Chapter 23 Gracie #2
I was sipping my water as she spoke, spluttering into my glass as her words register. Elyse cracks up as I pat my face with a cloth napkin.
“Christ. A little warning, please.”
“Warning you would ruin the fun.”
I shoot her a dirty look, but the server is back, setting our food down in front of us. My mouth waters at my plate of cheesy pasta, while Elyse already has her cutlery in hand, tackling her open chicken sandwich.
“You seem better today,” she says, giving me a pointed look as she takes her first bite.
I lower my eyes, watching my fork intently as I swirl pasta around the prongs. “Better than what?”
“Don’t play dumb, Gracie,” she chides. “You seem like yourself today. And I know it’s not because you had quality bonding time with your mom.” Her expression softens, a sympathetic smile playing on her mouth.
I put some food in my mouth, giving myself time to really think about my answer. “I’m still hurting,” I admit. “It feels like a bruise that keeps getting poked, you know? Or a sore that just won’t scab over.”
It doesn’t help that I can’t stop picturing them together—Braxton and Paisley. Sitting in a dark theater, their hands touching, her head on his shoulder. I wasn’t there, but I can see it as if I were, no matter how much I try to block it out.
Elsye shakes her head. “It’s been less than two weeks since New Year’s. Give yourself some—”
I point my knife at her threateningly. “Don’t you fucking dare.”
“—grace.”
Elyse is grinning maniacally, and I roll my eyes. “You’re a pain in my ass.”
“And proud of it.” We fall quiet, each of us focusing on our food, and I relax, thinking I’m safe. But then Elyse asks, “Do you think you’ll talk to him? Get some answers?”
My ribs feel too small, squeezing my lungs tight. “Maybe,” I murmur. “Sterling Creek is a small town, and it’s hard to avoid someone who doesn’t want to be avoided, you know? But I don’t know if I’m ready to know everything he did and why.”
“I couldn’t handle not knowing,” she says.
“I thought that, too. But what if it’s worse than what’s already in my head?”
“True.” She purses her lips. “But what if it's the other way around, and your imagination is worse than the truth?”’
“I don’t know that it’s worth the risk.” I hesitate before confessing, “Raewyn’s called a couple of times. I didn’t answer, and she left me a message saying that she understood, and to call her when I’m ready.”
“I’d like to meet Raewyn.” Elyse smiles. “She sounds like good people. Not many people would call their own son out on his bad behavior, like she did.”
“I shouldn’t be friends with her, right?” I ask, a tinge of desperation hiding behind the words. “She belongs to Braxton, and it wouldn’t be right.”
“Who gives a shit about what’s right?” Elyse demands, leaning forward. “You get to dictate how this plays out, not Braxton. If he doesn’t like it, he can go suck a rotten egg.”
I smile weakly. “I wish you could come back with me.”
Her mouth trembles just the smallest amount before she hides it behind another bite of food. “You know I can’t,” she mumbles, mouth full. “My parents would hunt me down and drag me back, kicking and screaming.”
Elyse’s parents own a small, bustling restaurant, and it is their pride and joy…other than Elyse, that is. But she is their one and only kid, and that comes with the expectation that, one day, she will take over the family business.
It means that Elyse has been working there since she could barely see over the counter. I have spent more hours than I could ever count in one corner of the dining room, the two of us doing our homework together while her mom kept plying us with different foods she was trialing for the menu.
I know it’s not her dream to run Hartley’s Kitchen, but she’s resigned to her fate, and trying to change her mind never ends well for anyone…least of all for her.
“I feel like I haven’t been a good friend to you,” Elyse murmurs. “We’ve barely seen each other since you moved away, and I’ve only gotten busier.”
I shake my head. “It just makes me appreciate you more,” I reassure her. “And I’ve been just as bad as you. Has your mom got you cooking yet?”
Elyse rolls her eyes, but gratitude flickers across her face at my pivot in subject. “They don’t want to burn the place down, so no. She’s never gonna stop trying, though.”
I finish my lunch and push my plate away, but smile with amusement when Elyse immediately gets to work stacking the dishes together, placing the cutlery nicely on top.
She can’t help herself, knowing exactly how hard a server’s job can be and always doing her best to make it easier when she’s out somewhere.
