Chapter Three
Emberli
“I just don’t understand why you’re so angry with me? I don’t understand why you won’t just talk to me…”
“Because you don’t listen.” Elijah snaps. His eyes roam up and down my body before he scoffs. “Why would you even wear something like that? It shouts that you’re available. And the make-up? Seriously? Do you have that little respect for me? For yourself!”
“Make-up makes me feel good about myself, Lij. I want to feel good about myself.”
“So I don’t make you feel good about yourself? That’s what you’re saying. You’re unbelievable, Emberli. After everything I’ve done for you and for us.”
“Why does it offend you so much that I look like this?” I gesture down to my dress, which was apparently too tight and revealing for Elijah’s liking.
The stupid part? I wore it in the hope that he’d compliment me.
“Because you look like you’re not in a relationship. Is that what you want?”
“No. Of course it’ s not.”
“You know what? I’m not talking about this now.”
I sit at the bar after my first gig in Shadow Peaks. It went well.
Thayne had rostered for me to work when he wasn’t. And to be honest, I didn’t mind it because the less judgement the better.
Besides, he was keeping a close eye on me. Earlier today he’d made sure to point me in the direction of the flashing security cameras in the corner of the room, just in case I tried anything.
I wasn’t entirely sure what his problem was, but I intended to stay as far away from him as possible, which I know sounds ironic due to me being sat in his bar. And if it wasn’t for Mack and Willow cornering me in my motel room two nights ago, I may have considered otherwise. But the two of them had preyed on my inability to say no and here I was.
Damn. I really needed to work on that.
“You were amazing.” Odessa compliments.
“You think?” I let out a sigh of relief and she nods.
“Hell yeah. Your voice is something else. Wish I could sing like that.”
“It’s true, she does. She sounds like a strangled cat.” Billy whispers but Odessa still hears him, whacking the cloth in his direction.
“Asshole.” She mutters out and he laughs.
“I’m only joking.”
“You’re only saying that so I serve you.”
“Is it working?”
“Nope.” She turns to me, handing me a plain envelope. “Thayne left this for you.”
Billy peers over my shoulder and the stench of alcohol dripping from him fills my nostrils. Despite my attempts to grow accustomed to it over the past few hours, it still makes me want to hurl.
“Thanks.” I tap the envelope in my hand just as there’s a chuckle from behind me.
It sounds like Mack, but when I turn around it’s not him. However the resemblance between the two of them is uncanny.
“Billy, give the lady some space will you?”
“Sorry.” Billy grumbles.
“Colton Rawlins. Nice to finally meet you.” Colton Rawlins suddenly makes a lot more sense. He has to be a brother of the two Rawlins men I’ve met already. The resemblance is freakishly strong.
“Wow. The genes in your family are something else.” I say as he swoops up my hand before kissing the back of it. “I’m Emberli.”
“I know who you are.” He chuckles. “Or I think I do anyway. There’s a lot of excitement going around. So hard to tell which rumors are true.” Colton grins before opening his arm up. “This is Ryker Lewis. He’s a good friend of mine.”
“Nice to meet you ma’am.” Ryker dips his hat and offers his hand for me to shake. He’s slightly shorter than Colton and seems a lot more close-mouthed whilst his friend screams the opposite - like an overly-excited golden retriever.
“Hope you don’t mind us interrupting. I just had to meet the woman everyone’s talking about.”
I laugh. “I hardly think everyone is talking about me.”
“They sure are.” Colton assures me and this sends a swirl of doom down into my stomach.
People are talking about me.
What are they saying? Do they like me?
My heart rate picks up as I look around the bar and apart from the odd glances, no one really looks over at me. Maybe Colton is overreacting.
And as if he can read my mind, he laughs. “All good things ma’am. Don’t you worry now.”
Funnily enough, I’d always hated attention, which was weird considering my job as a singer- songwriter. I think it was more the fact that I didn’t know what anyone was thinking about me, and being the obsessive overthinker I am, I absolutely despised it. Which was why this job was such a hit and miss for me. I loved writing songs just as much as I loved performing them. However, I had a constant feeling of uncertainty. I was frequently worried that people wouldn’t like my songs, that they wouldn’t like me.
When I was with Elijah, I felt as if I had to be the best. There was no room for mistakes because he’d know them, play them and bring me down because of them. He claimed it was constructive criticism, it’s only now I’m out of the relationship that I see just how bad it really was.
I constantly wanted to be better for him so I lost myself in the process of it all, listening to him and being injected with his narrative and opinions.
Eventually I lost my true self. It appears pushing her away and subjecting her to nothing would do that. I’d do anything to be her again.
But it’s true what they say, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
God. I miss her so much.
