Chapter 26 Stella
TWENTY-SIX
STELLA
“Stella?”
I clenched my eyes shut at my brother’s tentative voice on the other side of my bedroom door.
A quick smile coasted across my lips, despite how mad I still was. Whenever we’d fight, he’d always come find me later, calling my name in that soft, careful way, as if he were afraid I’d punch him if he hadn’t warned me of his approach first.
He wasn’t far off.
“Yes, come in,” I said, expelling a long sigh while I rubbed my temples.
My head did hurt, but not from yesterday’s injuries.
I hadn’t known how to tell my family about Lee and me since I’d barely known how to explain it to myself.
It was all new, exciting, wonderful, and still surreal enough not to know how to define it—but I’d figured I’d had time.
Then Bennie had given them enough information not to have to fill in too many blanks, whether I was ready to tell them or not.
I stayed horizontal on the mattress, draping a hand over my eyes while I registered Gary’s footsteps on the carpet.
He’d never been able to sneak up on anyone because he stomped everywhere he went, the years he’d spent marching in the army making his feet come down even harder.
Lee and I had teased him when he signed up not to try to be a sniper because there was no way he’d be able to stay hidden.
I loved and had missed my brother so much, even though I was furious with him.
“How mad at me are you?” he asked, peeling my fingers away from my face.
“Enough,” I said, fighting my own smile as I caught his lips twitch.
“You know I love you, right?” Gary said, his cocky grin fading.
“I know you do. But I’m not a teenager anymore, and it’s not your job to scare away any guy who’s interested in me. Don’t think I didn’t know how you did that all through high school.”
I almost laughed when he winced.
“I didn’t think you knew.”
“Ugh, please,” I said, shoving his shoulder when he laughed. “Of course I knew. But this is Lee.”
“Exactly.” His mouth flattened in a hard line. “This. Is. Lee. You know damn well why I’m concerned.”
“That was a long time ago,” I said to my brother, sitting up and waving a hand.
“Stella,” he prodded, moving in front of me, dipping his head to meet my gaze. “I have always known how you felt about Lee, from the time we first met him.” He lifted a shoulder. “I tried to let you talk about it, but every time I’d give you an opening, you’d change the subject.”
I gave him a wimpy shrug. Confessions were never necessary with my family. They just knew. I’d crushed on Lee for so long, it was a given, a constant, like how the sky was always blue and water was always wet.
I’d only told Bailee because I’d met her years later, but even she’d guessed it before I’d said anything.
“Do you know how hard it is to watch your sister get her heart broken over and over again? I noticed when he started dating Katie, and then I heard you sobbing after we came home from his wedding.” He exhaled a groan.
“There was never anything I could do to help you, and it was frustrating as fuck.”
“But it wasn’t his fault.” My head snapped to his. “You can’t blame him for it because he didn’t know.”
“Which I never understood,” Gary said on a laugh.
I laughed too, because it really was ridiculous how he hadn’t picked up on it, even a little, back then. As we’d grown up, I’d learned to hide it much better, and we had stopped hanging out all the time. And he was busy enough with Katie and then Bennie, so his main attention was elsewhere.
Until now.
“I’ve watched you go through the motions with the wrong guys our whole lives. Believe it or not, I was hopeful when you moved in with Zach, even if I never fucking liked him. The degenerate gambling thing took me by surprise, though.”
“Same,” I said as a sad chuckle slipped out. “That was my fault for not paying attention. I was too busy to notice what he was doing. Trust me, a punch in the face was lucky, compared to what could have happened to me.” I raised an eyebrow. “But you already know all that, right?”
“The gambling, the loan sharks, the stealing, the theft charges. Yeah, I do. Mom said you had to go to the hospital alone that day. That bothers me the most,” Gary said, his jaw tight.
“Bothered Lee too. But again, I’m the one who stayed with him so long because it was easier than moving.”
“Easier,” he huffed. “Because you lived out of hotels for the most part anyway, right?”
“You’re always on the road too, so don’t give me that look.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed and sat next to Gary, pissed at him all over again.
“I admit I joined the army because I didn’t want to stay home. The more we stayed in that house, without him in it…”
“I know,” I whispered when he trailed off.
“I still have all his travel books. I guess I wanted to see the things he didn’t, travel the world, like he always talked about. But I was present when I did it. I don’t think you ever were. You just wanted to keep moving.”
“I’m aware. That’s why I came home, and whatever I do next won’t be a crazy life on the road. But I don’t understand what your point is.”
