4. Chapter 3
Chapter 3
Maeve Henderson
Why did I come here?
I can't afford groceries, let alone eating off campus. Sure, I budgeted for this little group hangout, but I could've used my money in a million better ways.
Food shouldn't be my priority when I have the meal plan in the dining hall.
It's honestly a lifesaver. I’m served three meals a day, and the workers always look away when I sneak extra snacks into my bag. They know how hard it is to find genuine gluten-free food and would rather me take extra than have to miss class due to my celiac disease.
Last week, the gluten-free section of the cafeteria had peanut butter no-bakes. I took so many of those that I swear I was still sweating peanut butter days later.
Those ladies in the dining hall are such a blessing to me, and they're so sweet! They always call me honey and tell me to take what I need.
They call me a sweet young girl while telling me about their single sons. It's sweet, but I don't date. I've tried more times than I can count, but I don't have that attraction that I feel like I need.
I want chemistry, I want fights that end in passionate sex, and I want a borderline toxic kind of love.
I want to hate him, but feel like I can't possibly live without him.
I want obsessive and crazy. I just want what I haven't gotten. I've gotten the well-mannered men, the ones who won't kiss you until the end of the date, the kind that won’t have sex until months in and won't even kiss you in public.
The kinds you'd take home to your parents.
That's not what I want.
I want the guy who would hit anyone who looked at me wrong, the guy who wants my location at all times and slightly intimidates my mother.
I want the guy who looks at me as if I am everything.
I'm starting to think I'll never find that.
But despite knowing I can't afford to eat here, I order my food and pray that the cashier takes my allergy seriously.
If they don't, I'll end up having to miss all my classes tomorrow and maybe the next day.
I hope I stressed that enough, but I'm nervous and anxious about eating here at all.
Everything I see everyone else eating is pasta, meat, cheese, and bread.
Everything I see on the menu is unsafe for me.
Shelby shows up at my side while I'm waiting for my meal. In the short few days since I added Shelby to our group chat, she's already made best friends with Carlie.
I knew that wouldn’t be a problem; she's sweet and outgoing, and she's perfect for Carlie.
"Come on, darling. We saved you a seat!" She says excitedly.
Although I let her drag me away, my focus is on the man who was staring me down the entire time I ordered.
The gorgeous man who towers over me and has on an outfit more expensive than all of my furniture.
He has a large, intimidating frame with thicker thighs and a broad but slender chest; all wrapped up in dark gray cigarette pants, a white button-up shirt with a gray sweater over it, and those fancy leather shoes that I've only assumed men wore on Wall Street.
Despite his head being turned to the side, I can see half of his face, highlighting stunning blue eyes and a sharp jaw with a look on his face that screams to leave him alone.
His hair is a dark brown, almost black, and perfectly styled in a way that looks effortless, but I can tell that it's perfectly in place with mousse.
After the week I've had, I should walk over there and lecture him about aerosols killing the planet, but I'd rather not open that wound again.
This man looks like he is probably the cover model for a magazine on fashion. He looks like he could be a professor if he weren't a model. Maybe a model who goes on the brochure for being a professor? That's not a real thing, is it?
Crap, I don't know.
The man leaves shortly after I sit down with Carlie, Sean, Shelby, and a few girls I've never met. I assume Shelby added a few friends to the group in the short time that she's been with us.
No surprise there; she seems fairly extroverted.
Carlie is the fun one of the group. She's the party animal, loud girl, and outgoing; the guys love her. Not only does she have a bubbly personality, but she also has a big chest, gorgeous curly hair, and beautiful caramel-colored skin that she inherited from her somehow even more magnificent mother.
Sean is an athlete. He plays baseball and hopes to go pro. He's popular with the guys and always has a new date following him around like a lost puppy.
I don’t know him deeply and personally like I do Carlie, but I have lived with him for the last three years and have grown to see how charming, happy, and personable he is.
We have a few others, but I don't connect with them much. We make small talk, and they're at our house for movie nights, but I couldn't tell you the first personal fact about them.
Not something I can repeat, at least.
I know Jessica is cheating on her boyfriend with the captain of the football team, but I don't know if she grew up in Texas.
I know that Frannie got syphilis from the captain of the ice hockey team, but I don't even know her major.
But Carlie, I know everything about Carlie.
We met in middle school and have been inseparable ever since despite being polar opposites.
Carlie likes to party and talk to absolutely everyone who might listen.
I like to stay home, spend time in my garden, or study. I also like to keep to myself and watch far too much TV.
But somehow, it works for us.
We balance each other out.
I don't know where Shelby fits into this, but I'm sure she'll fit perfectly. Based on how everyone smiles when the two of us sit down at the table, she's already in.
Probably more than I ever was…
When I hear the cashier shout my name, I'm more than thankful to abandon my group for a small moment. Their conversation had shifted into one of their hookups from the weekend, not something I want to hear or can even relate to.
