Chapter 59
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
Conversation starter: Does some food taste better the next day?
—Fab and Delish
The moment I enter the room, the female contingency of my family—my sister and niece—proceed to sharpen their emotional claws against my heart by talking nonstop about their time this past week with Fallon in Seven Virtues.
“What the hell do you mean, you’ve been in Seven Virtues?”
Austyn, never one to watch her smart mouth, snarks, “Have you ever heard of the feature called ‘Find My’? We do share a family plan. If you were so determined to locate where I was, you could have found me at any time.”
Fuck, if she doesn’t have me by the short hairs. While I’m stewing in my own incompetence, Austyn has the audacity to show photos to everyone, but she snagged her phone back before it reached me.
Sending me a vicious smile, something I’d have attributed to her father, except her mother’s wearing one just like it, Austyn drawls, “You don’t want to see photos of Mama and me hanging around with a stupid kid who makes stupid choices. Wouldn’t want to waste your time, Uncle E.”
As much as part of me wants to strangle her, the other part of me can’t help the surge of gratefulness she flew to see Fallon. Still, if Austyn’s trying to wound me, she can’t. She has no idea of the level of pain I’m in.
That’s when a concerned Jesse asks Austyn, “How’s Fallon holding up since her mama’s memorial?”
My head snaps in his direction as my jaw drops. Did he say what I think he just said?
No. My mind rejects Jesse’s words as truth. That is, until Austyn’s head bows, the light of battle dissipating from her bright blue eyes. “About as well as can be expected. It’s only been a few weeks.” When she finishes speaking, her head falls to her husband’s shoulder, seeking support from a loved one—knowing Mitch will be there. The way I wasn’t there for Fallon.
Oh god. Helen’s gone.
The cogs of my brain stutter to life again and as they’re ca-chunking they’re also making my stomach churn.
What have I done?
Jesse mutters, “If I’d have known, I’d have been there.”
Paige leans over and grips his hand. “It’s all good, Jess. Helen was specific about who she wanted there. She didn’t want to add any further burden to Fallon.” Nodding at her own husband before aiming a tender look at her daughter. “Just imagine if Beckett showed up?”
As I’m trying to process the words, my fork, having just stabbed a bite of food, clatters to the plate, forgotten. “She lost her mother? How? Was it sudden?”
Austyn and Paige ignore me. My only ally in the room is apparently my father, who is wearing an expression that is just as bewildered as my own. Mitch answers us both, but only after he sees Tyson’s confusion. “Cancer. Despite every hump Fallon busted to afford the cost of treatment not covered by her mother’s insurance, she was too far gone by the time it was found. Her body couldn’t handle it.”
My hand is already itching to reach into my pocket for my cell to demand Leanne or Sam find a way to lift this ridiculous block Fallon dropped between us so I can offer her my condolences when my niece’s hostile voice freezes my movements. “I’m just so grateful she was able to spend those last few weeks with Helen without any interruptions. She left her second job—you know, the one where she worked at Devil’s Lair?”
Just hearing the name of that organization has me erupting. “You knew?”
Austyn eyes skew me like icicles. “Of course I did. In fact, she never actually received a paycheck from them. They paid for all her mother’s medical expenses in lieu of her taking money while she was alive. The owner urged her out when it became apparent Helen was going downhill.”
In my head, over and over, I see Thorn’s desperate text right before the one I found of Fallon’s.
Thorn:
Let us confirm. That is an order.
Fallon:
Love isn’t rational. Neither is what you’ll do to keep it.
She wasn’t working there because of the childish reasons I accused her of, she was trying to save her mother’s life. I don’t realize I’ve spoken aloud until Paige’s soft “Yes” slams into me with the power of a death strike. I shove back from the table, even the few inches separating me from the wood’s edge too close for me to be comfortable to breathe.
This is what Thorn was keeping from me. I’ve never wanted to murder someone so badly in my life as I did my former boss, but despite him holding back the information, I know where the real blame squarely sits.
