Atlas
Chapter Twenty-Six
When Maizyn collapsed, it took everything in me not to collapse there beside her.
Gavin was losing his mind, and I needed to be there for him too.
I shut down, locking everything I could on the inside.
I couldn't talk until I knew she might be okay.
What do you say when the love of your life is bleeding out?
I'm not gonna survive losing her again. If she doesn't make it through this, it will kill any bit of humanity I have left.
The doctors removed the bullet. They told us she is stable, but she hasn't woken up yet.
Gavin's pissed at me, at himself, at the entire world.
I don't blame him for it, though. He blames himself for all of it.
There's no talking him out of it. I'm familiar with the feeling; the guilt never leaves, just lessens over time.
We've been sitting in these hard chairs next to her bed for the last five hours, stewing in our own turmoil while we wait for Maizyn to wake up.
I reach out, grasping Maizyn's hand while Gavin goes to ask the doctor for the fourth time why she has not woken up yet.
I hear the doctor repeat the same answers as before.
‘Her vitals are stable. She's okay, and she'll wake up when she's ready to.’ Gavin storms back into the room, muttering under his breath about this being bullshit, then plops into the chair beside me.
“I know Gavin.” I use my other hand to grip his shoulder as a form of comfort, squeezing the tight muscles.
His head drops between his shoulders as he sighs in defeat. “What if she doesn't wake up?”
“She will.”
“But wha-”
“Enough! She will wake up, Gavin. There isn’t another option. She has to wake up. Our girl is strong. I know she can do it.”
He forces a laugh that doesn't reach his eyes. “Yeah, she is strong. Her strength isn't what worries me.”
“Then, what does?”
“Her will to live…” The words hang heavy in the air.
I know it's something Maizyn has battled with for a long time. But I thought she was doing well lately. Does Gavin know something I'm missing? “Can you elaborate on what you mean by that?”
“What if she will only wake up if she wants to?”
“You don't think she wants to wake up.”
“She pointed a gun at her head and pulled the trigger. Atlas, what do you think?
“The gun wasn't loaded.”
“Yeah, thankfully, it wasn't loaded. But what if it was? Then what?” He sounds shattered as he forces the words out.
“I know. I know what you're saying. We can figure it out when she wakes up and get her the help if she needs it. We can worry about that later; right now, we need to be here for her until she wakes up.”
“I'm so tired.”
“Me too, man. One of us should get some sleep. I think you should go first.”
“I'm not leaving her.”
“I didn't say you had to leave, Gavin. There is a chair in the corner of the room that reclines. We can sleep in shifts; that way, one of us is awake with her the entire time.
“And you wake me up if anything changes.”
“Of course. Now try to get some rest.” I gesture towards the chair, indicating which one I was talking about.
He nods in acknowledgment and heads towards it.
He fights with the lever on the side, trying to figure out how it reclines.
He kicks it, causing the footrest to pop open.
With a shake of his head in annoyance, he lies in the chair, using a thin hospital sheet as a makeshift pillow.
If we weren't currently sitting in a hospital, it would be comical.
I watch over Maizyn while Gavin sleeps, a million questions running through my head the entire time.
Two hours go by when I tap Gavin on the shoulder, waking him up to tell him it's my turn to rest. Neither one of us says anything.
I don't think there's anything left to say until she wakes up.
I climb into the same chair Gavin vacated and drift off into a fitful sleep.
Repeating the process every few hours. One of us is sleeping while the other keeps an eye on her.
Sometimes we sleep in the recliner chair, sometimes we sleep slumped forward in the chair next to her, our heads on her lap.
The hospital bed isn't big enough for one of us to fit beside her.
Gavin and I both tried. The nurse and the doctor make their rounds, checking in on Maizyn.
They are also trying to convince Gavin and me to get checked for injuries, but we both refuse every time, swearing that we will get checked over once Maizyn wakes up.
The sun rises and sets again without any changes.
The hours are passing agonizingly slowly.
It's Gavin's turn to sleep again. I have my head lying on Maizyn's knees, tracing lazy circles across her thigh.
My eyes start to drift closed, the lack of sleep weighing on me.
Right before I am fully asleep, I feel her fingers run through my hair.
