Chapter 23
Niamh
As soon as the door clicks closed on our hotel room, I reach up to kiss his lips, showing him that I want to be seen as a normal girl, one without such a traumatic past. I want him to know that I’m here for him as much as he’s here for me; that he can lean on me, depend on me, and love me how he wants to. He seems to know this for he pulls me in tight, then uses his hand to turn my head so he can kiss me deeper, more urgently, as though he doesn’t want to leave me in any doubt as to what he wants to do to me.
“My ring looks good on you, baby,” he murmurs between kisses, “promise me you’ll never take it off.”
“Never,” I whisper, taking his face between my hands to pause his touch. “But now you must promise me something; take me like you want to. Stop being gentle and make love to me like you need to.”
His eyes are moving so rapidly across my face, I begin to worry that I’ve said the wrong thing, that he won’t ever see me the way I want him to.
“Plea—" I begin but am soon cut off by a kiss so intense, I don’t even realize he’s lifted me clear off the ground. My legs wrap around his hips, and his hands grab hold of my ass with such force, I am thrust against his erection. And I want it, I want all of it.
I am so embedded in our kiss, in the feeling of him against me, I fail to notice that we are moving toward the bed. Within seconds, I am falling to the mattress, with him crawling over me. I reach up to try and undo the buttons of his shirt, but he stops me and looks at me so seriously, I lose my breath for a moment.
“Niamh,” he says, sounding low and husky, “I have always made love to you how I’ve needed to. Any other woman before was nothing more than a soulless meeting of two bodies; those times ran puddle deep. They could never feel even remotely close to what I feel when I’m inside of you. Don’t ever question how hard I let myself fall into you ever again. I feel everything when I’m with you.”
“You promise?” I finally ask. “Because I need you to see me as a woman, a wife, and maybe one day, a mother. I’m not that little girl who was taken, or the shell of a person who even after she came back from it, was weak and lost. With you, I want to be so much more than my past.”
“Baby, I see you exactly as you see me,” he says before kissing my lips, “you are my strength, my hope, my present, and my future.” I break into sobs, even if such a thing isn’t the sexy look I was going for, but I can’t help it. He simply smiles before lifting my hand to peck the ring that says we belong together. “My wife.”
I do not utter a single word after that, instead, I let my body show him what his words have ignited inside of me. My dress is pulled away, his shirt thrown to one side, and my underwear torn to shreds. His lips devour every inch of my body, and when he reaches for my lips below, he shows me exactly how hard he falls into me. I moan against his hot tongue that runs the length of me before settling on my nerves, my clit, and bringing me to a ledge that takes only moments to break away from. The room blurs into a foggy haze as I allow the sensation of falling to consume me, if only for seconds. And then I am ready for him, ready for him to claim me, and for my body to promise to be his, only his, forever more.
Phoenix
I hold my future wife from behind, both of us now fully naked, her back to my chest, connecting our heat before I move inside of her. I want to draw this out, to take my time so she knows just how much she means to me. Her head rolls back against my shoulder, and she sighs as I run my hands over her breasts, her waist, her hips, and finally, her center. Her wet lips reassure me of everything I need to know; she wants me as much as I want her.
“I love it when you touch me there,” she gasps as I run my mouth along her exposed neck, all the while thrusting deep and slow.
“I can tell, baby,” I mutter between kisses, “you want me inside of you?”
“Mm,” she moans as I circle my fingertip against her clit. “But don’t stop what you’re doing.”
“My baby’s getting confident, telling me what she needs from me,” I whisper inside her ear, causing her to writhe against my body. With a nip to her neck, I move to enter her warmth, bracing myself for the pleasure of feeling her muscles clench all around me. Never have I had to talk myself down from coming too soon as much as I have with Niamh.
“You make me feel so free,” she moans, “I’ve never felt so free, Warren.”
“Fuck, the feel of you Niamh, all of you,” I groan as I pull her hips toward me, causing a deeper connection that forces me to bite down on my lip to stop me blowing my load too soon.
