26. Aubrey
Listening to Dee yesterday, talking about everyone leaving her behind and thinking it was her fault Regina left, broke my heart.
I hated that Dee had to go through that. It was better, seeing her back home, Clint giving her a big hug. Reassuring her that she didn’t have to dance.
The ache of the entire conversation lingered in my chest, though. It was still there as I arrived at the park, for the Sunday picnic with so many of my friends. The frustration of seeing what Dee was dealing with blended with the fact that Sylvie still wasn’t talking to me. At least Grandma and Peter hadn’t been back, but I didn’t want to see her cave to their expectations.
No one should have to do that.
Today was for fun, though, not lingering on the unpleasant. Every year, the Sunday before school started, a bunch of us got together at the local park to celebrate the end of summer. Despite the fact that the season change didn’t mean much to most of us, since only a few had kids, and even fewer were school age.
The event wasn’t an official community thing—God forbid people go outside and enjoy each other’s company on a Sunday—but there were enough of us here that it might as well be. Most every business on Main Street was closed on Sundays, so this was the best time for us to all hang out.
I laid my blanket on the grass near several of the others, and settled in to watch as everyone else arrived and set up. A few people were tossing a frisbee back and forth. Gage and Sawyer were already on the grill.
Maddox had his camera out and was filming. He insisted that when the kaiju attacked, this would be the perfect found footage.
“If the kaiju attack, they’re not coming to Haddarville,” Brooke said. “The buildings here aren’t nearly tall enough to give them that satisfaction.”
I liked Brooke. There had been some animosity for a while, mostly on my part, because she was one of the people Deacon fell for. But she was kind, she’d raised great kids. Brian was one of them, and his twin sister was in Florida with her girlfriend and an apprenticeship working for a race car driver.
“Are you sure about that?” Adam asked from behind Brooke, and she jumped. “‘Cuz, rawr I’m a monster.” He pretended to bite her neck.
She squealed, but didn’t seem to be trying to get away.
“Ooh, zombie attack?” Deacon asked.
“Kaiju,” I offered. This was still weird. Seeing him always left a pit in my gut, which wasn’t easy given he owned the building and store next to mine.
But these days, the pit was more of a ghost or whisper—I expected it to be heavy, but it didn’t feel the way it used to.
“Hey, doll face.” Clint’s greeting was quiet enough that it was only meant for my ears, sent pleasant shivers down my spine. He settled on the blanket next to me, arm nearly touching mine.
It was weird keeping this kind of distance from him in public. Not unusual for us. Even before this whole marriage-with-benefits thing started, we were close. But no one knew. Dee didn’t know.
Which was perfect. Or had been. It wasn’t working for me now. I wanted to make what I had with Clint official. With Brodie, too. I didn’t want it to be fake anymore. The thought wasn’t abrupt, it had been building for a while, but putting words to the feeling was odd.
“You okay?” Clint asked.
I nodded. “But we need to talk when this is over.”
A frown crossed his face. “About us.”
He didn’t think I meant…? We need to talk was typically bad. I leaned in to whisper. “About us not pretending this is fake anymore.”
He visibly relaxed. “Yeah, we do.”
“No.” Dee’s scream made us both jump, and I was half on my feet before I realized she was laughing and playing with Kurt, Evie, and Elaina.
Dee had run a few feet, then stopped and looked back with a scowl. “You’re supposed to be shooting down the zombies chasing me.”
Kurt was fiddling with the controller for his RC plane. “I’m trying. It won’t take off.”
“Let me see.” Evie reached for the remote, and Kurt handed it over.
Dee ran back to join them. “I want to watch.” She stared intently as Evie worked with the device.
Sawyer would usually be a part of that group too. The exception being when Gage was cooking.
The dynamics had changed so much in the last couple of years, between all of us. New friends had shown up. There were more faces here than before.
The laughter was louder. There were more blankets on the ground and more smiles. More going on.
While it had all changed, the important parts were the same. The bits I loved about being here. About having the friends I did.
Brodie and Sylvie walked toward us from the direction of the parking lot.
Two more faces I wanted to see here again next year. Maybe Sylvie would stay, maybe she’d go find new work, but I wanted her to come back and visit more often.
I might have to get her talking to me first.
She cast her gaze this way and that, never lingering in one place too long before looking at the next person or group or activity. When her attention landed on Sebastian, I swore the entire park held its breath for those few seconds.
Then they both shook their heads and looked away from each other.
