all of this happened. He took Atlas from me and shattered any sense of the truth I thought I had.
Over and over, I skip through what I remember happening over the last year.
I think back to every single memory of Trevor, good and bad.
How much of that actually happened the way I remember it?
If I can forget Atlas, what else don’t I remember?
How do you move on and heal when you can't trust your own thoughts?
I leave the bedroom. Hoping that pacing through the hall will help me focus.
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to visualize all the tiny moments I misremember.
The Trevor I once knew was controlling, but he swore he did it because he loved me.
That didn't feel like love. The night I met Atlas flickers behind my eyes.
I ran from Trevor and that was the first breath of fresh air I ever had.
The first time I was truly myself. I replay every fight and argument between Atlas and me.
Atlas’ voice starts quietly. A low murmur at first that builds until it screams in my skull over and over again that I am ‘too much’.
That he doesn’t need my chaos in his life.
No. No. No. He didn’t mean that. He changed.
Atlas loves me. Trevor acted like he changed too.
It lasted until Atlas found me again. Trevor was good until he kidnapped me for trying to leave him.
What if I am still too much for Atlas?
He can’t know I'm spiraling. He can't find out that I’m slowly losing the battle with myself. He will leave me for something easier. I can’t lose him again.
Is that why he fucked me on Gavin's lap the other day?
Is he pushing me towards Gavin? Does he want to be rid of me?
If I become his friend's problem, he can wash his hands of me without feeling guilty.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I'M SO FUCKING STUPID! My breathing becomes rapid. I feel like my heart is going to fall out of my chest and onto the floor.
In. Out. In. Out. Breath!
I can't even fucking breathe right. Black spots fill my vision.
I slide down the wall as the room begins to spin.
Just breathe; it shouldn't be that hard.
I try to force my lungs to expand, but it seems to have the opposite effect.
My lungs burn and refuse to expand. The last thing I remember was my face landing on the soft rug before everything went black.
Atlas
Today is the first day I went to work at the office.
I would have happily stayed home, but Gavin and I had a few clients who requested we meet them in person to discuss hiring our company for security at a few social events.
We don’t really do events often, but high-profile clients prefer our work, so we try to accommodate them when we can.
My control over the current situation is slipping.
I thought I read Maizyn and Gavin correctly, yet it did not play out as well as I hoped.
She has been acting differently. I love her chaos, don’t get me wrong, but the good kind.
The way she has been acting this week is becoming concerning.
I battle with wanting to talk to her and being scared of pushing her away.
I blame my father for that. If I had been raised thinking emotions were okay to feel, maybe I would know how to approach this situation.
Maizyn keeps telling me that she is okay, but I am not blind.
I can see that she is fighting battles she won't tell me about.
I just wish she would trust me enough to open up to me about what is going on.
Hell, if I am being honest, Gavin seems off too.
The last time he was this cagey was when he was doing a side job with Ramos a few months ago.
I think that was right before everything with Maizyn happened.
I don’t know why they act like I don’t know about them.
It’s pretty obvious that they do them, yet they always refuse to tell me details.
Maizyn and Gavin don’t talk to each other either.
They either avoid each other completely or they resort to flipping each other off in passing.
He is acting like a petulant child who is not getting his way.
I’ve never seen Gavin act that way towards anyone, especially not a woman.
Speaking of Gavin, he texted me that he was heading home halfway through my second meeting.
We haven’t talked about what happened, so I guess that's a good sign that he is not pissed at me or anything. I don’t know exactly what it means, but I am glad we are acting like everything is fine.
Just as my meeting ends, my phone rings.
Gavin's name flashes on my screen. Gavin won't call unless it's important. I answer immediately.
“Hey, man. Is everything alright?”
“It’s Maizyn! Just get here asap.” Click. His words are rushed and frantic. I am completely caught off guard by his sudden urgency. I stare at the call-ended screen on my phone for a few seconds before Gavin’s words sink in and I race home.
Gavin
The house is quiet when I get home. That's not surprising. It’s become what I expect lately.
Heading through the kitchen, I grab a bottle of water on my way to my room.
As I round the corner, everything comes to a stop; the water bottle slips from my hand as I rush over to Maizyn, passed out on the floor.
A thousand thoughts race through my head as I reach my fingers to her neck to feel for a pulse, none of them good.
A sigh of relief escapes me the moment I feel the powerful thump-thump of her heartbeat against my fingers.
My eyes flick to her chest, watching for the rise and fall of her chest. Thank fucking God!
I don’t know what happened, but a solid heartbeat and breath have to be a sign it's not as bad as I originally thought. I don’t know if Atlas could handle anything bad happening to her.
Fuck. Atlas! I frantically retrieve my phone from my pocket and hit ‘call’ on his contact.
He picks it up on the third ring. I swear it feels way longer than the fifteen seconds it was.
“Hey, man. Is everything alright?” The question is clear in his voice. He knows I wouldn’t randomly call him unless it was important.
“It’s Maizyn! Just get here asap.” I end the call without waiting for a response.
I know I probably should have explained a little better.
Getting her off the floor seems more important.
It’s not like I know what happened anyway.
I don’t have details to tell him. Plus, everything in my body is screaming at me to hold her.
I quickly scan her body. Looking for any sign that she may be injured.
I don’t see anything; no blood or bruising, nothing to indicate a reason for finding her curled up on the floor.
I gently lift her, cradling her to my chest. She lets out a soft sound, something between a groan and a whimper, but otherwise doesn’t move.
She feels so light in my arms, too light.
Her sweet lavender scent infiltrates my senses and short-circuits my brain even further.
