Chapter 34
Danielle
Lila shifted uncomfortably and readjusted her socked foot on the desk seat in front of her. Danielle had taken her to work with her, since her and Lila’s schools were both off because of a professional development day for teachers across the parish.
The timing worked out well, since Danielle had taken her to the clinic for X-rays the day before.
There was a tiny hairline fracture in her pinky toe, but the recommendation had been the same as Melanie and Kim said: ice, ibuprofen, and rest, tape it to the next toe if it was bothersome.
They’d found her a small pair of crutches, and Lila was getting around pretty well on them.
The biggest blow was the news that she couldn’t play soccer for a few weeks.
Since she’d wanted to keep her home a day or two anyway, having the development day was rather convenient since Lila wouldn’t have to miss any school.
And Danielle didn’t mind having Lila at work with her, especially since she’d been in a workshop most of the morning.
But Lila was already bored to tears by lunchtime.
“Did you finish reading your chapter while I was gone?”
Lila rolled her eyes. “Yes. And it was as boring as the last one. Why do we have to have required reading? Why can’t I just read what I want?”
“You can take that up with the Board of Education.” Danielle grabbed Lila’s lunch bag from behind her desk and handed it to Lila.
Danielle had brought her own lunch, too, but didn’t bring her normal Monday potato soup.
Between the clinic and the emotional stress and the subsequent migraine, she hadn’t had time to make a new batch the day before.
Lila unzipped her bag, but stopped short of taking out her sandwich. “Can I get a soda?”
“The vending machine is across campus.”
“So?” Lila grabbed a crutch and tapped it on the floor. “Isn’t that what these ugly things are for?”
She wasn’t wrong.
“How do you plan to carry the soda back and use the crutches?”
“I’ll put it in my backpack,” Lila said. “Please?”
She dragged out the word, and Danielle couldn’t blame the kid for wanting a change of scenery and a walk.
“All right,” she said. “But be careful. And take your phone.”
Not that Lila ever went anywhere without that phone. But she wanted to make sure she had it on her in case she fell. Lila was doing well with the crutches, but the whole experience was still new.
With a quick thanks as she slung her backpack over her shoulders, Lila hobbled across the classroom and out the door.
Danielle sat behind her desk and checked her messages for the tenth time that morning.
Not that she expected a message. Or that she even deserved one.
She’d been the one to break things off with Morgan yesterday.
There was nothing more to say. And she didn’t want to take the words back, because she obviously wasn’t ready for a relationship after all.
But the thought of never seeing Morgan’s name on her phone again ripped her heart to shreds.
She was dabbing a finger underneath one eye when Gerri knocked on the open door and slipped inside.
“Did you get Melanie’s email about the next book club date? Because I don’t have—” Her brow furrowed as she crossed the room to sit in a chair in front of the desk. “Are you crying?”
“No,” Danielle said.
“Liar.”
“Trying not to. Happy?”
“Not at all.” Gerri grabbed a tissue from the box on a nearby bookshelf and handed it to Danielle. “Tell me what those tears are for. Although since you never answered my text about that wedding, I’m guessing it didn’t go well, and maybe that’s what this is all about. Am I close?”
In the chaos of getting Lila to the clinic then hunting down crutches on a Sunday afternoon and getting her to school with her that morning, Danielle had actually forgotten she never told Gerri about cutting things off with Morgan. Or even that there had been anything to cut off.
“Nailed it,” she said. “Saturday night went well. Too well.”
“Explain ‘too well.’ Because that makes zero sense from this end.”
Whether it made sense to Gerri was irrelevant. It made sense to Danielle.
But she told her friend everything, anyway.
She told her about the wedding and how Morgan had looked so beautiful walking up to the altar.
She told her about the reception, about sitting for dinner with Morgan, about dancing with Morgan.
She told her about the kiss at the end of the night.
About how she truly felt like a princess leaving the ball before her car turned into a pumpkin.
Then, when she got to Melanie and Kim’s, it really did turn into a pumpkin.
It turned out to be not as big a deal as she’d thought at first, and she owed Melanie and Kim huge apologies for snapping at them like she did. But it didn’t change the fact that it was a reminder of why that night had to be the last one they spent together.
Gerri’s nose wrinkled. “Again, I don’t get it.”