“I wanna come,” she gasps, “but I also don’t…I want it to last forever.”
“Niamh,” I begin, pausing to bring my lips back to her soft ear lobe, “it will last forever, you and I.”
“Ahh,” she moans, coming in a rush that has her squeezing all around me. I move faster, indulging in the feeling of her tightness, and her rush of wetness. It’s too much and I end up coming not long after. I’ve never been so quick to lose control with a woman, not without giving myself permission to do so. But then, I’ve never felt so connected with someone before; we’re destined for each other.
“Oh, shit,” I laugh next to her ear, and she grins, carefree and living for this moment. For the first time in my life, I’m proud of what I’ve managed to do for this beautiful woman; I set her free.
“What?” she giggles, still with me resting inside of her.
“You make me look very uncool with your magic vagina,” I tease.
“My what?!” She laughs even harder.
“Or perhaps it’s the noises you make…total turn-on,” I admit. “You make me feel free, Mrs Flynn to be,” I whisper, and she turns her head to face me, hypnotizing me with her sparkling blue eyes. “For the first time, I feel like the Phoenix they all call me.”
She doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t need to; it’s all in her eyes. She cups my face with her ruby ring catching my attention, then kisses me, slow and tender. It’s everything I never knew I needed.
_____
Phoenix
At the same moment we pull up to the bar, Jake arrives on his old motorbike with a backpack that’s seen better days. He could buy a new one, but I guess he has Flynn blood running through him. Our belongings need to be falling apart at the seams before we’ll throw them away. Niamh sees him and grins so wide, I can’t help but smile at her. She’s changed since I put that ring on her finger; she’s more relaxed, less on edge, and not looking over her shoulder all the time.
“Looks like my little brother is finally back,” I mutter, the word still sounding weird on my tongue. She merely giggles before bounding out the door and running up to him. She embraces him with so much enthusiasm, it has me feeling a little more affectionate toward him.
“How was it?” Jake asks as he walks up to the truck, his arm securely around Niamh.
“Better than expected,” I mumble as I begin the task of unloading the truck.
“Much better,” Niamh says, smiling with a wink my way before wiggling her ring finger under Jake’s face. His eyes widen and his mouth drops open before he grabs hold of her hand to study the ruby ring. I still feel proud of it whenever I catch her admiring the stones.
“Holy shit!” Jake gasps before leaning in to shake my hand. “Congrats, man! And Niamh, I am beyond happy for you both. How long will the engagement be? What kind of wedding are you gonna have?”
“Fuck, you sound like our sister,” I tease, to which Niamh shoves my shoulder. “Speaking of which, Lou asked us round for dinner tonight to celebrate; you game?”
“Of course,” he replies, still studying the ring.
“Cool, we’ll meet you there,” I utter as I begin marching up the door. “I wanna take Niamh out along the coast afterward.”
“The coast?” Niamh turns to look at me with curiosity written all over her face.
“Yeah, why not?” I ask her with a smug smile, then lean down to kiss her with far too much tongue for the public. “Perhaps we’ll find dragons.”
She bites her lip and giggles, so I grin and continue walking up toward the bar, readying myself for the run of problems there’s bound to be after having spent one night away.
_____
Niamh
Warren and I left Lou’s place before Jake so we could have an hour or so together without him being there. We made love before finally succumbing to our exhaustion. So much has happened within the last forty-eight hours, I almost forgot about Robert. Apart from him, my life is finally full of everything I have ever wanted since I returned home – love, safety, and belonging. However, I cannot escape him in my dreams.