Now I was only the remains of what she used to be, and I wanted to apologize and tell her that it wasn’t her fault what happened. She was just the younger version of me who thought that she was doing the right thing at the time.
I’m learning to be okay with trying to heal from what he did to me and the way I think or see things now because of him.
What’s the saying? Love is blind and all that.
I don’t know. I guess I figured Elijah would be different.
God. I never thought I’d be a part of the “I can fix him” club. Yet without even realizing it, I was fucking president.
And the number one award for biggest idiot of the year goes to… yours truly.
Yours truly.
I grab a napkin and pen off of the side of the bar before scribbling my thoughts down on it.
Short moments like these uplifted me for a split second. And for the first time in a long time, I actually felt productive .
“Gossip is just gossip, hon. Don’t let it get to you.” Odessa says. “It’s not worth it.”
And something tells me she actually believes that. I have a habit of continually aspiring to be that level headed. I like and repost inspirational quotes to change my mindset. But so far, nothing has changed. I worry that I won’t change. As if I’ll just be this broken forever. And how could I even know how to be a mom when I didn’t even know myself?
I made a pact with myself as soon as I boarded the coach to Shadow Peaks that there would be no more excuses. And absolutely no more falling for cowboys with a cute smile who promise to give you the world whilst silently and sneakily crushing all of your hopes and personality.
Anddd breathe.
I was absolutely fine with staying as far away from men like that as much as I possibly could.
Famous last fucking words.
“Get in.” The sound of tires screeching to a halt and an abrupt truck door opening stops me on the sidewalk.
It’s Thayne.
“What?”
“Get in the truck. It’s pitch black out here.”
I recoil. “I know. The cold is refreshing.”
“Get in.”
“Has being this rude ever gotten you anywhere?”
“No.”
“Didn’t think so.”
“Just get in the goddamn truck.”
I do as he says because as appealing as it seems to annoy Thayne, I’m exhausted. So he’s lucky tonight.
“Put your seatbelt on.”
Before I even shut the passenger door fully, Thayne speeds off.
“Shut the door. ”
“I will if you give me a fucking minute. Jeez .” I mumble. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re bossy?”
He glares at me, piercing brown eyes staring into my own as he says, “Plenty of times.”
“Great. So I don’t have to let you know that you’re being exactly that right now.”
He glares again before his eyes divert back onto the road. “Not being bossy.” He shoots back. “You just seem completely oblivious to the dangers around you.”
I scoff. “Since when did you care about what happens to me? And besides, what’s the worst that can happen here? A bull escaping its pen and charging at me?”
“That can damn well happen.” He snaps. “ Or you could trip and fall and no one would see you. Not to mention the amount of drunks that are out tonight.”
“I know what you’re doing.” I shake my head. “You’re not going to scare me out of this town. I’ve met a lot more darker fates than a couple of drunks.” Thayne just wouldn’t quit it. It was clear to me from the moment we met that he didn’t like me and so it was even more infuriating when he thought he could have a say in my decisions. I could make my own, and there was nothing more infuriating than someone thinking they could make them for you. I think that’s why I started to despise Elijah.
“Right. But this time it’s not only you who could get hurt.”
My fists clench in my lap. “I’m aware of that. Funnily enough, I’m carrying the child and guess what?”
His eyebrows raise but he doesn’t say a word, focusing on the road ahead of him. “I can protect them myself. Because that’s what was sprung on me at the start of this week.”
“All I’m saying is you shouldn’t be walking in the dark. This town may be safer than others you’ve been to, but it’s still a risk.” Thayne says.
If I’d had more sleep and Thayne and I had gotten off on the right foot, I would have thought his concern for my safety was cute. But instead, I find it irritating.
I look out of my window, attempting to ignore Thayne when he speaks again. “Didn’t Odessa call you a taxi?”
“There were none available and I wanted to walk anyway. The air is refreshing.”
On cue, he winds down the window as far as it’ll go, a smirk playing on his lips as the gust of strong wind springs my hair into madness.
“Nice.” I nod. “Real nice.”
“Still refreshing?”
“You’re such an asshole.”
Perhaps calling my new boss an asshole wasn’t the cleverest of ideas, but I’d never been the smartest. And besides, judging by the amused laugh that leaves his mouth, Thayne doesn’t seem to mind too much. Which, dare I say, is possibly character development.
He drops me at the motel five minutes later with a simple goodnight, and I hear his engine start up again when I lock my door.
Was he waiting for me to get inside? What a gentleman.
Nope. That’s how they get you.
I get myself ready for bed and the excitement is next level. Only I spot my notebook in my bag and for a change, I’m suddenly more excited about writing lyrics.