When she and Brodie reached us, I gave her a huge hug. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“I’m not staying long.” She sighed and sank onto the blanket, facing the rest of our friends, but keeping her distance from us.
“I’m still glad you’re here.”
Brodie slipped an arm around my waist and kissed me.
What I wanted Clint to be able to do. Not instead of Brodie, but in addition to. And I wanted it to be real with Brodie. I wanted people to know it, and not have it be for show.
“It’s never been for show with me,” Brodie whispered, as if he’d read my mind.
How did he do that?
It didn’t matter. The more I thought about this, the more I knew I wanted them. Both of them.
Sylvie stood again with a huff, and wandered away.
I was pretty sure she muttered show off as she left us, to find an empty picnic table at the edge of the pavilion. Her back was in the sun, but the rest of her was shaded.
Brodie and I sat again, next to Clint.
Maddox slid onto the bench across from Sylvie. They’d gone to school together, and in a place like this where no class was bigger than twenty or twenty-five students, everyone had known everyone when they were younger.
Just like now, I supposed.
“Sylvie.” Maddox still had his camera at the ready. “Just the woman I was looking for.”
She raised her brows. “Why?”
“Does one of us need to save her?” Brodie asked.
Clint chuckled. “From Maddox? Least harmful person here.”
“He asks a lot of weird questions.” Brodie sounded more curious than worried.
I liked that description. “You get used to it.”
“Kaiju are storming through the city.” Maddox’s voice carried easily in our direction.
Sylvie looked around her. “Now? I think your sources are wrong.”
“See? She can hold her own.” I was more worried about Maddox, if Sylvie decided she was sick of this.
“We’re pretending,” Maddox said.
Adam sat next to him. “What’s the one thing you take with you when you run?”
Sylvie looked between the men, shook her head, and walked away.
“What did we say?” Adam asked.
Deacon lightly smacked Adam on the back of the head. “She knows the giant robots will save us.”
The exchange made me smile, but Sylvie’s response had me worried. Was it a mistake to invite her?
“She could have said no if she didn’t want to come.” There was Brodie in my head again.
I expected her to leave. To keep walking to the edge of the park and back to her motel room. Instead, she headed toward Elaina. Sylvie muttered something I couldn’t hear, and Elaina smiled and nodded and patted the seat next to her.
Sylvie took a seat, and kept her gaze directed at Evie and the kids, as they played with Kurt’s plane.
It wasn’t as though I thought she was more likely to talk to me in front of all our friends than she had been before, in private, and it was good to see her out. I wouldn’t yank her back to sit with us.
“Aubrey.” Alys waved the frisbee at us, from where she and Onyx were playing. “Come on. Bring your toys.”
“We’re not really a secret, are we?” Brodie asked softly.
I shook my head. I should’ve known my friends would pick up on all of this.
“I’m in,” Clint shouted to Alys.
“I’m just going to watch,” I said.
Brodie chuckled.
Clint climbed to his feet. “And I’ll mention to them that Dee…”
Didn’t know yet that her dad was dating two people. Though, she was observant and probably had a good idea, even if she hadn’t put words to it.
Brodie and I settled back on the blanket, me leaning against him, as we watched the friendly chaos around us. Each time the conversation drifted toward us, one or both of us would chime in, until whoever it was moved on again.
“Sorry you left?” My question to Brodie was light.
He laughed.
“What?” I didn’t get the joke.
“Clint asked me almost exactly the same thing.”
“What did you tell him?”
“Same thing I’ll tell you,” Brodie said. “No. I’m not sorry I left.” Before I could react, he added, “But I’m also glad I came back.”
I leaned more weight against him. The relationship that people thought was real that was supposed to be fake that was real… that was confusing, but being with him, talking like this, felt good. “I’m glad you came back, too.”
Joystick and Sebastian had joined the frisbee game, and when Joystick threw the disc, it flew right over Sebastian’s head.
The entire group groaned, and Onyx teased Joystick about the bad shot.
The toy landed at Sylvie’s feet, and that awkward silence was back.
“Toss it back,” Sebastian shouted.
Or maybe I’d imagined the quiet. Sylvie did exactly that, and the game resumed.
When lunch was served, most of us grabbed food and moved back to our blankets instead of sitting on the picnic benches. The weather was a hint too chilly to be in the shade, and we were all close enough to talk. Brodie returned, and Dee did as well. Elaina moved her blanket closer to ours, bringing Sylvie and Kurt with her. Sylvie was still quiet, but I was glad she’d stuck around.