I grab my food and start making my way back to the table, but the overwhelming and unmistakable smell of soy sauce hits my nose before I make it very far.
I shouldn't be surprised; I'm just disappointed.
I spin back around, going straight for the counter, but unfortunately, I end up in the back of a long line where all I can see is the cashier rolling her eyes at the sight of me.
I would just forget it, throw the meal away, and go home, but this cost me almost $20!
I watch my group of friends as I wait in line, seeing them all slowly finish their food, and a few even leave.
I want to cry. I want to go home.
I know the dining hall is closed already, so getting this replaced is really my only option.
I think I have a few potatoes at home and maybe an apple in the fridge, but that's about it, aside from last week's little stash of peanut butter cookies.
I really don't want another night of eating dining hall cookies for dinner. I always wake up feeling terrible, but that might be what ends up happening.
I know the girls and Sean will want to go out drinking when they're done eating. I hadn't planned to join them for that, so they'll probably leave without waiting for me.
Heck, they'll probably leave before I even get my food, so I'll either be eating alone or going home to eat.
Finally, when it's my turn, I step to the register with a friendly smile on my face and my inedible food in hand.
The cashier plasters on a fake smile as she greets me and asks what's wrong, but I can see the annoyance on her face and the way her hand clutches the counter so tightly that her knuckles are white.
I try to explain the issue without sounding like a butthead, but I know I'm annoying her. I see it on her face the second I mention my celiac and point out that soy sauce isn't safe for me.
She gives me a half-hearted apology accompanied by a snooty response about common sense, telling me that stir fry has soy sauce. She huffs and rolls her eyes when I point out that the menu offers a gluten-free option, walking off toward the back without a word.
I'm left standing there like a fool for several minutes, feeling more awkward and more uncomfortable the longer I stand here, but at this point, I've committed to it.
After a few minutes of standing at the counter, contemplating my life choices for the day, Shelby joins me at my side and slings an arm around my waist. “Hey, darling, we're about to head to the bar. Are you meeting us there?” She asks sweetly.
I knew eating alone was a very real possibility, but now I just want to cry. I like solitude, but sometimes I miss having people around. Sometimes, I want to know what it feels like not to eat in silence.
I shake my head and offer her a small smile, one I know isn't all that convincing, but it's all I have. “Uh, no. You guys go ahead, I'm just going to head home after this, but text me in the morning.” I answer.
Shelby quickly shakes her head and turns her attention to the group to wave them off. “I'm not going if you're not, we'll both go home and do whatever you had planned. What are we waiting for anyway?” She asks sweetly.
Wow, none of my friends have ever skipped the bar to hang out with me. I don't even think Carlie knows how to skip the bar.
“My food was wrong; the lady went to ask what could be done about it.” I loosely explain.
Shelby and I stand together for a few more minutes, forcing me to ignore that everyone in line behind me is getting a little antsy to be left waiting for so long, but it's not my fault.
Maybe they should've had more than one cashier on a busy Friday evening on a college campus.
The cashier comes back with a huff, offering me an excuse that seems rehearsed and annoyed. She says that they'd run out of tamari and that nobody before me had ever complained, but she offers a refund that I happily take.
After the attitude and them knowingly tricking people, I don't trust this place anymore, but I am thankful I'm not stuck paying for a meal I can't even eat.
Shelby and I head out on foot toward my apartment after I've gotten my refund. It's only a mile, but I know I'll be sweating like a fool by the time we get back, I just hope Shelby doesn't notice when I start huffing and puffing halfway back.
Sometimes, I hate the Texas heat. Wait, I take that back; I always hate the Texas heat.
It's unnatural for humidity to be this high, or at least it should be.
Shelby and I make small talk while we walk together, but I stop when I see a young woman with a handmade cardboard sign asking for money to buy food; this works out perfectly.
I squat down to her level and throw the change from my bag into her cup. "Hi, would you like my meal? It's stir fry, I haven't touched it, I promise." I say sweetly to this woman.
She happily takes the small plastic container from me and starts to dig in with a plastic fork she already had with her other belongings. "Bless you, sweet girl." She says warmly.
I love helping people, plus it would have gone to waste anyway. So why not help others?
Feeling a little better about myself, Shelby and I continue our walk to my apartment, but I'm still feeling crappy.
This day really couldn't have gone much worse. I'm hungry, embarrassed, and most of my friends ditched me for the night, but at least Shelby vowed not to ditch me. At least someone saw me and didn't just see the background person following Carlie and Sean around.
Although I'm already dreading taking her back to my apartment, it's embarrassing to bring someone home and only have water, sparkling water, coffee, and a few snacks to eat.
Hopefully, she isn't the judgemental type. She doesn't seem like it, but none of them do at first.
Everyone seems sweet until they feel comfortable letting the mask slip.