Chapter 20
TWENTY
STELLA
“This is sweet,” Bailee said, scanning the field as we found our seats. “I’ve never sat this close at anything.”
“Usually, I’m behind home plate.” I pointed to the full rows of seats in the exclusive section. “But they’re all taken today for some corporate event, so the first base line was all they had.”
“All they had?” She scoffed. “We’re practically sitting on the field.
You can see right into the dugout. Usually, I can’t make out faces on the field unless they’re on the big screen.
I’m not used to this VIP treatment.” She nudged my shoulder with hers as she adjusted the Bats cap she’d bought on the way in over her shoulder-length auburn hair. “Is that Lee?”
I followed Bailee’s finger to the dugout, where Lee was checking out one of the players. I couldn’t see who he was working on, but I’d know that profile anywhere, along with the muscles working in his back that, to Bailee’s point, we were close enough to see.
“It is,” I said, my forlorn sigh giving me away, but I didn’t have to hide it in front of my best friend.
“Remember what I told you the day you moved in? He’d be the one with the crush when you left?” She dipped her head to meet my gaze. “Just want to call it that I was right.”
“I don’t know if it’s a crush,” I said, not totally denying what she’d said because it was something. The jealous fury in his eyes at Deacon and the heat simmering in his gaze that morning we’d run into each other half naked were impossible to reason away.
“Then what is it?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. “Because all of what you’ve told me sounds like he’s got the hots for his nanny.”
I burst out laughing because even though all the little moments painted that exact picture when you pieced them together, it still didn’t make sense to me.
After I’d pined after him for most of my teenage life, and a good part of my adult one too, the thought of Lee having the hots for me was too ridiculous to consider.
Lee stepped to the edge of the dugout, smiling when he caught my gaze. I waved before he turned around and disappeared.
“So you didn’t catch the way his eyes lit up for you just now? Please, Stell. Don’t be that girl.”
“What girl?”
She scowled at me as she let out a long groan.
“The one from all the books and movies who is so oblivious to how much the guy likes her that you just want to reach in and shake her.”
“I’m not that girl. You don’t have to shake me.”
Lee jogged out of the dugout toward the catcher, shooting me a quick grin before he crouched in front of him on the dirt.
“Yeah,” Bailee said, shaking her head at me in my periphery. “I think I do.”
These seats were great, but the ability to stare at Lee all day didn’t help my scrambled brain. Lee was everywhere, even when he wasn’t.
His house. His daughter. The bedroom furniture he’d built just for me. The mundane moments in the mornings and at night we spent together when he was home that were exhilarating because they were with him.
I’d known this would become a problem, but I’d never thought it would be a problem we’d share. Or probably shared.
Even with all the evidence I’d seen and Bailee’s confirmation that, yes, it sounded like something was happening between us or on its way to happening, I still didn’t totally believe it.
Even if I wouldn’t admit it, I was that girl.
Bennie was with Lee’s mother today for grandparents’ day.
It wasn’t the official day on the calendar, but they’d planned an afternoon of music and games and food for residents and their grandkids.
Bennie was excited to spend the day with her grandmother, and Mrs. Orrico had missed her granddaughter so much, she’d teared up when I dropped her off.
My mother’s only grandson was across the globe and unable to make it to the party. She’d made plans to see a Broadway show with friends from the center instead.
She’d texted me after they’d all piled on to a bus like it was a senior field trip. Mom had sounded excited, but I hated that she didn’t have a grandchild to enjoy today.
Since I was on my own, I’d made plans to spend the afternoon with Bailee. I’d offered to take her to a game, but I could have suggested something else. Something not related to Lee.
But here I was, gravitating toward the person I should have been keeping my distance from.
I rooted around in my bag for my lip balm, my mouth suddenly dry from too much truth, when I noticed a new notification on my phone screen.
Lee
How are the seats?
He must’ve sent that before he jogged out onto the field. I waited until I saw him head back to the dugout before I replied.
Stella
Great, thank you! Bailee said she’s never been close enough to see the players’ faces.
Lee
Let me guess. She’s looking for Nate.
Stella
Not now, but she will. And Silas.
Lee
Like every other woman in the stadium today. Well, tell her to enjoy.
Stella
When I look for Nate on the field, that’s for Bennie, not me.
Lee
Thank God.