My entire body goes rigid. I think I'm imagining it.
But as I rise back up in my seat, her eyes flicker open.
For the first time since being here, I feel like I can finally breathe again. Thank fucking God.
Maizyn
I know the lights are too bright before I even open my eyes.
The fluorescent beams burn my eyes even more as they flutter open, the insistent beeping dragging me awake.
The scent of orange, clove, mint, and eucalyptus permeates the air, coaxing me to wake up.
I take stock of my body. Everything aches.
I feel a weight on my lap. Assuming it’s one of the boys, I run my fingers through their hair instinctively.
My entire body stiffens as the last twenty-four hours flash in my mind.
I try sitting up in a panic, instantly regretting it as an intense stabbing pain in my side causes me to yelp.
“Take it easy, Chaos, before you hurt yourself more. Let me help.”
My eyes well up with tears as they connect with Atlas' blue ones while he helps me sit up in the bed.
The joy only lasts a few seconds when I don't see Gavin.
I frantically glanced around the room. I hear the machine reading my heart rate, beeping faster and faster as my panic rises.
“Where is he? Where is Gavin?” I force the words out even though they feel like glass cutting my throat.
“He is asleep in the chair in the corner.
He's okay.” His words have the desired effect, calming me as I recline back against the pillows.
Atlas grabs a glass of water from the side table and brings the straw to my lips.
I gulp the ice-cold water down, like it's the best thing on earth, feeling the coldness drop all the way down my esophagus into the bottom of my stomach.
“Slow down. I don't want you to make yourself sick.” He puts the cup back on the table next to the bed, making sure I'm comfortable.
“How long was I out?” My throat still feels scratchy, but it doesn't hurt that much anymore. My voice comes out as more of a croak.
“You got out of surgery yesterday. You were asleep for over twenty-four hours. The doctor had to remove a bullet from your side.”
My fingers trail over the bandage at the same time I nod my head in response.
I wanna be upset, but how bad is a bullet in the side when I would have willingly put one in my head?
That's not exactly something you can say to someone who would be destroyed by your death.
Atlas must sense my discomfort, grabbing my hand and pulling my attention back to him.
A nurse comes rushing into the room in a panic. “Is everything okay in here? Her machine was going off?”
“She woke in a panic but I was able to calm her back down,” Atlas answers for me without looking away from me.
“I’m glad you were able to calm her down, but I still need to check her vitals just to make sure she is doing okay. She was asleep for a while. It’s just a precaution.” Her voice is too cheerful for my migraine. I squint my eyes closed at the sound of her voice.
“What’s wrong?” Atlas notices immediately.
“It’s just a migraine, Atlas. I’m okay.” I wince as I adjust in the bed for the nurse to take my temperature.
“We can give you something for pain. On a scale of one through ten, one being mild and ten being the worst pain in the world. Where are you at?” She points to a chart on the wall depicting a pain scale.
“I don’t know, maybe a six?”
“Okay. A six is to be expected right now.” She walks to some type of cabinet near the door, scans her badge to unlock it, pulling out something I can’t quite see. “Here, take this.” She holds out a white pill in a tiny plastic cup.
I take the pill from her and dump it into my mouth. Atlas hands me the glass of water again to wash it down.
“Hey Chaos, are you going to be okay if I step out of the room to make a quick call while the nurse checks your vitals? You will be able to see me just out the door.” The way he says it, I know he would stay with me if I told him not to leave. His words are laced with so much love and concern.
“I think I can manage.”
He presses a kiss to my forehead, then rises from the chair and heads out of the room.
True to his word, he stays in my eyesight the entire time he is on the call.
The nurse does her job quickly. She checks my blood pressure and oxygen levels, telling me both look great.
Atlas walks back into the room just as she finishes changing my bandage.
I refuse to look at it right now. I don’t want to see how ugly and broken my body looks in this condition.
Atlas sits on the edge of the bed, blocking my view of the door as he assesses me from head to toe.
Something in his demeanor has shifted since the time I woke up.
I can tell he is up to something; I just can’t tell what.
A knock at the door pulls me from my thoughts.
I try to peer around Atlas to see who it is, but he purposefully blocks my view.
“What are you hiding? Who’s at the door?”