Stanley walks beside me like he always does in my recurring nightmares. He cradles me with his wing as we trail up that hill with the sun beating down on us. He blows on a dandelion clock while I laugh at his inability to do so without setting fire to it. At first, he looks sad about it, but when he sees me giggling, he offers me a toothy smile. But then the clouds begin to gather, and I feel cold. As soon as the first raindrops fall, he removes his wing and begins to slump down in what looks like fear. I no longer feel his protection around me, no longer feel secure in the knowledge that I’ll get home safely. My childhood home comes into view with my mother laughing and chattering in the front room. I look at where the car is stationary, cold and grey.
“Don’t leave me, Stanley,” I whisper, even though he’s already starting to walk away from me. He looks scared and guilty, so I know he’s going to fly away at any moment.
The other car pulls up, the black Mercedes, looking like a funeral car ready to take me away.
“Stanley…?” I whisper my plea, for I cannot make my voice any louder, no matter how hard I try.
He looks at the car, then me, then back to the man who is now moving to open the door. I want to run to Stanley, but his eyes become angry; he is no longer looking like a gentle giant, more like a ferocious monster. I freeze in my footsteps and watch as he takes in a deep breath and blows out a ball of fire, along with plumes of black smoke. He then lifts off the ground and flies away, leaving me behind to face the man who plagues my nightmares. Only this time, there’s so much smoke, I can no longer see anything. I begin coughing and spluttering, all the while trying to battle the smoke left behind. However, I only end up falling to the floor in a heap of weak limbs. It’s suffocating and I cannot see my way out.
“Warren…?” I try to shout, but no sound comes out.
Just as my eyes begin to close in the dream, I come to with an audible gasp, ready to go to battle against the fire once more. Only, there is no fire, just a darkened bedroom with my fiancé sleeping soundly beside me. He’s thrown away the cover; he’s always too warm to need it, and his chest is rising and falling with even breaths.
My mouth still feels dry from my dream, so when I can finally feel my limbs again, I push back the cover and get up to my feet so I can go and grab a glass of water from the kitchen. I pass by the pictures of his family and smile, knowing that one day soon, I will officially become part of his family too. A thought that warms even me, the girl who is always cold. I glance up at the clock on the oven, realizing that I must have only been asleep for an hour, tops.
After grabbing a glass of water, I wander out into the darkened bar just to see if Jake is home yet. His bike is still missing so he must be out. I shrug my shoulders and begin to turn, but something makes me stop. The bike was missing, but the space in which it usually sits was not empty. Instead, there is something there that makes my blood run cold. A shadowy figure that has followed me around since childhood, one that isn’t just the imagination of a nervous little girl. It’s him. Even without seeing the details of his face, his clothes, his stance, I know it’s him. What is more, he has now crooked his finger up toward me and is beckoning for me to go to him.
I make no movement, even though my mind is yelling at me to go and wake Warren and not to try and face this alone. But then he steps out into the light, his face looks even creepier than what I remember of him. He is the stuff of nightmares, and he is looking directly at me, threatening to take away everything I have found from me.
I take a step back, but he moves forward again, this time raising his hands to reveal a petrol can in one, and a lighter in the other. The instant I see it, I close my eyes and take in a hint of gasoline through my nostrils. My eyes shoot open, only to be staring right into his as he now stands in the doorway, which he’s managed to open, locked or not.
“My darling,” he whispers, sounding just as syrupy sweet as he did on the day he took me.
Everything from that day suddenly hits my senses full throttle – the smell of rain on dry ground, the sound of distant thunder, the greyness of everything, and the sweat of my clammy hands.
I don’t utter a word, just like on that day, even though the scream was in my throat; it is still inside my throat. All I can manage to do is shake my head, slowly, as if caught inside a vat of glue. He steps further inside, revealing the checkered shirt he’s wearing, a jacket that’s too small, slacks that are too long, as well as his receding hairline.
“Oh, my darling girl, what has he done to you?” he asks with the sound of pity in his voice. I throw up my hands in a defensive stance as I continue stepping back, still shaking my head, though now a little quicker than before. I want to call out, to run, to do anything, but my body refuses to.
