3. Nothing to Get Your Hopes up Over
NOTHING TO GET YOUR HOPES UP OVER
WILL
Closing the side of my ute, I scratch my dog, Alfie, behind the ear through the side of his cage.
“See you next week, boss.” My newest apprentice, Jacob, gives me a wave while he jumps into his mother’s car.
I wave back and say goodbye to the rest of my crew as they finish packing up. I’ve been slowly bringing more electricians on as work has been picking up, something I’d not thought possible when I was first starting out on my own six years ago.
Finishing work for the week is always a relief, though I’m not really sure why. It’s not like I have anything to rush home to, seeing as the only one who lives with me is currently panting away happily in the back of the ute.
Taking in the dark clouds in the sky that have been hanging around all day, I open the weather app on my phone as I get in the driver’s seat.
Grimacing, I’m disappointed to see that the forecast for the weekend has changed, and it looks like the solo camping trip I’m meant to be going on will have to be postponed.
So much for that plan .
As I head towards home, I use the speakerphone to dial my best mate.
“Mister Anderson. To what do I owe this pleasure?” Chris’s voice fills the cab of my ute, the sound of his daughter Lucy singing in the background dominating the noises coming through the speakers.
“Just letting you know I’m on for tomorrow night now. No way I can go camping with the weather forecast for the weekend.” I try to hide the disappointment in my voice.
“Great, it’ll be good to see you. It’s been a couple of weeks.” I ignore the pointed tone in Chris’s voice, knowing full well it was more Morgan’s issue than his.
A baby crying in the background brings the conversation to an abrupt end, as Chris explains he’s attempting to manage both kids while Morgan is out getting her hair done before her party tomorrow night. We say goodbye, and his voice is replaced by the playlist that I was listening to earlier.
I’d really been looking forward to the camping trip.
I haven’t been surfing in weeks and had planned to just spend the whole time either hitting the waves or reading a book.
Although it would be good to see everyone at Morgan’s birthday barbecue, everyone else is settled down with kids these days, and sometimes being around them is an unwelcome reminder that my life isn’t where I’d thought it would be by the age of thirty-two.
Of course, it’s not for lack of trying. I’ve dated so many women over the last seven years, but none of them have led to a lasting relationship. After spending my teens and early twenties with one woman, my longest relationship since then was my most recent one, which lasted ten months.
Pulling into my driveway, I let Alfie out of his cage and usher him into the house.
He makes a beeline for his bowl and sits, staring up at me expectantly.
Since I’d adopted him from the shelter as a puppy five years ago, the red cattle dog cross has become my constant companion, and I grin down at his happy little face before sorting out his dinner and heading towards the shower.
It’s been a long day, and I’m ready to unwind before I have to drive to my parents’ house for dinner with them and my younger sisters’ families.
Where we once used to catch up for a monthly Saturday morning breakfast, it’s now become a Friday night dinner.
Emma and Dayna both have young kids now, and find it difficult to get them out the door to make breakfast work.
Our other sister, Kylie, lives in Canada with her husband, Seth and their two-year-old twin boys, and I miss her like crazy.
Even though it’s been six years since she left, I’ve never quite gotten used to the distance.
It’s hard not to feel like everyone else’s lives are moving forward while mine is standing still.
Later that evening, I watch from my parents’ back deck as my four-year-old nephew, Riley, chases after his younger cousin, three-year-old Daniella, running laps around the backyard while my brother-in-law, Simon, finishes up with the barbecue.
My other brother-in-law, Jon, is running after his youngest, Deacon, who has slipped out of his grasp to keep up with his older sister.
Dad emerges from the house with four beers, going downstairs to give one to each of the other guys before returning to sit next to me.
I bounce my youngest niece, eight-month-old Sarah, on my knee.
She began to fuss a few minutes ago, and Emma left me with her while she went to get her bottle sorted out.
“Uncle Will to the rescue again.” Emma reappears at my side and hands me the bottle while the baby grins up at me, her toothy gums on full display.
I get Sarah settled in my arms, lying her back so she can hold the bottle herself while resting in the crook of my arm.
“So, how’s work?” Emma asks, taking a sip of my beer.
“Oh, you know, pretty much the same.” I shrug. “The guys all seem happy, as usual.” I nod towards Jon, her husband, who works for me.
The business, that I had once been so proud of, has basically started to just take care of itself these days, and every day has begun to feel the same.
“And have you heard from Taylor recently?” she asks, referring to my most recent ex-girlfriend.
“Yeah, she’s become good friends with Morgan, so she’s around a bit. Nothing to get your hopes up over, though,” I say, giving her a pointed look.
I am more than aware of my family’s concern about my perpetual singledom, and although I know they mean well, I wish they’d stay out of my love life. Or at least, what’s left of it.
Things with Taylor had ended a few months ago, because I knew I couldn’t give her what she wanted, which is my full, unwavering love.
No matter how hard I’ve tried, I haven’t been able to connect with anyone on more than a surface level in the last seven years.
It wouldn’t have been fair to any of the women I’ve been with to lead them on.
They deserve someone’s whole heart, and try as I might, I’m not sure I have that in me anymore.
For the ten months I was with Taylor, I’d wondered if I’d maybe found the woman who could finally fill that void.
I’d been happy with her, but after having experienced such a deep, all-consuming love at a young age, I knew what I’d felt for Taylor just didn’t compare, and I’m not interested in only being able to give someone half of myself when they are giving their all.
It’s been seven years since I last saw Annie, and I’m beginning to realise that I’ll never be able to feel that way about anyone else again.
Driving home after dinner, I try not to let my thoughts drift back to the redhead who had stolen my heart at the age of sixteen, but she is never far from my mind. If only I was able to put her behind me, life would be much simpler.
While I’m sure it’s not considered normal to pine after your high school sweetheart when you’re in your thirties, I had fallen for her the minute I’d set eyes on her on my first day at my new school, and had been with her for nine years.
She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and no matter how hard I’ve tried not to, I’ve compared every woman after to her.
I’ve spent countless hours searching for her in crowds, even though, logically, I know she’s on the other side of the world.
But there’s nothing logical when it comes to matters of the heart.
And my heart, as hard as it is for me to admit, especially to myself, still belongs to the woman who claimed it all those years ago.