Chapter 16 Janie #2
Nothing about that statement is inaccurate. David is everything that makes logical sense, and he leaves me feeling absolutely nothing. He’d be a devoted husband, a reliable father figure for Aria. But when I imagine his hands on my skin, his lips on mine, I feel nothing but mild disgust.
I don’t want mild. I want wildfire. A man who makes me feel reckless.
Who makes me forget to breathe when he walks into a room.
Someone whose voice alone can make heat pool low in my stomach, whose proximity makes my nerve endings spark.
I want fire and electricity and the kind of chemistry that rewrites your DNA.
I want someone who makes me feel dangerously, desperately alive.
And heaven help me, I know exactly who that someone is.
He studies me, his gaze raking over me, slow and torturous. “Right. Just a single friend who wants to take you to a party.” His voice is flat.
I pick up a pair of reindeer antlers someone left on the choir risers. “What do you care if he’s single?”
Instead of answering, he steps closer, and suddenly the empty stage feels very small, the heat pulsating between us. “Does he know you’re not interested in him?”
I freeze, feeling that swirl of energy that only happens when he’s close. I focus on the antlers instead. “I never said I wasn’t interested.”
“You didn’t have to.” He pins his gaze on me. “The way you said yes was like agreeing to jump off a cliff against your will.”
I frown. “Well, David’s never invited me out before. I was just surprised.”
“Surprised?” He laughs before his dark eyes land on mine again. “Or maybe you’re using him as a shield.”
The accuracy of that statement stings like a slap. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?” He leans toward me, and I instinctively step back until my hip hits a set piece on the stage. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’re scared.”
I narrow my eyes. “I’m not scared.”
“No? Then why haven’t you been able to look at me since you touched me?”
Heat floods my cheeks. “That was an accident.”
“Was it?”
“Yes. I was trying to help you understand the character and I…” I don’t have a believable lie. I can’t even come up with one.
“And you what, angel?” His voice is dangerously quiet. “Forgot what you were doing? Didn’t remember that you’re supposed to keep your distance?”
Yes. Exactly that.
“You’re reading too much into nothing,” I say, but even I can hear how weak it sounds.
His brow lifts. “Am I? Because the way you pulled back, how you’ve been avoiding me since we worked on the script…”
I turn away and gather as many props as possible, just to busy myself. If my arms are full, he can’t get close to me. It’s a lousy defense, but it’s all I’ve got when I’m defenseless around him. “I haven’t been avoiding you.”
He laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “We’ve said maybe ten words to each other outside of rehearsal. You eat breakfast before I wake up, and you’re in your room before I get home from practice.”
What can I say? Every time you look at me, I want to kiss you again.
The heat rises in my cheeks even as I try to deny it. “I’ve been busy.”
“With what? Thinking about Peterson?”
The jealousy in his tone should annoy me. Instead, it turns my body molten, which only makes me angrier at myself.
“What I think about is none of your business,” I snap. “David is just a work acquaintance who happens to be a guy.”
“Janie, he’s a man. And he’s single. He only has one thing on his mind…and it’s not educational.”
My mouth opens to protest, but nothing comes out. David is safe for me. Harmless.
Right now, the only man I should be afraid of is the one standing in front of me. David Peterson could bore me to tears, but Rourke Riley? He could destroy me completely. There’s this pull between us I can’t explain, and even worse, I don’t want to fight it.
The dark stubble shadowing his jaw, his hair falling over his forehead, the intensity in his eyes that makes me want to do incredibly dumb things.
I should tell him his jealousy over Peterson isn’t my problem. Walk away before I do something I can’t take back.
Instead, I’m drowning in the memory of being in his arms, how he held me like he really wanted me. If only I could erase that from my memory and pretend it never happened. But I can’t forget—not when it’s burned into me.
I lift my chin. “I’m going out with David, even if you disapprove.” Then I pivot, heading toward the storage bin.
“Fine, go out with him,” he says sharply. “You don’t know what you’re missing, though.”
I give a humorless laugh. “And you think you could show me?”
“I could ruin every other date for you.” His voice drops lower. “One night with me, and you’d forget Peterson even exists.”
I don’t dare turn around. My heart’s in free fall, and I know my face would betray every second of it. His words move through me like fire, and I have to remind myself to breathe just to keep my heart steady.
“Which is exactly why I’m going out with David,” I say calmly. “And not you.”
“Tell me,” he goes on, “what are you going to do with Aria while you’re out?”
I lift a shoulder before putting away the props. “I’ll figure it out.”
His jaw tics. “I could watch her.”
I huff out a laugh. “You…babysit? Now, that’s hilarious.”
“Why do you find that funny?” His brow creases.
“Because—”
I can’t trust myself to come home to you holding my daughter. That image is exactly what I can’t let myself want.
But I can’t admit that. So instead, I blurt out, “…It’s a bad idea.”
He blinks quickly, trying to hold back his frustration. “Why? I’m already living at your house. And someone has to make sure Aria’s okay while you’re out partying with your teacher friend.”
My mouth drops. “What kind of teacher parties do you think we have?”
“I don’t know, you tell me.” He crosses his arms, and I don’t miss the accusation in his expression. “I bet some teachers get pretty wild. You know, tossing a few desks, getting into fights because their love life has less action than a scoreless hockey game.”
I rest a hand on my hip, glaring at him. “Rourke, this is crazy.”
“Obviously. But so is refusing to let me help. Why is this so hard for you to accept?”
I hesitate before saying the thing I know will put distance between us—needed, necessary distance. “Because that’s not who you are. You’re not the domestic type. You do hockey and parties and…women who don’t want commitment.”
Hurt flickers across his face. “You think that’s what I am?”
“I think you’re exactly what you’ve always been,” I say, without flinching. “And I can’t afford to forget that.”
For a second, he looks devastated as the words hang between us. I can’t let myself get hurt again, for Aria’s sake and my own.
He stares at me for a long moment, then nods once, sharp and final. “Message received.” Then he backs away slowly, his mouth a tight line. “Enjoy your not-a-date with Peterson. I’m sure you’ll have a very educational evening.”
I want to stop him, to tell him the truth even though I know what’s best for Aria and me. Whatever happened the weekend we went to Santaville has to end now.
He’s at the edge of the stage when he turns back one more time. “For what it’s worth, Bennett, you’re wrong about me.”
I keep my face neutral. “Oh, really? How?”
He takes a step toward me, his eyes locked on mine with an intensity that makes me quake inside. “You think I want a fling? I don’t. I was just waiting.”
“For what?”
His gaze never leaves mine as he delivers the final blow. “For a woman who would make me want to come home every night instead of avoiding it.”
My heart trips in my chest.
“You want to know what type of man I am? The type who would choose the woman I love every single day. Who would put my family first, always. I wouldn’t just stay. I’d never want to leave.”
It’s everything I’ve wanted to hear. And nothing I can let myself believe.
He shakes his head, bitterness filling his tone. “But you’ve already decided I’m not that guy. So have a great time with Peterson. Hope he’s everything you think you need.”
Then he turns on his heel and walks out.