“Now, don’t worry, my darling girl, I’m not angry; Daddy isn’t angry with you. I just want you to come home,” he says softly, inching closer step by step. “You want that too, don’t you, Niamh?”
“No!” I think I manage to gasp, though I cannot even be sure if it came out. I feel dizzy and completely overcome with fear.
“Darling, you know I cannot leave you here, not with that thug of a man,” he says a little more sternly. “You need to come home now, Niamh.”
“No,” I whimper, huddling myself in smaller, and trying to force myself into doing something, anything of use.
“Now, don’t make me lose my temper, Niamh, you were always such a good girl with me,” he says, only a few feet away from me. “I don’t blame you, Niamh, you’ve been around that criminal for too long; it’s logical he would have rubbed off on you. But come with me and I can make it all better again.”
“No,” I gasp again, but it’s too late, he already has hold of my arms.
I begin hyperventilating, but he’s too strong to fight against. I’m soon being dragged across the floor and through the door, all the while the smell of gasoline hits me like a wall; I almost choke on it. He must have doused the ground with it, which means taking me isn’t his only plan tonight.
“I know, darling, the smell is not nice, but I can’t let that man live, not after he put his hands on my darling girl,” he whispers in my ear, his spit coating my skin. “He needs to die, just like his mother did. She tried to get between my child and me too, but I took care of it; I take care of my own.”
“I’m not a child anymore,” I finally whisper, “you need to let me go.”
“I will never let you go, darling, we can start a new family together,” he says with the same creepy smile he would give me through my incarceration in that basement.
“I don’t want to,” I cry, being too overwrought to stop the lump from erupting from my throat. “I want to be a family with him.”
“That’s not possible, darling, he’s not good enough for you,” he says, taking out the lighter from his pocket. The panic begins to swim through my veins, and I don’t know what to do, how to make him stop being the psycho that he is. I can’t escape him alone, not without Jake, not without Warren.
“Please, don’t do this, please don’t hurt him,” I whimper, “I’ll come with you, I’ll stay with you, just don’t hurt him. Please, I love him!”
“Precisely why I have to do this, darling,” he says, staring me in the face with a grin that fills me with dread and hopelessness. “It’s for your own good, darling.”
Without another word, he flicks the lighter and drops it into the path of gasoline. The fire travels so quickly, it reminds me of a train moving at top speed. I grab at the roots of my hair and pull, willing myself to think of something, anything to save the man I love inside.
“Wake up, Phoenix, fly from the ashes, baby!” I think to myself with the feeling of bile climbing up my throat.
Robert stands back with a blank expression, watching as the fire spreads, and with the flames growing higher and higher. My breathing is going at such a rate, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stay conscious. I take a step back when the heat becomes too intense to take, right up until my foot hits something hard but not yet hot, so I look down. A simple glass bottle of amber liquid with a gold label revealing its contents – whiskey, with an illustration of a dragon beneath the name. Stanley. I now know what he’s been trying to tell me in all those dreams; I know what I have to do. No one is going to save me, except me.
Without any further thought, other than what I know about dragons, alcohol, and fire, I grab hold of the bottle and one of the sticks from the log stack. I rip away the bottom of my cotton nightie and wrap it around the end of the stick, glancing up at Robert who is still hypnotized by the growing flames. I then rest the bandaged end inside the flames, waiting for it to catch. Once alight, I grab the bottle, unscrew the cap with my teeth, and begin walking up to him. He doesn’t notice me until I am but a foot or two away from him.
“Darling, what are you doing?” he asks with his syrupy tone suddenly dropped, and instead, a hint of fear coming through his voice.
“I am not your darling,” I growl at him through my teeth, even though every part of me is trembling – through fear, through shock, through rage. “I am not your child, and I will never be yours.”
“Niamh, put the stick down!” he orders, still trying to dictate my life.
“You took my life,” I whimper through angry tears, “but you won’t take it again.”
“Niamh!” he shouts.
