Chapter 21 #2
A heaviness settled on Eve’s shoulders like a two-ton weighted blanket. She wrapped her arms as tight around Reid’s strong, muscular body as she could, wanting to absorb his pain. But deep down, she understood that nothing she said or did could take away his trauma. She couldn’t fix or heal him.
All she could do was support him and offer encouragement while hoping he could see himself the same way everyone else in his life did.
Tears fell down her face. She couldn’t pretend to understand what he’d been through.
Her childhood hadn’t been perfect—nobody’s was—but she’d never doubted her parents loved her.
She’d never doubted they’d always had her best interest at heart and tried their hardest to provide the best life possible.
A jolt of reality stole her breath.
Legacy.
That’s what she’d said that’d freaked him out so bad.
A fresh set of tears filled her eyes. Refusing to let Reid believe he was to blame for his father’s sins, she dashed them away and pulled back just enough to see his face.
“I hate that this happened to you. I hate that you grew up with so much turmoil and that your mother lost her life protecting you and your sister. You deserved better. You all did.”
He shook his head. “I should have done more. I should have stopped her from getting in that truck.”
She flattened her palm on his face and forced him to see her, to hear her. “It doesn’t sound like you could have stopped what happened.”
“How can you say that?” He yanked back as if trying to escape her touch, but she wouldn’t let him.
“You tried as hard as you could. And as much as you wanted to protect her, she was doing the same.”
He closed his eyes and breathed in deep through his nose. “I tell Tara that, but I’m not sure I really believe it.”
“I do, and I believe your mom’s so proud of the man you are. You aren’t your father, Reid. You’ve been so worried about becoming the man he is, you haven’t accepted the fact that you’re the man your mother raised. You have carried on her legacy.”
His eyes flew open, and the mixture of doubt and hope that shone through devastated her. “What do you mean?”
“She was your protector. Your champion. She instilled in you a need to serve others. Hell, you put your life on hold to serve and protect the citizens of this country. You’ve chosen a career where you keep others safe.
I’m sure if you asked Tara, she’d share countless memories of when you stood up for her.
Kept her from being on the opposite end of your father’s wrath.
You might think you have to maintain strict control in order to save others from yourself, but honey, your actions are continually putting other people’s needs before your own. You are your mother’s son.”
A small smile cracked through his despair. “I want to believe that. I want so bad to think she’s proud of me. But I left Tara behind. I ran away from my dad and all his issues and just left her stuck.”
“No, you set healthy boundaries for your own sake and, from what I understand, tried for years to get Tara to do the same. And all that trying has paid off. She’s here now, and maybe with you both across the country, your father will finally get the help he needs.”
He huffed out a derisive snort. “I doubt it, and honestly, I don’t care. I wasted so much time consumed with wanting him to get better. I can’t spend any more energy on someone who’s hell-bent on destroying himself and everyone around him.”
She wasn’t sure if he was being honest with himself, but right now, that didn’t matter. “Sounds like your dad has a lot of demons, and it’s up to him to fix them. Just like you’re the only one who can decide if you’re going to let your past dictate your future.”
His jaw tightened, and he dropped his gaze to his lap. “I don’t know how to not let the mess of my past get in the way.”
Smiling, she lifted a shoulder. “The mess will always get in the way. Sometimes it’s about finding the right person to help you clean it up.”
Apprehension pinched his expression. He reached for her then pulled back. “I don’t want to hurt you, Eve. I’d never forgive myself.”
“We can’t promise that we’ll never hurt each other.
Even if we walk into the sunset, hand in hand, determined to face the future together.
Life happens, mistakes are made and people get hurt.
That’s just the way the world works. But we can promise to try our hardest, to keep open and honest communication, and to be the best versions of ourselves every day. ”
Swishing his lips to the side, he finally met her gaze. “I don’t know if I want kids. I’m not sure if I can risk passing down all the issues I’ve battled to some innocent little baby. If that’s something you need to complete you, I can’t promise that’s something I can give.”
“Just because I may want a baby one day, or even a husband, doesn’t mean I need either to complete me.
My life is filled with so much joy and friendship and happiness that I’ve created.
That I’ve nurtured. No matter where I end up, or who comes into my life, it will all be extra.
That delicious icing on what I hope is a chocolate cake. ”
“I want to believe you. I want to believe that everything you said is the truth.” He squeezed the bridge of his nose. “I’ve spent so long in this dark place, I’m not sure how to leave it behind.”
“I’m not sure you can. I think it’s about learning to let in a little bit of light every day until those places don’t seem as dark anymore.”
He drew in a shuddering breath. “Anyone ever tell you how smart you are?”
“All the time,” she said, grinning.
Hooking an arm around her waist, he pulled her onto his lap and pressed his lips to hers. “Thank you for listening. Thank you for being you.”
“No matter what, I’m always here for you, Reid.” She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes.
His heart beat a steady rhythm against her ear. His breathing evened. “Can we just sit like this for a little a while?”
“You can hold me for as long as you want.” She’d stay cuddled against him for the rest of her life if he’d let her, but this wasn’t the time to say it.
She didn’t expect one conversation to shift his entire way of thinking.
He’d taken a huge step by sharing so much with her, and hopefully each day would bring another baby step for him on his path to healing.
And if he let her, she’d be by his side for every single one of them.