On me.
“God. Oh god,” I rasp. My body shakes under the urge to strike something, the need to, what? Cry? Yeah, that’s a distinct possibility. I threw away something good and precious.
“Ethan, son? Are you all right?”
I may never be all right again. Still, I need to know what my family does. My eyes skewer my niece in pieces. “You knew what she was doing?”
Silence descends around the table. I’m certain Mitch is debating how to beat me senseless when Austyn hisses, “Why don’t you share with us what you think she was doing, Uncle Ethan?”
I shove my chair back so hard it falls behind me. “The worst, okay? I damn well assumed the worst.”
Malevolence gleams in her eyes as she drawls, “I already know that. Want to know how? I asked .”
Running my hands through my hair, I begin to pace. “Austyn, she works—worked—for a phone sex hotline.”
“So what?”
In deference to the assignment, I limit my words. “This particular one is…questionable.”
“Questionable, how?”
“I can’t share.”
She flicks her middle finger at me, dismissing me.
“The fact she was a phone sex operator didn’t have you worried?” I shout, needing to redirect some of my righteous pain before I collapse from beneath the weight of it. Surely someone can see where that might have derailed me.
Austyn stares at me, slack jawed. I’m certain I got my point across when she bursts into gales of laughter. “Oh, that’s rich. Truly.”
“What’s so damn funny?”
“Fallon’s done nothing more than what I do.”
“I think it’s a bit more than that,” I emphasize.
“All she had to do is sell her voice, Uncle Ethan. What’s the big fucking difference?”
“You don’t have men jacking off to yours,” I shout.
“Like hell I don’t,” my niece purrs.
Her husband growls. “Thanks for that mental image, baby.”
“You’re a musician!” I bellow.
“So? I still do it for money.”
“So did she,” I grit out.
“Her reasons behind it are a lot more noble than mine and completely cancel out any potential morally gray ick factors, in my opinion.”
I’m about to point them out when Jesse, the fucker, raises his hand. I bite out, “What?”
“I just want to know how you were even aware of it.”
“Stay out of this, Jess,” I warn him.
Instead of helping, their lack of anger over the revelation about what could have been my and Fallon’s coming out only fuels my own. “You don’t know everything you think you do about Fallon, Austyn.”
Austyn rolls her eyes at me. “Come on, Uncle E. There isn’t a thing about Fal I don’t know.”
“How about the fact I’ve been talking to her constantly since you two graduated high school?”
My niece snorts in derision. “Like I didn’t figure that out? Please. She’d get this stupid ass smile on her face when you’d text her.”
My hands slap down on the table before I thunder, “And you were okay with it?”
“As long as you cared about her, then why wouldn’t I be?” Austyn confounds me by asking in return.
Even as my sister nods emphatically along with my niece’s words, I feel the blood drain from my face. My brother-in-law, Beckett, just shakes his head before offering up his own words of experience. “Ethan? I rarely offer advice as I’m not the best role model?—”
“What do you have to say about this?” I snarl.
“If you don’t want to wonder what every day of your life could have been like with her, I’d be doing everything possible to fix your mistake. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself twenty years later waking up at night grateful you were gifted a second chance.”
Without a word, I shove back from the table. Just as I make it to the door, one voice stops me. “Ethan.”
God, my father. He hasn’t butted in until now other than to ask about Fallon’s mother.
I turn my head to meet his. My voice is noticeably cooler when I ask, “Yes?”
“If I had another hour with your mother, I’d give up everything to take it.” His eyes harden. “If you’re given one, don’t be a fool and waste it.”
Wincing at the memory of our confrontation in the parking lot of Devil’s Lair, I cringe. She’s been steeping in pain, agony, and bitterness for the last two weeks. I wonder if there’s a chance in hell of getting Fallon to talk to me before she slams the door in my face.
The answer is simple. I didn’t trust my heart.
Now, I have to try to get Fallon to listen to me. It’s hers to do with what she will.
It always will be hers.
No one else’s.