“Stanley,” I murmur before taking a gulp of whiskey and blowing it out against the flaming stick, right in his pathway, his hair catching before his entire head, neck, and shoulders are engulfed inside of the flames.
The screams that follow are not mine, they are his, my adductor, my tormentor, my thief of dreams, and my reoccurring nightmare. I cannot help but stare at his pain, his suffering, all the while doing nothing to aid him, as no one did for me, not until Jake, not until Warren. Thinking on this, I remember the man who is still inside, most likely choking on the mounting black smoke from the fire burning all around the bar. As I begin to make my way past the dying man, still strangling himself with his screams, a horn honks from behind me. I do not turn to face it until I see the door to the bar, still wide open, showing me the path to where I will find the man who has made my life worth living again.
“Niamh! Niamh!” a voice shouts with his footsteps thundering up behind. My shoulders are soon pulled back, forcing me to finally turn and see Jake.
“Warren is still in there,” I cry over the row of crackling fire and its destruction. “Robert set the fire; he was going to…”
We both turn in the direction of the small bonfire that was once Robert, watching it crackle away into something no longer recognizable as being a man. When we look at one another, there is an understanding of something awful ending once and for all. Though now is not the time to celebrate, for someone much more important is inside.
“I’m going in,” I declare as I begin turning away from him, but he stops me with one pull of my shoulder. “Let go, Jake, I have to do this; I have to save him, me!”
“Not on your own, you’re not,” he says resolutely, “I’m coming too.”
I do not respond with words, merely nod my head and take his hand, just like I did inside of that basement all those years ago, the last time we righted the wrong of the man burning beside us. He shoves his scarf at me before grabbing a rag from his bike. We take a few seconds to wrap them around our faces, only keeping our eyes visible so we can make our way to Warren.
The smoke is becoming dense, and immediately stings my eyes to watering when we enter the bar. I can no longer distinguish between colors, it’s just black, grey, and hazy. Jake squeezes my hand and pulls, so I shake off my fear, if only for now, and follow him in. We don’t have a lot of time before the fire breaks through from outside.
“Get down,” Jake mumbles through his face covering, signaling for us to crawl on the floor where the smoke is less thick. A memory of Warren having to do just this as a small boy with his baby sister tied to his waist has me crawling that little bit faster to get to him. I will not lose him; I will not let Robert take him away from me, not after everything else he has stolen.
The journey to get to Warren seems to take hours, even though it must only be minutes. I try not to look at all the photographs, the memories that are about to go up in flames. I try not to look toward his father’s old room, knowing that losing all of this will be as painful to Warren as when I lost my own childhood. The lump of emotion building in my throat grows with the density of the smoke, but when we finally reach Warren, still lying on his front on top of the mattress in our room, I fly up from the floor to check he’s still breathing, still alive. My fingers grab for his pulse, and I release a breath of relief, only to end up coughing and spluttering when I feel the gentle thumping against my skin. I check over his back to see the phoenix moving, if only a little bit, with his breathing; it’s still trying to fly, still fighting for life.
Jake hauls him up from under his arms, pulling him back until his entire body slumps from the bed and onto the floor with a thud. He’s completely naked, but he’s alive, and that’s all that matters. Jake is strong, but Warren is big, so I take one of his arms and throw it around my neck while Jake does the same on the other side. We hear an explosion from the direction of the bar, telling us that the fire is now spreading through to engulf inside.
“Which way?” I shout.
“The back; the fire will reach there last, so it should be ok,” he says, so I nod and let him lead the way.
We turn right, away from the bar, and walk down the narrow corridor toward the back where a door to the desert behind should lead us outside. The smoke is becoming unbearable, and I begin to feel dizzy with the lack of oxygen. Jake remains steady, keeping Warren up a lot more than I can. When we reach the door, he kicks it hard, but it won’t budge.
“My key,” Jake mumbles to me, “they’re still on my bike. If I smash the window, you crawl through it and go and get them.”
