34. Take Sex Off The Table
TAKE SEX OFF THE TABLE
ANNELISA
Just as we’re finishing our food, Kylie pulls up beside Morgan’s car, and when I notice her marching towards us, I know I’m in for it.
“Hi,” she says, dragging a chair over from the table next to us that has just been vacated.
“Hi,” I reply warily, taking in her determined expression while she snags a berry from Tara’s bowl.
She pops it in her mouth and chews briefly before sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms. “We all know I suck at small talk, so I’ll get straight to it.
I’m sorry I was a bitch this morning. I shouldn’t have pushed like I did.
I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known what happened.
But I’m also glad that the truth is finally out there, so we can talk about it all like grownups. ”
“Um… thanks?” I reply, not entirely sure what else to say.
I also know her well enough to know that she’s going to keep talking, regardless of what I have to say.
“You hurt my brother. That’s not okay. And while I now understand that you were going through some pretty hard shit, it still doesn’t excuse how you treated him.
You were his entire world, and it broke my heart to watch him try to work through it all on his own.
Will doesn’t keep secrets, he never has.
And you forced him to keep a huge one because you refused to deal with your problems.”
“Kylie -” Tara starts, but I put up my hand.
“She’s right.”
Four pairs of eyes stare back at me. Kylie eyebrows fly up, the surprise written all over her face, while Tara looks resigned. Bri and Morgan just seem worried.
“What do you mean, ‘she’s right’? I thought you’d at least argue with me,” Kylie says.
“Everything you just said is one hundred percent true. And it’s the reason I stayed away. Because he doesn’t deserve to have to keep dealing with my shit.”
Kylie lets out a growl, and Tara raises an eyebrow. “Did you just… growl?”
“Yes. Because I’m fucking frustrated.” Kylie throws her hands up in the air. “Seriously, Annelisa, you’re a fucking idiot.”
“Jesus Kylie, say what you really think,” Morgan mumbles, shaking her head.
Kylie ignores her. “Will is still in love with you. He has been trying to move on for seven years, but it hasn’t happened because you’re the one who got away.
And you clearly haven’t been able to move on either.
It’s probably the reason why you haven’t been able to write like you used to.
Whether you realise it or not, the two of you are tied to each other.
He wants to ‘keep dealing with your shit’, as you put it.
So instead of running away from him, work on being the person he deserves instead. ”
Tara gives a little nod, and I can tell from her expression that she’s seconds away from saying ‘I told you so’.
Little sisters are a pain in the butt, and now I’m copping it from two of them .
I let out a puff of air, suddenly very tired. “I don’t know how to be that person, Kylie.”
She shakes her head. “Nope, that’s crap, too.”
This conversation is starting to frustrate me. “How do you even know things could work between us? Will wants a wife and a family.”
“How do you know that?” Kylie asks.
“What do you mean, how do I know that? It’s what he always wanted.”
“Is it, though? Did you ever actually ask him what he wanted? Or did you just assume you knew better than him what he should have in life?”
I open my mouth to reply, before clamping it shut again when I realise I don’t actually know the answer to that question.
Tara clears her throat. “You do know how to be that person, Lis. You’ve been writing that story over and over for the last seven years.”
I raise an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“Every book you’ve written… The second chance romances… In all of them, it’s always the woman that screwed up and has to work on herself… That’s all you. So, if you can write the happily ever afters for them… Maybe it’s time to write one for you, too.”
When we finally make it back to camp, the girls all head off to spend the afternoon with their offspring and husbands, and I join Will where he’s sitting on a towel alone further up the beach.
“Hey. Can we talk?” I ask once I’m a few feet away.
He looks up at me for a moment with an unreadable expression, and my heart sinks a little. Eventually, he nods, and waves his hand over the empty space beside him.
I shake my head. “Could we walk?”
He gets to his feet and motions for me to lead the way.
I don’t know how to handle the silence, and start to lose some of my nerve. I’ve been going over what I want to say, but now I’m not sure where to start.
We walk for a few minutes before he finally cracks. “When you asked to talk, I figured you had something to say?”
I shake my head. “I do, I just… You seem angry.”
He sighs. “I’m not… The guys just said some stuff that made me think about a few things… I’m trying to process it all.”
I can feel a thickening in my throat as the emotions take over. “What did they say?”
He doesn’t look at me as he keeps walking. “Basically, that I screwed up by protecting you instead of forcing you to deal with your problems.”
I put my hand on his arm. “It wasn’t your fault, Will.”
“I know that. But they’re also right, to a degree. I shouldn’t have let you bottle up your feelings. Not just about losing the baby, but everything since your dad left. But I was young, and so damn in love with you, I thought I was doing the right thing.”
I sigh. “I know. And I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving so that you could move on and find someone better.”
He flashes me a sad smile. “So basically, we’re both idiots.”
I snort. “Yep. That’s it in a nutshell.”
“So…” He stops walking and pulls my arm to turn me to look at him. “What do we do from here?”
I let out a long breath, looking away before meeting his gaze. “I think you were right before. When you said we should get to know each other as we are now. Take sex off the table.”
He groans. “Probably shouldn’t have added that part.”
I grin. “Yeah. But it was the right call. We’ve perfected sex. It’s the communicating part we need to work on.”
He brings his hand up to cup my cheek, stroking it with his thumb. “I guess we were both right then.” He pauses, and his gaze drops to my lips. “I really want to kiss you, though. Can kissing still be on the table?”
I smile and nod. “Yes. Kissing is definitely on the table.”
“Thank god,” he replies before lowering his head to brush his lips against mine.
I raise onto my tiptoes as he pulls me in closer, wrapping my arms around his back while he deepens the kiss.
He swipes his tongue across my lower lip, and I sigh, opening my mouth to him.
I press myself against him to remove all space between us, and he groans, sliding his hand down my back to grip my hip.
I have no idea how long we stay there, lost in that moment, but eventually, I find enough self-control to pull away slightly, attempting to catch my breath while I press my forehead against his. We close our eyes and take a few deep breaths.
“Annie?” I open my eyes to find his already open while he watches me.
“Yeah?”
“Would you like to go on a date with me?”
He looks so nervous that I can’t help but laugh. “Will, why do you look so scared to ask that?”
He straightens up and shrugs. “We’ve never actually dated. Not as adults, anyway.”
I smile, reaching up to touch his cheek. “I would love to go on a date with you, Will Anderson.”
He grins back, turning his head to kiss the palm of my hand. “Thank god.”
Even as I allow him to pull me into his arms, I wonder how to go about telling him I’m still not sure if I’ll be staying. Because although I’m happy to be spending time with him again, something inside me still wants to keep running.