Chapter Twenty-eight
RONAN
Three Years Earlier
ITALY
It had been two years, three months, three weeks, and twelve days.
Not that I’d been counting.
I didn’t belong here. I knew that, but I still sat at the back of the auditorium, watching her like some goddamn coward.
Nina. She was up there, in that sea of graduates, glowing, her brown eyes shining brighter than I remembered.
I was proud of her. So damn proud. But I couldn’t show my face.
Not yet. Not until I became a better man who could love her the way she deserved to be loved.
I’d been keeping up with everything, though.
Watching her from a distance. That’s the only way I could keep track of her, of the woman she’d become.
Every post on her social media. Every picture, every update.
I knew exactly what she’d been up to in the past two years.
I wasn’t stalking her. Not exactly. I told myself it was to make sure she was okay, to remind myself that she was thriving—thriving in a way I couldn’t be part of.
But today… today was different. Today was hers.
I’d had the bouquet delivered early this morning—one hundred and twenty-six peonies.
That was a pretty damn poetic number. One hundred and twenty-six credits.
The exact number she’d passed. She deserved that, deserved more.
But she’d never know it was from me. She didn’t need to.
She was doing great without me, and she was happy.
I could see it. It was all over her face, in the way she held herself, the confidence in her stride.
I also had the cake delivered yesterday. I was sure she’d gotten it, though I didn’t know if she knew it was from me. It was my way of showing her I was still here, in the shadows, watching. I couldn’t be upfront about it. She’d done too well without me to muddy the waters now.
And the gifts? They’d show up after the ceremony. Anonymous as always. I was sure she’d love them.
I couldn’t stop myself from feeling like a coward. Every time I saw her, every time I heard her name, I wanted to walk up to her, tell her how sorry I was, how much I regretted leaving, how much I still cared. But I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. She was better off without me, and that was the truth of it.
So I sat there, in the back, and let the ache in my chest remind me of everything I’d lost. I kept my distance. Because that’s what she needed. I’d come to realize that was the only way I could still love her. From afar.
My therapist had said it wasn’t a good idea. She didn’t think it would be healthy for me to be here, lurking in the shadows like some ghost of the past. I heard her words clear as day, her gentle concern, her professional advice. But I didn’t pay her for her thoughts.
So here I was, watching Nina—my Nina—on her big day.
The only woman I’d ever loved. The only one I’d ever love.
No matter how far I ran, no matter how many years passed, she was the one.
It didn’t matter how many distractions I surrounded myself with; Nina was the heartbeat that still ran through my veins.
I thought I could move on, but every time I thought of her, it all came rushing back. I saw her face, her smile, that beautiful laugh that used to fill up every damn room I was in. It was like a fire in my chest—something I couldn’t snuff out, no matter how hard I tried.
When it was her time to walk on that stage, it took every ounce of my willpower not to shout her name, not to scream and make her turn around, to pull her into my arms and never let her go.
But I knew. If she saw me, even one glance, it would shatter her.
It would crumble everything she’d worked for, everything she’d built without me.
I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t be the reason she faltered when she’d been so strong, so goddamn beautiful without me.
So instead, I did the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. I clapped. My hands felt like they were on fire, but I clapped, and tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t stop them. There was no holding back. She looked so incredible up there, standing on the stage, so sure of herself, so damn brilliant.
When the crowd rose for the standing ovation, I slipped out of my seat and walked quickly to the door.
She wouldn’t see me leave, but I couldn’t leave without one last look.
As the applause thundered behind me, I stood at the door and let my eyes drift toward her.
And that’s when I felt the weight of her eyes, even from across the room, as if she could feel me watching. It nearly broke me.
I turned away before she could catch me and sat in the waiting car.
Rachel, ever the steady presence, glanced at me from the front seat. “How was it?” she asked, her voice soft but curious. But I couldn’t answer, not without breaking. I shook my head, fighting back everything that wanted to come out.
“She’s so fucking beautiful,” I muttered, my voice rough. “I’m just… I’m so proud of her.”
Rachel didn’t say anything, only reached beside her and handed me the small package. “Here’s the crochet supplies you wanted.”
“Thanks,” I said, the words feeling too heavy on my tongue.
I stared at the package, trying to regain my composure, but Rachel had one last thing for me. “The deliveries,” she said quietly. “They’re all done. We’ve got the footage from the video.”
I felt a tightness in my chest as she pulled up the clip on her phone.
The flowers, the cake, the gifts—all of it.
And there she was, a smile so bright, so full of joy.
Her hands flew to her face as she saw the peonies, her tears falling, her voice trembling.
“Oh mio Dio, per me?55” Her excitement was palpable, and she kept repeating it, not quite believing someone cared enough to do all of that.
I clenched my jaw, fighting the sob that threatened to break free. I didn’t want to cry, didn’t want to let anyone see how much this was killing me. But I couldn’t stop myself.
Rachel paused, then spoke cautiously, as if testing the waters. “Not to be out of turn, but... is she...?”
I knew what she was asking. I knew the question she wanted to ask. And I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
The word hung in the air, heavy with everything we both knew. It was the truth. Nina was always going to be the one. She had been the one from the very start.
The rest of the ride to Milan was silent. The sound of the car’s engine and the distant noise of the road were all I could hear as my thoughts spun in endless circles, all of them centered on Nina.
I pulled out the crochet from the bag, the one thing that kept my hands busy, kept my mind from going wild. I didn’t want to think, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t ever stop thinking about her.
So, I kept my hands moving, focusing on the soft yarn between my fingers. The only thing I could do was keep her near. The only thing I could hold on to.