“My point is, baby sister—”
“I’m a year younger than you. Stop calling me baby sister,” I scoffed.
“Little sister, then.” The corner of his mouth tipped up when he grabbed my shoulders. “Yes, I know Lee would never hurt you on purpose. But I’m worried about you here in his house, taking care of his kid, in his shower.”
I laughed at my brother’s tortured face, scrunched up in disgust.
“And I’m not saying this because I don’t think you’re an adult or I don’t think that you’re strong. But he’s a weakness for you.”
“He is,” I admitted. “I’m—we’re still figuring this out. It’s new. And when I say new, I mean last night.”
“It sounded like a busy night.” He arched a brow.
“It’s been brewing for a while. I tried to ignore it because, like you said, Lee is a weakness. But…” I held my brother’s worried gaze. “But I can’t walk away, Gary. This is Lee.” I lifted a shoulder. “If I end up hurt, I’ll deal with it. And then I’ll know that it’s not meant to be and move on.”
I gave my brother the biggest smile I could muster, but Gary still watched me as if I were about to crumble.
“I would regret it for the rest of my life if I ran away because I was scared. I’ve been doing that for a long time. And I’m tired, big brother. Really, really tired.”
“Hey,” he crooned, pulling me into his arms. “I know you are, sis. I get it. And whatever happens, if you need me, I’ll finally be close enough to run here.”
I let out a watery laugh when he pushed me back.
“I can’t remember the last time we lived this close to each other.”
“I’m not sure either.” Gary chuckled. “Traveling the world is fun, but I wanted to come home. For as long as they let me. I asked for the Northeast without expecting to get it and got lucky.”
“We all did,” I said. “I almost cried when you said you were moving back too.”
“Speaking of Mom, she sent me up here to apologize to you for upsetting you while you had a head injury.” He twisted his lips. “Did we make your head hurt?”
“No. I mean, it’s a little sore, but I’m fine. I said I wanted to lie down to get out of answering any questions. Mom warned me before I moved in that the lines would get blurred.” I held up my fingers in air quotes.
“And now that there are no lines, you didn’t want to hear an I told you so. I get it.” He bobbed his head in a slow nod. “But you’re sure you’re okay?”
“Yes. Lee is being overly cautious and not letting me read or have caffeine or do anything fun.”
Gary’s face twisted in a grimace. “Let’s not talk about you and Lee having fun. I’m still wrapping my head around the idea.”
“Honestly, so am I.” I laughed, my chest looser and lighter. “I guess I’ll go downstairs and get it over with.”
“All I want is for you to be happy,” Gary said, pushing off the bed. “If you’re happy now, then I’m happy for both of you.”
“Thank you,” I said, standing up to kiss his cheek. “And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry you found out that way. I wasn’t trying to hide anything.”
“I don’t think you can with that little girl in the house.”
We both cracked up as we turned to a knock at the door.
“Hey,” Lee said, easing the door open. “I don’t want to interrupt.” He looked between us. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine. I said I wanted to lie down to hide from my mother for a few minutes.”
Lee came up to me, sliding his hand to the back of my head. “You’re not dizzy? How’s your stomach?”
“Fine, Doc,” I said on a long sigh.
Lee’s mouth twitched into a smile when he turned to Gary. “My offer to punch me still stands. I won’t fight back.”
“Noted and appreciated.”
“Gary…” I started, gritting my teeth.
“Easy, sis. No one is punching anyone. Yet.” Gary glared at Lee. “You’re both adults, you’re both my family, and my mother told me to stop being stupid.” He held up his hands. “So this is me stopping. I’ll go downstairs and finish my cold coffee and get Mom back home.”
Lee laughed as Gary shut the door behind him.
“Well, that was a morning,” Lee said, framing my waist and pulling me close.
“Yes, nothing gets by your daughter, I guess. So much for easing her into it.”
“She’s fine. She’s happy when I’m happy.”
“Are you happy?” I asked, skimming my hands down his chest.
“Happier than I ever thought was possible. And I mean that with everything in me.” He feathered the back of his hand down my quivering cheek. “How about you?”
“Same and same,” I choked out.
How much of my life had been spent talking myself out of wanting Lee? Along with the thrill came unexpected relief, and I was embracing it instead of running from it—although that inclination wasn’t totally gone yet.
But maybe it would disappear in time. Maybe I wouldn’t move on from Lee and end up moving on with him.
Either way, I’d enjoy the here and now and all the moments after, regardless if I got to keep them or not.