Sebastian looked like he’d picked the blanket furthest from Sylvie on purpose, though he was also with Camden, which wasn’t unusual. Ravyn had joined them, and they were talking to Joystick, Eli, and Kandace.
As lunch wound down, most of us were too full and sunned out to play anymore, and a few were packing up their cars. Brodie approached Maddox, and the two of them paused to discuss something. Curious.
I was talking to Evie and Alys when I heard a shout.
“Sylvie.”
Was that Peter?
I whirled to see him walking across the grass, toward her. I stepped between them, and without any discussion, everyone who was close enough did the same.
Peter kept walking, and a few of the guys, plus Ravyn, stepped toward him.
Sebastian moved without hesitation, blocking Peter’s path before he could reach anyone else.
The thing about Sebastian was, sure he was a coding genius, but he’d also been an EMT for a few years. He had the kind of broad shoulders and muscular frame that left no doubt he could pick someone up and throw them if he had to.
“You’re not welcome here.” Sebastian’s voice was hard.
Behind me, I heard Rohde talking to someone, but couldn’t tell who.
“Move the fuck out of my way,” Peter said. “I just want to talk to my fiancée.”
Sylvie looked like she was trying to vanish behind Elaina, and Elaina was doing her best to let her.
“Ex-fiancée,” I shouted.
Peter shot me a glare.
Sebastian angled himself between us. “Leave. Now.”
“It’s Sebastian, right? I knew she was fucking you again.” Peter sneered.
I doubted Elaina and Clint appreciated the language, but I also doubted it was the first time Kurt and Dee had heard it.
“The only thing you and I have in common is that Sylvie will never do that to either of us again.”
Peter swung with a punch, but it was wide and slow.
Sebastian caught his arm easily, twisted it behind Peter’s back, and spun Peter toward the parking lot in the process.
“Fuck.” Peter screamed. “You’re going to break it.”
“Go home. Not here. Whatever rock in whatever state you came from.” Despite Sebastian’s threat being a low growl, it was impossible to miss.
A police car pulled into the parking lot. That must’ve been who Rohde was talking to. Sebastian shoved Peter in that direction, and Peter stumbled before throwing his hands up and walking away.
Things got back to normal quickly, and everyone finished packing up. Brodie and I were discussing the logistics of going back to Clint’s when Sylvie approached me.
“Can I talk to you?” Sylvie asked.
Yes. A thousand times yes. “Of course.” I was more calm than my mental reaction.
Clint squeezed my hand and Brodie kissed me on the cheek, and they both walked away.
I followed Sylvie to a nearby bench, and she sat next to me, but didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to push, but I was also anxious for whatever this was. The afternoon sun was pleasant though, so I tried to focus on that.
“How did you stay alone for so long?” Sylvie asked when all our friends were gone.
I didn’t like the way she’d phrased the question.
“I don’t want to sound mean,” Sylvie said. “I thought I was okay with being single, and then… How do you do it?”
“I’m not alone.” The answer came easily. Even when I was chasing Deacon, and not dating anyone, I had Alys and Evie. Deacon and I were friends. I had Clint and Elaina. “I was never alone.”
She made a sound that was half-grumble, half-sigh. “Friends don’t count.”
“I assure you they do.” More than most anything.
“But that’s not?—”
“Not what you mean, I get that.” Yes, I’d fallen for Clint and Brodie, but that didn’t make my friendships any less. “Friends still count. Mine mean the world to me.”
“But you’ve got your man now. Men?”
I sifted through my thoughts for the best words to express this. “Being in love isn’t the final goal.” That wasn’t right. “Rather, it was for me, for a long time, but it’s not now. It’s nice. It’s incredible.” So wonderful. “But it’s not what made me whole.”
Sylvie slumped in her seat and rested her arms on the table. “I wish I could be like you.”
“Good God, why?” I gave a short laugh.
“I— You’re— ung.” Sylvie scowled.
“I don’t need a list of reasons. It would be good for my ego, but that’s not my point. You don’t need to be me. You’re incredible as you.”
“I thought so too, but I’ve fucked up so much recently.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Yeah, Peter was a dick, and I wouldn’t lie about that, but I didn’t want her to get down on herself because of him.
“You’re not going to reassure me?” Sylvie asked. “Say, no, you did great, Sylvie?”