I pace back and forth, clutching Maizyn tightly with absolutely no idea what to do.
I want to take her to my room and sit with her until I know she is okay, but I don’t want her to wake up in a room she is not comfortable in.
I contemplate taking her to her and Atlas’ room.
I don’t think it would be a good look to be lying in his bed with his girl.
Think. Think. Atlas needs to hurry the hell up and get here.
I pace back and forth a few more times before deciding to sit on the couch with her still curled against me.
My fingers find her pulse point again, just to double-check.
She is sweaty and pale, but her heartbeat is still drumming against my fingertips.
My lips brush against her forehead as I brush her hair out of her face.
I rock back and forth slightly. I don’t know if I am doing it to comfort her or myself at this point. Does it really matter?
The door swings open with a whack, followed by frantic-sounding footsteps. “Gavin!” Atlas yells. The distress is clear in his voice.
“In here!”
“In fucking where? I am not in the mood for a game of Marco Polo. A room name would be nice!” He snaps, his composure fraying by the second.
“Polo! I'm in the living room; don’t get moody with me, just move your damn feet!” I can’t help fucking with him even through my pure panic.
He comes barreling into the room shortly after, coming to a stop as soon as he sees us. He assesses the situation quickly before crouching down to where she is in my lap. “What happened, Gavin?” His voice is eerily calm right now. I am not sure if it helps or makes my panic worse.
“I don’t know. I came home and found her curled up, asleep in the hallway against the wall. I panicked and called you.”
“Did you try to wake her?” There is no emotion in his voice; he almost sounds clinical when he asks it.
My words tumble out at a panicked speed. “Uh, well no. Not technically. She didn’t wake when I picked her up. I didn’t think to-”
“Gavin. It’s fine.” His voice sounds convincing, but it's hard to believe him. Why didn’t I think to just wake her up? Why was panicking the first thing I did? How many times has this happened that this seems normal for him?
He begins trailing his hand up and down her arm. “Hey, Chaos. Can you wake up for me, darling?”
She finally groans at his question. I relax, just a little bit. Her eyes flutter a bit before she closes them again.
“Did you eat anything today, Chaos?” Atlas’ tone is warm like he is talking to a hurt child.
She slowly shakes her head back and forth, indicating that she hasn’t.
“Okay. Let’s get you comfortable and fed.”
Atlas leans forward, his arms wrapping around her.
My grip tightens on her body when he tries to take her out of my hold.
Atlas stares at where I am holding her but doesn’t say anything.
He just nods his head as if he understands.
I don’t even understand my own reaction.
A few moments pass before I force myself to let go of her.
As soon as she is settled into Atlas’ arms, I turn to head to my room.
I think I need space. I don’t act rationally around her; it’s not good.
Atlas calls out my name to stop me. I look back over my shoulder.
He is still standing in the living room where I left him. He waits a moment before speaking.
“I could use your help. If that’s ok with you?”
“Uh, yeah. What do you need?”
“Do you want to get her a snack and a drink while I get her settled in bed?”
“Sure. I can do that.”
He nods once before walking past me and into his room.
I expected him to ask why I was holding her.
I actually expected him to question me about several things, not ask me to help him.
It’s like he knew I needed this, to be helpful somehow.
I sprint into the kitchen, grabbing cheese cubes, grapes, a granola bar, and a bottle of water before rushing into the room.
I probably should have knocked but my hands were full.
I dump my haul onto the bed at Maizyn's feet.
She still looks pale even though she is finally fully awake.
“What happened? Why the hell are you staring at me like I’ve grown a second head?”
The question was thrown at me. At least I know that whatever happened didn’t ruin her charming personality towards me. Before I can respond, Atlas beats me to it.
“When’s the last time you ate Maizyn?”
“Ooo, my real name. I must be in trouble.” Her words lack energy, yet the attitude is still there.
I can’t help but chuckle at that. Is she always such a brat? At least this time it’s towards Atlas and not me.
“I am glad you think this is funny. Gavin found you passed out in the hall, so answer the question.”
Her smile drops at that. She looks toward me as if asking if what Atlas said was true. I nod my head.
“Idon’tremember.” Her response comes out low and sounds like it was all one word.
“What was that, Chaos?” His voice sounds stern but not mean or angry.
“I don’t remember, Atlas. I am sorry.”
Atlas sighs, but tosses a granola bar to her. “Do you have any idea what went through my head when Gavin called me saying that I needed to hurry home because something was wrong with you? I was fucking scared, Maizyn. You have to be eating more often.”
“I know. You’re right. I really am sorry.”
“Is there anything else I need to know about?”
She seems to mull over a thought before shaking her head no. “No. I just forgot to eat. I am fine.”
He looks like he doesn’t believe her, and honestly? I don’t blame him. Even I don’t think that's the whole truth. But I also feel like I am intruding a bit on their moment. I stand to leave. “I am going to run to the grocery store. Do y'all want anything?”
Maizyn perks up in excitement, seeming to have newfound energy. “Can we all go? I want to go shopping?”
Atlas lets out a frustrated sigh. “You need to eat and you don’t like people. Why would you want to go shopping?”
“I might not like a lot of people, but I do like shopping for yummy snacks.” She flutters her lashes, making puppy eyes at Atlas. He caves almost immediately.
“Fine. We can go shopping, but please eat a bit more and drink the glass of water first.”
“Yes, Sir.” She gives him a mock salute before gulping down the water and shoving a few cheese cubes in her mouth. “Can we go now?” Her words are jumbled as she talks through the mouthful of cheese.
“Yeah. Let’s go.”