Chapter Five
Emberli
“F uck me.” Willow stares at me wide eyed when I open the door to her.
It’s bright outside. When did it get bright outside?
The sun beams past her as she invites herself in, eyes scanning around the motel room.
She’s horrified. That’s for sure.
Admittedly not my finest moment. In the corner there’s an overflowing stack of takeaway coffee cups with a collection of wrappers from the amount of energy bars I’ve divulged in. Apparently that stuff is addictive.
On the bed there’s also a smaller collection of takeaway cups, more vending machine snack wrappers and ripped out pages from my notebook. After Thayne’s visit yesterday, I found myself in the depths of writing. I’d written more than I had in a long time due to channeling my anger for inspiration. I should invite Thayne round more often, just have him sit in a corner as I write about how much he infuriates me.
“When was the last time you slept?” Willow asks, yanking at my closed blinds to let the light in.
“I don’t need sleep. Sleep is for the weak,” although I was severely deprived of it. It had been so long since I pulled an all nighter and no amount of canned lemonade can make me feel any less groggy. I’d tested that theory a few hours ago.
Instead, I settled with several cups of lukewarm coffee from the vending machine.
“Right. May I ask why you’re hiding yourself away like a vampire?” she questions. “You’re only letting Elijah win if you sit and mope around.”
“This isn’t about Elijah.” She turns to me and raises her eyebrow like she doesn’t believe me.
Okay . Maybe this is partially about Elijah. But I’m not moping around because of him.
With three new original songs written, I’d say I’m onto something better here. A huge fuck you, to Elijah.
“Come on. You have literal bags under your eyes, Em. Can I call you Em?” I nod.
“Em, You look like… a zombie,” Willow states.
Ah . So we’ve reached that part of the friendship. I’d been here less than a week and already felt like I had a good friend in Willow. She’d turned up on my second day here and practically forced my hand in her friendship offer, promising me that she wouldn’t let me wallow in my sorrows and Willow struck me as the type of woman who stayed true to her word. In the small time I’d known her, she’d put my needs ahead of hers, something I could only be grateful for. I figured her out almost immediately. She was strong-willed and appeared accepting of not only others, but herself. Obviously confident in everything she did, unlike me, who sought out reassurance from others before I did anything even remotely out of the ordinary. She was unlike anyone I’d ever met before, she never appeared unhappy and always showed up with a smile on her face.
I didn’t have many friends back home and the ones I did have, I lost when I was with Elijah. I guess they weren’t exactly the closest of friends because I never let anyone get close enough for that. I was always scared of disappointing them, or losing them. So I kept them at a distance, believing that I only needed myself. And then I met Elijah and suddenly all I needed was him. Another one of my not so fine moments was putting him first. It was a lesson I’d learnt when I woke up Thursday morning alone with a break up note and had no one to talk to about it. Not until Willow.
She took me to the local coffee shop and listened as I ranted about Elijah for two straight hours and she never interrupted me, she just listened. She really listened.
There were times when I’d open up to my friends back home about Elijah, and they’d tell me to leave him. Stupidly, this only pushed me away from them further. I’d claimed I wanted their advice but never took it. There were phone calls I made to the same people and asked them if I was crazy, if what was happening was always my fault like Elijah had tattooed into my brain and even when the answer was no, I still went back.
Now that I'm out of it, I can’t understand why I did end up going back so many times or why I let him treat me the way he did, I only feel sorry for the girl who was so infatuated with him that she didn’t care that he was hurting her. The same girl whose inner child only wanted to be loved by a man who claimed he could do so yet proved otherwise with his actions. The older sister who just needed someone to take care of her the way she took care of everybody else.
That was all I ever asked for.
That was all I never got.
“When was the last time you ate?”
I gesture to the wrappers on my bed and she raises an eyebrow. “No. Properly.”
“I had a ham and cheese wrap from the vending machine?”
“My God.” Willow mutters just as a blonde appears in the doorway. “How the fuck is the vending machine empty?”
“Lynnie, Emberli. Emberli, this is Lynnie. ”
“Pleasure to meet you.” Lynnie smiles.