“Why is this so hard to understand? I’m just not ready for a relationship. Not when Lila could need me, and everyone is tiptoeing around and keeping things from me because it might interfere with whatever plans I have. I need everyone to understand that Lila is my first priority.”
“No one is saying that she isn’t,” Gerri said. “And if it really had been a bigger deal, they would have called you. Right away. If it was me, I would do the same.”
“But I should get to decide what’s a big deal or not,” she said. “I should have been there. My kid broke a freaking bone, for crying out loud. It’s not the end of the world, I know, but I should have been there.”
Gerri lowered her tone and nearly whispered, “But you can’t always be there.”
“I know that,” Danielle said, her voice slightly choked. “I do. I just… I’m not ready.”
Gerri leaned over the desk and held Danielle’s hands in her own. “Are you not ready because you’re afraid Lila might need you, or are you afraid that she doesn’t?”
It was a ridiculous question, and Danielle considered not giving it the respect of an answer. Of course, she knew Lila didn’t need her constantly. Of course, she wasn’t one of those mothers who needed their child to need them all the time.
Right?
“Crap.”
Gerri nodded. “Crap.”
“I think you might be right.” She didn’t want to admit it, but there was some truth in there. “It’s been just Lila and me for so long, you know?”
“But it isn’t just you two, Danielle. That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you. Trying to make you see. You have us. Me and Melanie and Kim. We have your back. And we sure as heck have Lila’s, too.”
“I know. I do. And I appreciate everything you do for us,” she said. “I’m just having a hard time with her growing up, I guess.”
“That’s natural, I think.”
“I guess I’m not sure who I am apart from her.”
As she said the words, she knew them to be the truest thing she’d said in a long time. Maybe ever.
“You’re finding that out,” Gerri said. “You’ve got the book club now.”
“Yeah, I do.”
That was one thing she’d been looking forward to all month, ever since the first meeting.
And she had an arrangement now with Rylee’s mom.
Lila would spend the day there once a month for book club meetings, and Rylee would spend the day with them the following week.
It worked out pretty well since Rylee’s mom was in the same position as Danielle.
Maybe even more so, since she’d been a stay-at-home mom for most of Rylee’s life.
Rylee’s mom would get a day to visit the art museum, or go shopping with a friend, or just sit at the park by herself.
It was a win-win situation for both of them.
“See, you’ve already taken the first step.”
“It still doesn’t feel like enough,” Danielle said. “I like books, but who else am I?”
Danielle wasn’t sure what the answer was to that, but she was accepting that she’d like to find that out.
Maybe with a certain woman who may or may not be done with her after yesterday.
Maybe it was too late.
Gerri tapped a finger on the desk and gave a knowing smile. “It’s not too late if that’s what you’re thinking.”
Gerri always could read her mind. It was what made her such a good friend. And an annoyingly right one at times.
Danielle shook her head. “I ended it.”
Gerri shrugged. “Then unend it.”
Could she do that? Just take it back?
“She’s going to think I’m wishy-washy,” Danielle said. “No one wants wishy-washy.”
“Why don’t you let her decide what she wants?”
Danielle’s heart lurched. She could do that. She should do that. But she wasn’t sure she could take the inevitable rejection.
Still, it was worth a shot.
Morgan was worth a shot.
“Why don’t you call her?”
“She’s at work.”
“Great,” Gerri said. “Then you know where to find her.”
Danielle wasn’t sure that was a great idea. Bothering Morgan at work might be a worse idea than calling her. But not doing anything sounded like an even worse idea.
“I can go after work,” she said. “No, wait, I’ll have Lila with me.”
“Go now,” Gerri said. “Lila can hang out in my room, and we’re on a break until the next meeting at two, anyway. Isn’t the place just a couple blocks from here?”
She was right. Again. They were on a break, and the tattoo and piercing shop was only a few minutes away.
There was also the perfect place to grab an apology on the way.
Danielle picked up her purse and slung it over one shoulder. “Lila just went to get a Coke, so she’ll be back in a second. Just tell her… I don’t know. Tell her I had to run an errand or something.”
“That kid’s going to wonder about that ‘and something,’ but I’ll figure it out,” Gerri said, waving her hands at Danielle. “Now go.”
“Thanks,” Danielle said on her way out the door. She rushed toward the parking lot with a plan and her courage at the ready.