Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Seventee n
Emberli
“W hat are we doing back at the motel? Are you returning me?”
Thayne snorts at this and shoots me an amused look as he pulls into a parking space outside of the motel.
His truck is the only one here and there’s some form of notice on the reception door that I can’t read.
I should possibly get my eyes tested.
Okay. I should definitely get my eyes tested.
My passenger door opens and Thayne stands there.
“It’s not exactly a rage room, but I spoke to the contractor and they agreed for us to smash up a few rooms.”
“You did what?”
I stand there almost speechless as Thayne grabs his toolbox from the truck bed. “They were only going to knock it down to refurbish anyway. I figured we could start ticking off your list.”
“Thayne, this is…” So thoughtful. Kind. “I didn’t realize it was under refurbishment.”
“It wasn’t. Until I saw your room. It’s not healthy for anyone to stay somewhere like that and it’s been neglected for some time. I figured it was worth a letter to the council and some rich guy ended up buying it.”
Processing everything Thayne tells me is a challenge, and I’ve never been good at challenges. But it appears that he did all of this, for me.
Inside, I’m trying my hardest not to scream. On the outside, I manage a tight-lipped smile that must make me look like an idiot.
“But safety first.” He appears in front of me and holds out his hand which holds a pair of goggles. I take them hesitantly, still speechless and stand still as Thayne plonks a helmet down on my head, strapping it beneath my chin. I try to ignore the wave of electricity that shoots through me as he does. He turns away for a second and grabs a long sleeved coat that he takes upon himself to put on me, buttoning it up to the very top whilst I stand there in the stance of a penguin.
He steps back, grinning widely. “Hang on.”
“Are you making fun of me, Thayne? Is that what this is?”
I hear his laugh as he reaches into the back of his truck, pulling out his camera.
“Absolutely not.” I say.
“One photo. Please?”
“Fine. But only if you get in too.”
Thayne grunts in displeasure at this, but he doesn’t argue. He suits up before setting the camera on a timer a few meters away.
I stand there with a grin and both of my thumbs up awkwardly, which Thayne seems to find hilarious just as the camera does its job.
I zone in on the candidness of the photo and how Thayne laughs at me.
“It’s cute.” I say, glancing up at Thayne for his opinion. It seems that he hasn’t stopped smiling and his index finger points at my frozen stance. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone more awkward than you..”
“I’m one of a kind.” I wink and set my eyes on the motel in front of me. It has a creepy vibe to it that I don’t like and am suddenly grateful for Thayne’s company. Maybe I’m traumatised from when Nadia slammed her way through both of our motel rooms.
Maybe I should start seeing a therapist… not about Nadia but about Elijah. Odessa had recommended the idea but I shrugged it off because I thought I was doing okay. Evidently I was in a state of denial because the night terrors I had of Elijah coming to kill me for outing him felt very real.
“Shall we get to work?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” I say and he gestures his hand out in front of him. “Ladies first.”
Is a twenty-three second stare too extreme if the other party isn’t looking?
There’s something about the way Thayne slams the hammer into the cupboard and I can’t seem to take my eyes off it. Off him.
I watched shamelessly with a great front row view as he continuously smashed at the wood in front of him.
Masculinity and testosterone exuded from him and it was hot .
I have no clue where my alter-ego feminist had gone, but I was sure she was condemning me, wherever she was.
He reaches to the hem of his white tee to wipe at his forehead after he removes his goggles, glancing at me like he’s been aware I’ve been staring for so long, and my gaze shoots up to the ceiling like it’s the most interesting thing I’ve seen all day.
“You okay?”
“Huh? Me?”
“No. Noisy Nadia back there.” He juts his chin behind me and I jump up, suddenly aware I’ve been fooled when I hear Thayne’s laugh.
“Ha-Ha. You’re so funny.” I glare before jumping to my feet. “Okay. Subconscious power nap is over and I’m ready to roll.”
“Glad to hear it. I thought you gave up.”
Whilst Thayne had been working hard at knocking down the walls without a break, I’d been taking several .
Truth be told, Thayne was a lot more skilled in this department than I was, and often saved flying pieces of wood from smacking into my face.
“Pfft. Giving up is not in my nature.”
He scoffs. “Don’t I know it.”
Dad was right about rage rooms, or simply just smashing something up. It was relieving, it felt like a weight off of my shoulders, most of which consisted of taking out my anger for Elijah on the poor tiles in the bathroom.
I smash at the mirror, unleashing all my pent up anger as I stare at the cracked reflection of myself. If that wasn’t symbolism of an identity crisis, I don’t know what was.
An idea for a verse suddenly pops into my head, something about finding out who I am and speaking to my past or younger self.
Can we just act like... no.
Can we just pretend? I don’t want to see her again.
A glimpse of the failure. And I don’t know what to tell her.
I smash at the glass some more in the hope that I’d be hit with more inspiration, and when I’m not, I dive for my phone on the bed and open my notes app, frantically typing in the ideas as they pass each other in my brain.
Knowing myself, I’ll look back in a few days and not have a single clue what I’m talking about. But in the hope that I do, I tap them into my phone.
Being in this town has become my muse. And after so long without one, I’m not sure I’m ready to pack up and leave just yet. Shadow Peaks had become my comfort, which was weird considering the reason I came here. Yet instead of finding that, or more specifically, him. I found peace.