Nadia next door smashes something else and I jump. One of these days, something is going to come through the wall. That I’m certain of.
I wince. “Maybe not. I’m afraid I’m the culprit of being the vending machine snack thief.”
Lynnie’s eyes widened. “All of them?”
“All of them.” I confirm.
“Damn, girl. That’s got to be a world record or something.”
“See? I knew you two would get along.” Willow calls just as she opens the window. “The two of you can compete for world records.”
“What’s your world record?” I ask.
Lynnie rolls her eyes. “Apparently I drink too much.”
“Apparently?” Willow snorts in disbelief at this. “I’m pretty sure you can outdrink the entire town, Lyn.”
“So I enjoy the occasional cocktail. Sue me.”
Lynnie sighs dramatically before she sinks next to me on the edge of the bed, watching Willow frantically pick up the rubbish sprawled around my room.
“I was going to tidy later.” I say.
Willow only shakes her head, waving me off with her hand.
Lynnie leans in as she tells me, “Wills is a clean freak. You just gotta let her do her thing.”
“Good thing I thought to come by to check on you.” Willow mumbles. “Where were you yesterday by the way?”
“Yesterday? I had the gig at Spooky Hoots.”
Willow and Lynnie share a glance between them. “Em, that was two days ago.”
My eyes widen as realization hits me. I hadn’t pulled just one all nighter, but two.
How did that happen? How could I just casually let two days pass?
“Oh my God! Have you not slept for two days?”
Willow’s hands reach out for my arms as she worriedly checks me over. But all I can think about is how great this is .
Before I stepped foot in Shadow Peaks, I hadn’t opened my notebook in two years. Now I have at least three songs written. It goes without saying that I’m not at all ready to leave yet.
I can’t leave yet.
This was the most work I had done for myself, for my career in a long time. And not only would it be the biggest fuck you to Elijah, but it would be something I’d finally done for myself.
I felt on top of the world, which could possibly be exhaustion or the numerous energy bars I ate earlier on. Or the amount of caffeine I’d drunk. Either way, I didn’t feel tired like I should be. Only excitement.
“I may as well start practising for when the baby arrives.” I joke, though the low blow I suffocate myself with reminds me of how I’m doing this alone.
“Pfft.” Willow scoffs. “You’re still getting your beauty sleep, girl.” She points her finger at me and then at herself. “You won’t be doing the whole baby thing alone. Not if we have a say in it. Right Lyn?”
Lynnie nods beside me.
“I don’t get it.” I shake my head. “I don’t get why you’re helping me.”
Thayne’s words stay on a loop in my head and I can’t help but feel guilty for allowing her to help me so much when I haven’t done anything to deserve it.
“It’s what we do here, Emberli. We look after our own here.” Willow says and she grins. “And I’ve just officially claimed you as my own.”
After Willow demanded she clean the entirety of my motel room, the three of us went out for a late lunch, which consisted of mostly dissing the other Rawlins siblings and trying each other's food.
I’d never done something like this before and felt as comfortable as I did, which is another small stepping stone I’ve reached. I try to push back the thought of how time will eventually consume me, and how I won’t be just me anymore, but a mom. And the truth was, I don’t know the first thing about how to be one. The thought alone stirs the nausea I feel brewing, and I’m unsure if it’s the anxious thoughts I’m having or the unhealthy amount of junk food I’ve consumed recently.
“I just, I don’t get it. He’s so invasive. They all are.” Willow leans back in the booth and she shakes her head. “It’s as if they forget I’m a twenty-three year old woman now. I can take care of myself.”
“They just think they’re protecting you, Wills. That’s all any of them want to do.” Lynnie replies.
“Yeah well, it’s fucking annoying.” Willow grumbles before she turns to me. “Do you have any older brothers, Emberli?”
I shake my head. “I’m the eldest.”
“Great. Can I pick your brain?” Her beady green eyes stare back at me and I nod, because after all she’s done for me this is the least I can do.
“You care about your family, right?”
More than anything.
I nod again, unsure of if I should interrupt because Willow seems to be on a roll, sitting upright and passionate about the topic of the table.
“And you respect them, right?”
“Of course.”
“Would you say that you’d get involved in your siblings’ business?”
