20. Clint
The day after Regina gave me the news she was moving, when she and Dee were supposed to be at Lagoon, Dee called me.
I was surprised to see her do anything but text, especially when she should be riding coasters. “Is everything all right?” I shouldn’t lead with that, but I couldn’t help myself.
“Everything’s awesome.” Dee’s grin was audible. “We’re having so much fun. Will you come up to Mom’s tonight and have dinner with us?”
The shift from the amusement park to something Dee never wanted to do nearly gave me whiplash. Regina and I tried to get along in front of her, but it had been a few years since she asked for all three of us to spend time together. “Did you ask Mom?”
“She says it’s okay with her if it’s okay with you.”
Given how hard Regina worked yesterday to keep me from visiting too soon, that sounded odd, but Dee tended to be an honest kid, and I didn’t want to give her the impression I thought otherwise. Besides, I did want to visit, and I wanted to deliver the monitoring gear from Brodie.
“Dinner sounds like fun,” I said. “I’ll see you both tonight.”
“Yay. Love you, Dad.”
“Love you too, Dee.”
When I reached Regina’s house that evening, she greeted me with the same cool politeness she always wore in front of Dee.
On the other hand, Dee gave me a huge hug, and wore a smile that was pure sugar. “Hi, Daddy. I missed you.”
That was sweet.
I handed her a gift bag. “I brought you a present. This will make it so you can keep an eye on your heart and other vital signs, and still dance.”
“Really?” Dee yanked everything from the bag. When she held up one of the shirts, her smile wavered. “How does it work?”
“The threads in the shirt help monitor what’s going on, and the electronics send that information to your phone.”
“She can’t do ballet in that.” Derision leaked from Regina’s words.
I kept my attention on Dee, rather than argue. “You can practice in this. It’s made to not get in the way.”
“Do you even remember what it’s like to dance?” Regina asked.
My irritation surged, and I swallowed it.
Dee stepped between us and gave me another hug. “Daddy, I love it. Thank you. Mommy, can we get dinner at that place downtown with the really good salads?”
Dee shifted away from calling us Mommy and Daddy years ago, because it was childish. And she had never once asked me if we could eat at the place in question.
In addition, I didn’t know if I could be trapped with Regina in a restaurant for the length of a full meal, especially if I had to pretend she wasn’t leaving Dee behind to move to California. “How about we order in, and eat on the back deck?”
“How about we order in and eat in the dining room?” Regina countered.
I was surprised she gave me any concession at all, and I didn’t care where we ate, as long as I had an easy way to walk away for a few minutes if I needed. “Dee?”
“Okay.” Her voice was like sunshine, and her smile looked fake.
Regina placed our order, and I was relieved to hear that even though Dee got a salad, it was one with pasta and chicken. I ordered the one burger on the menu, rare, mostly to see Regina wrinkle her nose in disgust.
While we were waiting, Dee asked a string of questions about how Regina and I met and fell in love.
Both of us gave Dee basic answers.
When the food showed up, she set the table without being asked, and sat me next to Regina. Dee ate with a knife and fork, she said please or thank you after every sentence, and continued to ask about what things were like with Regina and me, before Dee was born.
I’d seen this tactic before. She fell into this same pattern when Regina and I got divorced. I’d spent a long time helping Dee understand my breaking up with her mom wasn’t her fault, and I thought we’d moved past this.
Why was she reverting? “Tell me what you did at Lagoon,” I said. “What was your favorite ride?”
“She’s tall enough to get on some of the adult ones now.” If Regina was chiming in, she saw the same thing I did.
“I went through the horror house,” Dee said. “I bet it’s fun if you have someone to be scared with. Mommy, did you ever do that with Daddy?”
“Dee went on the flying carpet ride twice.” Regina eyed my fries.
She was resisting the urge to stress eat. That was how bad this was getting.
Dee made a show of eating a bite of food, and chewing slowly, before swallowing. She dabbed her mouth with a napkin. “They had a place that sold milkshakes with one heart straw for two people. We should go back, all three of us, so you can go there together. Did you ever do that when you were dating?”
“Why do you want to hear these stories now, Dee?” I couldn’t do any more of this.
“Because I like them.”
I wouldn’t tell her stop because I said so. Direct was the best approach here. “Mom and I don’t like talking about those parts of our life. They make us uncomfortable.”
“That sounds like a you problem.” Like that, Dee’s sass was back.
“Excuse me?” Regina looked angry.
Dee mimicked her glare. “Maybe if you stopped pretending you don’t love each other, you could get back together.”
This was almost identical to Dee’s behavior during the divorce, but she’d refined her approach.
“We’re not getting back together.” I kept my tone firm but kind. “Mom and I don’t love each other.”
“You do,” Dee said. “And if you don’t admit it now, Mom is going to move away and I’ll never see her again and I won’t be able to make her love me.”
Oh fuck. My heart sank. How did Dee find out?
“I do love you, sweetie.” Regina was instantly kind.
Dee’s scowl deepened. “Then why are you leaving me?”
“I’m—”
“Don’t say you’re not leaving, liar.” Dee cut Regina off. “I heard you talking to someone about a job. And selling the house and moving.”
I didn’t know how to comfort her, but I was going to try. “Dee?—”
“Shut up,” Dee shouted. “You’re stupid and you brought me ugly clothes that I wouldn’t be caught dead in and you’re the reason Mom is leaving and you’re the reason Bree is marrying someone else and why can’t you just be a normal, boring dad?” She pushed back from the table, stormed from the room, and slammed her bedroom door.