** *
A few weeks pass and Thayne and I have become what I’d consider friends. I no longer just tolerated him, I actually enjoyed his company. I was wrong about him before. Not only was I getting to know Thayne more, but my inspiration for songwriting had hit its peak. I’d written numerous songs. I just didn’t know what to do with them. The more I had the time to think about it, I didn’t know if songwriting was what I wanted to pursue full-time. I loved it, but I didn’t love it enough to do it full time. And I was terrified I’d lose the remaining admiration I had for it if I did.
I flick through the numerous outfits I went out and irrationally bought for Aca’s leaving party tonight, sit down on my bed and sigh.
Three options. Just choose one.
It sounds so simple, yet is the complete opposite.
Each and every one of them have new flaws that I didn’t pick up on a few days ago when I stumbled into the only dress shop in town and they all have something to do with the way they look on me.
In someone else’s eyes, it may not be clear that the navy blue dress rides up my thighs more than I want and that the material makes me want to gauge my eyes out, or that the crimson thin-strapped dress shows too much of my skin and I no longer liked that as I did two days ago. They may not think the black and gold flecked maxi-dress I wear looks hideous on me like I think it does and the entire situation makes my emotions turn on each other and they go to war.
Heat rises to my cheeks and I burst out crying, flinging my dress to the other side of the room in anger before immediately feeling bad for hating it. I bet the dressmaker was so proud of it too.
God. I’m a horrible person.
I’m a blubbering mess as there’s a knock on my door and I freeze, I don’t even breathe.
“Emberli?” Thayne’s voice floods through the closed door.
“Yeah?” Is all I just about manage.
“We’ve got to leave soon. Just checking if you're okay?”
“I thought I still had two hours?” I panic .
“It’s been two hours.”
Great.
Maybe I wasn’t only losing my mind and my ability to stay in touch with my emotions, but my sense of timing too.
“Are you okay?”
Goddamn it.
“No.”
I seemed to break whenever someone asked me if I was okay, when evidently I was not okay and there was nothing I could do to put a stop to it.
The doorknob turns and Thayne appears, a concerned look painting his face and he’s over to me in less than three strides, standing in front of me. His thumb hooks under my chin, tilting my face upwards.
“You’re crying,” he states. “Why? Talk to me.”
Talk to me? Oh God. This man.
I let out a strangled sob and the bed dips beside me before I find my head locked in his arm as he holds me against his chest.
There were numerous arguments with Elijah where I’d begged him for basic communication and instead he refused to talk, taking pride in the control he had over me. I didn’t realize what I’d gotten myself into, how much I fell for, and how I just didn’t know him at all. He knew everything about me and he knew just how to get under my skin. When I inevitably spoke up about it, he turned the tables so fast I didn’t get a chance to think that he was the one in the wrong, not me. I realized that he only ever loved me for what I could give him and not as his other half and this past month I tried to take joint responsibility for him leaving me. I knew that I wasn’t perfect. Far from it in fact. But I could never understand it. I could never understand him. I guess that’s a good thing.
“Emberli.” Thayne’s voice is low and gruff. Stern as he asks me, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing looks good on me.” I blurt out into his chest.
“What makes you think that? ”
I pull back and stand to my feet, gesturing to my outfit that he glances over before looking at me.
“You’ve lost me.”
“I look hideous.”
A low chuckle leaves his lips as he stands, and his rough-to-feel yet soothing hands place on my shoulders before turning me around to the mirror. He stands behind me as he rubs my shoulders. “You look amazing, trouble.”
My breath vanishes from my lungs and I forget how to breathe until I’m forced to, which only makes me sound like a strangled cat.
“But…”
“No. I don’t want to hear it.” He scowled. “And I’m sure you look just as good in the other choices as well.”
I steal another glance at him in the mirror before forcibly looking at myself, but no matter how long I try, I can’t see what he sees. I only see my imperfections and there are a whole lot of them.
“I don’t know if your way of thinking is because of that asshole you were with. And yes, the dress and all the jewellery you’re wearing is beautiful but that’s not what completes this look. It’s you. And you are fucking stunning, Emberli. You don’t need a dress to tell you that. I’ll tell you it for free.”
“Thayne…” I’m speechless, my heart swells at his words yet I can’t say a word, I can’t even thank him.
I’m not used to the shower of compliments he’s given me of his own accord and yet he gives my shoulders a reassuring squeeze.
“Which one are you going to go with?” I feel his cold fingers tracing over the straps and I give the dress I’m in a once over, though my attention has entirely shifted to the man behind me.
“This one.”
“Good choice. Want me to zip you up?”
I nod like I’m some teenager who’s just been asked if she wants her first kiss. My own inner teenager practically screams at me as his hand gently moves my hair to the side, his fingers brush against my back that goosebumps immediately invade .
Shit. Shit. Shit.
My heart is about to flatline.
God . How embarrassing would that be?
Please don’t faint. Please don’t faint.
The warmth of his touch is gone in a matter of seconds. It was only a brief moment, yet it’s one I find myself longing for when my dress tightens around me.
It isn’t until Thayne leaves my room that I finally let out a breath I feel has been trapped inside of me this entire time.