“There’s something I haven’t told you,” she announces solemnly when she’s done.
“That sounds ominous,” I murmur, leaning back in my seat, watching her curiously. “Have you finally decided to marry your invisible boyfriend?”
“Reed is not invisible!” she immediately snaps back. “He’s just, you know…online only.”
“Uh-huh. He’s probably a forty-year-old man with a gut and thinning hair, living in his mother’s basement and spending all day playing video games.”
“You’re such a cynic.” She sniffs, sticking her nose in the air. “But this isn’t about the very real Reed.”
“Who’s it about, then?”
Elyse’s eyes flit over my shoulder, flaring ever so slightly, but before she can answer me, a low voice drawls, “I’m pretty sure she’s talking about me.”
I’m still in shock as we all head back to Elyse’s place, and she disappears into her bedroom, telling me and Nolan—my ex—that she needs to get ready for her shift at the restaurant.
“I’m surprised to see you,” I tell Nolan as he follows me into the kitchen, watching as I pull out two bottles of water, taking the one I offer him.
He looks almost the same as he did the last time I saw him, just over two years ago—dark blond hair pushed back from his forehead in a styled, tousled look, and the aristocratic line of his jaw only getting sharper with age.
He’s dressed casually in dark jeans and a navy Henley, his hazel eyes tracking my movements as I slip past him and lead the way to the living room.
“Yeah. I moved back about three months ago.” I take a seat in the corner of the couch as he talks, tucking my knees under me.
He follows suit, taking the other side and hooking his arm along the back of the couch, angling his body toward me.
“After my father was arrested…” His mouth twists into a scowl, but he smooths his expression into something impassive.
“It just seemed easier to get out until it all died down, you know?”
Only a few months after our breakup, the news broke that Nolan’s father had been caught embezzling from his company and was involved in a cold case murder…And it had been Nolan’s older brother, Declan, who made sure their father was caught.
“But you’re back now?” I ask, uncapping my water.
“My brother had a baby, and it didn’t feel right to keep my distance anymore.” He watches me for a quiet moment. “It’s good to see you, Gracie.”
My cheeks warm at the intensity in his eyes. “It’s good to see you, too,” I admit, and it’s not a lie.
We were only together for about six months, but had known each other longer, meeting through mutual friends of our families.
Our relationship had been comfortable while it lasted, an easy habit of companionship.
We didn’t end on bad terms, but a mutual acceptance that we couldn’t provide what the other needed.
Nolan wasn’t interested in long-term commitment, and I wasn’t interested in settling for less, so ending it before anyone could get hurt just made sense.
He lifts his arm, jerking his chin at me. “Come here.”
I hesitate for a beat, but then I’m shuffling across the cushions, tucking myself into his side.
For just a second, just a beat, everything else is blocked out, leaving me only with the comfort of someone who never hurt me—not really. It isn't about lingering emotions, but feeling safe, something that’s been missing for too long.
Nolan wraps his arm around me in a tight one-armed hug, resting his chin on the top of my head. His cologne isn’t the same as the one he used to wear, but I don’t mind the citrusy scent filling my nose now.
“This feels like old times.” Elyse waltzes into the room, wearing her uniform shirt and a knee-length black skirt. “Dad just called and asked me to come in a little earlier. Something about the register not adding up. You kids have fun, now!”
As quick as a tornado, she’s gone again. The front door shuts firmly behind her, leaving Nolan and me alone. He doesn’t make a move to take his arm away, and I relax into his side, soaking in his presence.
“You wanna tell me what’s got you so down?” he asks after a couple of minutes.
I huff out an unamused laugh. “You wanna hear about all my drama?”
“Yes,” he says succinctly.
I tip my head back, resting it against his arm as I look up at him. “You might regret saying that.”
Nolan makes a low sound of amusement. “Maybe, but I’m pretty sure it’s something I can live with.”
I eye him, but nothing about him screams insincere, and I blow out a breath. “Well, we’ll see.”
He and I spend the rest of the afternoon together, talking about everything that’s happened in our lives since we saw each other last—including what I have been living through since Thanksgiving.
The more I tell him, the darker his expression grows, but he doesn’t say a word, just listening without judgment. Elyse has been great, but she’s full of opinions and ideas of how to help me feel better, so it’s nice having someone just listen without trying to fix anything.