A smile ran across my lips. Before whatever was going on between us, I would have taken that as his relief that I wasn’t another Nate Becker fangirl, but maybe that was a little jealousy peeking out.
And if it was, as much as I liked it, I couldn’t entertain it.
“Oh my God. He’s texting you from the dugout, isn’t he? I can tell by the shit-eating grin,” Bailee said as she burst out laughing. “You live together and probably had breakfast together this morning, and he’s already texting you from a hundred feet away.”
I shoved my phone back into my bag.
“He just wanted to know how the seats were.”
“Right.” She pursed her lips. “He’s probably making sure his batting coach friend hasn’t put the moves on you again.”
“I’m sure he’s not,” I said, straightening in my seat to avoid Bailee’s skeptical gaze.
Deacon had given me a polite hello when I’d met Lee by the locker rooms at last Sunday’s game, not asking any more questions about my love life after being so interested the day before.
For the rest of the week, we hadn’t talked about Deacon or what we had or hadn’t seen in the hallway on Saturday morning. Just the usual back-and-forth we’d always had as we took care of Bennie together. It felt as natural and normal as it did surreal.
“I think what’s happening,” I started, my gaze still scanning the field, trying to keep it away from the dugout, “is a proximity thing. Being in the same house, in the same space, all the time. It plays tricks on you.” I tapped my temple.
“Did it happen with us when you stayed with me for two weeks while you had that assignment in Manhattan, before I was married and was living in a one-bedroom?” She narrowed her eyes, tapping her chin.
“I mean, I think you’re great and all, but I don’t remember this tension you keep bringing up between you and Lee. ”
“No, but that was different.”
“Good observation.” Bailee shifted toward me. “How was it different?”
“We are just friends.”
“Honey,” she said, squeezing my shoulder. “That’s what’s called an epiphany. What you have going on with Lee has nothing to do with just being in close quarters.”
“Bailee,” I said, letting go of a long breath. “I can’t believe it’s more than that. I almost told him once. How I felt. Feel, whatever.”
I ran a hand through my hair and let my head fall back.
“He’d just come home from college for the summer and wanted to hang out, but Gary had come down with something.
So I went to Lee’s house alone. I pumped myself up to ask him if he could ever think of me as more than a friend.
I took my time blowing out my hair and putting on extra makeup, actually letting myself hope a little on the way there. ”
“So what stopped you?” Bailee asked.
“When he answered the door, Katie was behind him.”
I sucked in a breath. This story was years old and still hurt every single time I’d let myself remember.
“He wanted to surprise us. She’d come home with him for the weekend, and he couldn’t wait to introduce her to his two best friends.
He had said he’d met a girl in school a few months earlier, but he hadn’t brought her up again, so I’d never expected him to bring anyone home.
The chance I’d fooled myself into thinking I had was never real. ”
“You never told me that,” Bailee said, enough pity in her eyes for me to look away.
“I’ve never told anyone that. It’s a terrible story.” I tried to force out a laugh. “I felt so stupid on so many levels. Stupid that I actually thought he could maybe look at me differently, and stupid that I didn’t tell him before. Not that it would have made a difference. He belonged with Katie.”
“But Katie isn’t here anymore. Things change.”
“I suppose they do.” I nodded. “And I’m not that same girl. Or, I’m trying not to be.” A real chuckle fell from my lips. “I don’t know what his feelings are or where they come from, but I can’t hope.”
“Hope can be a bitch.” Bailee gave me a slow nod. “I’ll drop it. I wish I had some advice for you.”
“Me too,” I said as I bumped her shoulder. “So let’s enjoy the seats, and I’ll take you to meet Silas and Nate later.”
“You’re serious?”
I cracked up when her jaw dropped.
“Yep.” I patted her knee. “All part of the VIP life.”
The Bats struck early and had a five-run lead going into the fourth inning, but we’d dodged countless foul balls every time either team was up at bat.
“That’s the thing about the cheap seats,” Bailee noted as she craned her neck back and forth. “Foul balls don’t make it that high. At least not when I’ve gone to games.”
“Yeah, this is like every other batter,” I said, my head whipping to the crack of a bat as another ball headed straight for us.
Bailee and I dodged, and before I knew it, two men diving for the ball knocked me out of my seat.
I tried to steady myself as the ball hit the side of my head with a loud thunk.
The stadium spun around me as my cheek kissed the concrete, and everything went black.