39. You’ve Done It Enough Times
YOU’VE DONE IT ENOUGH TIMES
ANNELISA
I open my eyes and immediately look down at the arm wrapped tightly around my waist.
After Will and I had sex the first time last night, I knew I needed to tell him about still not being sure if I’m staying. I’d figured if I went out there wearing his shirt, it would distract him enough that it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.
But my sexy plan had worked too well, and led to couch sex so fucking hot that my brain was complete mush afterwards… And no one can be expected to have a serious conversation when they’ve just been fucked into oblivion, right?
Couch sex had soon blended into shower sex, followed by me on my knees in front of him on the couch. It was clear, after the fifth round, that we were both making up for lost time.
The memory of Will laying me down across his lap and torturing me with his fingers on my clit sends a shiver down my spine, and I squeeze my legs together tighter.
Behind me, Will stirs, and his hand slides down until his fingers dip beneath the waistband of my underwear. I arch my back, pushing my butt backwards into his crotch. He groans, brushing his lips against the back of my neck.
“Good morning,” he mumbles, his thumb stroking my abdomen as he pulls me tighter against him.
“Good morning,” I say quietly, shivering again when he lightly skims his nose along my neck.
“I don’t think I’ve slept that well in ages,” he says before pressing a kiss to the spot where my neck meets my shoulder, sending another shiver through me.
“Me neither.” When his hand starts to slide further south, I turn to face him and stroke his cheek. “Before you continue that thought, I do really need to talk to you about something.”
He pulls away slightly and runs his gaze over my face, a frown forming when he takes in my expression. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s not necessarily something wrong… I just… There’s something we should talk about.”
The frown deepens as he nods. “Okay… What is it?”
I take a deep breath, forcing myself to continue holding his gaze. “Me being back… Remember how I told you I still have my place in London?”
“Yeah?” he replies, his tone growing wary.
He pulls away further and props himself up on his elbow. “Why?”
“I was only coming back to look after the place for Mum while she was travelling… I never expected things to change between us…”
“So… what, you’re just gonna leave again?” He sits up, and I do the same, preparing myself for whatever comes next.
“I don’t know… When I got on the plane, it was with the intention of going back.”
He’s quiet for a moment, studying me closely. “So… what are we doing, then? Were you just planning on leaving again, after everything we’ve discussed? Was this just a bit of fun for you?”
I cringe at the defensiveness behind his tone. “No. That was never my intention, Will. I honestly didn’t go into this with any plans to hurt you again… But… I have a life in London.”
“You had a life here, too, Annie. But that didn’t stop you from straight up abandoning me the last time.” He climbs out of bed and starts pulling his pants on.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Leaving. You should be familiar with the process. You’ve done it enough times.”
“Will… Please… Don’t go like this. I didn’t say I was definitely leaving for good. But I just don’t know what to do…”
He pauses, sighing while his hands stop doing up the buttons on his shirt.
“I can’t make that decision for you. And you know what…
I deserve better than this. And you know it.
” He abandons doing up the buttons and grabs his stuff from the bedside table, shoving them in his pocket. “I’ll see you around, Annie.”
With that, he leaves the room, and moments later, I hear the gate slam shut, while I crumple into tears, clutching the sheet to my chest.
Half an hour later, there’s a pounding on the front door. I drag myself off the couch, where I’m surrounded by a sea of tissues, praying that it’s Will.
But it’s not to be. The person standing on the other side of the door looks like he’s ready for a fight, though.
“Hi,” I say to Chris, holding the door open. He pushes past me, and I can see the tension in his shoulders. “I take it you’ve spoken to Will?”
He turns to face me, and the anger in his expression is palpable. “Yeah, he came straight to our place as soon as he left here. What the fuck, Lis?”
I let out a breath. “I fucked up.”
“You’re damn right you fucked up. Morgan started crying when Will told her you’re planning on leaving again, and I’m sick to death of the people in my life being hurt by your actions.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t say I was definitely leaving. I just don’t know what to do. My entire life is in London these days. What if I just leave all that behind to come back, and then things fall apart again? I can’t do that to Will. Or myself. It broke us both the first time.”
He glares at me. “Well, you need to work it out quick. You can’t keep fucking around with other people’s lives like this. And what about Tara? Does she know you weren’t planning on sticking around?”
I nod. “She’s been telling me since I got back that I’m going to stay.”
“So, basically, you’re just a chicken and can’t face up to the reality that everyone wants you to stay? That you fucking should stay because you’ve got a family who loves you here, but you’re too stubborn to admit you are miserable over there?”
“How do you know I’m miserable over there?” I ask, raising my chin.
“Because you wouldn’t have come back if you weren’t.
You knew how much you were missing back here.
But you’re so convinced you did the right thing by leaving everyone - because you had this fucked up notion we’d all be better off without you - that you can’t see that leaving again is a mistake.
” He’s breathing hard, and I feel my eyes widen.
“You’re including yourself in that statement? I thought you hated me?”
He shakes his head. “Come off it, Lis. We’ve known each other our entire lives.
You know I don’t hate you, but I was fucking angry at how much you hurt Morgan and Will when you left.
How much you hurt all of us. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to stay.
Leaving would be the coward’s way out, and you know it.
So you better make your choice and hope to god you don’t end up in an even worse position than you were before you got on that plane. ”
With that, he turns and walks back out the door, leaving me standing in the middle of the lounge room with some tough choices to make.
I don’t know how long I end up standing there for, but eventually, I move back to the couch and pick up my phone. I stare at it for a moment, before navigating to the webpage for the airline I always use and booking a ticket.
And then I start packing.