Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
CAM
“That’s the way to fucking do it!” Tyler pulls off his helmet and slaps Drew’s shoulder as we head off the field after Drew’s forty-yard reception right into the end zone.
“That pass?” Drew smacks a kiss to his fingers. “Perfection, my beautiful bestie. A thing of fucking beauty.”
“I know,” Tyler says with a grin, running a hand through his floppy mess of brown waves. “I’m the best quarterback to ever quarterback. Bring me the finest grilled cheeses and the coldest ginger ale in all the land.”
Drew laughs, swinging an arm around Tyler’s shoulders and ruffling his hair with the other hand. “Keep throwing like that for the rest of this game and I’ll come over and make the grilled cheese for you myself.”
Tyler flops down onto the bench and grabs a water bottle, squirting a stream into his mouth. “You’ve got yourself a deal. Thanks for the block.” He looks up at me. “Their defensive tackles are fucking tanks, and they’re out for blood today.”
I just nod because the truth is, it was a lucky block.
Every single thing I’ve done right in this game has been by muscle memory and sheer dumb luck alone because my brain isn’t anywhere on this field right now.
Instead, it’s where it has been for the last five months—with the gorgeous, freckled redhead who has tipped my life upside down and reshaped it into something so incredible it doesn’t even seem possible that I could be living it.
Who has made me believe in things I didn’t think existed anymore, at least not for me. Things like a soul-deep love. The kind that alters your DNA, reshaping you into someone wholly different and entirely better than you were before. Things like forever because god, I want forever with her.
Who has loved my kids and, more importantly, has taken the time to know my kids just as much as she’s taken the time to know me.
Who has made me feel, for the first time in a decade, like I’m not doing everything all on my own. Like I could have a partner in life and a partner in parenting and a person who I know without one single doubt is the other half of me.
Who should be on this field right now, telling me to get my head in the game and ribbing Tyler for being an overconfident asshole and yelling at Drew for his stupidly over the top end zone celebration after he scored.
I miss her so much it’s literally painful, and I could not give one single shit about this game, AFC Championship or not. All I care about is that it ends so I can go get my girl. It’s almost halftime, but the two quarters we still have left to play feel like a fucking eternity.
The stadium erupts as Boston goes three and out, and I stand with a sigh, ready to take the field.
My chest aches, and six sleepless nights in a row are taking their toll.
I’m exhausted down to my bones. When Boston calls a time out just before we kick off, I’m grateful for the extra couple minutes to get my shit together.
“It’ll be okay, you know,” Tyler says quietly. “Oliver told me he and their parents and the girls were all going over to talk to Maddy. Brian and Liv too. Whatever is going on with her, they’ll fix it. Emma is, like, practically magic. Caitlin too.”
“I know. He texted me. But what if…” My voice catches, and I swallow hard as the thought I’ve kept shoved into a deep dark corner of my brain under lock and key for the last six days finally breaks free and comes spilling out of my mouth at the worst possible moment, my voice rough, the words sharp-edged and excruciating.
“What if they can’t reach her? What if I can’t? What if I lose her?”
Like I lost Lainey.
It’s the thing I don’t say. My deepest, keep-me-awake-at-three-in-the-morning fear. I’ve already lost one love of my life. I’m afraid I won’t survive losing another. Won’t have the resilience to pick myself up if Maddy is alive and well but unreachable to me.
“You won’t,” Drew says confidently, coming up on my other side and laying a hand on my shoulder. “You couldn’t. The way you and Maddy love each other…” He shakes his head. “That’s not going away. You guys are endgame. You’ll figure it out. I swear you will.”
“He’s right,” Tyler says, tossing an arm around me. “I’ve known Maddy my whole life, and I’ve never seen her like this with anyone else. Just you. She’s yours, dude. I know it for sure. She’ll be back. Let’s win this fucking game so you can go get her.”
I take a heavy breath in and exhale slowly, trying to get my head in the game, my friends’ words, their solid presence, easing some of the tension in my muscles, the ache in my chest.
“Ready?” Drew asks, bumping my shoulder with his as the kickoff unit trots off the field.
I nod. “Ready.”
“Cameron!”
As I walk towards the huddle for the last few plays of the half, I hear what sounds like someone yelling my name in the distance.
Well used to the enthusiasm of fans after all these years in the league, I ignore it, but then I hear it again and again.
The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, my stomach swooping as I register the word.
Not the name everyone calls me.
My full name. The one used by only one single person.
Maddy.
“Ho-ly shit.” Tyler’s voice is filled with glee as I whip around, my eyes frantically scanning the sidelines.