Chapter Ten
Emberli
“I need you to talk to me about these things. If I’ve upset you, I want to know.”
“You haven’t.”
“Then why are you acting as if I have?”
The silence was the worst part. It held me captive as I begged for Elijah to respond, to give me anything.
“Elijah, please.”
“Nothing is wrong, but you keep pestering me and it’s making something wrong.”
“But you’re treating me like something is.” I feel as if I’m going crazy. As if my mind is playing tricks on me and perhaps I am the problem here. That Elijah is right.
“How am I treating you, Emberli?”
“Like you’re angry at me.”
“Well now you’re just being stupid.” He scoffs.
My heart is pulled from my chest as I try to reason with him, but as always, it’s hopeless. I can never reason with him.
“This is how I feel, Elijah.” Pleading, I take his hand in mine but he yanks it away.
“Then let me ask you something, if I'm so bad. Why are you still here?”
“Because I want us to work!”
“I’m not going to sit here whilst you yell at me. I’m not talking about this now.”
I’m having one of those more frequent moments where I can’t stop writing down possible lyrics in my notebook and it’s gotten to the point where I’m soon going to need a new one, which excites me beyond words because buying new stationery has to be one of my favourite things to do.
My inspiration for the sudden bundle of ideas? Thayne.
My heart feels tender as it skips a beat, remembering Thayne's entire body as it went rigid before he swung for the guy who sought to offend me.
He defended me.
I push the resurfacing thought to the back of my head as I try to focus, but it’s deemed harder than I thought it would be.
Despite my loathing for the man, it’s also clear he’s become my muse, and a damn good one at that.
My phone buzzes with a message from my mom and I’m swarmed with regret for not messaging her sooner. I checked in a few days ago but left out the part where Elijah had left me and I’ve temporarily moved to his hometown. I didn’t want her to worry, and knowing my mom, she always did. I wanted to make sure that I at least had a plan that I could tell her so she wouldn’t freak out so much.
I hover over the send button before pressing it.
EMBERLI: Can you call?
It’s a matter of seconds before her name flashes on my screen.
“Is everything okay honey?”
“Hey mom, Everything’s fine. How’s everyone back home? ”
“We’re all good.”
I’d sent messages to my younger sister to check in, but the distance between us felt emotional just as much as it was physical. And I took full blame for it because I was the one who moved.
No one ever talks about how hard it is to be the eldest sister. Whilst I’m trying to hold together the entire family, I’m also trying to hold together myself.
“I need to talk to you about something, mom. Do you have time?”
“Yeah. Of course. What’s up?”
I take a breath before telling her everything, not missing out a single detail from the past few weeks.
In truth, my best friend was my mom. But it hadn’t always been that way, we’d argue a lot when I was growing up.
I thought, like any teenager, that I knew better and if I could go back knowing what I know now, I would have never treated her the way I did.
She wasn’t just an older sister herself or a mom, she was also her own person and yet took on the responsibility of so much more.
“Honey… I wish you told me sooner.”
“I didn’t want to worry you, mom and I knew you’d tell me to come back.”
We both laugh at this. “Of course I would.”
“And how many times have I come back?”
“A lot.”
“Exactly. I need to do this for myself.”
Hesitance fills the silent line between us. “Are you sure that you’re okay there?”
“More than okay, mom. I’ve met some really cool people and I’ve got myself a job. To be honest, I was staying here in case Elijah had come back, to hold him responsible. But I was just scared. I don’t need him.”
I don’t need him.
Wow .
A huge weight feels like it’s been lifted from my shoulders, like the chains around me have rusted too much and now they’ve broken off.
I don’t need Elijah. As a matter of fact, I never did.
“I’m proud of you.” I don’t think my mom knows just how much I appreciate those few words, how they make me feel like I’m doing the right thing.
I wasn’t used to doing things on my own and this temporary move to Shadow Peaks was completely out of the ballpark. It couldn’t have been more far from my comfort zone, yet I felt at peace here. I felt like I could stay.
“But if you need any help, honey. Please let us know. Coming back isn’t failing.”
But how do I tell her that it felt exactly that?
“Thanks mom. I better go to sleep. It’s been a long night.” I failed to tell her that my previous neighbor had in fact been a grizzly bear and had smashed its way through the wall between us. Because she’d definitely worry and that was one thing I did not want her to do.
She had enough to worry about.
***
I wake up the next morning to the loud sound of knocking on my door and when I peek out the curtains. It’s the last person I expect to be standing there with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
It’s Thayne.
There’s no way I can answer the door to him looking like I’ve just been dragged through a hedge backwards.
I contemplate just pretending I’m in the deepest sleep of my life or just pretending not to be in, but those plans both fail the minute his eyes lock with mine through the window .
Great.
I quickly shut the curtains and pace around the room in an attempt to find a different shirt to the coffee stained one I’ve definitely overworn. I give it a sniff and almost gag at the smell, pulling it over my head.
There’s another knock at the door.
“Be right there!” I call and make a quick change into some shorts and a plain black shirt, catching a glance at myself in the mirror.
