Chapter 45
Will held the engagement ring against his chest, between his heart and mine.
The ring was sophisticated and timeless. It had a platinum band inset with diamonds, a sparkling fourteen-diamond halo, and an enormous ruby in the center.
William Hastings didn’t get down on his knee to propose. He didn’t recite some practiced proposal speech. No, he remained true to form—something I absolutely loved about him—and gave me a sharp command.
“Marry me.”
My pulse raced.
Fear driven by the unknown was the worst fear of all, and in my lifetime, a marriage never existed in my home. Marriage was my unknown.
My mouth went dry. I opened it and then closed it.
For me, there had never been any husband-and-wife role models. I’d lost my parents so young, and my grandfather had passed before that. Isabel had married her high school sweetheart, but David left her six months later.
I’d held my sister night after night while she cried.
What if marriage ruined Will and me too?
I couldn’t risk living without him.
I lowered my eyes.
We both wiped at the tears streaking down my face.
I wanted to tell him that I was scared. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I couldn’t live without him. I wanted to say there would never be anyone else for me but him, that there had never been anyone before him.
But my fear wouldn’t allow me to say the words.
I should have looked into his eyes and let him see my heart.
He went to the fireplace and put the ring on the mantel.
“You’ll wear this when you’re ready,” he said.
And then he walked away, leaving me alone in our new bedroom suite.
I had hurt him.
I leaned against the door, listening as his footsteps faded. When they were all gone, my gut wrenched, and emotion hurled out of it.
The painful memory of finding my gran and Isabel lying on the floor came back to me. But the pain I suffered now was different…worse, if that was possible.
My heart writhed in my chest and ripped itself to pieces to punish me for hurting Will, and I wound my arms around myself to keep the pieces inside me.
Lissie’s voice startled me as she called out to me from the other side of the door.
“Aunt Ellie? Thomas told me to come here. Can I come in?”
How could I let her in? I had promised to never let her see me broken again.
“Uncle Will is punching the bags so hard. Is he mad at us?”
Damn it, she’d been in the gym when he got down there.
I opened the door, and Lissie rushed in, hugging my waist. I pushed my fingers through her long brown hair.
“He just has so much adult stuff on his mind, that’s all. He’s not mad…he could never be mad at you. Everything is fine, Lissie.”
She nailed me with her perceptive Hastings eyes.
“Then why were you crying?”
Caught in my own web of lies, I wiped at my face roughly with my sleeve. I reached for her hand.
“Come on, girl. Let’s go find something fun to do in this big old castle of yours.”
She took my hand and stared over her shoulder at the room.
“I’ll show you everything later. First, why don’t we find Mrs. Bates and ask her about pizza for dinner?”
As we went hand in hand along the corridor, she skipped along beside me.
“Yeah! We can make it a party with Chelsea and Uncle John and everyone!” she squealed.
Then she went on about how she knew Mrs. Bates would definitely say yes, and I released one long ragged exhale.
Mrs. Bates created an amazing table in the dining room for the kids, set with handmade pizzas and wine chillers filled with flavored sodas.
Colorful balloons floated around the room.
Housekeeper or not, Mrs. Bates was part of the family, and she always knew how to make everyone happy. She truly loved the kids. I motioned for her to come sit with Mary and me, and the three of us chatted while watching Lissie and John help Chelsea “properly” enjoy pizza.
The girls’ laughter floated on the air like a beautiful melody.
Will had avoided me all afternoon, keeping to the gym or his war room while I stayed around the kitchen, playing board games with Lissie and helping with the pizzas.
But his voice now resonated in the hall, coming closer and closer to the dining room. He appeared outside the arched opening with Ben and Thomas, all three with hard expressions on their faces.
I knew that look on Will’s face.
We were running out of time.
They were coming for us.
Thomas popped into the dining room and startled me when he called out to Will.
“Just hold up for a fucking minute, brother.”
He filled a plate, then kissed his mother’s cheek, teasing her about not having pizza parties when he was younger.
Mary’s eyes gave her away. Her sons so easily charmed her.
“We’re doing things differently these days, but I love you boys all the same,” she said.
As I watched her interact with Thomas, Will’s hot stare burned onto the side of my face. He didn’t stop. I slid my chair away from the table and went into the hall with him.
As he reached for my hand, his tattoo—the one with my name—leaped out at me, making my heart twist and punish me again for hurting him. And because I took too long to give him what he wanted, he jerked me against him, holding up my chin to look at my eyes.
“Christ, you’ve been crying.”
I shut my eyes, nodding, and he kissed my forehead.
“Don’t do that, baby. I can’t take it when you cry.”
I opened my eyes and searched his for pain, but I couldn’t find it. I searched for anger and didn’t find that either. Instead, his eyes were flawless, invincible, as beautiful as ever.
“Come in and get something to eat,” I said.
He shook his head, brushed his thumb over my lip.
“I’ll get something later. I’ll see you upstairs…in our room.”
Then he kissed me softly and headed back to his war room.
Steaming water ran down the front of me, and Will’s hard body warmed my backside. I dropped my head back against his good shoulder.
He kissed me behind my ear, on my neck, along my shoulder. He caressed my curves. And when his erection grew so hard against my back, the buzzing blood inside me dropped down between my thighs.
“I need you, baby,” he breathed against my skin.
My own breath rushed from my lungs.
He pulled my mouth around to his. He kissed me deeply, he kissed me slowly. His touch was deliberate and soft, and every kiss the same.
I turned around in his arms and met his eyes.
The hot water rained over our bodies as we stood face to face, and a small voice whispered inside my head, telling me to give him what he needed…telling me to marry him sooner than later.
“I won’t push you, Elle. Maybe I should have waited a few more years. But we’re here, and I can’t go back. I can only give you the time you need to take the next step.”
“What? No. No, you shouldn’t have waited longer. And what do you mean, give me time?”
“I’ve said it more than once, I’ll deny you nothing. I mean it.”
He paused for a second, his gaze dropping to the stone tile.
“Just say your hesitation isn’t because you’re unsure about me, and I’ll wait as long as you want.”
My heart thrashed inside me. I did want to wear this man’s ring. But damn me, I’d had to hurt him first. I fucking hated myself for always pushing him so far beyond what was necessary.
No matter how many steps forward we took, one of us always seemed to lose our footing, forcing the other one to find a way to fix us again. It had to stop.
My throat tightened, and it took a minute before I could talk.
“Will, there’s no one I trust more than you, no one I believe in more than you. I’m very sure about you…I know you’re it for me, and I do want to wear your ring.”
He stared into my eyes, testing my truth, and when he was satisfied with what he saw, he dropped his head and smiled against my lips.
“You’re scared, and that’s quite all right.”
As he reached around me to turn off the water, he pulled my body closer with his other arm and sucked on my bottom lip before going on.
“You need to challenge me. You chose the right man, Elle. I’m strong enough for it, even if you do drive me mad, woman.”
I pulled the pins out of my hair, then wrapped my arms around his neck.
“You wouldn’t be happy with someone who didn’t challenge you at least once in a while.”
Will picked me up into his arms.
“You’re right. You’re it for me, baby.”
We kissed fiercely as he put me down on our bed, his passion so intense it changed me even more. The horrible things we lived with, the terrible things we did, it all burned to ashes inside that kiss. Only love could do that…
Only a crushing, possessive love like ours.
A love that was an obsession for us both.
“I need to be inside you now,” he said.
But a second later, when he was almost fully inside me, someone started pounding on the door.
Thomas. He shouted at his brother as he beat on the door.
“Will, get the fuck up now! Those motherfuckers are here.”