18. Chapter 17
Chapter 17
Maeve Henderson
This entire week has been so frustrating!
I sit and eat alone every day, I have yet to be invited out with the group, and I've only heard from Shelby when she's on the way to my apartment.
When she said we couldn't get caught, I thought we could still be friends outside of the bedroom. I didn't think anything had to change in that aspect, but clearly, I was wrong.
It makes me regret having sex with her. I'd rather have a friend, a real friend, than nothing but a hookup.
I could've gotten a hookup from one of the athletes on campus without losing the only person that I felt cared about me!
It's not like I haven't gotten offers from the jerks on the football team, but I'd be a little hesitant to do that.
The school has put signs up all over campus about being safe on dates and when going to parties or bars.
Supposedly, there have been a lot of students getting assaulted at parties or on dates.
So, while I don't date, I have stopped and read all of the warning posters. They're encouraging men and women to never go to the bar or to parties alone, never leave your drink unattended or uncovered, and never accept a drink from someone that you don't know.
It also lists the early signs that your drink has been spiked and encourages students to immediately find a friend or call someone if you start to feel off while drinking.
It's terrifying to think that the students on campus are being targeted like this. The rumor is that at least four students have reported being assaulted at varying parties around campus, both men and women.
I hope my group of friends are being safe, but I bet they're fine since they always stick together.
I would assume that nobody would try to spike Carlie or Shelby's drink when Sean is right there with them. He gives off pretty intimidating vibes. He's a star baseball player; he's super tall, bulky, and has what I've been told is called a “bitch face.”
But I can't deny that this entire thing is making campus feel different.
There aren't as many parties, people sit in smaller groups during meals, and almost nobody sits alone.
I mean, it could also be since finals are coming up. It's a little hard to study when there are a dozen people huddled together at a small table meant for five.
Finals week does make it a little easier to be a loner, though.
Nobody looks twice at the girl sitting alone when I'm surrounded by textbooks, my laptop, and dozens of notes sprawled out across a large table in the dining hall.
I'd prefer to study at home, but Carlie and Sean have been living it up this entire week.
The school year isn't even over yet, and they're already acting like they're on summer break.
I wish I could do the same, but I can't afford to retake a class, and I refuse to be stuck with Professor Turner for another year.
Heck, I can't even deal with him for another day; I'm just forced to deal with him one last time on the day of my finals.
He's not even here right now; supposedly, he went on some impromptu vacation and has been unreachable since.
He didn't even take his car; he left it in his parking spot to collect tickets for the last week, so we all assume he had a taxi pick him up.
It must be nice to be able to take off whenever you like. I hope someday that can be me.
I hope someday I can take a vacation whenever I want rather than spend my entire day in the dining hall because it's the only place I can afford to eat.
It's not all bad. The workers are so sweet, periodically bringing me snacks and new bottles of water whenever mine starts to get low.
It makes me dread the next few months when school will be out of session and the dining hall will be closed. Not just because I can't afford to feed myself, but because I won't get to see the sweet workers until we come back in the fall.
Thankfully, school is only out for three months, but it still sucks.
I will have almost no food money for three months and no work unless I can find something hiring just for the summer.
So far, no luck.
It's looking dangerously close to me having to go home for the summer like Carlie is, but I'd rather rack up credit card debt that I can't pay in order not to go home.
It wouldn't be much, just the money to eat. I make sure my rent and other bills are covered year-round by my school job.
Thank goodness for being taught money management as a kid.
It was driven into my brain from such a young age that I'm not sure I could stray from my ways if I tried.
My entire life, it was "20% of every check must be put in savings." It sounds nice when you can afford to live, but my bills take up almost every cent I make.
I have $60 a month to eat and afford the bus.
There are no savings, and I can't promise there will ever be any.
A few times over this school year, students have tipped me for helping them find their books.
I know I should have been responsible and saved the money, but I was so excited to afford gluten-free cookies or even some extra proteins for the month, but I get it: being financially stable is more important than being happy.
I know it's stupid and shallow, but for once, I'd like to buy brand-new jeans rather than thrifted.
I'd like to buy name-brand cookies, go to a concert, splurge on coffee in the mornings, or even take a vacation.
I haven't been on a vacation since before puberty.
The whole friend group goes to Miami every year for spring break, the whole group except for me, that is.
I wonder what it's like to have rich parents...
Scratch that; I wonder what it feels like to have loving parents.
"Bitch." I hear, looking up to see Carlie, Sean, Shelby, and a few others standing in front of me.
I pick my head up from my laptop, smiling at everyone.
Shelby looks away from me as soon as I get to her, but I have to ignore it. I have to pretend it doesn't sting that she only acknowledges me when my face is between her legs.
I can't think about that right now, not with the whole friend group staring at me. "What's up?" I ask sweetly.
If Shelby won't look at me, I won't look at her.
So, my focus is on Carlie and Sean, mostly Carlie, who shifts her weight onto her hip and smiles at me. "We're going out tonight." She announces.
I just nod. "That's great." I tell her. It doesn't affect me; I'll be spending the evening alone.
I splurged last week, skipping a few grocery essentials to afford a birthday cake for myself.
It's in the freezer; it's a gluten-free, vegan strawberry cake with vegan cream cheese icing. It cost far more than I should have spent, especially knowing I'll be eating it alone, but I only turn 21 once, right?
I knew I'd be spending my birthday alone anyway.
It's tomorrow.
Saturday.
I know the whole group will go to some campus party or bar hopping like they always do.
I anticipated that; I didn't count on any of my friends to want to be there for me, and I've accepted it.
"No, you're going with us. We're going to have dinner and then bar-hop after midnight for your birthday!" Sean says.
Wait, he remembered?
Literally, any of them did?
Part of me is flattered; the other part knows this is just an excuse for them to party. "I can't." I say quietly.
I have $5 in my bank account, and the only cash I have is a crumbled $20 at the bottom of my purse, and I refuse to assume any of them will pay for me.
I know that's not how this friendship works.
It’s never worked like that for me. Sure, I’ve seen Carlie pay for Sean a few times and vice-versa, but never for me.
Sean rolls his eyes at me, crossing his arms across his broad chest while he stares down at me. "Like we'd let you pay during your own birthday." He says it's somehow obvious.
I've been friends with Carlie since I was a kid, and she's never paid for anything for me.
I've also been in this group since I was 18, and every year, they've skipped over my birthday like it was nothing.
I don't know how he expects me to assume the group would ever pay for anything for me.
"That's really nice and all, but I have some pretty good plans." I lie.
Really, I'm just not comfortable letting them pay for me.
Carlie laughs, scoffing at me. "Yeah, right. You're going to go home and sit in front of the TV. You're going." She insists.
“What about all those assaults? I don't want to go out if it's dangerous.” I mention. Honestly, while it is true, I also need a good excuse to get out of this.
Sean rolls his eyes and waves a hand at me dismissively. “Nobody will touch you when you're with us.” He promises.
Crap.
Quick, Maeve, think of something else!
Something…anything!
Shoot, why is my mind blank right now?
“Oh, quit being a big baby, you're going.” Shelby almost snaps impatiently.
I guess I'm going out tonight.