“Oh God.” I groan before putting my hand to my mouth and do a smell test on my breath.
Absolutely not.
Thayne is going to have to wait.
“Just coming!” I lie, dodging into the bathroom to brush my hair and teeth, ignoring the harder knocks that take place on my door.
“Fucking hell, Emberli. How long does it take to get to the damn door?”
“Com-OW! FUCK!” I groan, holding my big toe that throbs from the whack it’s just taken on the side of the bathroom door frame.
“What happened? Are you okay?” The doorknob rattles just as I get to it, swinging the door open. Thayne glances at me, giving me a quick once-over.
“What happened?”
“I stubbed my toe trying to get to the door.” I explain, the pain in my big toe begins to subside and Thayne glances to my feet.
“Can you not stare at my feet?” I ask. “It’s weirding me out.”
“Sorry.” he grumbles.
“What are you doing here anyway?”
“Can I come in?”
I move out of the way to allow him in, noticing how his well-built frame fills the door, and how he’s too tall for it. He dips his head before his eyes lock with mine again. It’s a glance that stops my heart from its regular pace, setting it on an uneven track as he clicks his tongue. “I brought you these.” He holds out the bouquet of tulips. “They’re blue.”
“I see that. Thank you. What’s the occasion?”
“I owe you an apology for the day at Lacey’s. ”
“Lacey’s?”
“The store next to the library.”
Oh . That day.
“I told you, I wasn’t crying because of you.”
Okay. Maybe a small part of me was crying because of him. The hormones continue to wreak havoc around my body but I was also tired and not in the mood for Thayne’s judgement which he continues to share where it isn’t needed.
But this gesture? Turning up at my motel room with an apology was heartwarming.
Funnily enough I never got an apology without asking for it with Elijah. I guess that’s the difference between a man and a gentleman.
God . I’m never going to tell Thayne I just considered him a gentleman because he’d never let me live it down.
“Since you’ve come here I’ve tried figuring you out, and one thing I have realized is that you’re not a liar, Emberli.”
I take the flowers from his hand. “Thank you. They’re perfect.”
“Yeah well, I was an asshole. I figured you deserved them.”
My eyes meet his once again and they linger for a few more seconds than usual, desperation sinks its teeth into me as I wonder what he’s thinking.
I can never tell what he’s thinking. And I don’t know when I began to care about what he thought either.
Thayne was remarkably good at frustrating me, I’m pretty sure that he even took pride in doing so. It was a dynamic between us that I’d grown to accept after realizing his views on me wouldn’t change, and yet seeing him standing here in front of me. I can’t help but feel like those views of me have faltered the same way mine have for him.
“How did you know what room I was in?” Thayne had been escorted off the premises last night in handcuffs, so there was no way that he would have known what room I’d been transferred into.
“I bribed Rebecca at the front desk.”
“Oh great.” I say sarcastically. “The level of confidentiality this place has is concerning.”
“It’s a small town. What do you expect?” He takes it upon himself to examine the room, his attention fixating on my notebook until I slam it shut, peering up at him.
“Nosy much?”
His lips twitch in amusement. “I never said I was done figuring you out yet, trouble.”
“What’s with the nickname?”
“You’re trouble.”
I shake my head. “Yeah well, you’re annoying but you don’t see me going around and calling you…”
I stop when Thayne raises his eyebrow.
“Okay. My point doesn’t stand.” Grabbing my notebook, I shove it in my luggage. “But I’m not trouble nor am I here for any, despite what you may think of me, Thayne… I’m here for peace.”
Thayne strides towards me, feet heavy yet somewhat slow as his boots collide with the floor. Every step he makes takes us both into unfamiliar territory until he stands towering over me, closer than ever before. I hold my breath, as if I’m scared to miss what he has to say over the rapid thumping sound of my heart in my chest.
Can he hear it? Surely he can.
I’m almost angry at my body for betraying me. We were meant to be collectively against Thayne and at this point, I feel the complete opposite.
“Thing is, I think I’m starting to believe you.” He moves, glancing around the bathroom before turning back to me with an unimpressed look on his face.
“There’s no way you’re staying here.”
“What?”
“You’re not staying here. Over my fucking dead body are you staying here.”
I’m that imprisoned by shock that I can’t move, I only watch as he begins to throw my clothes and various possessions into my bag .
“What are you doing?”
“This place has to violate numerous health codes and I’ve been restraining myself as much as I can but I can’t let you stay here. Aca’s leaving next week. You can stay with me until he does.”
If that wasn’t a recipe for disaster, it was certainly one for murder. Up until yesterday, Thayne and I could barely be within the presence of one another for more than an hour. An hour and living together were two very different things despite my newfound tolerance for him. What he was proposing we do, was the literal definition of playing with fire, just adding smaller pieces of wood.
“What? Do you hear yourself?”
“Look, I’m your last resort. So just take the help, okay?”
I shut up, but not because I’m letting him win, but because I have no clue what to say to the man that I thought I’d already made up my mind about.