When the sun starts falling, Nolan lets out a reluctant sigh. “I’ve got to head out. It’s family dinner over at Declan and Lily’s.”
I eye him with amusement. “The Nolan I knew hated anything that involved family, especially when everyone got together.” Our backgrounds might have been similar, but I know his family secrets are a lot darker than mine—and not so secret anymore. “Seems more has changed for you than I realized.”
Nolan doesn’t smile back, his hazel eyes serious as he tells me, “It’s funny how things change when you cut the rot out.” His eyes crease as he adds, “But I’m still stuck with Darcy, so it’s not all silver linings.”
“Your sister is awesome,” I argue, and he rolls his eyes before he digs out his phone, shaking it at me.
“Is your number still the same?” I dip my chin in confirmation. “Good. How long are you going to be around for?”
I exhale heavily, having no concrete answer for him. I know that I’ll go home to Sterling Creek eventually, but right now… “For as long as I need to be, I guess. I can’t hide from real life forever, but I’m also not ready to face the mess I left behind.”
Nolan shakes his head. “Considering I dipped out from my family mess, I’m the last person who’s gonna judge you for taking some time.
” His lips quirk in that almost-smile, like he’s not ready for anyone to know that he has the ability to actually be happy.
“But we’ll hang out while you’re around, yeah? It’ll be like old times.”
I roll my eyes at him, and he grins, pressing a quick kiss against my cheek before he’s gone, leaving me alone in the quiet house, wondering if Elyse has a point.
The images my imagination is cooking up are painful, leaving me unable to erase the echo of Paisley’s words on Christmas, the cloying scent of her perfume, or the image of her lips against his.
And yet, the fear that the truth might be worse still claws at me.
By the time my stomach grumbles, forcing me into the kitchen, night has completely fallen.
I make myself a turkey sandwich for dinner, settling in front of the television to eat it, channel surfing until I find the crappiest show I can.
I am determined to turn my brain to jelly so that, when I fall into bed, my dreams aren’t haunted by Braxton.
It’s a slim hope, and one I’ve tried before. It hasn’t worked yet, but I’ll keep taking my chances until it feels like I can breathe without hurting.
I finish my nutritious dinner and set my plate down just as my phone chimes. I glance at the screen with mild disinterest, but it disappears when I read Raewyn’s name on the screen, something in me demanding that I answer this time.
My fingers tremble as I pick up the phone, answering with a soft, “Hello?”
“Gracie!” Raewyn’s enthusiasm is only dampened by her relief, and I can’t help but smile as I settle back into the couch.
I’ve been denying how much I miss her, as well as Stephen.
They have both become such a big part of my life throughout my relationship with Braxton, and losing them feels like losing my own family.
Worse even, when my family sucks.
“How are you, sweetheart?” Raewyn asks. “I’ve missed talking to you, and I’ve been worried. Not that I don’t understand your silence, but…it’s good to hear your voice.”
I wish I were stronger, hating the way tears immediately spring to my eyes.
I clear my throat, making sure she can’t hear the emotion clogging my throat.
“I’ve missed talking to you, too. But I’m…
good.” I’m a little surprised that I actually mean it.
“I think the distance from everything is just what I needed, you know? If I had stayed, I would’ve just been playing everything out again and again in my mind, trying to work out what I could have done differently. ”
“No,” Raewyn says firmly. “There is nothing you could’ve done differently, I promise you that.
” She sighs softly, going quiet for the longest moment.
“There are things you don’t know, and they aren’t my story to share, as much as I wish I could.
He’s still my son, and I want to fix this for him, but I can’t. ”
My heart thuds uncomfortably as my breathing picks up, lights flashing across my vision, and I bite viciously into my cheeks, desperately trying to hide how much what she’s saying is affecting me.
But then Raewyn says, “There is something I can tell you, though.” Her voice is serious, and I swallow hard, fear surging through me.
“And I really want you to listen to me, okay?”
I pull in the deepest breath I can, filling my lungs to burst before I slowly let it all out. I curl into a ball on the couch, dragging my knees to my chest, almost like I’m protecting myself from a physical blow.
“Okay,” I say, my voice barely louder than a whisper. “I can do that.”