Chapter 29 Rourke
TWENTY-NINE
Rourke
I text a few of my teammates to meet me at Rose & Thorn and head out before I can change my mind.
When I arrive at Brax’s house, my phone buzzes with a notification from our building superintendent announcing that all units are cleared for move-in.
I stare at the message, frowning. Technically, it solves a problem. If I return to my condo, at least Nick can’t make claims about me living at Janie’s. Going back has always been the plan.
But as I turn the front door handle, I realize something else. I’m not going home to Janie anymore. I’m just going back to an empty condo. One with no toys on the floor, no Christmas tree, and no one waiting up for me.
And right before Christmas? That’s the part that really guts me.
I step inside the foyer and notice Jaz has gone into full holiday mode: garland draped on the staircase, a huge tree twinkling in the corner, and the scent of cinnamon and gingerbread in the air.
It’s the type of holiday scene that usually makes me bristle.
But tonight, it reminds me of Janie. And that makes everything harder.
In the dining room, Brax is setting out some of those fancy cheese and crackers Jaz always buys for us. Leo sits at the table, nursing a beer while Tate checks his phone.
When I walk in, they all stop what they’re doing and glance up at the same time.
“All right,” Brax says, gesturing for me to take a seat at their dining room table. “Jaz took Rosie upstairs so we could talk. What’s going on? You never call a meeting unless it’s urgent.”
I drop into a chair. “Janie’s ex is threatening a legal battle over Aria. He wants Janie to stop seeing me or he’ll drag it out in court.”
Leo sets down his drink, narrowing his eyes. “Can he do that?”
“He’s Aria’s biological father. He’s got rights, even if he hasn’t been involved.” I run my hands through my hair. “And I’m sure he’s got more money for lawyers than Janie does.”
“Why don’t you help her?” Tate suggests.
“I would, except I know Janie won’t accept it.”
“So you’re just going to let him threaten her?” Leo asks with a frown.
“Absolutely not. I’m trying to figure out how I can protect her and Aria. He’s trying to get dirt on me so he can stack evidence against her.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Brax says, sitting next to me. “Janie would do anything for her daughter.”
“I know, but that doesn’t mean the courts will see it that way,” I shoot back. “And it doesn’t solve the problem that I’m gone half the time. Or that I come from a dysfunctional home with an alcoholic father. I’ve never even had a serious relationship, let alone been responsible for a child.”
I shake my head, the doubts piling up in my head. “What do I know about being a dad? I’ve been a bachelor my entire adult life.”
“Doesn’t disqualify you,” Brax says, cracking open a can of sparkling water.
“Maybe not in the world’s eyes, but in the eyes of the law?” I huff out a humorless laugh. “Nick’s lawyers will tear me apart when they find out about my father.”
The room goes quiet. They know pieces of my story, but not everything.
“You’re not him,” Tate says.
“I’ve told myself that.” Then I shake my head, running through the questions that haunt me. “But what if I end up hurting them? I don’t know if I can be a good father. If Nick screws up, he’s still her dad. But if I screw up, I might be the reason she loses Aria.”
“But he cheated on her, then failed to pay child support,” Brax argues. “You’ve already proved yourself.”
“I know, but what if I make a mistake? Something that would call her full custody into question?” I lean back in my chair, closing my eyes. “I’d never forgive myself.”
Brax freezes, his can halfway to his mouth. “So you’re just going to do what? Walk away?”
“I’m not walking away. I’m trying to protect her.”
Leo leans forward, rolling the bottle between his fingers. “You’re telling yourself that Janie can fight Nick on her own—and that she wants to.”
“I don’t see why it has to be one or the other,” Tate points out. “What if you could be part of their lives and help her fight this? Maybe even become Aria’s father. It’s not unrealistic.”
“Maybe eventually. But right now Nick’s looking for any excuse to make Janie’s life harder.”
We sit in silence for a while. Leo grabs me a drink, and I take it even though I’m not in the mood. Brax pushes the plate of crackers toward me, but I can’t eat either. My stomach is in knots.
“You really think leaving is the answer?” Tate asks, picking up a cracker.
“I think it buys her time,” I say. “She can sort out the custody issues without Nick using our relationship against her.”
Leo pushes his drink away. “You’re assuming you’re the problem.”
“I AM the problem!” The words burst out of me. “Listen, I don’t want to do this. Especially after I told her I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But I don’t know what else to do. Every option ends with her getting hurt.”
Tate leans forward. “So what’s your actual plan here?”
“Move back to my condo. Keep some distance until the custody situation settles.” I stare at the bottle in my hands. “Look, I’m not giving up on her. I’m just giving her space to deal with Nick without me making it worse.”
“And the pageant?” Tate asks.
“I’ll be there. I’m not breaking my promise to her.”
The guys exchange glances, and I get the feeling they’re not convinced that giving her space is the right call. But they don’t push anymore. They let me sit there, working through it in my head because they know that’s what I need.
“You know she’s going to fight you on this,” Leo tells me.
“Probably.” I let out a hollow laugh. “But maybe that’s what she needs—to be angry at me instead of scared of Nick.”
“That’s a terrible plan,” Brax says.
“Well, it’s the only one I’ve got.” I push away from the table, realizing I’m not getting anywhere with this conversation. “I should go. Need to get settled at the condo.”
Brax follows me to the door. “Hey, I don’t know what you’ve got planned for Christmas, but you’re always welcome at our house.” He lays a hand on my shoulder. “Jaz would insist.”
I nod once. “Thanks, man.” I’m honored that he’d invite me. But I know I’d only be the third wheel in their family gathering. “I might head out of town for Christmas. I think I need some space to think things over.”
He presses his lips together. “Okay, but the door’s always open if you change your mind.”
I step off the porch and head down the walkway. Across the street, Christmas lights twinkle in the neighbor’s window, reminding me of the night I decorated Janie’s house when she wrapped me in lights and kissed me like we had forever.
She tried to convince me Christmas could be different—that it didn’t have to mean disappointment.
I should’ve known better. Here I am, spending Christmas alone again, just like every year before her.
I’m almost to my car when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I hesitate—seeing her name on my screen will only make this decision that much harder. But then I give in and pull it out.
Janie
When will I see you?
I stare at those five words longer than I should. Because the answer I want to tell her is right now. I could drive to her place, walk through the door, and say that we’ll fight this together.
But that’s not what’s best for her.
Rourke
My condo is done. Away games all week. I’ll be back for the pageant.
Three dots appear. Then disappear. They appear once more before her text comes through.
Janie
The kids will be counting down. And so will I.
She has no idea what those words do to me—that she's counting down the days until she sees me again.
Janie
I miss you already. Can’t wait to see you at the pageant.
I close my eyes and sit in my car. This is killing me. But for one more night—the pageant—I can be what she needs.
I force myself to type back:
Rourke
Wouldn’t miss it for the world.