Chapter 12 Nisha
twelve
nisha
The Brain Eraser
My muscles release under the masseuse’s warm touch on my back, a short groan escaping my lips when she presses the heel of her hand to a particularly tense spot.
My best friends and I are celebrating my sister’s upcoming nuptials with Troy with a day of pampering at Hudson’s sprawling ranch right outside of San Francisco.
When he and Kavi offered their place for Sarina’s bachelorette party, I thought we’d be hanging out in some rustic barn with horses and hay and make the best of it.
I should have known better, though. Because if they say Dev is richer than God, then Hudson is God’s personal investment broker.
The man has more money than small countries, so it’s no surprise that his “little ranch” comes with an indoor spa, complete with a hot tub, heated massage tables, personal masseuses, and a private chef who’s preparing our lunch as we speak.
Yeah, we’re really roughing it out here.
Later tonight, the converted barn will be packed with more of Sarina’s friends—ladies from the salon, baseball wives, and whoever else made the cut for the evening’s festivities.
But for now, it’s just the Clam Jam girls, getting massages, drinking mimosas, and chatting it up, all while I try to forget my ex-husband exists for the next few hours.
Which is why I specifically asked everyone not to mention him today.
It’s been impossible to avoid him lately.
Just yesterday morning, from my kitchen window, I watched him try to walk his dog on our street.
I say “try” because it mostly involved him stopping every few feet while Bob sniffed the ground with my bra dangling from his mouth while Patton’s security detail trailed a half-block behind him, looking like the world’s most awkward one-man parade.
Two mornings before that, I made the mistake of staring at his house while sitting in my driveway, my “Crying in the Car” playlist streaming through my speakers like it had for so many years.
But as if he had a sixth sense for obliterating my peace, Patton emerged from his door in nothing but low-slung gray sweatpants and a backward cap, like one of those thirst traps you scroll past before guiltily backtracking to ogle.
His eyes locked on mine as he lifted his coffee cup in a lazy salute, a knowing smirk curving when he caught my gaze drifting to his bare chest. I slammed the accelerator and hightailed it out of there so fast, I left skid marks on the pavement.
But the damage was done. His stupid chest had burned itself into my retinas.
So yeah, this much-needed Patton-free spa date couldn’t have come at a better time.
My best friends’ husbands are here, too, spending the day with Troy doing “manly things,” like horseback riding, fishing, and archery. Or maybe they’re all scratching their balls and seeing who can spit the farthest. Who knows?
Anyway, the plan is to merge our groups later in the barn for a night of debauchery and drinks.
I’m just in the middle of groaning through another tender spot when I catch movement outside. Through the spa’s one-way window, I watch as the guys walk past wearing cowboy hats.
How cute. They’re really getting into the whole scratching their balls thing with a whole getup and everything.
But then, the smile on my face falls as quickly as it bloomed, because . . .
Wait a fucking minute.
That can’t be right.
My brows furrow, and I lift my head toward my friends chatting in the hot tub nearby, silently forcing the masseuse to pause. “Uh, why is Patton here with the guys?”
Bella and Rani eye each other, and Piper follows my line of sight to the window behind her. But it’s my sister who speaks.
“Well, you did specifically ask us not to mention him.”
My mouth hangs open in disbelief before I hiss, “Sarina ‘Traitorous-Twin’ Arora. You know damn well that is not what I meant.”
“Hey! Don’t you middle name me on my special day! And it’s going to be Sarina ‘Traitorous-Twin’ Winters soon, so get it right.”
I push myself onto my elbows, addressing all my friends, “How long have you guys known he was invited today?”
Kavi winces. “For a couple of days—”
“A couple of days?!” I shriek, making my masseuse stumble backward. Poor woman is probably wondering if her massage therapy license covers witnessing client homicides. “And you didn’t think to tell me?”
That’s it. I’m rescinding their friendship cards.
“Well, you did tell us not to mention him,” Mala repeats Sarina’s earlier words.
I glare at her, and then back at my sister and Piper, the two women who know everything about me and Patton. The two women who saw first-hand how everything went down. “Seriously?”
Piper raises her hands in surrender, making the water drip around her. “Look, yes, we should have told you. But, honestly, this is Troy’s day, too.”
“And he really wanted to invite Patton,” Sarina adds. “They’ve all gotten close now that he’s in the Schlongs chat.”
