Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
STELLA
I stayed in the kitchen, setting everything up for tomorrow while Lee tucked Bennie in for the night. When he was here, I didn’t want to interfere unless he asked, so I told Bennie goodnight before Lee took her upstairs for a bath and however many stories she could con out of him.
I also needed a minute after dinner. Sitting around the table with Lee and Bennie felt a weird and unnerving kind of normal. Bennie rambled on about school and how excited she was about Nate picking her up next week, starting all her stories with “Stella and me.”
Lee glanced at me as she spoke, almost like our own little inside joke. I was thrilled that I managed to keep it all together while he was away, but I didn’t know how to act now that he was home.
I’d been so anxious about taking care of Bennie before Lee left, I hadn’t had as much time to think about him only two doors away.
When I’d passed the bathroom while he’d been taking a shower the morning he’d left, I’d sworn I’d heard him moan.
I’d been sure enough that I’d stilled on the carpet, hovering near the door to see if I’d been right, but flashes of Lee wet and naked and the gross guilt of intruding on his privacy had only let me linger for a couple of minutes.
I’d always known this would be the hard part. Living with Lee without it getting weird. I sucked in a long breath when I registered his footfalls down the steps.
“How many stories did she get out of you?” I teased, shoving the last of the leftovers into the refrigerator.
“Only one,” Lee said with a chuckle. “We were mostly talking. About what happened at school, my job, things about Katie.”
“Oh,” I said, not wanting to pry but hoping that would prompt him to continue.
“She thinks it’s cool that her mom named her after a character in a book. She had a lot of questions about little things that I should have told her a long time ago about Katie and about us, but…” A frown pulled at his mouth as he shrugged.
“You weren’t ready then, and you’re ready now. Talking is good, no matter when it happens.” I gave the counter a quick wipe and tossed the paper towel in the trash. “I’m proud of you. And don’t tell me you should have done this or that sooner.” I narrowed my eyes.
“I won’t.” He held up a hand. “Or thank you again.” His lips twitched. “Feel like watching some TV with me? I’m tired, but I still need to unwind a little. Unless you have to work on that project.”
“No. It can wait until tomorrow. I can hang for a bit.” I tried for a relaxed smile.
We’d watched so many movies and shows together in this house, although mostly in his basement. I joined him on the couch, a mix of nostalgia and nerves rushing through me as I picked my place on the cushion.
Why was that such a hard decision? I wanted to be close enough not to seem like I was avoiding him but far enough to have breathing room.
Maybe the weird things between us would stop being weird once they became routine? I didn’t know if staying weird or graduating to enjoying it too much would be worse.
I let out a slow breath but held in my frustrated groan.
“Remember this movie?” Lee asked, the corner of his mouth tipped up as Ghostface filled the large TV screen.
“Yes,” I said, glaring at Lee while I leaned against the arm of the couch. “We all watched it in the basement, and the next time we came by, you and Gary somehow found that exact mask and scared me after I came back from the bathroom.”
“And you’re still mad?” he asked, continuing to laugh.
“And you still think it was funny? I was the little sister you both loved to torture.”
“Hey. I never tortured you. Okay, maybe that one time.” Lee chuckled, a crooked grin splitting his mouth. “And I never thought of you as my little sister. Especially when you hit us both after we scared you.” Lee rubbed his arm.
He’d tortured me in a different way, like when he said he hadn’t thought of me as a little sister with a lift of his brow. My heart still wanted to read into that, while my head knew he’d just meant we were friends.
That kind of torture was far worse than anything a Ghostface mask would inflict.
“Think you’re brave enough to watch again? Conquer the fear?”
“Sure,” I said, lifting a shoulder. “I know what happens now.”
Horror movies weren’t my thing, even if it wasn’t my first viewing, but I wouldn’t admit that.
I zoned out, bracing for Ghostface to come back when Lee leaped across the couch.
“Boo!”
Lee covered my mouth when I let out a yelp.
“What is wrong with you?” I slammed him with the first pillow I could grab, breathless from both fright and Lee’s body on top of me, even if it was for less than a minute.
“Sorry. I couldn’t resist,” he said, bumping my knee with his. “Never change, Stell.”
His wide grin faded while he searched my face long enough to make me squirm. I shouldn’t have been squirming under the gaze of a man whom I’d just said was like a second older brother.
But that had been a lie. The visceral reaction to him so close had called me out, but I tried my best to hide it.
“Come on,” Lee said, grabbing my wrist to pull me closer to him on the couch. “We can watch whatever you want.” He handed me the remote, twisting his lips. “I promise I won’t scare you.”
I swiped it from his hands and turned toward the TV, leaving a couple of inches between us as I searched the guide on the screen.
“This was a nice welcome home. And a great dinner.”
I felt Lee’s eyes while I continued to weed through shows and movies, not reading any of the titles as heat ran up my neck.
Stop. Stop. Stop.