That could have gone worse, but not much. I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Aubrey is getting married?” Regina asked. “You let Dee talk to her still?”
I glared at her. “Is that really the part of this conversation you think is important?” Aubrey was very important, but Dee was the priority here.
Regina smirked. “Go home. I’ll talk to Dee, and you can pick her up in a few days, like we planned.”
“So you can poison her with more bullshit? I can apologize to her myself.”
“Stop fighting,” Dee screamed from her bedroom.
I sank into my seat, seething with rage and frustration.
Regina’s smugness vanished too. “I don’t want to leave her,” she said softly.
“And yet, you picked the job over your daughter.” I kept my voice low. There was no reason Dee needed to hear this.
“She’s happier with you, and this is a good opportunity for me.”
“Are you fucking the Art Director?” As long as we were doing this, I had to ask.
She clenched her jaw.
Fucking… “Go ahead. Call me an asshole for making that assumption. Tell me you earned this job, and put me in my place.”
Regina pursed her lips so hard they turned white.
I shook my head and pushed back from the table. “I’m going to talk to Dee.” I reached her room and knocked. “Can I come in?”
“Can I stop you?” Dee asked from the other side of the door.
“You know you can tell me no.” I didn’t let Dee decide everything in her life—there were rules—but I gave her full autonomy over who she allowed in her space.
The knob twisted, and the doors swung open. She was already turning away. “You know that when you and Mom whisper, it’s as obvious you’re fighting as when you yell, even if I can’t hear the details.” She sat at her desk.
“I know.”
“Come in,” Dee said.
I knew Regina was around the corner, listening to the exchange. That was fine with me.
I sat on Dee’s bed, facing her. “Mom isn’t going away to get away from you.” As much as I loved a good dig when it came to Regina, this wasn’t the time. “There will be chances for you to visit her, and to see her company dance. San Francisco is pretty and a lot of fun, and the three of us can hang out there. You can go there to hang out with her.”
“But she’s leaving us.”
“And that’s her decision. It’s not your fault,” I said.
She fell silent and slouched in her chair, staring at her hands. Several minutes passed without her saying anything.
“Dee?”
She pushed out a noisy breath. “The shirt is still ugly. I’m not wearing that to dance.”
“I bet Aubrey can help you fix that.” I wasn’t certain, but from what I knew it made sense that the clothing could be altered.
Dee looked up, but not enough to meet my gaze. “Do you think she would?”
“We’d have to ask her, and to do that, you can’t stay in here forever.”
“But you’re still staying divorced from Mom.”
“I am. She and I don’t love each other, but I do love you, Dee.”
She crossed her arms and gave me a scowl. “I know.”
“Spend the rest of the week with her, like you planned. And I’ll see you Sunday?”
“Okay.” Dee pushed out of her chair to give me a hug. “Don’t leave me and move somewhere else,” she said so softly I barely heard her.
It broke my heart. “I promise. Never. Do you want to come home tonight?”
Dee shook her head. “I want to see Mom.”
“Okay. You call me if you need me.” I spent a few more minutes making sure Dee was all right, and headed out.
On my way out, I fixed Regina with a deep glare, but I was out of words for her.
As I drove home, the rain started. Huge drops pelting the roof of my truck, and adding to my hammering thoughts. The dreary chaos matched my mood.
I was worried about Dee, I was furious at Regina, and how much of an asshole was I that I wanted to deal with both by seeing Aubrey. Or Brodie.
Dee’s questions from before and during dinner had me thinking about the past, but not with my ex-wife. “Hey, Xerxes, call Aubrey,” I said to my phone.
The ringing filled my car, but after several of those, Aubrey’s voicemail picked up..
I bit back a sigh. “Hey. It’s me. Call me if you want to hang out.” I paused. “I need to see you.”
I reached to the device, where it sat in a cradle attached to my dashboard, and hung up. It was probably a good thing I didn’t have Brodie’s number.
The rest of the drive home, I waited for Aubrey to call me back, but she hadn’t by the time I pulled into town, and there was a customer car in front of her shop that had been there for hours.
I parked in front of my house and sat in the driveway, engine running. My body twitched with the need to move. To burn off excess energy.
There wasn’t enough room inside to dance. The rain would make it difficult to let loose outside. During the summer I’d been known to use the gym at the high school, but this close to the start of school, it was unlikely the place would be empty.
I headed inside long enough to put on something lightweight and easy to move freely in, pulled sweats on over that, then drove toward the edge of town. All of this nostalgia had me heading to an abandoned factory that sat out here, away from everything and everyone.
When I was younger, I’d come out here to escape. I still did sometimes, but not often.
From the outside, the walls ran about halfway up, and windows stretched the rest of the distance to a tall roof. About a quarter of the glass was broken, and graffiti decorated everything.
Inside, the concrete floor had the slightest slant, so any rain coming in through the broken windows in the roof ran into a drain that stretched the entire span of the building. I moved to the same spot as always, a clear, dry place near the back, and put in my earbuds.
The storm was loud enough, I still heard the patter of drops despite the noise-canceling features. It didn’t matter. The music would be enough of a beat for me to lose myself in.
I stretched, and started slowly. Then I let the music take over, flowing into me, and out again through movement. When I did this, the thoughts stopped. The only thing that mattered was the beat and the tune and the motion, while the rest of the world fell away.
For a few moments, I could forget everything else. It wouldn’t last, but I’d take the peace for as long as I could get it.