“Unbelievable.” I drop my head back onto the massage table with a thud.
My massage therapist sensibly moves down to my legs, probably unsure how many more times I’ll get activated.
“First, he shows up in town under the guise of a new movie, then he pops up at my dojang, my doorstep, the salon on Wednesday, and now he’s here?
You’ll probably tell me next that he’s also invited to the wedding. ”
Sarina immediately looks guilty, shifting closer to the hot tub wall like she’s hoping it’ll swallow her whole.
“He showed up at the salon on Wednesday?” Piper asks. “I don’t remember seeing him there, but I was probably with a client.”
Ignoring her, I lift my head again and glare at my sister. Bet the masseuse is happy she stayed south of all this drama happening in my head and neck. “Tell me you’re kidding.”
The girls all shift awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with me.
“Troy really likes him,” Sarina protests. “And you know I’ve always loved Patton like a brother.”
That’s when I feel a sharp pain cut through my chest.
“Look, babe,” Piper starts as memories of the four of us laughing, chatting, and watching TV in Dad’s living room flash in front of my eyes. “I know this has all been confusing and crazy for you—”
“Crazy? Yes. Confusing? No,” I retort, snapping back to the present. “There’s nothing confusing about my feelings for my husband.”
“Ex-husband,” Rani corrects.
I close my eyes for a beat. “Yes, my ex-husband. I’m not confused when it comes to him.”
When silence stretches over us and I crack one eye open, they’re all staring at me with similar expressions—part sympathy and part “denial is a river in Egypt”.
I pull the blanket on my back over my head. “I hate all of you.”
“Nisha, hon,” Piper tries again. “Look, you know we’re your ride-or-dies. Sarina and I literally cut off all ties with Patton when you guys split. And we’d do it all over again if we had to. But that doesn’t mean we didn’t love the kid we grew up with and the man he became.”
“But we also hated how heartbroken you were when you left him,” Sarina adds, as if finishing Piper’s thoughts.
“We knew that if we stayed in contact with him while you were trying to get over him, it would hurt you. But what happened between you two wasn’t any one person’s fault; it was just terrible circumstances. ”
My throat constricts, and I want to tell her I know that. I know it wasn’t any one person’s fault, and I know they cut Patton off because of me. He was like a protective and sweet brother to them.
And, God, I feel shitty about that. So fucking shitty.
Because even though I never made them choose explicitly, I knew they were doing it, anyway. For me.
I never thought about what the loss of their friendship might have felt like for him. How alone and abandoned he might have felt.
Especially when feeling alone and abandoned was something he never wanted to feel again. But I did that to him . . .
“Patton was always a good guy,” my sister continues. “A good friend, a good brother-in-law, son-in-law—”
I pull the blanket off my head, making the girls gasp when they see the tears streaking my cheeks. “But he wasn’t a good husband . . . not when it counted.”
Piper and Sarina make their way out of the hot tub first before the rest of the girls follow. And soon they’ve surrounded me, nudging my masseuse out of the circle.
I’m sure she’s awkwardly standing in the corner, wondering if she should have called in sick today.
Sarina lowers herself, cupping my cheeks before wiping my tears with her thumbs. “Which is why you left him. But, babe, you’re the only one in denial here. Because it’s clear there is still something between you two. Something he wants to explore again.”
“He’s trying his damndest to get his wife back, Nish,” Kavi adds. “I think what we all see is a man who is putting in the work—”
“Until his next movie. Until he’s stuck on some fucking mountain with no connection to the real world and no clue that I need him.” I sniffle, my voice hoarse.
“Maybe,” Piper says, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “But maybe not. Do you think he’d be back, immersing himself in your life like this if all he wanted was to show you more of the same?”
I swallow. “I don’t know what I think anymore.”
“You know what helps to reboot your brain sometimes?” Piper asks, a renewed gleam in her eyes suggesting it’s time to get us all out of this funk. It’s my sister’s day, after all.
“What?” I ask, looking between them, knowing I’m going to regret the answer. Nonetheless, a smile still creeps up on my face, replacing the heartache and confusion there.
Piper saunters away toward a table near the sauna, coming back with a tray. And just like the night at her house with the green tea shots, when we toasted to “the tea” I spilled about me and Patton, there are seven shot glasses lined up with coffee-colored liquid.
“Oh, God. Not again,” I groan.