Chapter 26
You’re a lovely dancer,” I say with a giggle as I unlock the door to my dorm room and we enter.
“My mother taught me,” they reply dryly, mentioning their mother for the very first time, I realize. “She was a competitive dancer when she was young.”
“Really?” I ask, my interest overcoming my better judgment. “What does she do now?”
“She’s an artist—sculpting primarily,” they murmur, averting their gaze.
“Just like Iris.”
They nod as they stand awkwardly by the door with their coat still on.
“Would you stay for a while?” I ask, still feeling emboldened from the events of the night and the alcohol in my veins.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“Why?” I ask.
Their eyes flit to the picture frame on my bedside table. The picture of me and Noah.
My stomach twists and I open my mouth to say something, but no words come out.
Is that look in Phantom’s eyes the answer to the question I’ve been silently asking for days?
Does Phantom feel the same way about me that I do about them?
Because, if so, then Phantom’s right. If they stay here any longer, we might not be friends when they leave.
We might be more. Or nothing at all. The question is, do I want things to stay the same between us? Or do I want them to change?
“What do you want?” I ask Phantom, dropping to sit on the edge of my bed.
“What do you mean?” they counter, moving to lean against the wall.
I capture them in my gaze, refusing to let them go until I hear the truth. “With us? What is this to you?”
Phantom suddenly looks afraid. “I’ve told you. You’re my best friend.”
“And you’re mine.”
“So?” they ask with furrowed brows and parted lips beneath their mask.
“So?” I repeat, refusing to let them off easy.
They have to know what I’m really asking here.
Phantom’s gaze shifts from mine before they speak, “Shut up. I can’t say that.”
“Phantom, who are you talking to?” I demand, growing tired of the charade.
They shake their head, tossing a few curls loose. “No one. It’s nothing.”
“No, it’s something,” I argue as I rise to stand with my fists clenched at my sides. “Be honest with me.”
Their gaze bores into mine. “It just gets too loud inside my head sometimes.”
I cock my eyebrow at them.
“I’m sorry, it really is nothing,” Phantom says as they shove their hands into their pockets.
I want to continue this confrontation, but a sinking feeling in my gut tells me the moment’s passed. “Fine. Leave if you want.”
The soft sound of their footsteps against the linoleum floor sends my heart sinking, until they say, “You think I want to leave?”
“I don’t know,” I murmur dejectedly.
“Maeve.” Their cool hands are on my cheeks, raising my gaze to theirs. “If you’d have me, I’d stay here forever.”
The weight of those words falls on my shoulders like an anvil.
This is it. The precipice.
“Stay,” I whisper, knowing I’d made my decision well before tonight.
“If I stay, I might hurt you,” they whisper back, their gaze still wide and fearful.
“You won’t,” I insist.
Their eyes darken as their pupils dilate. “You don’t know that.”
“You’re right. But I have faith in you.”
Phantom’s eyes fill with tears, but they don’t fall. “No one’s ever believed in me before.”
I gently remove their hands from my face and reach up to push the coat from their shoulders. It falls to the ground as I roll up onto the balls of my feet to wrap my arms around Phantom’s neck. They stiffen for a moment, and then melt against me, wrapping their arms around my waist in return.
“You feel like home,” they murmur against my neck. The silky fabric of their mask slides against my skin as they speak, sending a rush of goosebumps skittering across my skin.
Noah felt like home to me once.
Does he still? Or is this my new home? Here in Phantom’s arms.
I breathe in the familiar scent of them and decide to answer that question later.
This close, pressed flush against them, I have to fight unimaginably hard against the urge to kiss them, to lay them out on my bed like a feast and revel in them.
But it’s a fight I have to win. Until I talk to Noah about our relationship.
Thankfully, I’ll be seeing him in a few days for Thanksgiving break, so I just have to make it until then.
After a moment, I roll back down on my heels and move my hands to Phantom’s chest. Their heart beats rapidly beneath my hand.
“Let’s just hang out a while,” I suggest, reluctantly moving away from them.
“Okay.”
We lay in my bed, fully dressed except for our shoes, and while we make attempts to watch a movie, we get distracted by conversation, which has always come easy to us.
We talk about music, film, and art. We’re both passionate about eighties movies and love listening to instrumental versions of songs.
They’re all topics we’re used to, comfortable with.
We don’t stray into new territory. Maybe someday we will.
But not tonight. I don’t want to give them a reason to get spooked and run.
This is all new to Phantom; friendship, and maybe something more.
The night has long passed by the time my eyes begin to droop.
“Maeve,” Phantom murmurs against my hair. “It’s getting late. I should go.”
I’m tucked into the crook of their arm and nuzzle deeper in protest. “You said you’d stay forever,” I remind them sleepily.
“You’re going to hold that against me for a while, aren’t you?” I can hear the smile in their voice.
“Yes,” I confirm, wrapping my arms tighter around their waist.
They go silent for a moment, softly stroking my hair. I’d long since let it down out of the ponytail.
“Iris won’t be back until the morning, right?” they finally ask as I doze, drifting in and out of consciousness.
“Mhm.”
“Then I’ll stay,” they whisper, but I’m already falling asleep.
I dream of colors, and laughter, and dancing, of the silky feel of Phantom’s mask against my skin, of the bliss of sleeping peacefully in their arms. But out of nowhere, my dream is interrupted by a strange voice whispering in a menacing tone.
“Leave me alone,” the voice commands, drifting in and out, “—almost noticed you—”
A beat of silence.
“I won’t let that happen.”
Then another.
The voice laughs, low and dark. “I’d gladly die before—”
Another beat passes.
“—only then will the world be truly better off.”
The voice jeers angrily, “I’m done being your entertainment.”
Then, like the flip of a switch, the warmth of the dream envelops me once more.
“I’ll protect you from them,” a new, kinder voice whispers. “I won’t let my demons touch you. I promise.”
When I shoot up in bed, gasping for air, the room is still dark and it’s well before dawn. It only takes a moment to realize what had me waking so startled. Phantom is sleeping fitfully beside me, their neck and arms twitching erratically, as if they’re fighting someone off in their dreams.
As I move to shake them awake, I see tear tracks on their cheeks and hear the gnashing of their teeth as they grind together. Whatever Phantom is dreaming about, it’s terrifying them.
“Phantom,” I say while shaking them again, more insistently this time. “Phantom. Wake up. You’re having a nightmare.”
When they finally come crashing back to consciousness, their chest is heaving and their eyes flit around frantically, as if they fully expected the horrors to follow them out of the nightmare and into the real world.
“It’s okay,” I whisper, trying to soothe them. “It was just a nightmare. I’m here. It’s okay.”
They clutch my hand hard as I watch the fear slowly leach from their gaze, their wide-eyed blinking slowing in time with their breathing. It takes several minutes before they’re back to themself.
Why is it always pain with them?
“Who did this to you?” I ask as I brush damp hair from their brow. “Who hurt you?”
Their haunted gaze searches my face before they reply, “I did.”
I look after them, confused, as they untangle themself from the sheets and climb out of bed. “What does that mean?”
“I should go,” is their only response.
“But—”
They cut me off, their tone curt. “I’ll see you later today. We can find somewhere new to paint.”
“Okay,” I relent, realizing that I’ll likely get nowhere if I keep pushing.
While they put on their coat, I try my best to ignore the nagging feeling that I’m missing something. But then Phantom pauses in the doorway, glancing back at me. The stony hardness in their gaze has melted into something much softer. “I want to show you my home.”
The butterflies in my stomach go wild as I see my happiness mirrored in Phantom’s eyes, sending every uncertain thought scattering on an imaginary wind.