“Depends what the business is.” I shrug. “I don’t usually hover. But they know I’m there if they need me.” At least I hope they do, I’d told them more than enough times. I was constantly caught up with the idea of them needing me. The constant what if.
If my parents hadn’t ushered me to go on the road to pursue my music, I don’t think I would have ever gone. I was fine being on standby for my siblings or my parents in case they ever needed me in their life, completely forgetting about my own because that was just who I was.
And it was why being away from them was so hard. I felt so out of touch and helpless.
“But you wouldn’t like… get involved with their dating life, wo uld you?”
“God no. I wouldn’t want to know.”
“See!” Willow stabs a chip with her fork. “It’s just basic, common human decency. I don’t get why none of my brothers have any.”
“They’re all men. That’s why.” Lynnie says. “Men don’t think before they do things. It’s like a rite of passage.”
“So what did your brothers do?” I ask.
“Flint and Mack took it upon themselves to scare off my date before we even had the chance to order dinner last night.”
“Seriously?”
Willow hums. “Yep. Rudy told me he was going to the bathroom and that was it. The asshole stood me up and I had to pay for the bottle of wine too. I ended up drinking it all but that’s not the point. The point is my brothers are overbearing and intrusive and…”
“Love you so much that they want to protect you?”
Our waitress asks as she places another bottle of tap water in the middle of our table. I’d noticed that she’d been eavesdropping on our conversation.
She’d even wiped down the table next to us twice, though I don’t think she’d realized it.
“Mavis, this is a private conversation.”
“Then don’t have it in a public setting. Your brothers care about you and you should appreciate that. If they think a man is wrong for you, then the man is wrong for you.” The older woman scolds.
Willow sinks back in her chair just as Lynnie sits forward.
“Willow isn’t a teenager anymore, Mavis. She’s a grown woman and can see who the hell she wants because of it.”
“She should be grateful that she has people who care about her. You of all people know what it’s like to not have that.”
Lynnie doesn’t flinch, she just raises an eyebrow at the imposing lady who stands hovering at our now uncomfortable table. “You want a tip or not?”
Mavis doesn’t say another word, she only grunts before sauntering away in silence, occasionally shooting looks over at us .
“I’m sorry for rambling. I just… It feels like they still treat me like a little kid, you know?”
I nod because I can understand how hard it must be on Willow. To be a grown woman treated like less.
Just because someone cares about you doesn’t give them the right to diminish that.
Lynnie’s hand reaches over for Willow’s and she squeezes it before her gaze flies past her.
“Uh oh.”
“What?” Willow and I turn around just as Thayne enters, his gaze scans the room before he makes his way over to us.
“You’re still here.” He points out as he nods at me.
“Where else would I be?”
“Beats me. Word of the town was that you’d left.”
He slides in beside Lynnie, sitting opposite me with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Don’t sound too excited.”
I watch as a smile cracks at his lips, but it’s gone as quick as it appears. “Can’t help it. Was hoping you’d be long gone by now.”
Lynnie jabs his side but he doesn’t budge, just as I don’t.
As much as the man before me attempts to irritate me, probably in the hope that I’d lash out so I’d quit or he could fire me, I need this job. So I have to be on my best behaviour. No matter how much I want to smash the coke bottle in front of me over his head.
But with my luck, Thayne Rawlins wouldn’t even flinch. He was a broad man who was practically all muscle. I could see how those in his shoulders define the rest of his upper body under the black skin-tight shirt he wore, and when he moved around, I’d catch glimpses of a possible six pack that I most definitely should not be looking for.
It was clear that he looked after himself and I concluded that he would probably break the coke bottle before the coke bottle broke him. Therefore I voided my experiment that definitely would cost me my job.
“Careful. You and Colt are the only two brothers I like right now.” Willow warns him and amusement strikes his face.
“What happened?”
“Flint and Mack happened.” She grumbles.
“I tried telling her to be respectful and grateful, Thayne. But she wouldn’t listen.” Mavis reappears, pouring Thayne a cup of coffee before jumping at Willow's sudden outburst that draws looks from other tables nearby.
“Oh suck it, Mavis.”