“That’s as fancy as I get. Lucky for me, Bennie is a simple chick for dinner, even if she eats very slowly,” I said with a laugh.
“It was great. The room is good? Bed is comfortable? I don’t think I asked you as I ran out the door that morning.”
“Yes, very. Big upgrade from my mother’s couch.”
“Good. I’m glad,” Lee said, slipping the remote from my hands, the brush of his thumb sparking a jolt up my arm. “I’ve seen this a million times, but I don’t think it will scare you.”
I shoved his shoulder when he snickered.
“No, Chevy Chase doesn’t scare me.” I brought my legs under me, exhaling slowly through my nostrils so I’d seem relaxed. “My father loved this movie.”
“Mine too.” He tossed the remote on the coffee table and leaned back. “My mother, no, but she’d tolerate it for us.”
“Gary and my dad would laugh so loud we could barely watch.” A chuckle escaped me as my gaze found Lee’s again.
“The more you let yourself remember, the less it hurts. Or the sting starts to dull.” He shrugged, stretching his arm along the back of the couch. My spine stiffened for a moment as I rolled my shoulders.
“It does,” I agreed, letting my head fall back as I focused on the screen.
Remembering when it came to my father had been easier as the years went on, but when it came to Lee, it never was. Recalling sixteen-year-old me in this spot, only in his basement, both keeping some distance from him and hoping he came closer, still messed with my head the same way.
I had hopes of overcoming it, hopes that dwindled in moments like these.
My eyes were heavy as exhaustion washed over me. Maybe if I let myself feel everything that I tried to put into a little box and not think about, even though that would usually make it worse, my feelings for Lee would mute in time.
It was hard to hope for something that I knew would never work.
I blinked my eyes open to a blank screen.
Turning my head, the first thing I could make out was the white sleeve of Lee’s shirt.
When I swiveled the other way, my cheek grazed the same cotton material stretching over his chest. I’d dozed off and somehow landed on Lee, snoozing next to me, his arm gripping my waist.
How did we end up like this? I shifted to sit up, but Lee tightened his arm around me, drawing me closer as he leaned his chin against my temple.
“Sleep, baby,” he said in a raspy whisper.
Oh God, he thought I was Katie—or possibly someone he’d slept with after her. Pondering either option turned my stomach.
The right thing to do was shake him awake, but I stilled instead. Of all the times I’d thought of what it would be like to wake up with Lee, this would be the closest I’d get to the real thing, even if he was dreaming of someone else.
Indulging most likely made me a masochist, but I couldn’t resist, even for only a minute. I pressed my hand into the cushion to push off the couch and away from Lee.
“Stella,” he mumbled, sinking his head deeper into the back of the couch cushion and tightening his hold. “Don’t go, baby,” he whispered, nuzzling my hair.
Stella?
My heart seized as I jackknifed off the couch and bent to shake Lee’s shoulder.
“Hey,” I said, gulping air while I tried to keep my voice even. “We fell asleep.”
Lee stirred, his handsome face twisting while he stretched the arm that had been around me only seconds ago, the arm I could still feel along my back, and he rubbed his eyelids.
“Shit, I guess we did. What time is it?” His voice was still raspy and delicious, making my full-body fight-or-flight reaction that much worse.
“Eleven. I can take Bennie to school tomorrow if you want to sleep in. It’s my lunch shift day so I have to be there anyway.”
“No. I’ll take a walk with you. For the fandom,” he teased, his eyes still hooded.
“Well, sure. You can’t disappoint them,” I said, trying to joke, but the nervous edge to my voice was obvious—or would have been if Lee had been more alert.
I studied him when he stood from the couch, stretching his arms behind his back as his shirt rode up, teasing a glimpse of his stomach.
I spotted an ab or two, my mind piecing together what the rest of him looked like under that cotton, from what I’d felt against me.
He was hard but cozy, perfect to get lost in if I weren’t careful.
But I had to be.
“Good night. Wishing you lots of good sleep in your own bed.” I turned and climbed the steps as fast as I could without looking like I was sprinting.
“I can’t wait,” Lee said from right behind me, keeping step with me even though he still seemed groggy.
“Nothing is worse than hotel sheets. They look like they’d be soft and fluffy. but they’re brittle,” I rambled, easing toward my room.
“Brittle is the right word. Even in the good rooms we’re in.” Lee came up to me, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek. “Good night, Stell.”
My feet rooted to the carpet while he lumbered to his room, pinching his neck before disappearing behind the door.
I stepped into my bedroom and shut the door, leaning back as I slid to the floor.
I was the only Stella I knew, but maybe Lee knew others. Reconciling that he’d said my name and baby didn’t compute. Maybe Lee had been dreaming of two things at once. Anything was more plausible than his fantasizing about me in his sleep and begging me not to go.
I dropped my head into my hands and pinched the bridge of my nose, already dreading a night of shitty sleep as I overthought those ten minutes—how good they felt and how much I wanted to be the one whom Lee was dreaming about—until sunrise.