I shrugged, but she wasn’t looking at me. “Is that what you want to hear?”
“No.”
In the background, the light sounds of local traffic and kids playing overlapped with birds and the nearby stream. My back was heating up with the sunshine.
“I lied about quitting my job,” Sylvie said suddenly.
Oh. “So you do have a job?” With all the secrets she was keeping, I couldn’t believe she’d given me grief about being with both Clint and Brodie.
Sylvie shook her head, and her frown was so deep, the lines in her forehead looked like they might stay permanently. “The CFO at the company I was at…” She twisted her mouth. “He was hitting on me. A lot. Until it came down to him saying no one as young and cute as me got where I was without sucking cock, and it was his turn to find out if I could earn my next promotion.”
Rage spilled through me, directed at him, not her. I didn’t realize I was clenching my fist until my nails dug into my palm. I dragged in a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.” Sylvie’s voice went flat. “I told him no and couldn’t go into the office for a few days. The entire thing made me sick. And then he fired me with some bullshit excuse. No one will talk to me. Not recruiters. Not other companies. I can’t get a call back from anyone in the industry. I don’t know what he did, but…” This time her sigh almost sounded like a sob. “I worked so hard, and now I’m unhirable.”
I wanted to hunt the cretin down and castrate him. Preferably with those steel decorated, pointed-toe heels I had in my window at the shop. “How long ago was this? Give it a few months and everyone will forget. You’ll be back on top in no time.”
“It was right after Christmas.”
Almost nine months?
“I was going to fight it. Sue him. Sue the company. But I let the entire thing—his words, and the whole experience—gnaw away at me.”
“I didn’t know.” Not the best thing I could say, but sorry didn’t seem any better. “Why didn’t I know?”
Sylvie shook her head. “I didn’t want anyone to know how badly I fucked up. And then I found out from the doctor that I can’t have kids. Totally unrelated, but I’d always told myself when I was far enough along in my career… I thought I still had time. I could be a mom. Just a few more years. And then there was no career and no family.” She whimpered.
I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeezed.
Sylvie dragged in a few deep breaths as she leaned into me, then straightened up again. “I met Peter a few months after all of that, and he was perfect. He wanted to spend time with me. He didn’t care that I can’t— He said he was good with adopting. He said all the right things. Do you know what Sebastian told me when we broke up?”
“No.” Neither of them talked about their split, so the only thing I knew was that Sebastian blamed Sylvie for at least part of what happened to him.
“He told me he hoped I got what I deserved, for the way I fucked him over. When things fell apart at the start of the year, I convinced myself that was what was happening. Hell, even now… Peter wasn’t like this. He made me feel good. He made me feel needed. He—” She gasped and went quiet.
I didn’t have any idea how to help with this. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”
“After the way I acted? I was mean to you and I was demanding and I brought Grandma here…”
Yeah, that all kind of sucked. “You can grovel for that when you feel better.” I wouldn’t pretend it was okay, but I also understood.
“Do you think I’m horrible?” Sylvie asked.
“I think bad shit happened to you, and you dealt with it the best way you could.” I hated hearing that she’d gone through that. Why did people have to be so shitty? To Sylvie. To each other. Like Regina picking her career over Dee. Like my aunt, threatening me with future unspecified favors, so I could help Clint and Dee. Like Peter walking in here and demanding Sylvie talk to him. Like that fucking CFO thinking he was owed a blow job. Even like Sebastian, and the way he was snubbing Sylvie even though I knew she hadn’t been responsible for his downfall.
The more I thought about it, the more I ached for the people who were treated so badly.
Sylvie pushed to her feet. “So that’s my story. Thank you for listening.”
“I will always listen.” Or at least, I would try.
“I know.” She almost smiled. “Give me a ride back to my motel room?”
“Do you want to stay at my place?”
“No.” Sylvie shook her head. “I mean yes, but you’ve done enough for me, and I know I’m going to end up asking for more. At least I can let you have your fuck den back.”
I laughed, more out of surprise and the need for release than anything. “My what?”
“You heard me.” Sylvie walked toward my car. “Give me a ride. I have a wedding to cancel—and yes, I’ll send those notices out by myself.”
I knew arguing wouldn’t do me any good. I dropped her off at the motel, and headed for Clint’s. The entire conversation bounced in my head, mixing with what Dee had just gone through and with the way my family was treating both Sylvie and me. It all gnawed at me until the unpleasantness chewed away at my soul.