“Ok,” I shout, now panicking about not managing to make it back in time to save them.
He pushes Warren and me back a few steps before smashing through the glass window. I rush over, ignoring the burn of glass cutting through my feet. Jake picks me up and helps me through the window, cursing when he sees blood dripping over his hands. My dress rips and I catch the inside of my thigh on a large shard of glass; there’s blood everywhere.
“You ok?” I hear Jake shout, but I don’t answer him. I’m too busy running over the rocky ground to get to the front so I can grab his keychain, which has so many hanging from it, I worry about how I’m going to find the right one. The smell of human barbecue, aka Robert, from behind has me running extra fast toward my boys. Robert has taken too much of my life to warrant him even a single second more. But when I finally reach the door, I can no longer see them.
“Jake,” I scream, “Jake, answer me!”
After what feels like an age, I finally spot him crawling up to the door from inside; his resolve to fight against the smoke inhalation beginning to wane. I can tell he’s desperate to let unconsciousness consume him, to give in, and let sleep take over, but I won’t let that happen. I refuse to lose either of them.
“Which key is it?!” I shout.
“The one with ‘D’ written on it,” he gasps with his eyelids looking heavier and heavier by the second.
The keys shake under my trembling fingers, my panic beginning to halt my ability to do anything with them. However, when I finally get to the key in question, I shove it inside of the lock and turn it. Again, it feels like hours pass by before I get the door to unlock, but when it bursts open, Jake falls onto the ground with a thud.
“Shit!” I cry. “Jake, come on, get up, you have to help me, you have to save both of you!”
But it’s no use, he’s fallen unconscious, and his breathing is raspy. I know I don’t have a lot of time to get them both out and call for help, but I have to try.
“Come on, Niamh, you can do this!” I tell myself before summoning all the strength I have to pull Jake free of the door and smoke. It’s like trying to pull a dead weight, a boulder that’s been wedged in the earth for years. I close my eyes tightly and instantly picture Stanley, all the while wishing for this to be over, and for them both to be safe.
“Fuck!” I gasp as he begins to move. It takes all my strength to pull him to safety and I wonder how on earth I’m going to move Warren, who is not only taller, but broader too. I rush inside to where he’s slumped against the wall; his tattoos are barely moving, and his breathing is shallow. I’m losing him!
“Come on, baby, help me,” I beg, but he remains out of it. I try pulling on his leg, and he moves a little, but it only wedges him between the two walls even more. I can feel my tears falling as I try with all my might to move him, but in the end, I fall down next to him and curl myself up against his chest. With the last bit of energy I have, I take his arm and wrap it around me.
“If you go, I go too,” I whisper, “I won’t leave you.”
The fire sounds as if it’s getting closer and closer and the smoke is beginning to burn my lungs. The blackness becomes a blur and I feel like I’m slipping away. After everything, this is how it ends. But with the warmth of Warren’s chest against my cheek, and the sound of his wheezy breath, I know I am exactly where I’m meant to be.
“You be my phoenix, and I’ll be your dragon,” I whisper in a broken voice, “we’ll save each other.” I’m answered with a strained moan through his lips and I wonder if he can hear me; I like to think so. “Sometimes, I miss the ocean; I’ve even thought about us living there one day. Somewhere with clean air, fresh water, and a small house for you, me, and anyone else who might come our way. And even though we’ll never have that, the point is you made me dream again; you made me want that life with you, my phoenix. You really are the hero they say you are…at least, to me you are. I love you Warren, Phoenix, Flynn.”
I close my eyes, relishing a little in the sting of their dryness, and settle in as close to him as I can. If this is the end, I am glad it’s with him. The man who brought me back to life. The man who reawakened me.
“Fuck!” I hear a heavily accented voice call out, and I feel myself being lifted away. I want to fight it, to not be separated from Warren, but I can’t move my limbs, not even a little bit. The sound of approaching sirens is the last thing I hear before I fall under the heat and smoke of the fire.