Chapter Forty-Seven
Melonie
I t’s been a couple of weeks since we found out we’re having a girl. Linc said he didn’t care about the sex of the baby, but I think he’s pretty happy with the news. He made me FaceTime his parents with him right after, showing them the ultrasound picture and pointing to the telling spot. Then it was Jax and Audrey, Marcus, and then Gigi. His eyes sparkling the entire time. He even took one of the ultrasound pictures to work to show his team.
I left a voicemail for my mom, which she hasn’t returned. But my dad did call me to congratulate us and to see the picture, so I know she got my message. I’ve never seen my mother hold a grudge like this, and it’s infuriating.
Tonight, Linc and I are sitting on the couch. I’m curled into his side, both of us in a food coma. We devoured a casserole that his mom had put in our freezer when she visited last weekend. I love his mom already.
We’re watching the latest season of Love is Blind . We started binging it after we made it through all the episodes of The Golden Girls . Linc won’t admit it, but I have a feeling he secretly loves it.
Currently, he’s shaking his head, pointing at the TV. “Laura is way too good for Jeramey. Why the fuck was he out so late? Who does that when they’re engaged?”
He’s so invested it’s hilarious, but I hold back my laughter. “I would make him share his location, too, if I were her.”
He doesn’t take his eyes off the TV as he speaks. “That’s not a relationship. They don’t trust each other, and rightfully so. You need to be able to trust your partner.”
I think about his words. Specifically, the word trust. I have a moment of realization that I trust Linc. Fully. Over the past few months, he has followed through on his words. I can count on him; I don’t feel the doubt that I used to. I would trust him with my life and the baby’s. He’s the only man in my life that I have trusted like this outside of my father.
I look up at him as I sit beside him. His brow is pinched, and he’s still shaking his head at the argument on the television. I study him for a moment. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me, because all of a sudden, at this very moment, he just looks different. A really good different. Gigi’s voice pops into my mind. “Time for a new pros and cons.”
Pros start stacking in my mind as I imagine a chart forming. He’s respectful; he thinks of me first; he kisses like a God; he’s sexy; he already loves this baby more than I ever imagined he could; his family is great; he’s okay with being a homebody; he cooks breakfast and does the dishes; he’s supportive; he’s neat for the most part. And he smells so good right now.
Cons? His side of the fridge is messy, and I’m scared.
I’m only scared because, right now, I think I could let my walls down for him. He already knows practically everything about me, but crossing that line and fully letting him in? That leaves me vulnerable. I don’t like being vulnerable.
How am I able to trust him with the life of my child, but not the safety of my heart? I realize how stupid that sounds. If I would allow myself to open up, things could be so good.
What am I doing? He’s shown me he’s what I’ve been looking for, what I need. Slowly, he’s shown me I can trust him.
He catches me staring at him. “You good?”
“Yeah.” My voice cracks, and I clear my throat. “Yeah, I’m good.”
“You think it’s weird that I’m so worked up over this show, don’t you?”
I can’t stop staring at him. “No, it’s actually really funny.”
“Sorry, I can’t help it when guys act like assholes.”
I straighten and turn toward him. “Linc.”
He looks at me. “What’s up, Mel?”
“What do you think—”
At that very moment, I feel the oddest flutter in my belly that has me rendered speechless. I place a hand where I felt it. I feel it again.
“Is something wrong?” He sits up in his seat, looking at where my hand is placed.
“I think I felt the baby kick for the first time.”
His face changes. “No way. Can I feel it?”
I grab his hand and place it on my stomach. We both barely breathe as we wait to see if it will happen again.
Then I feel it, and Linc sucks in a breath. “Holy shit.”
“I know. She’s still so small, but you can feel it.”
Linc leans over, his head level to my bump. “Millie, it’s Dad. I can feel you.”
Oh my God, he’s speaking to her. This moment is overwhelming. I feel tears collecting in my eyes.
He looks up at me, beaming. “I think hockey is out, soccer for this one.”
I laugh through my tears. “We’ll let her choose. You need to be a bit rough for hockey.”
We sit, both holding my belly for a while longer, but her little show is over.
“I think she wore herself out.” I release his hand.
“That was the weirdest, most amazing thing ever.”
“Imagine feeling it from the inside.”
“I can’t even think of what that would be like. Promise you’ll tell me if you feel it again?”
“I promise.”
He tucks my hair behind my ear. “Were you going to say something before?”
I pause. I don’t want to ruin this moment. “I think there was something, but I can’t even remember right now. Stupid pregnancy brain.”
“Well, if it comes back to you, let me know.”
I tuck back into his side, and he puts his arm around me like it’s just what we do. I don’t think I’ll have any trouble with my revelation coming back to me. Like a flip has switched in my brain, I want more. What if we could actually be a family? I just pray I haven’t pushed him to the point that he’s given up on me.